LAPIS LAZULI
The trituration proving (The Hague December 2004 - June 2005)
Medicine Buddha Picture on the front page "The Medicine Buddha” by Robert Beer, London. Text by Thrangu Rinpoche1.
Teachings on the Medicine Buddha Sadhana Ven. Thrangu Rinpoche "If one meditates on the Medicine Buddha, one will eventually attain enlightenment, but in the meantime one will experience an increase in healing powers both for oneself and others and a decrease in physical and mental illness and suffering." — Lama Tashi Namgyal --Whether or not we have a very strong motive to attain Buddha hood, we all desire these sorts of relative objectives, so deity meditation provides tremendous incentive for the practice of dharma medicine. This is all possible with meditation because of the special quality of the vajrayana, which takes enlightenment as the path, rather than seeing it merely as a goal. Through the three processes of abhisheka, which ripens the mental continuum; oral transmission, which supports one’s practice; and the teachings, which liberate, one is connected directly to the enlightened state transmitted by the guru and the lineage. Thereafter, when one practices or merely brings to mind those teachings, one is instantly reconnected with that compassionate primordial awareness, and this constant reconnecting then becomes one’s path, bringing with it the rapid purification of mental defilements and the rapid accumulation of merit and wisdom. The recognition of this connection is the uncovering of one’s own wisdom. If it goes unrecognized, it still exists in the practitioner’s mental continuum as a seed, which will gradually ripen according to conditions." Reasons for a practitioner to choose this kind of practice: "We might think that fundamentally we are practicing the Medicine Buddha in order to benefit our own bodies, whereas the motivation of bodhicitta is the wish to benefit all beings. But in fact there is no contradiction, because, in order to be effective in benefiting other beings, we need to accomplish an excellent Samadhi or meditative absorption; and in order to accomplish that, together with the insight and realization that it brings, we need to have a stable practice. In order to have a stable and profound practice, we need to be physically and mentally healthy or comfortable, because by being comfortable in our body, and comfortable in our mind, we will be free of obstacles to diligence in practice and free of obstacles to the cultivation of meditative absorption. So therefore, we are practicing the Medicine Buddha in order to attain states of mental and physical health or balance, not merely for our own benefit, but for the benefit of others as well." *** "The primary technique in the meditation consists of imagining ourselves to be the Medicine Buddha, conceiving of yourself as the Medicine Buddha. By replacing the thought of yourself as yourself with the thought of yourself as the Medicine Buddha, you gradually counteract and remove the fixation on your personal self. And as that fixation is removed, the power of 1
http://www.dharma-haven.org/thrangu-medicine-buddha.htm
2
the seventh consciousness is reduced. And as it is reduced, the kleshas or mental afflictions are gradually weakened, which causes you to experience greater and greater well-being in both body and mind." *** "It is through regarding oneself as the deity that defects are gradually eradicated and qualities gradually revealed. The primary technique of visualization is to visualize ourselves as the deity, because the potential to transcend our problems is innate rather than external to us." *** "We supplement the visualization of ourselves as the deity with visualizations such as imagining the actual wisdom deities themselves dissolving into ourselves again and again, by means of which we receive their blessing. Sometimes we visualize the deity in front of us, separate from ourselves, thinking that rays of light from the deity’s heart engulf and pervade us, granting the blessing of the deity. And sometimes we visualize that rays of light, which embody the blessing of that deity in front of us, strike all beings, removing their obstacles, increasing their longevity, wisdom, and so on." *** "The practice of the Medicine Buddha comes primarily from the uncommon tradition of the vajrayana, which means that the transmission of the practice is done using three processes called the empowerment, which ripens; the instruction, which frees; and the reading transmission, which supports. The function of empowerment, the formal ceremony or ritual of empowerment, is to introduce you to the practice and to the process of visualization and so forth, which will make up the practice. The function of the instruction, which frees, is to give you complete access to the practice by means of telling you literally how to do it— what you do with your body, what you say with your speech, and what you think with your mind. The function of the reading transmission, which supports, is to transmit the blessing of the lineage of the practice which serves to consecrate or bless your practice in the form of sound. Because the lineage has been transmitted as the sound of the words of its transmission, when the reading transmission is given to you, you simply listen to the sound and think that by doing so you receive the blessing of the lineage." *** "With regard to the empowerment, you should understand that the Medicine Buddha practice is not solely a vajrayana practice. Like the practice of mahamudra, it is a combination of vajrayana [tantra] and sutra. For example, while we could say that mahamudra is primarily taught in the vajrayana, it is also found in certain sutras, such as the Samadhiraja Sutra, and so forth. In the same way, this practice of the Medicine Buddha is a combination of what the Buddha taught about the Medicine Buddha in the sutras of the Medicine Buddha and in various tantras. Because it is connected with vajrayana, it is most appropriate to receive the empowerment to enhance the practice; but because it is also connected with the sutras, it is acceptable to do the practice without the empowerment as well." The reading transmission or lung for the Medicine Buddha practice tells what the practitioner should actually be doing at that point in the liturgy, and what the various symbols and symbolic actions mean. The liturgy begins with a supplication of the Medicine Buddha and his retinue, including the holders of the lineage of this teaching, in order to invite the awareness of and to receive the blessings of the deity and the lineage.
3
The invocation of the principle Medicine Buddha begins with these lines: You are endowed with an oceanic treasury of qualities and merit; by the blessing of your inconceivable compassion you calm the suffering and torment of sentient beings. I supplicate you, Light of LAPIS LAZULI. The description and commentary on the arms and hands points out how they symbolize the Medicine Buddha's mastery of both physical and spiritual aspects of healing: The Medicine Buddha has two arms: his right hand in the mudra of supreme generosity holds an arura. His left hand in meditation mudra holds a begging bowl. His right hand is extended, palm outward, over his right knee in the gesture called supreme generosity. In it he holds the arura, or myrobalan, fruit. This plant represents all the best medicines. The position of his right hand and the arura which he holds represent the eradication of suffering, especially the suffering of sickness, using the means of relative truth. Sickness can be alleviated by adjusting the functioning of interdependent causes and conditions by the use of relative means within the realm of relative truth, such as medical treatment and so on. The giving of these methods is represented by the gesture of the Medicine Buddha’s right hand. His left hand rests in his lap, palm upward, in the gesture of meditative stability or meditation, which represents the eradication of sickness and suffering— and, indeed, the very roots of samsara— through the realization of absolute truth. From the point of view of either relative truth or absolute truth, the fundamental cause of sickness and suffering is a lack of contentment and the addictive quality of samsara. Therefore, to indicate the need for contentment, in his left hand he holds a begging bowl. Visualization is much more than merely wishful fantasy: "More important than how many deities you visualize is to understand what you are doing. And most important is to understand that by visualizing yourself as the Medicine Buddha you are not pretending to be something that you are not, and that by visualizing the Medicine Buddha and his retinue in front of you, you are not pretending that they are in a place where they are not. By definition, Buddhas are omniscient. Whenever someone thinks of them, brings them to mind, or supplicates them, they are aware of it and respond with their compassion and blessing. In the final analysis, the situation is identical to their actually being present anywhere they are thought of. Therefore, it is always appropriate to regard a Buddha that is present in one’s mind as actually being present in front of one. When you think that the Medicine Buddha, together with his retinue, is present in front of you, it is really true that they are. Visualizing yourself as the Medicine Buddha is also appropriate, because your fundamental nature— what you truly are— is Buddha nature. Buddha nature is essentially the potential to attain awakening. At some point in the future you will attain the same awakening or Buddha hood as the Medicine Buddha himself. By visualizing yourself as the Medicine Buddha, you are assuming the appearance of what fundamentally you are even now and what manifestly you will be upon your awakening. It is to acknowledge this truth that you assume the aspect
4
of the body, speech, and mind of the Medicine Buddha, which is, therefore, entirely appropriate. "If you can visualize clearly, it is best to do all of this very slowly and gradually. While you continue to say the mantra, you think that rays of light emerge from the self-visualization, go to the front visualization, and then from the front visualization outwards to the pure realms, proceeding gradually and slowly. Especially when the blessings of body, speech, and mind rain down upon and dissolve into you, you can do the visualizations in sequence: first, visualizing the blessings of body raining down, without being in any kind of a hurry and so quite distinctly; and then visualizing the blessings of speech and then the blessings of mind. If you find that the visualization is extremely unclear, if you wish, you can do it all at once. But if you do it gradually and slowly, you will find that you will get a much stronger sense of the blessings actually entering into you. By taking your time with the visualization, you will develop real confidence, a real feeling of the blessings entering into you." A special type of visualization when the main point is the actual alleviation of sickness: You can visualize yourself as the Medicine Buddha, if you wish, but the main focus is to actually visualize a small form of the Medicine Buddha, no larger than four finger-widths in height, in the actual part of your body that is afflicted. So if it is an illness or pain in the head, visualize a small Medicine Buddha in he head; Visualize the Medicine Buddha in that place, and think that from this small but vivid form of the Medicine Buddha rays of light are emitted. These rays of light are not simply light, which is dry, but liquid light having a quality of ambrosia. This luminous ambrosia or liquid light actually cleanses and removes the sickness and pain— whatever it is. You can do this not only for yourself, by visualizing the Medicine Buddha in the appropriate part of your own body, but you can do it for others as well by visualizing the Medicine Buddha in the appropriate part of their body or bodies. The radiation of rays of light of ambrosia and so on is the same. This can be applied not only to physical sickness but to mental problems as well. If you want to get rid of a particular type of anxiety or stress or depression or fear or any other kind of unpleasant mental experience, you can visualize the Medicine Buddha seated above the top of your head and think in the same way as before that luminous ambrosia or liquid light emerges from his body, filling your body and cleansing you of any problem, whatever it is.
5
Bhaisajyaguru Tathagata, you who shine in the eastern realm, May we know your healing purity which cures all sorrow, pain, and ill. In your land of Lapis lazuli, your power revealed through meditation: You dispense your medicine of wondrous Dharma that sentient beings might know Relief. Never are we apart from your Pure Love, though clouds of karma oft’ obscure our sight. Help us walk the Path through suffering and its cause; the end: Nirvana, ceaseless joy. May peace of Heart pervade all beings, without, within, and through boundless time and space.
6
Index Index
Page 7
Introduction
Page 9
Chapter One - Rocks and Gem stones: an introduction to formation, types; history, religion & medicine
Page 10
1a. Transformation cycle of rocks and formation of gems in term definition. 1b. Gemstones in history and religion. 1c. Gemstones in ancient medicine and today’s therapies. 1d. Gem stones in homeopathy - common themes of gems as a collective. 1e. Common themes of the gem remedies psyche.
Page 10 Page 13 Page 14 Page 15 Page 17
Chapter Two - Introduction to Lapis Lazuli
Page 19
2a. Physical properties of Lapis Lazuli and its chemical composition. 2b. Lapis Lazuli historical information and uses. 2c. Lapis Lazuli metaphysical properties & healing powers. 2d. Links between stone and the trituration proving of Lapis Lazuli. 2e. A description of the components of Lapis Lazuli according to the periodic table.
Page 19 Page 19 Page 20 Page 20 Page 21
Chapter Three -The trituration of Lapis Lazuli in the Netherlands
Page 25
3a. The conduction of the trituration proving. 3b/c. The classification of symptoms in the trituration proving. 3d. The following order of symptom lists. 3e. Mind Symptoms. 3f. Physical Symptoms. 3g. Rubrics of physical symptoms. 3h. Dreams of the Lapis Lazuli trituration. 3i. C5- Level ‘Sleeping Beauty’ 3j. List of symptoms after one single dose of Lapis Lazuli C40/4. Mother Mary & Lapis Lazuli. Let it be and analysis. 3k. Summary of symptoms: Levels C1 to C4. 3l. The Essence of Lapis Lazuli.
Page 25 Page 27 Page 28 Page 29 Page 44 Page 49 Page 55 Page 58 Page 61 Page 63 Page 66 Page 68 Page 70
Chapter Four – Other provings of Lapis Lazuli – Schadde (Germany) & Tumminello (Australia)
Page 72
4a. The proving of Lapis Lazuli by Anne Schadde. 4b. Summary of the main symptoms: proving of Lapis Lazuli by Anne Schadde. 4c. Rubrics of symptoms. 4d. Summary of the main symptoms by Anne Schadde 4e. Comments by provers & supervisors. 4f. Immersion proving of Lapis Lazuli by Peter Tumminello. 4g. Key mental themes. 4h. Psyche. 4i. Spiritual themes. 4j. Physical particulars. 4k. Generals.
Page 72 Page 72 Page 73 Page 80 Page 81 Page 83 Page 85 Page 85 Page 86 Page 86 Page 88
Chapter Five - Comparison of the provings Schadde – Timmerman; Tumminello – Timmerman
Page 89
5a. Comparison provings Schadde – Timmerman: Prominent differences & similarities. 5b. Conclusion from comparison provings Schadde – Timmerman. 5c. Comparison provings Tumminello – Timmerman: Prominent differences & similarities. 5d. Conclusion from comparison provings Tumminello – Timmerman.
Page 89 Page 92 Page 93 Page 95
Chapter Six – Differential Diagnoses
Page 96
6a. Themes of remedy groups (Aid for DD’s) 6b. Minerals/metals – remarkable differences & common traits to Lapis Lazuli. 6c. Plants/Trees.
Page 96 Page 99 Page 103
Literature
Page 104
Appendix
A. B. C.
Lapis Lazuli Poem by William Butler Yeats.
Page 105
Fairy tale Sleeping Beauty by Arthur Quilles.
Page 106
Original symptom list from Dutch provers (C1 t/m C5) + C40/4.
Page 109
7
Note to the reader: Due to some technical problems it has not been possible yet to add the picture of the painting done by the provers during the trituration proving of Lapis Lazuli. This shall be added as soon as possible.
8
Introduction In my fascination for homeopathy I have always strived to experience more and more of it. It has always been clear to me, that through experience the knowledge grows and takes its place in a lot faster and efficient way. I love reading about remedies and substances but often I can not image exactly how that information would come to life until I have had a similar experience myself or with someone or something around me. The reason why I have chosen to write about a trituration and therefore to go into the experience is because I did not only want to read about something and leave the rest to imagination. To me a trituration or a proving covers the totality of what I find essential to know in homeopathy. If I look at it from the four main pillars of homeopathy; I can relate to these in the following manner: • • • •
Minimum dose: it gives me a little of something, not too much of one thing that would enough to make me tired of it. Like cures like: it gives a bit of thinking and a bit of feeling; it gives me what I need to keep motivating myself, it is a form of healing, if you like. Totality: it covers all the subjects in homeopathy, the proving, symptom registration, symptom translation, pathology, repertory, writing the Materia Medica and finally understanding the substance as a whole. Individuality: a proving meets my necessities in this process where I can learn all of that necessary to be a good homeopath.
I can only say that these two years of triturations have been a very exciting and most of the time pleasant journey, even if at times, I cursed myself for having taken part in something so dynamic. Sometimes it was hard to keep up with the experiences. During the trituration of Lapis lazuli one of the most rewarding experiences was the collective painting we did, in which some essential themes of the remedy became clear to us. Please view the painting on the previous page. I do recommend everyone to do this, even if it is just once in your life, it will certainly broaden your views. I hope my text encourages you to gather strength or even just curiosity to take on such adventure. I dedicate this work to all the brothers and sisters around the world that have taken on the challenge and I thank my mentor, Alize Timmerman for her passionate guidance during this journey.
Vanessa Parrado Lobo Hahnemann Institute, The Hague 2006 Version 1.0 May 26th 2006
9
Chapter 1 1. Rocks and Gem stones: an introduction to formation; history, religion & medicine 1a. Transformation cycle of rocks and formation of gems in term definition : 2
Magma: Molten rock material that forms igneous rocks upon cooling. Magma that reaches the surface is referred to as lava. Igneous rock: A rock formed by congealing rapidly or slowly from a molten state. This forms sediment. These are generally very hard. These are liquid lava rocks underground. Igneous rock = born of fire. It’s a solidified rock. Sedimentation: is the process of deposition of mineral grains or precipitates in beds or other accumulations. Here comes sedimentary rock from. Sedimentary rock: A rock formed by the accumulation and cementation of mineral grains transported by wind, water, or ice to the site of deposition or chemically precipitated at the depositional site, built layers on layers. Many years of slow build up. Fossils clear prove sedimentary - here we look for history of rocks, made gently enough to preserve living things. They are easy to tear apart. Cooling or breaking down process. Impressions and experiences built up over a longer period of time. This is the opposite of igneous rocks. •
Shale or mudstone is made of tiny particles of clay. It forms in the sea bottom.
Metamorphic rock: These are what happen when sedimentary and igneous rocks become changed, or metamorphosed, by conditions underground. The four main agents that metamorphose rocks are heat, pressure, fluids and strain. These agents can act and interact in an infinite variety of ways. As a result, most of the thousands of rare minerals known to science occur in metamorphic ("shape-changed") rocks. The fiery element is important in all the gems, fire melds down to basic form. The heat can bring about sudden change. • • •
Marble: lime stone turns into marble. Gneiss: (pronounced nice) is a typical metamorphic rock type, in which a sedimentary or igneous rock has been deeply buried and subjected to high temperatures and pressures. Migmatite: it is partly melted. This is an extreme example of metamorphism, like putting gneiss through a taffy-puller.
Crystals (gems) are formed when igneous rocks (born of fire) and sedimentary rocks (sand stone that contains water) meet. The result of this meeting is nothing like the original substances, a big transformation takes place. Crystals3: are homogenous solid formed by a repeating, three-dimensional pattern of atoms, ions, or molecules and having fixed distances between constituent parts. A crystal is a mineral, especially a transparent form of quartz, having a crystalline structure, often characterized by external planar faces. 2 3
Notes from Peter Tumminello’s seminar The Hague 6-7 May 2005 http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=crystals
10
Characteristics of crystal structures: • Crystals can’t be seen with the naked eye. • Crystals are formed through tension and pressure. • Andesite: have small crystals very small volcanic. • Plutonic: have bigger crystals. • Pegmatite: have very large crystals. Where most crystals form, hot magma comes in contact with water (fluid) then crystals start to form. Brought up by slow cooling. Rock identification tables
4
These tables will help you identify almost any rock you're likely to find. First determine whether your rock is igneous, sedimentary or metamorphic. The quick way to tell is: • • •
Igneous: little texture or layering; mostly black, white and/or grey minerals; may look like lava. Sedimentary: layers of sandy or clayey rock (strata); tends to split along layers; mostly brown or grey; may have fossils and water or wind marks. Metamorphic: layers of light and dark minerals (foliation), often wavy; various colours; glittery from mica.
Then start in the left column of the appropriate table and work your way across. Follow the links to pictures and more information. If you don't find a match, try another of the three big types. Grain Size has two values: "coarse" grains are visible, and the minerals can usually be identified using a magnifier; "fine" grains are invisible to the naked eye and cannot be identified with a magnifier. The cut-off is about 0.1 millimetres, between sand size and silt size. Hardness has three values: "hard" rock scratches glass, which usually signifies the minerals quartz or feldspar (Mohs hardness 6-7 and up); "soft" rock does not scratch glass but scratches fingernails (Mohs 3-5); "very soft" rock can be scratched with a fingernail (Mohs 1-2). All igneous rocks are hard. Igneous Rocks Grain Size
Color
Other
Composition
Rock Type
fine
dark
glassy texture
lava glass, usually felsic
Obsidian
fine
light
frothy texture
lava froth, felsic
Pumice
fine
dark
frothy texture
lava froth, basaltic
Scoria
fine
light
contains quartz
high-silica (felsic) lava
Felsite
fine
medium
between felsite and basalt
medium-silica lava
Andesite
fine
dark
has no quartz
low-silica (mafic) lava
Basalt
mixed
any color
fine groundmass with larger grains (phenocrysts)
feldspar, quartz, pyroxene or olivine phenocrysts Porphyry
coarse
light
wide range of color and grain size
feldspar and quartz with minor mica, amphibole or pyroxene; felsic
4
http://geology.about.com/od/nutshells/
11
Granite
coarse
light
like granite but without quartz
feldspar with minor mica, amphibole or pyroxene; felsic
Syenite
coarse
medium to dark
little or no quartz
feldspar and dark minerals; mafic
Diorite
coarse
medium to dark
no quartz; may have olivine
feldspar and dark minerals; mafic
Gabbro
coarse
dark
dense; always has olivine
dark minerals, pyroxene and olivine; ultramafic
Peridotite
coarse
dark
dense
pyroxene; ultramafic
Pyroxenite
coarse
green
dense
olivine; ultramafic
Dunite
Sedimentary Rocks Hardness Grain Size Composition
Other
Rock Type
hard
mixed
mixed rocks and sediment
round rocks in sediment matrix
Conglomerate
hard or soft
mixed
mixed rocks and sediment
sharp pieces of same material as groundmass
Breccia
hard
coarse
clean quartz
white to brown
Sandstone
hard
coarse
clean quartz and feldspar
usually very coarse
Arkose
hard
mixed
mixed sediment with rock grains and gray or dark and "dirty" clay
Graywacke
hard
fine
very fine sand; no clay
feels gritty on teeth
Siltstone
hard
fine
chalcedony
no fizzing with acid
Chert
soft
fine
clay minerals
foliated
Shale
soft
fine
carbon
black; burns with tarry smoke
Coal
soft
fine
calcite
fizzes with acid
Limestone
soft
coarse or fine
dolomite (magnesian calcite)
no fizzing with acid unless powdered
Dolomite or Dolostone
soft
coarse
fossil shells
mostly pieces
Coquina
very soft
coarse
halite
salt taste
Rock Salt
very soft
coarse
gypsum
white or pink
Gypsum
Metamorphic Rocks Foliation
Grain Size
Hardness Color
Other
Rock Type
foliated
fine
soft
dark
"tink" when struck
Slate
foliated
fine
soft
dark
shiny; crinkly foliation
Phyllite
foliated
coarse
hard
mixed "salt & pepper" often has large crystals
Schist
foliated
coarse
hard
mixed
banded
Gneiss
foliated
coarse
hard
mixed
distorted "melted" layers
Migmatite
foliated
Amphibolite
coarse
hard
dark
mostly hornblende
nonfoliated coarse
hard
red and green
dense; garnet and pyroxene Eclogite
nonfoliated coarse
soft
light
fizzes with acid (calcite)
nonfoliated coarse
hard
light
no fizzing with acid (quartz) Quartzite
nonfoliated coarse or fine hard
dark
dull and opaque colors
Marble Hornfels
1b. Gem stones in history and religion. Gem stones have been present throughout history. They have always been a symbol of wealth and high social status, especially during the middle ages and after. For instance diamonds 12
were only to be worn by aristocratic families in Europe; diamonds were the first symbol of engagement and eternal love. In Asia gem stones were only meant for highly important people like kings and emperors. Rubies were especially appreciated in India and Jade in China and Japan. Long before the middle Ages, during the Egyptian empire, Roman and Greek empires gems had more of a spiritual character. Amulets made of gemstones were used in religious and spiritual ceremonies. The Assyrians considered Lapis Lazuli to be sacred. The stone brought the blue of the sky and the light of the Gods to earth. In Egypt they often used Carnelian gems, which they called the blood of Isis (the Egyptian Goddess of nature). The Carnelian amulet was placed at the throat of a corpse during embalming. It was thought to instill Isis’ protection on their journey through the underworld. Also were the Egyptians to write the 26th chapter of their “Book of the dead” on Lapis Lazuli, which was used for religious carvings. One should always hold and rub the Lapis Lazuli with one hand while reading that particular chapter of the book. Also in the pre- Colombian cultures gems were cherished, emeralds where especially appreciated by the Muzo Indians, who controlled the emerald mines of what is now known as Colombia. Gems are said to posses some metaphysical properties and therefore superstitious believes surrounded the gems, as people were convinced that wearing amulets made of some of these gem stones would keep them from being harmed. So the Holy Roman Emperors wore crowns set with opals, which were thought to protect them and their families. In Europe amber was worn as protection against witches and warlocks and even ill luck. Sailors wore amethyst to protect them and take them to safe harbor, as emeralds were thought to exorcise demons. 5
In more recent religions like Judaism “Declaration” was a holy diamond with some negative aspects. If people erred in their worship or private lives, the stone was reputed to turn murky. This murky changed was a predictor of pestilence and death. If the stone turned red, they would die by the sword. If the diamond was bright and clear, the Jewish people of Israel knew they were free from sin and could celebrate each of their religious festivals without fear. In Christianity the Ruby symbolized the blood of Christ. The emerald denoted peace and happiness given by God and the diamond was symbolic to fidelity to Christ and God, so the popularity of wedding rings made of diamonds. Lapis Lazuli is the color of the Medicine Buddha. The Medicine Buddha is invoked for physical and Spiritual Healing. Bhaisajya-guru, Lapis Lazuli Radiance Buddha, Master of Healing, taught the “Four Treatises on Medicine,” which form the basis of the Tibetan healing arts. His colour is the blue of Lapis Lazuli. The begging bowl in his left hand is made of lapis and contains the elixir of immortality. His right hand makes the gesture of giving and holds a branch of myrobalan, the yellow fruit of which is said to cure all illnesses. To invoke healing power it is sufficient to call the name of Medicine Buddha. With this, if one is not immediately healed, one can count on improved karma in one’s next lifetime. About Medicine Buddha, please see pages previous to Index (page 7). 1c. Gem stones in ancient medicine and today’s therapies. 5
Metaphysical means literally, beyond the physical realm, beyond that which we can realize or discover with our five senses. It also means a branch of philosophy which studies the “being ness” or inherent nature of reality.
13
Unfortunately little is known about the use of gems in ancient medicine. The only known complete Materia Medica that it is said to have described over 200 gem stones and their healing powers is that of Dioscorides , which is mainly a book about herbal medicine, in which over a 1000 plants are described. 6
Some brief general information about the use of gems as medicine in ancient times follows. During cholera plagues in ancient Egypt, slaves that mined malachite were usually unaffected, since malachite is a basic copper carbonate. Copper helps rheumatism, asthma, and colic. A powder of Carnelian was though to stop wounds from bleeding Eastern physicians thought the emerald could cure epilepsy, remove both mental and body pain, stop vomiting, purge the blood, act as an antidote to poison and bites from wasps, bees, and scorpions; helped diabetes, was a remedy for jaundice, and treat leprosy when ground finely and applied as a poultice. In 500 A.D., Chinese doctors used finely powdered jade in fruit juice for the relief of heartburn, asthma, and diabetes. Diamonds were also used as a poison. The stones were ground into powder and put into the enemy's food and drink. Many prominent people's deaths were attributed to diamond poisoning. The use of gem stones today are more energy orientated, this means that the gems are not usually crushed and prepared as a medicine but they are either worn or placed on to strategic body parts to enhance harmony of the charkas during the healing sessions and after. This is believed to stimulate the body’s own healing powers by balancing the chakra energy. Balancing the chakra energy means balancing the own body’s energy therefore enhancing the body’s own healing properties. Gem stone therapy can be used either as an independent form or therapy or as a complement to massage, Reiki or other alternative healing techniques like Tibetan Gong therapy . 7
8
9
In Ayurvedic medicine triturated gems have been used as remedies and beauty products for thousands of years. Other methods like wearing so called “astrological jewels” are believed to have a uniquely powerful way to mitigate and nullify the unfortunate effects of past wrong actions (negative karma), as described in Bhattacharya’s gem therapy. 1d. Gem stones in homeopathy
6
Dioscorides: Pedianos Dioskourides, also known as Pedanius Dioscorides, probably lived between 40CE and 90CE in the time of the Roman Emperors Nero and Vespasian. A Cilician Greek, he was born in Anazarbos (now Nazarba, near Tarsus) within the Roman Empire of the day, and today in Turkey. A learned physician, he practiced medicine as an army doctor, and saw service with the Roman legions in Greece, Italy, Asia Minor, and Provence in modern-day France. 7 Chakras: In some belief systems, it is believed that the human body has seven energy vortexes located in different areas of the body. These vortexes are located at the base of the spine, the navel, the solar plexus (diaphragm area), the heart, the throat, the third eye (area between the eyes, centred on the forehead), and the crown (top of the head). Every chakra has its own properties in the form of emotions or organs in the body. An unbalance in the chakra can lead to disease in the correspondent organ or emotional/mental state of the person (emotions). 8 Chakra therapy is widely used in India (Ayurveda) and in other eastern therapies like Reiki (Japanese healing technique). 9 Tibetan gong therapy: a form of relaxation therapy in which gongs are played in a certain way.
14
In homeopathy some gems have been proved to be used as remedies. Dr P. Sankaran proved Diamond in the 1950’s in which the remedy was made of triturated diamond. The first proving of this gem stone was done by Dr. Fincke in 1879, the proving was conducted by just holding a large diamond in the prover’s hands. 10
In 1994 Jeremy Sherr proved the diamond with a remedy made from diamond dust, in Peter Tumminello’s proving the remedy used was made of diamond immersion, in which the gem is not crushed but immerged in water and the water is then used to make the homeopathic remedy. Other gem stones like pearl, amethyst, and Lapis lazuli have been proved and used in the same way. There have also been meditative provings carried out on gem stones, from which the acquired information may be a little less acurate, and therefore considered to be less reliable by most homeopaths.
10
The method used by homeopathic researchers to define the symptom profile of a particular substance. Most provings were done and recorded in the late 1800's, although in the last ten years many homeopathic researchers have begun proving new substances. Provings are a very specific type of research and usually follow a standard protocol. They are carried out in a number of ways depending on the type of homeopath carrying out the trial. This can involve anything from following Samuel Hahnemann’s strict protocol to a person taking the remedy and meditating on the effects.
15
1d. Gem stones in homeopathy - common themes of gems as a collective Rare, special, beautiful and magic Stand apart from common substances, are very attractive. They are very hard to find. Durability, last very long. They served to heal and to protect from illness and associated with power, natural of psychic powers. Transformation and opposite forces They are product of transformation, appear when lower and common rocks become beautiful and magical. Opposing forces: the fire element is very important in all gem stones. Fire changes things in their basic form. Excess of energy = YANG; a lot of hot energy. It can bring about sudden changes. The opposite of this is the water element, feminine, sedentary; a breaking down process. YING: Water – Cold / YANG: Fire – Heat. Light and darkness: Light coming out of the darkness: come out of mess of minerals, come from deep places. Magic is in what they do with light. Gems are translucent. Irreconcilable forces and transmutation, completely opposite, how can they live together? Darkness and death VS Light – new awareness – letting of & rebirth The darkness of imprisonment; shackled by negativity, culture, relationship, situation. The person lives in the underworld. The results of a death experience - a journey through Hades (underworld of the psyche). Leaving something behind, letting go of something to make the change/transformation. Darkness = old patterns. Light new perspective, new way of looking at things. Darkness of old crystallized belief systems about self and the potential and light of a new perspective, new awareness. Most of gems > Light and < by the darkness. Go into darkness to find the light. Related to the journey into darkness Faith in the process of life, in the whole process: Low self – esteem, low confidence. Loss of faith is the deepest – deep lost of sense of the self. Faith in self = SELF – connection to spirit and the divine. Death of ego and exclusivity - Transition from ego to universal feeling – not exclusive, it is all connected. It means taking down the big egos. Result = New life, new self – giving birth and babies. (Signature for renewal after the death). There may be some greed and money- issues about wealth.
16
Family & structure & relationships Minerals are elemental compounds in geometric and fixed relationships = Working relationships, class relationships, political relationships. Aluminum and Silica (are common in the gems). In the periodic table these are the primary substances for relationships and their development. Seamless bonding and integrity of relationships; highly developed in a healthy way. Relations bring order and structure in someone’s life. The issues around family alignments are mostly seen in the Amethyst, Golden topaz, Lapis lazuli, Black opal and Ruby. Order and perfection Uniform structure: they look for basics and structure in their lives; the search for the perfect order. Often perfectionism is an issue: “this is how I am supposed to be”. Believe systems that we have as human, family, religious. Animal/instinctual VS enlightened attitude What you want, deep inside feeling and what you are expected to do. They have a sense of being a very aware human being; a universal feeling, if you like. Violence, sexual energy, something like a very fix attitude, f.i racism and the other side is enlightened attitude about these things. They can go from one extreme of hate to a complete integrated relationship. Fever – Obsession – Passion Fever = obsession, passion, feel very deeply about something, usually something about themselves. It can eventually be turned around to something about the environment. They want to achieve something higher. There are high possibilities and leadership. 1e. Common themes of the gem remedies psyche • • • • • • • • •
Abusive, betrayal, violence and protection. Search for beauty and perfection. Boundaries and light, energetic boundaries – out of the body (Amethyst and Gold topaz) or grounded feeling. Durability strength and hardness. (When you go through a big or difficult process you need to be strong). Geometry order and structure. They are very structured people and sense of order, more than ordinary minerals. Geometric images, squares, triangles. Heat and pressure (Diamonds and Rubies) in your life, sense of imprisonment and pressure feeling. Passion. Serious and humorous or silly happening, completely letting go. Comic things. Humorous dreams, desire to play practical jokes on people. Even in very depressive remedies, black humor kinds. Situation is so heavy that is silly. Imagery and symbolism: animals, faeces and toilets, flowers, volcanoes, gods, saints, masters and holy men, sun and the moon. Intellect, memory, focus and concentration. Loss of memory (Diamond) or ability to focus and concentrate. (Ruby)
17
•
Generals relations to the periodic table: In general gems relate to series 3 and 4 in periodic table. The Silicum series are relation orientated, family and friends, communication, puberty and teenage years. Many gems contain Aluminum and Silicon. The Iron series are work, duty and task orientated, highly perfectionist. Other themes are routine, order and rules, as well as control. Task and control and being put to the test. All come out of a transformation process. These metals (Titanium to Cobalt) often taken up in the gems. Safire (Titanium) Ruby (Chromium) 11
11
Peter Tumminello “Twelve Jewels”; Peter Tumminello’s seminar in The Hague 2005.
18
Chapter 2 2. Introduction to Lapis Lazuli
2a. Physical properties of Lapis Lazuli and its chemical composition Lapis lazuli is a rock composed mainly of the following minerals: • • • • • •
Lazurite: Sodium Calcium Aluminum Silicate Sulfate Sulfide Chloride Hauynite: Sodium Calcium Aluminum Silicate Sulfate Sodalite: Sodium Aluminum Silicate Chloride Noselite: Na 8(AlSiO4)6SO4? Calcite: Calcium Carbonate Pyrite: Iron Sulfide
Lapis lazuli is a rock composed of a mixture of several different minerals including lazurite, huaynite, sodalite, noselite, calcite and pyrite. Diopside, augite, mica and hornblende may also be present in small amounts. Lapis lazuli usually occurs in crystalline lime stones as a result of contact metamorphism. Lapis lazuli is characteristically recognized by its colour. It yields H2S gas (smells of rotten eggs) when subjected to HCl. The presence of pyrite can distinguish natural lapis lazuli from many (but not all) of the lapis simulates. 2b. Lapis Lazuli historical information and uses The name Lapis lazuli comes from the Persian word lazhward meaning blue, in allusion to its colour. In ancient times, lapis lazuli was known as sapphirus, which is the name that we use today for the blue corundum variety sapphire. Lapis lazuli has been highly valued for many thousands of years. The most famous locality for fine quality lapis lazuli is the same ancient deposit high in the mountains of Afghanistan where it was originally mined at least 6000 years ago. Lapis lazuli was often made into jewellery, carvings, amulets and talismans which were believed to have occult powers. It was 19
used by the ancient Egyptians in many religious ceremonies, and was often used as an inscription stone for various passages from the Book of the Dead, most important being Chapter 26th. Lapis lazuli was one of the stones in the 'Breastplate of Judgement' of Aaron, described in the Bible (Exodus: xxviii, 15-30). Lapis lazuli was said to dispel melancholy and depression, and to cure recurring fevers. It was also said to impart ancient knowledge, and the wisdom to use it. Up until the nineteenth century, Lapis Lazuli was ground up and mixed with oil to produce the deep blue-green pigment known as ultramarine which meant literally beyond the sea, as the Lapis Lazuli was brought from far away by ship. Since 1828, this pigment has been produced synthetically from a roasted mixture of kaolin clay, sodium sulphate and charcoal. Lapis Lazuli today is still a very popular lapidary material. It is made into a variety of handcrafted objects such as carvings, spheres, beads, cabochons and other jewellery items. Lapis Lazuli is imitated by a number of methods typically involving the use of dyes on a variety of natural rocks and synthetic materials. Sometimes dyes are used in combination with the crushing and reconstitution of lower grade Lapis Lazuli. 2c. Lapis Lazuli and its metaphysical properties & healing powers Lapis lazuli is said to enhance one's awareness, insight and intellect. It is also said to impart ancient knowledge and wisdom, bringing peacefulness and self-acceptance. It helps people to rid themselves of influences of past situations that still cause trouble in the present. It liberates from compromises and restraint. It takes away fears and blockages of the emotional realm and helps to work through denial. Lapis Lazuli is said to help cure depression, insomnia, recurring fevers, vision and hearing problems, and disorders of the throat, lungs and immune system. It is also associated with self-confidence, truthfulness, openness and inner tranquillity. The astrological sign corresponding to Lapis Lazuli is the sign of Sagittarius. The qualities of Sagittarius include: change-loving he governs long-distance travel, matters of the higher mind (philosophy, religion and the law), cultural pursuits – and having a good time! It is a fire sign, so Sagittarians are positive, forthright communicators who love travelling – although you do tend to be restless and hate to take orders. 2d. Links between stone and the trituration proving of Lapis Lazuli A cutter will make a face when cutting the Lapis Lazuli stone, because as soon as the stone comes into contact with the cutting wheel, it will emanate a typical, slightly foul smell. Many of the provers experienced strong and sharp smells during triturations and after, proving list of symptoms page 29. Lapis Lazuli was used in Egypt to write a few chapters of “The book of the Dead”. At higher levels of the triturations there were visions and associations with Egypt as well as death and the dead, proving list of symptoms page 34.
20
Before it was possible to reproduce the ultramarine colour artificially the paint made of Lapis was used in many works of art. Many portraits of the Virgin Mary are coloured with this blue, for instance Raphael’s “Alba Madonna”. During the proving, after taken a few drops of Lapis Lazuli C40/4 the figure of the Virgin Mary appears in channelling sessions and songs, page 65. The metaphysical properties of Lapis Lazuli according to gem therapy are associated with self-confidence, truthfulness, openness and inner tranquillity, as well as helping people to rid themselves of influences of past situations that still cause trouble in the present. It liberates from compromises and restraint. All of these things have been strongly experienced by many of the provers during or after the triturations. 2e. A description of the components of Lapis Lazuli according to the periodic table The main component of Lapis Lazuli is lazurite (25 to 40 percent). Lazurite is a feldspathoid silicate mineral composed of sodium, aluminium, silicon, oxygen, sulphur and chlorine. Because these are the main components of this gem, we can assume that their properties, as described in the periodic table of Jan Scholten , should be clearly found in the proving symptoms. If not all, at least some of the elements mentioned, to check this I have listed some of the themes and properties of these elements, at the end I present a short list of the themes I think should certainly be found in the trituration proving of Lapis Lazuli. 12
13
14
Chloride (from Chlorum) Aluminum, Silicon, Sulphur all belong to the 3rd series or the so called “Silicium series”. In this series the main themes are relationships, family, you and the other and the relationship between these two. Also language, communication, learning and playing, as well as presentation to the public are all present in this series. The teenage years are the time of life related to this series, which makes sense since puberty is the time when it is all about learning from relationships, with parents, friends, the time when we start gaining interest in the opposite sex and relations become the core of our lives. Also what others think of you and the image you present is important in those years. Learning and playing to learn in relationships are part of the formation of human teenagers. Muriatricums: Chlorum and Natrium Muriatricum Chlorum: the essence of this remedy is the idea that care and attention is all or nothing. They are hypersensitive to this. The slightest cause can make them scream and shout that nobody takes them into consideration. Their feeling is that nobody cares about them. The reality is that they need so much nurturing that other give up trying to fulfil their demands. The other side to this are the ones who never ask for any attention. The choice of this people is to manage them selves and deal with their own things. 12
Lazurite is a popular but generally expensive mineral. Well-formed, deep blue crystals are rare and valuable. It is more commonly found massive and combined with other minerals into a rock called lapis lazuli. Class: Silicates. Group: both Sodalite and feldspathoids. 13 The feldspathoids are not a typical mineral group like other mineral groups that are related by structure and chemistry. Their relation to each other is due primarily to their relationship to the feldspar group of minerals. Feldspathoids are low silica igneous minerals that would have formed feldspars if only more silica (SiO2) were present in the original magma. The aluminum to silicon ratio is nearly 1:1 in most of the feldspathoids but is closer to 1:3 in most of the feldspars. As would be predicted, feldspathoids are not found in igneous rocks that contain primary quartz. 14 Jan Scholten “Homeopathy and Minerals”
21
Chlorum is located at Stage 17 of the periodic, according to Luc de Schepper , these elements have consumed themselves in the process of great, often misplaced activity. These are consumed with anger, irritability, indifference as well as morose and sad feelings. 15
In the case of Chlorum this may mean that he has put all the effort on getting the attention he needs, and exhausting himself by doing so, not achieving his goal, he becomes irritated and angry as well as suffering from grief. Nat-m needing people can be very spontaneous and naïve, and initially cheerful. Because they tend to see things through pink glasses they are prone to big disappointments, giving room for grief and forgetting all about the happy times. Natriums are located in the first stages when learning to communicate and relate to others is still an issue, they are not very handy with relationships, and this usually leads to rejection and isolation after being hurt. They are alone, lonely, forsaken feeling and still wanting to be alone. Muriatricum also stands for mother. Physically we see mainly headaches, great thirst and emaciation.
16
Aluminum The Stage 3 on the periodic table stands for alternating behaviour because of a struggle. There is apprehension about the future, a social struggle, difficult fitting in. There are feelings of guilt (anxiety as if a crime has been committed). They are sensitive to criticism. It is possible to see improved mental functions as well as confusion. In Alumina we see confusion of thoughts versus clarity. There is internal hurry and feeling of being hurried, at times with the sensation that time passes too slowly. In relations Alumina struggles with domination and a desire to be independent, this result in alternating behaviour. They can not free themselves from the chains of dependence. Physically we see general dryness and itch of the skin, problems with gastrointestinal tract, slow digestion and bloating. Silicon – Silicate – Silica element Silicates – which contain the Silica element, are all about family, image and timidity. Stage 10 of the periodic table, freshly formed ego, still unpolished (meaning that we be influenced), and narrowed perception of things, they can be quite stubborn. These are people hardened on the outside, still vulnerable on the inside. They are obstinate in their opinions but often do not share them to avoid hurting others or being criticised. They have fixed ideas of delusions. Intolerance of contradiction, We see varying degrees of haughtiness and egotism. 15 16
Luc de Schepper “Homeopathy and the Periodic Table” Volume 1 All lists physical symptoms from: Frans Vermeulen “Prisma – The Arcana of Materia Medica Iluminated”
22
Physically we see tremendous chilliness, easy perspiration, very thirsty, suppuration, glandular affections and headaches. Sulphur Stage 16 of the periodic table is about the good old memories. It is about the loss of power and still remembering these times. The more power lost, the more compensation or acceptance is needed. If adaptation is impossible, life seems worthless, and one might as well commit suicide. There is a lack of reality; in order to be convincing about whom they are, still passionate is body and spirit. They have the delusions about still being in power. Theorizing about everything, about the power they imagine or remember, the influence wealth, respect, sexual powers. They act as if they still were in power, especially at home, with family. They tend to be antisocial, do not ever listen to anybody, they always want to be the centre of attention or complete outsiders. Sulphur focuses in religion and philosophy. He is still being great at this, wanting to invent the something special and being unique at this. Sulphur has clear ideas and is mostly selfsatisfied. Physically we see burning pains and sensations, many skin symptoms, slow, lazy and always tired. Sulphur desires sweets and spices. Oxygen belongs to the “Carbon series” or 2nd series The carbon series are about “Ego”. The individual forming himself; it is about self-worth, Iweakness, lust and possessions. The age in which these elements of the personality are formed is childhood. Oxygen is located at Stage 16 in which decay is the main theme. The possible feeling of Oxygen at this stage is one of selfishness, being used and abused, feeling the victim, indignation and debt. According to Jan Scholten , the issues of Oxygenium are around finding balance between taking and giving. They are afraid of losing their material things. It can be so extreme that they become greedy and avaricious. The opposite can be also true, complete indifference towards material goods. 17
They feel they are worth it and others need to see this. Because of this, they tend to claim attention; they feel that they did not get what they deserve. If they do not get this, feel angry and insulted. If this goes any further, the feeling is that of being abused. They feel others have taken away a lot; they have lost their possessions or self-esteem. After this there may be an attitude of being the victim, they complain about everybody and feel they have been done wrong.
17
Jan Scholten “Homeopathy and the Elements”
23
Iron and Calcium belong to the 4th series or the “Iron series” The main themes in the Iron series are task, work, duty, ability, perfectionism, order and rules, control, being observed and exams, failure, guilt, crime and being persecuted. Calcium stands at the second stage where being observed, questioned and evaluated are important. In Calcium we see especially many fears and anxieties, fear of being observed and timidity. It is a great deal for them what others think, they are insecure and very sensitive to criticism. Physically we see coldness, gland affections, heart problems, stomach problem and thyroid problems. Iron stands at eighth stage. At this stage force, struggle, concentration, endurance are some of the main themes. According to Luc de Schepper, this stage is about the struggle to establish a balanced ego. These are fighting, battling remedies. Delusion of being at war, alternating behaviour because of a struggle, apprehension about the future, social struggle, difficult fitting in. There is anxiety as if a crime had been committed, feelings of guilt. They are very sensitive to criticism. Physically we see hammering headaches, vomiting, and diarrhoea and circulation problems. If we assume that the contents of this gem give part of their characteristic to the remedy made of Lapis Lazuli we can expect problems related with the following: a. b. c. d. e. f. g. h. i.
relationships and problems with these grief/disappointment and introspection need for attention, forsaken feeling instability – alternating states ego problems religion, philosophy, spirituality feeling of being used or abused difficulty with sharing things battling and struggling, possible feelings of guilt
The most prominent physical symptoms that we in these elements are: j. k. l. m. n.
coldness – heat - circulation skin problems – dryness and itch gland affections headaches thirst
It is though very important to remember that even if Lapis Lazuli is made of these elements, the combination and the presence of these elements in the stone are unique and therefore should also be able to produce other unique and specific symptoms for this stone. A more detail analysis of this can be found throughout the proving data and under the chapter about “Differential Diagnosis”.
24
Chapter 3 3. The trituration proving of Lapis Lazuli in the Netherlands 3a. The conduction of the trituration The trituration of Lapis Lazuli was conducted under the lead and supervision of Alize Timmerman from December 2004 until June 2005 in The Hague, the Netherlands. The proving was conducted with a group of about 20 provers, 19 women and just 1 man, ages 28 to 58 years. The substance was unknown to all provers up to the fourth trituration except for the supervisor and the Institute assistants, provers 6, 15 and 18. Prover 3 knew from intuition what the substance was but did not share it with anyone until it was made public. The first trituration of the proving was conducted on December 8th 2004, the second one took place on January 26th, the third on February 1st, the fourth on March 16th 2005 and the fifth trituration took place on April 1st 2005. In May of 2005 some of the provers also took a single dose of Lapis Lazuli C40/4, see page 61. Not all the provers did all the triturations for different reasons, the main one seemed to be some sort of fear for what was about to come, which was not usual in other triturations. Some of the provers chose to start or finish some of the triturations at home (Prover 1, 2, 3, 16, 17, 19). After every trituration we would have group meetings in which all the experiences were shared. The method used in this proving was that of trituration, there are four levels and we take one hour to triturate each level. This is done like described by Hahnemann in his Organon. See reference 18. C1 represents the physical level, C2 the mental level, C3 the emotional level, C4 the individual spiritual level and C5 the collective spiritual level or archetypical level. The experience teaches us that the symptoms produced at each level are not always just the one corresponding to that level; it is likely that most provers produced physical symptoms at other levels, not just at the C1 level. The same applies for instance to symptoms of emotional nature that can appear at the C1 level. It is also interesting to see that often physical symptoms are accompanied by emotions. The goal of such trituration provings it is not only to make your own good quality remedies as Hahnemann encouraged us to us in his Organon , but also to connect directly with the energy of the substance by engaging in a meditative way of trituration, doing it in a group is said to enhance the resonance with the substance and with each other, which means that the symptoms and sensations are experienced more clearly or strongly. It is believed that this way you enhance the perception of yourself and the environment and that, just like a regular proving, this kind of practices can bring about healing. In some cases some spectacular healing processes take place, like some old masters in homeopathy have experienced as well in the past . The special thing about this method is that you do not stop at the third trituration 18
19
18 19
Samuel Hahnemann “Organon der geneeskunst” aforism 264 – 271 “Making the remedies” Jeremy Sherr, “The Dynamics and methodology of homeopathic provings” page 68-69
25
or C3, like Hahnemann did with the non soluble substances, you go one step further, to the C4 in which you connect with still unknown spiritual information of the substance. This level touches the individual plane of spirituality; the C5 brings about a collective experience or as it is called the archetypical information of a substance. The existence of this “collective knowledge” as Jung described it, has not only been confirmed by Jeremy Sherr during his Hahnemannian provings but also by more contemporary provers like one of the pioneers of the C4- homeopathy Jürgen Becker or Rajan Sankaran himself . 20
21
22
23
These kind of triturations are usually done in a silent, meditative way, even though in this case we also took the chance to paint, which was a beautiful experience because in this way we created a situation in which we could interact with each other under influence of the substance, giving us a much better inside in the feelings and sensations of this remedy. One of the most striking things that came up was about territories and boundaries, the feeling that someone could go over these with no respect awoke a lot of anger and irritation, all of these elements come back repeatedly in the proving. The “conflict” was mainly going on between provers 7 and 15, the rest were mostly spectators with an opinion about what was going on. Proving list of symptoms, pages 30, 35 & 38.
20
Samuel Hahnemann“Organon der geneeskunst” Dutch version of the 6th edition, page 149 Archetypical: representing or constituting an original type after which other similar things are patterned; "archetypal patterns"; It also means subconscious collective information of the human race.( www.answers.com) 22 The collective unconscious is a part of the unconscious mind common to all humans. According to Carl Jung, the collective unconscious contains archetypes, universal mental predispositions not grounded in experience. (http://skepdic.com/collectiveun.html) 23 Jeremy Sherr, “The Dynamics and methodology of homeopathic provings” page 33 21
26
3b. Classification of symptoms in the trituration proving Disadvantages in this kind of trituration proving affecting the symptom classification As soon as it was decided that I was going to work on this proving as my graduation work I read Sherr’s book about the methodology of the provings and I consulted the proving guidelines of the “European Council of Classical Homeopathy (ECCH)”24. I soon realized that those proving guidelines are written for the so called “Hahnemannian provings” in which a lot of things are taken in consideration before accepting a prover into a proving. Unfortunately the set up for this trituration only met a few of the requests on which a proving is considered reliable. These were that the group had between 10-20 provers, that there were no pregnant women of lactating women participating and old the provers were older than 18 years and the group was formed with people from different backgrounds and professions, not all of them being homeopaths or students of homeopathy. The probably most important requests that are not met are the fact that every one’s medical history was and is still unknown to me, that a big number of those provers were receiving homeopathic treatment at the time of the triturations. It is thus necessary to consider that the methodology of these types of provings is different to the trituration ones and therefore is it very difficult to classify the symptoms according to the “official method”. Sherr gives us a list of guidelines25 to include symptoms which unfortunately I am afraid I can not use consistently since it if often unknown whether the symptoms are old, new, cured or altered. Only a few of the provers mention this in their texts. It is a fact that these provers did not use the official guidelines for keeping and registering their symptoms, even though a list of these was mailed beforehand. I would imagine that the reason for this is that these provers all have families, jobs, studies and even pets to take care of. The symptoms, from which this information is known, have been classified accordingly. Another disadvantage in this kind of trituration proving is that often modalities are not mentioned, because sometimes they are just not visible or are discovered by coincidence. There is also the fact to be considered that some provers did not know if what they were experiencing was due to their treatments or circumstances in their lives. The supervisor did provide some guidance in these matters but since the time was limited not everyone got to be screened before, during and after the proving. General advantages that come out of this kind of trituration provings There is some time and quietness to really go into the substance and experience the symptoms, this can last for just the trituration times or can be there for days, even weeks. It gives the prover the chance to know the remedy really well because you get to experience the deepest insides of it, which can be very helpful for the prescribing practitioner. These 24 25
http://www.homeopathy-ecch.org/content/view/24/41/ Jeremy Sherr, The dynamics and methodology of homeopathic provings, p 70-72
27
experiences can be healing and helpful to everyone willing to experience them and embrace them fully. It creates a bond with the group since you are constantly sharing the most intimate experiences, even those of spiritual or religious character. It can create a sense of togetherness and sympathy that is not possible when the provers are not in touch with each other, like it is requested by the official proving guidelines. 3c. Classification of the symptoms As I have just mentioned above it is very difficult to classify these symptoms according to the official guidelines. What I have done instead is translate all the symptoms given to me by the provers. I have included almost all of those symptoms in this work. The reason why I have done this is because as I started classifying the symptoms I realised that there were hardly any symptoms showing that were outrageous or seemed to make no sense at all. All the symptoms I have come across have either a strong resemblance or connection to the general themes of gem stone remedies as described by Peter Tumminello , or show a strong resemblance to the components of the gem Lapis Lazuli as described in the previous chapter. 26
Therefore I have no reason to doubt that the symptoms are genuine and belong to the substance we were triturating. Another confirmation is the fact that all of the provers experienced very similar things, sometimes experienced literally the same. Other loose symptoms experienced by some provers where also included in the list, only time can teach us whether these are part of the proving or not, as again Sherr states in his book 27
3d. Following order of lists of symptoms The mental symptoms are the first ones you find in the next pages. The mental/emotional symptoms have been grouped under main themes. The main themes are chosen according to the different mental symptoms and are mention with prover number and level of trituration beside each symptom. The choice not to translate the mental symptoms into rubrics is meant for keeping the symptoms as intact as possible and easier to understand. Peter Tumminello also uses this theme method in his book “Twelve Jewels”. The physical symptoms have been grouped under the corresponding body part and translated into rubrics as seen in the Synthesis repertory and Frans Vermeulen’s “Concordant Materia Medica”. A list with the proving dreams has been added right before a brief explanation of the C5-level linking it to the fairy tale “Sleeping Beauty”. The C5-level has only been summarized with those symptoms that give a deeper or broader understanding of the remedy. I have not listed again all the other symptoms that have been widely described in the first for levels of the triturations. For instance symptoms like ice coldness, violent anger and etcetera. The last information given is about the symptoms produced after taking a single dose of Lapis Lazuli C40/4, potentized by the provers themselves on May 11th 2005.
26 27
Peter Tumminello, “Twelve Jewels” p. 1-11 Jeremy Sherr, The dynamics and methodology of homeopathic provings, p. 68- 69
28
After that a summary of the proving classified by trituration level as well as a small summarized text between the mental and physical symptoms has been added. A few sentences describing the essence of the remedy have also been added to this summary. 3e. Mind Symptoms MIND – THEMES and related symptoms to the themes Wild animals & territories – Instinct – Acute Senses – Nature * Awakened instincts, feeling of being an animal with acute senses, shaper vision and hearing. Sensation and need to break from human bonds. Freedom of wild animals, no borders, like in nature* •
• •
• •
A lion – I felt more animal than human. I could not think like a person. I could experience moistness, the sun on the skin. I tried to rationalize it and it did not work. I could only see a big gray mass, no shape. I had lost the human sight on things. I checked twice in the mirror to see if I was really a lion. (11/C1) I can smell stronger and vision is sharp. (17/C1) I saw wolves walking, there is an interesting conflict going on with the painting, people talk of having no boundaries and at the same time you come there in the territory, space and border by arguing about it. In territories there is always a border. (9/C2) People do not belong in cities, but in nature like animals. Animal necessity of breaking links and bonds. (13/C3) Delusions of smell peppermint, camphor, trees, fruit, sweet smells, burned coffee, fresh soap, gasoline. (1/C3 5/C4, 1/C1, 3/C2, 17/C1, 8/C2)
Alternating moods – Changing states – Contradictions * Some sort of emotional instability is experienced. Often joy, alternates with either anger or sadness, sometimes both, also contradictory states* • • • • • • • • • • • •
Strongly going from anger to the humoristic side of this remedy. (6/C1) I feel like a yo-yo; one minute I am happy, the next very sad, melancholic without reason. I wish death. (7/C1) I was feeling good after clearing up the house, in an instant enormous argument with partner even though I felt love. There was a quick shift in my moods. (16/C1) After anger and being goofy, teasing, I keep on singing the song it my head “Let it be love”. (1/C2) Irritation and then laughing. (3/C2) The fear and anxiety are gone, now I feel good, relaxed, and happy and free. (3/C2) Hyperactivity alternating with dullness. (2/C3) Everything feels opposite. I can either take everything or nothing. (8/C3) I am either cautious or not at all. (8/C3) I feel all these contradictions. Calmness and serenity VS Sadness. Contradictions in my life, do not know whether I should go right or left. (12/C3) Being – not being / Indifference – strong feelings. (2/C4) Quiet and relaxed # Chaos and not being able to concentrate. (12/C4)
29
•
Depressed # light feeling. (12/C4)
30
Bullying – fights – teenage years – doing forbidden things – feeling of injustice/borders * There is a feeling of being teased, bullied, not understood, the way things go is unfair. There is a feeling of someone crossing the line and this leading to anger. Some of the provers associate this with puberty * • • • • • • • • • • •
I see a 4-6 year old, he is doing something that his mother disapproves and he is laughing about it. I did it and you did not even see it! (3/C1) I think of puberty, I know how everything is! (5/C1) I get angry with my mother, enormously angry, I yell. She is not reasonable, it is all unfair. She does not get it! It makes me think of puberty. (7/C1) Fights and arguments with teenage sons. (7/C1) The feeling of injustice leads to anger. (14/C1) I see images of the past, situations in which I was very angry, it all had to do with crossing the line, the border, the limit. I feel the anger boiling in me. It is violent but I know where it comes from, I am not clear; I let it happen. (17/C1) I have a goofy feeling. I feel goofy, I tease my husband. (1/C2) Teasing and suppressed aggression is how I experience the painting issue. Anger because someone crossed the line. (4/C2) Feeling of being bullied, teased with almost physical pain, I observe, wait until they cross the line, I do not know what I am going to do if they do cross the line, when I see that does not happen I relax and start to see it differently, I can let go. (7/C2) There is something I do not like, do not want to follow the group, I do not want to resist, but participating is difficult. From resisting, I think of war. (7/C3) I want to make noise, fart, I feel childish, 12-13 years old. (17/C3)
Inner dark side – goals * There is the feeling of being drawn to your own dark side, to the that you would not want to see, those things that your gladly ignore about yourself. It seems that from ignoring the dark side the goal in life is not visible* • •
•
Something hard, strong, is drawing me from the inside. Something wants to come out of me but it cant, something takes me to the inside; I feel almost breathless, almost sad but calm. I feel as if I was pushed into a big, dark inner side. (10/C3) I feel like this trituration is a conversation with my inner self. At some point in the conversation I understood one half and then got headache on the third eye area, between eye brows. It is about the things that clash in my life. It all feels very heavy. (12/C3) It feels like there is a protected wholeness, can not get to the essence or the goal. It feels it is almost there. (13/C3)
Death – cemeteries – ghosts – associations with the elderly and terminal patients * Death and dying associated with the elderly, terminal patients, and cold places, lean people and bones, all death symbols. Delusions of seeing dead people, grave and dying. Death seen as a transformation process* •
I see ghosts in black gowns. (1/C1)
31
• • • • • • • • • • • •
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Feeling of a dark energy. (1/C1) Feeling as if I was in a horror film, sod off! (1/C1) I see a cemetery; it feels like I am digging a grave. (1/C1) I see a cemetery (4/C1), cemetery and coldness. (4/C1) (16/C3) I feel quiet inside; I quietly look death in the eyes. (4/C1) Remedy for old people; terminal patients. Some sort of transformation from one fase to the other. To help terminal people accept death. (4/C1) (17/C3) My dad said: you look terrible, like dead. (4/C1) I feel dead, also mentally but it does not scare me, it is not negative. (4/C1) Presentiment of death, but it did not bother me. (6/C1). I wish death. (7/C1) (17/C3) I see old people all over. I think they are lonely. I am afraid of getting old. (7/C1) Death – people of the world in a circle, hand in hand, Hallelujah. A huge iron plate, surrounded by grass crashes all the people, some came crawling out as if nothing had happened. The feeling is: ok we are going to die, come from down under and go on. (11/C1) I had images of Auschwitz (in snow and cold). (15/C1) Transformation. (1/C2) Dead feeling. (8/C2) Dying from coldness. (hypothermia?) (19/C2) I think of my grandma, aunt, uncle, they are all dead. (3/C3) I think of death after have seen very big, gigantic trees, mother earth. This remedy follows BEECH. (3/C3) I wonder what I am doing on earth; wish to be on the other side. (3/C3) I do not feel depressed and in fact I do not wish death, but I just felt so good on the other side, on top of the mountain. I was not down here then, I was up there and it felt good. (3/C3) A friend of mine had an operation; he is probably going to die. It touches me enormously. This means another good-bye. (16/C3) The material world is too heavy; I can not get through it. I want to be up there, in the spiritual world, a world with no thoughts. This life is too much for me. I want to be up there. (17/C3) I feel I need to say good-bye to this world. (17/C3) I feel like letting go, do not want to be on earth. I want to go, away from this earth, I have seen too much already. (1/C4) I yearn for music to help me float away from here. (1/C4) After a while I feel as if I was gone, I get lighter all the time, thinner as if I was dissolving. I come back and wonder where I am. I realize I am back, this is my destiny and it feels heavy. (17/C3) (1/C4) I need to do my best to be here, have the feeling that I can “slip away” anytime; after this enormous grief and need to cry intensely. (1/C4) I think of dead people and the way they lived. (5/C4) Passing on to the next world through death. (15/C4) (17/C4) Sadness, I do not want to die, I want to live. (17/C4) Dementia, death, death of my own dad. Lean and bones. (20/C4)
32
Detachment – Indifference – Soberness – Recklessness * A sense of detachment, indifference, like nothing matters anymore, not caring anymore. There is a strong feeling of being unmoved by things, no feeling of any kind. Emotional coldness* • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
I leave the house and leave the heaters on. I do not usually do that, learned from my dad to be cautious but today I just do not care. (3/C1) I have been taking distance. I had to get away from it all. I knew things and that was enough. I have been detaching from reality. It is a sober feeling. (9/C1) Sober – that you do not get taken over by the feeling or emotion (10/1) I could dose the news about the Tsunami very well, could cry when TV on, but I could go on easily when it was off. (11/C1) I feel sober, very manly, a farmer man. (11/C1) I felt some sort of soberness. (12/1) Seeing the grief around me does not move me, I just perceive it. (17/C1) Things go wrong at work, it is very busy but it does not affect me. (1/C2) I feel neutral, nothing specific. (3/C2) Trance like feeling – neutral feeling – detached from reality – things around appear vague. (3/C2) Neutral feeling about death. (3/C2) Emptiness that feels nice. (19/C2) (17/C3) (1/C4) (2/C4) Dimmed emotions, untouchable. (19/C2) Neutral meditative feeling, trance. (3/C3) Do not feel like dressing up, do not care what other think, this feels good to me. (7/C3, 17/C2) I feel that I am in a different dimension, I do not relate to others. Cannabis feeling, every one is theorizing. (18/C3) Feeling of distance and death. (2/C4) I feel indifferent, detached. (2/C4) Neutral feeling, walking on a golden aisle to the other world. (3/C4) Deep indifference, it does not do me anything. (17/C4) No connection with the environment. I am fine alone. (17/C4)
Different dimensions – wider view (C3/C4) * In a deeper level the pain of experiencing things as unfair not being understood and others crossing the line, transforms into the possibility to see things from a wider perspective, a different point of view. It is about seeing without borders* •
This remedy gives us the energy to see that facts and reality can change real quickly. People can experience different truths and that is why there is separation and arguments. People relate to truth and injustice, just like kids feels it is not fair! (15/C3)
•
Cruel dreams are not cruel in a different dimension. The time and culture define this. The cruelty can be normal in another culture of time. Living in different dimensions produces grief. (18/C3)
33
•
Having the feeling of wanting to be up there and not down here. (3/C3) (17/C3)
•
I want to go to other dimensions, for this I need to let go. I do not want to be on earth. (1/C4)
•
Feeling of being in the eternal mountain world, on a snowy mountain top, looking down the world. I have an overview. I am above of the people’s non-sense. Feeling of eternity. (5/C4)
•
Der Untergang. There was no overview; those people were too deep into it. (7/C4)
•
I am so far across the borders that I do not even see the earth. It is not fair how people cheat each other, everyone does it. (13/C4)
Ego – selfishness – a way to deal with your pain (C3/C4) * Again in a deeper level we find that to have a wider view and being able to see further than your own perspective you need to let go of your ego. Selfishness seems to be a way to protect balance your extreme feelings and to help you carry what might be unbearable otherwise* •
I have had quick thoughts about what selfishness really is. A few years ago a patient died in my practice while doing her follow up. The remedy had done her well, felt very happy, realized. Back then, when she died I was not sad and I was angry at myself for not being sad. I was sad for her husband and children but not for her. Later I understood why I did not feel the sadness. That was a logical time for her to die. We people have an aversion of situation of others. We have a problem ourselves, sadness about someone who has died, we only really feel our own sadness but project it into the death of that person; feelings that you reuse through the others. This stabilizes our extreme feelings. (15/C3)
•
Association of the angry sea with violent waves. Young boys who are disobedient or even almost hard, seem to have no feelings. This rebellious feeling is where the pain hides. Young boys have the strength to do it like this. (15/C3)
•
I do not want to prove myself, I am ok like this. It is the horrible egos to which I need to prove myself. (1/C4)
•
You can all have the EGO- existence, it is fine by me, and I am gone! I feel sad but proud. (1/C4)
•
As I walk down the golden aisle I ask myself. Did I learn enough? I got the feeling that this does not touch me, move me. What is the opposite of this? That everything comes in goes through you. Give and take. Selfishness can be harmful but also healthy. You do not need to miss anything, what you need will be provided.
•
I see a farao, the Queen Nefertiti and a slave, I ask myself, who is privileged? The one who can forget his ego. In reality it is all the same, you have to walk the golden aisle by yourself. (3/C4)
34
•
You lose awareness and overview when you get stuck in your ego. To be able to walk down the golden aisle, you have to grow. Growing comes from overview, a wider perspective. (3/C4)
•
This remedy is for people who have lost their wide perspective because of their ego, therefore being unable to see from other perspectives. The opposite is too little ego, therefore not feeling understood what leads to grief. The solution to this is being able to see from ALL the perspectives. (3/C4)
•
When do we need EGO? It all has to do with boundaries. Boundaries do not exist, but you can only understand this when you can let go of your ego. (3/C4)
•
Why do not we get to know things? Is our ego in the way? (7/C4)
•
People are beautiful in the way we try to strive for truth, reaching the BEING state. (7/C4)
Egypt * Egypt associated with death and a passage to the after life. Another way to see the transformation process* • • • •
Smell of old rags, like from the pyramids. (17/C1) I see Egypt, an oasis in the dessert. I see the orange sky and Nefertiti’s head. I have a neutral feeling. It feels like the passage to the other world. I walk in a golden aisle, going somewhere but the aisle does not seem to end. (3/C4) Dry skin associated with mummies. (17/C4) I had something with Egypt. (18/C4)
Excitement – joy – feeling happy *Feeling of happiness and thankfulness. Feeling understood* • • • • • • • • • • •
I get a little pile of this blue stuff in the mortar. It looks very beautiful. I feel excited, I am curious about the result of this trituration. (3/C1) I feel this excitement (in the stomach). Then I feel that my bladder is full and that I might pee myself from the excitement. (3/C1) I see a group of children at some park, playing with a ball. They throw the ball in the air and then I see the sky. I see the clear, blue sky. I have happy thoughts. (3/C1) I feel happy and open, intense conversations. I feel that my conversation partners understand exactly what I mean. (5/C1) I feel excited, surprised of how beautiful the color blue is. (17/C1) I feel good. (17/C1) Gay and happy feeling, I feel thankful to be able to experience this. (1/C2) (7/C4) I think of color times, happy times. I feel happy thinking of the past a lot, I see pictures of my family and me, old pictures. (2/C2) Smiling, sensation of happiness. (3/C2) Excited, want to get on with painting and do not want to be stopped in this. (7/C2) I feel happy, happy that I got the information I got about the ego. (3/C4)
35
Fear – anxiety, of the intensity of the symptoms, feeling of threat with anger * Violent fears and anxieties for what it is about to come. There is a fear of the intensity of it and not being able to handle it or cope with it, most of these fears are felt in the stomach or abdomen* • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Fear, I walk back and forth, I feel like a caged animal. (1/C1) I feel threatened, as if the powder was going to attack me. (1/C1) On the day of the trituration very anxious before I came to the meeting. I felt the fear in the abdomen. (12/C1) I am afraid of finishing the trituration, I am afraid of my own anger and violent explosions. (17/C1) Anxious, fearful, something is going to happen, somebody is going to die, it is someone I care about.(3/C2) Something needs to explode, meteorite, fireball with a feeling of being attacked. (7/C2) Anticipation fear, fear of the future, I feel it in the stomach. I do not know how to do things in the future; I do not know what is going to bring me. (13/C2) Fear of the trituration. (15/C3) Fear of the trituration and that is why does not do it. (16/C3) I have very anxious premonitions when I get up and it stays with me the whole day. My abdomen hurts because of this. (16/C3) Fear associated with good-byes, death and transformation. (16/C3) Danger comes from an unexpected corner. (18/C3) Fear of triturating the C5 level, I am afraid of losing the good feeling, the knowledge, afraid something bad will come. (3/C4) I am afraid, it is a deep fear of existence, and this goes to fast for me. (7/C4)
Freedom from time, material things, bonds, ties and guilt * Breaking loose from everything. Being able to be free from boundaries, time, material things and eventually guilt* • • • • • • • • • •
Freedom from material things. Connection with the soul, spirit. (3/C2) Freedom, breaking loose feeling. Freedom in relation to material things. (3/C2) Blue butterflies, sensation of freedom – I paint this on the wall. (3/C2) Feeling of freedom after painting, I am done! (3/C2) I feel free and happy. (3/C2) Allowing yourself to feel things, gives u freedom. (3/C2) Time has to go; universe has a timeless existence. (15/C2) Animal necessity of breaking bonds and ties. Do not feel attached to rules, anti-social. I want to be free, a drifter, being free means being strong. (13/C3) Blaming each other is the way to get the freedom; it gives you the answer and the solution. Like terminal patients blaming the environment. It is needed to get the freedom to go. (15/C4) Something with prejudices and blaming others, I do not know what. It is so heavy that you do not know if you can go on with it yourself. First negative prejudices, and then
36
something beautiful. Blaming is necessary to come out of something and see that it can be the solution. (20/C4) Forgetfulness – not concentrated * There is a feeling of not being able to concentrate, forgetfulness and word hunting* • • • • • • • • • • •
I forget things I usually do automatically, like taking the shopping box for the groceries. (5/C1) I have a vague feeling. Very forgetful. (12/C1) Looking for the right words when speaking. (12/C1) I had things in my head and then I lost them in 3 seconds. Gone! (12/C1) I do not remember how to triturate, that is why I postpone the trituration. (19/C1) I can not concentrate, difficult to remember names, though all over the place. (19/C1) I can not concentrate at work, feel absent, weary; it lasts for about a week. (1/C2) Wandering thoughts. (2/C2) (7/C4) I can not concentrate of the trituration, I am distracted. (3/C2) It is difficult to stay with one subject. (7/C4) Chaos, I forget everything. No thoughts – Mind is Blanc. (13/C4)
Hard and heavy – too much going on – trying to ignore reality * The symptoms are so violent and the emotions so intense that there is a feeling of it all being really hard and heavy to handle, being to much and therefore trying to ignore it is there or suppressing it * • • • • • • • •
• •
Already all these symptoms, oh jeez, how violent! My God, can I take it? (1/C1) I do not want to bother anyone; I have to solve things myself. At the end I call someone and spit it all out. I can not handle it all by myself, it is too much. After this I sleep for 2 nights straight since a couple of months. (7/C1) It feels heavy, stuck; slow. (19/C1) Heavy and tired feeling with the grief. The grief is too much, too heavy. (1/C3) Heavy and tired feeling. (6/C3) Heavy, have to triturate with both hands. (6/C3) There is too much going on, it is so much, it does not stop, it feels like I can not tell or my head shall explode. (11/C3) The unbearable being helped by a drug produced in our bodies. I feel the childish element of not understanding the cruelties of humanity and being relieved by the thought of this drug. There is a feeling that there is no solution, just an illusion that there is. I feel resistance to go into the illusion. If the must not go too deep into the emotion, the way should be opened to a bigger wholeness but that is an escape, suppression and so we should not leave the pain and inflicted pain behind to make it easier!! (15/C3) A friend is going to die, the pain he suffers is horrible and his death means another good-bye, this all feels like it is too much for me. I meditate after this and feel a bit calmer. (16/C3) The material world is too heavy; I can not get through it. I want to be up there, in the spiritual world, a world with no thoughts. This life is too much for me. I want to be up there. (17/C3)
37
•
Life is very heavy, not physically but emotionally heavy. (17/C3)
ICE COLD - Associations with glass, ice, snow – blue, dark blue * Extreme ice cold, not only physically but also mentally and emotionally, these translate to indifference and wishing death. The strongest associations to cold and ice in color is blue * • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Beautiful blue color, as if there was some glass. (1/C1) The mortar looks like skating field, the powder of all the skates that have gone over it, trituration sounds like skating on ice. I think of the past, on the ice field. Cold, winter cold, it is nice. Cold makes me think of the film “Snow Queen”. She lives in an ice castle. (2/C1) It is very cold outside and that is why I do not feel like going out. I can not sleep at night, because I am so cold. (3/C1) Dark blue and black. (4/C1) Ice age. (8/C1) I had images of Auschwitz in snow in cold, ice cold mind to think that up. It was a big plan. (15/C1) I see images of winters in the past; snow and ice. I feel sorry that those winters are not there, maybe in the next life, it feels comforting. (2/C2). Blue is beautiful, blue waves, the sea, water. (3/C2) Hail, cold, still and cold world. I see lines of people walking through the snow. I find it painful and close my eyes. (2/C4) Feeling very cold, also mentally. (15/C4) Deep sea, floating. (13/C4) Northern cold. White and snow. (15/C4) Cold in needed to be in quietness. Cold is needed to make the transformation. (15/C4) Dr Zhivago – deep love that comes out of coldness. The coldness is needed to reach the deeper love. Coldness develops strength through cold and winter sleep. Gathering energy to be able to come out of the cold. (15/C4) I feel frozen inside, like there is nothing. (17/C4) Cold and going on, a transformation that is needed to gather strength and grow. Feeling cold and loneliness. (20/C4) Northern, cold countries. (20/C4)
Introspection * Following the feeling of not being understood, not being listened to, there is introspection, closing up and not wanting to share emotions with others. Feeling of being estranged and belonging somewhere else (spiritual world) * • • •
Obs: provers do not want to share the information on the webpage as it is usually done. I do not want to bother anyone; I have to solve things myself. At the end I call someone and spit it all out. I can not handle it all by myself, it is too much. (7/C1) I feel I do not belong here, from that moment on introspection, taciturnity. There is no use in talking if I do not get understood. (16/C1)
38
• • • • • • • • •
I feel alone, apathy, I do not belong here, stubborn and taciturn, complete retraction, estranged, things do not get through to me, I am slow, I do not want to work and can not force myself to do so. (16/C1) I had the feeling of having to do with no family, having to say good-bye to them. This is true with reality. It is time to say good-bye. (16/C1) While I was telling about the symptoms, I was only aware of that and not of the people around me. (17/C1) It feels good to be alone with my thoughts. Wondering whether I am suppressed and how to connect my inner side. I felt isolated from the group, with my own thoughts, like a dream. (10/C2) I would rather turn my back to the group, but I think that I can not do that and I don’t. (1/C3) It is nice to be in this trance, no thoughts, and emptiness. (17/C3) I want to be in myself, leave me alone feeling! Letting go of earth. (1/C4) It is like in nature, the feeling to retreat during winter, some plants and trees need it to grow. That was the feeling. (15/C4)
Irritation – violent/explosive anger - suppressed anger – strong emotions * Suppressed old anger and grief coming out as explosions, out of control, very violent; Old grievances coming back so strongly that is not possible to ignore the, can not let go of them. Emotions are so strong that can be preventing one from sleeping. Anger is felt in stomach in the form of cramping pains * • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
I triturate faster and faster all the time, I feel aggressive (I am upstairs, my husband is down stairs and can hear me) (1/C1) I want to destroy the powder; I feel frustrated (1/C1) Irritation from the itch, it goes on together with the itch. (3/C1) I can not enjoy the trituration cause of the itch. (3/C1) I get irritated in the streets, it seems very busy. This is usual in me, but this time it happened in a second. (3/C1) I notice that I suppress my anger when I feel that I am not seen, or listened to. I feel like screaming for attention and want to smash things against the walls. (3/C1) I feel irritation because the same symptoms keep on coming back. My hair irritates me. (3/C1) Anger. (6/C1) I have been extremely angry, with a reason and cramping stomach. The steam inside came out. (12/C1) About Tsunami: Anger with cramps in stomach. The images touched me and I was tired of it. (12/C1) I was very angry, had arguments with insurance company. I wrote them a very angry letter. Things felt uneven, I was not agreeing with it. (13/C1) The tsunami really got to me, this is not me, and usually I do not get so emotional. I felt very nervous and disappointed. (13/C1) I was very angry, slamming the table, shouting, yelling in a rude manner, all of this because of things feeling unfair. (14/C1) Violent anger, explosion, my family got scared, they were shocked. I wonder if I want to continue with this substance. I exploded because my son did not help with 39
• • • •
• • • •
preparing dinner while I was on the phone with a patient. I was very unreasonable. I yelled and did not recognize my own voice, I wanted to stop but I could not do it. (17/C1) The talking of people irritates me during trituration. I shut myself to the rest. (17/C1) The hairs on my face irritate me. (17/C1) Painting? I’d rather have a boxing bag!! (1/C2) I have an explosion of anger over the mail. Argue with my boyfriend as soon as I come in. He does not understand what is happening. I go to my room, cry and cry. I feel ice cold inside and out. I feel that I am doing so much from the bottom of my heart and he does not see it. He only sees the sharpness of my words. To avoid more arguing he walks away whistling, this feels like a confirmation that he does not care. At one I am at this very hysterical state, it feels like a nervous breakdown. I can not stop weeping, sobbing like crazy. I feel that I destroy relations but I do not understand how. I have changed. I try hard but he does and says the same as my ex-boyfriend. I feel desperate. I do something wrong and do not see what, I do not see it. Feelings of guilt. I think of my mother’s family, the guilt that my grandfather must have felt when he abandoned 3 daughters and a wife. The hysteria stopped but I am still crying. My partner and I talk and things go back to normal. Analysis of this: explosion of anger about nothing, after that grief, crying and guilt. Very, very old issues come back up that I did not have for years and years. (3/C2) I feel anger I can not let go, it prevents me from sleeping well. (8/C2) Conflicts, spitting out what does not belong to me, the issue was dishonesty. (11/C2) Irritation from tiredness, very angry, want to toss the mortar and break it. (2/C3) Angry and sad. (8/C3)
Peaceful – feeling of confidence – sacred feeling – privileged feeling – warmth * Sacred, timeless feeling associated with spirituality and nature* • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
I feel peaceful and have a quiet feeling. I get to really be with myself. (5/C1/C3) It feels like I get strength in the area between the sternum down to the pelvis. It is like having a stable base. (5/C1) I feel stable, not so afraid of everything. I got myself back. I had a stable feeling, having a stable base. (11/C1) I hear the bell, that tells us to begin, I think of sacristy. I feel something holy and devotion. It is a spiritual experience. It is almighty. (17/C1) I take a deep breath and feel this deep quietness over me. My chest opens and feels itself with oxygen, air. (17/C1) Quiet feeling, sweeter, I feel like in a trance. (1/C2) I feel privileged - it felt warm and made me smile. (3/C2) It feels like a found my life’s propose, doing provings and triturations. (3/C2) I see yellow and gold, like the sun around me. I am on top of the mountain and I feel peaceful. (3/C3) I feel purity. (3/C3) The Sun plays a central roll in this. (4/C3) Rainforest, tropical rainforests, big, old trees. Sacred, timeless feeling. (4/C3) (17/C3) Think of the Christmas and the Bible. (5/C3) Mountain tops, sitting on top of the mountain, seeing the world from above. (3/C4, 5/C4) I feel relaxed and see the others as fruitless activity. (5/C4) 40
•
Feeling of thankfulness. (3/C4, 5/C4)
Sacrificing – women’s suffering and strength (C4) • • •
•
Feeling of sacrifice. Sacrificing what is dear to you. Rituals. The moon is important. (11/C4) I have lost everything, business partner, partner, future projects. (11/C4) Temples were hands were being sacrifice, sacrificing the manly to serve the women’s strength. Dying a small death = orgasm of the man. Feeling of using that to get to the higher levels = spiritual world. Orgasmic energy. Feeling this in the crown charka, like an explosion and that is why headache appears. (18/C4) Strong women, with a lot of powers. Goddesses and priestesses. Rituals. (11 & 18/C4)
Relaxed, quiet, tired and falling asleep * There is extreme tiredness and sleepiness, before associated with the heavy and hard feeling. Being very tired from not sleeping well, due to old grievances and things can not be let go* • • • • • • • • • •
I feel relaxed. I feel quiet and listless. In the last 5 minutes, I fall asleep. (2/C1) Before the trituration I feel very tired, the last weeks have been very hectic, school and work. (3/C1) I did not realize that we had to attend class today, it discovered it by accident. (3/C1) I feel quiet inside; I quietly look death in the eyes.(4/C1) Dead tired in the morning from sleeping badly at night. (7/C1) I do not feel like working, tiredness. (16/C1) I can not get up; do not want to get up. My energy is completely gone (from sleeplessness). (16/C1) I suddenly feel very sleepy. (17/C1). Diminished awareness. (19/C2) I feel tired and sleepy, my eyes are heavy. (3/C3)
Sadness – loneliness – forsaken * Enormous grief, usually felt in chest or heart area. Lonely & cold feeling, not being understood. Sadness from arguments* • • • • • • •
I feel sad. I feel sad and alone in the world. I want to stop, I feel forsaken. (2/C1) I feel very sad; I feel that in my chest. (3/C1) I miss the group (I am triturating alone at home). It is not nice to be alone. I wish the group was here, I would feel better and the trituration would have more meaning. (3/C1) Loneliness is to share everything with you. (8/C1) I feel empty and sad. Lonely Planet. I feel very, very lonely. (8/C1) Grief. (10/C1) (11/C4) I cried a lot one evening, it came suddenly, I had not cried like that in a long time. I felt lonely and forsaken, an ice cold Siberian feeling. (16/C1)
41
• • •
• • • • • • • •
I felt estranged at night, could not sleep after argument with partner. I miss my children. (16/C1) After an argument with my daughter I was grieving, I cried for hours. I did not cry like this in years. The grief of the last few years came out. (17/C1) I feel deeply hurt and that is why I keep quiet. Some people do not see the line, my line, and border; by doing so I feel hurt because it feels like their experience is more important than mine. After talking about it, it feels better, I can now see the big picture, after this I can sleep again (did not sleep for weeks). (7/C2) Grief when you do some things that other people perceive as bad or are interpreted differently. (15/C2) Pain because you do not want to be judged just because you see things in another dimension. (15/C2) Sadness, old grief; war, Jewish people, I see lines of lean, sad people that are waiting to be taken to concentration camps. I feel a stitching pain in my heart. Sighing. (1/C3) I feel sadness and loneliness and I do not understand that I, we as human beings we are able to be so cruel (Auschwitz). (15/C3) I can not stop crying. I feel grief, especially women suffering. (11/C4) Grief and feeling hurt from old things, from long ago. (12/C4) Sadness and loneliness, spiritual. (15/C4) Grief, I do not want to do anymore. (17/C4)
Sharp and clear thoughts – awareness * Very awake and aware. Perceiving the surroundings in a clear way * • • •
The first 3 weeks I was very sharp. (11/C1) Sharp and clear in reaction, things that I felt.(12/C1) My eyes are wide open; I can clearly perceive things around me. I am conscientious of the surroundings and I see deep sadness, grief and suffering in some of the faces. It does not move me, I just perceive it. (17/C1)
Time – hurry – anxiety about time – feeling pressure - letting go of time * Feeling of hurry, feeling of time going slowly and not having time to finish up the task or the opposite, calmness because there is no time * • • • •
• • • •
I triturate faster and faster (1/C1) – with feeling of pressure in the head. I triturate faster and faster all the time, I feel aggressive (I am upstairs, my husband is down stairs and can hear me). (1/C1) (1/C2) Quick thoughts. (1/C1) Time passes slowly, I wonder if this is the time to be doing this. I feel anxiety in the stomach; it has to do with the time, in a hurry to finish the trituration. I feel hurry and triturating fast. Time passes still slowly. I get tired of sitting and take a walk around. (3/C1) (5/C3) (5/C4) Times passes slowly, this is strange, as I feel stressed inside, like I have not enough time. (3/C2) I kept wondering if it is not time yet (to die?) (4/C1) Intense, increasing feeling of pressure, like I am in some race. (10/C1) I have no watch on, that is very unusual for me. (1/C2) 42
• • • • • • • •
Impatient, I want to get on with things. (3/C2) I worry about the time; it feels like my stomach is shrinking. (3/C2) I feel irritated about the time, time should go, and it serves no purpose. (3/C2) Anxious about time, I am not going to make it in time! Feeling that I have to do what I am doing as fast as possible, because I still have so much more to do! (3/C2) Time does not exist in the feeling of bliss. (3/C3) There is no time. State of being, neutral, no time, no boundaries. (4/C3) Trituration takes too long, impatient. (6/C3) There was no time left ? (2/C4)
Togetherness – universe – no boundaries * Experience of the wholeness of the universe but without any kind of excitement * • • • •
Feeling of togetherness, I resonate and recognize but it is neutral. (3/C2) I feel sympathetic but it does not move me. (3/C3) On top of the mountain everything is complete and whole. (3/C3) I have an enormous feeling of love to partner and the human race. Feeling of oneness. (3/C3)
Quarrelsome * Picking fights and arguing easily, especially with family members* • • •
I argue with my mother. Get very angry at her. (7/C1) Fights with family members. (3/C1, 7/C1, 17/C1) Argument with daughter and son separately. (17/C1)
Washing off – cleaning and clearing up – past and present – order & structure * There is a feeling of cleaning and clearing up old things, old vexations, old grief, unpleasant memories, also a literal need to clean and clear up, either oneself or the house* • • • • • • • •
When I am done I wash my hands thoroughly, I want to wash it off of me, I take a shower, want to rinse it off! (1/C1) I had the feeling that everything came out, like a clean up, had the flu for 1,5 weeks, stronger than ever, I think the remedy speeded up the process. (12/C1) I have been clearing up at home enormously, it felt good. (16/C1) After an argument with my daughter I was grieving, I cried for hours. I did not cry like this in years. The grief of the last few years came out. (17/C1) I see images of the past, situations in which I was very angry, it all had to do with crossing the line, the border, the limit. I feel the anger boiling in me. It is violent but I know where it comes from, I am not clear; I let it happen. (17/C1) Life is a circle with beginning and end. (2/C2) This remedy purifies the feelings that take room from others. (15/C3) Grief and feeling hurt from old things, from long ago. (12/C4)
43
Past – thoughts of the past – 2nd world war – Nazi’s and Jews – War * Melancholy to the past, thoughts of the past and sadness, grief or a sense of homesickness to the past* • • • •
I had images of Auschwitz in snow in cold, ice cold mind to think that up. It was a big plan. (15/C1) I see images of winters in the past; snow and ice. I feel sorry that those winters are not there, maybe in the next life, it feels comforting. (2/C2 16/C2) Thoughts of the past, what have my grandparents felt during the war? I feel the sadness of the family, tired and heavy feeling. (1/C3) I hear someone coughing and think: see!? The gas chamber!! (1/C3)
44
3f. Physical symptoms List of physical symptoms Lapis Lazuli - trituration Vertigo Dizzy feeling & sleepiness (8/C3) Lightheaded feeling (13/C2) Head Congestion & hot cheeks (3/C1 4/C1) Itching in occiput (2/C2 3/C1 8/C1) Head pain, constant & lasting for days (16/C1) Head pain, right eye extending to left eye & forehead (17/C4) Head pain, in forehead and nose Bridge (1/C1), in forehead and occiput (12/C4) Head pain & glowing sensation. Pain from between scapulae extending to neck and head. (1/C2) Head pain, pressing in forehead < by pressure (3/C1) Head pain, pressing temple left. HA goes away gradually. Then a sensation of a cold spot is left behind, as if wet and the wind blows over it. (5/C1) Head pain, stitching on temples, both sides of the head (15/C2) Noises in head, hearing illusions (7/C4) Sensation of pressure in the head, violent (with anxiety) (1/C1 19/C1) Sensation of heat, yet feels cold to touch (15/C2) Eyes Inflamed eyes (16/C1) Irritation, right, outer corner (5/C3) Itching right (1/C2) Itchy eyelids, burning, desquamating < right (16/C1) Lachrymation, right eye and then left (2/C1) Pain, behind eye, left 916/C3) Pain, burning (2/C3) (3/C1) < right (10/C1) Pain, burning upper lids (4/C1 C3) Pain, burning, while reading (3/C1) Pain, stitching, left eye, above in waves (2/C2) Sensation of tiredness in eyes (3/C1) & painful (16/C1) Vision Closing the eyes, desire to (2/C4) Red before the eyes (2/C4) Orange, gold, and yellow (3/C3) Ears Itching in the meatus, left (3/C1) Noises in ears, < left; from morning on (7/C3) Tingling, glowing in ears, right after starting (1/C1/C2) Stitching pain in right ear. Stitching pain in left ear (1/C1/C3/C4) Pressure, sensation of, behind the ears (1/C1)
45
Hearing Hearing illusions (see ears) Nose Acute; stronger sense of smell (17/C1) Bleeding/ Epistaxis in the morning on bending forward (with feeling of pressure in head) (3/C1) Coldness, freezing (2/C1 2/C2 8/C2) Discharge, transparent (19/C1) Dryness, inside & dry throat (3/C1) (8/C2) Itching (10/C1) Nostrils, open, left. Feeling of cold air going in (5/C3) oxygen going in (17/C1) Odors, imaginary and real camphor (7/C3) coffee, burned (5/C3) gasoline (1/C1) old ladies perfume (7/C3) peppermint (13/C3) soap (17/C1) something sharp (8/C1) spring/fresh (1/C4) sweet, fruity (3/C3) Sneezing (12/C1) Face Cramp in the jaw (16/C1) Eruptions, very small pimples in face, back & back side upper legs. Red & painful. Eruptions, itching in forehead & chest (3/C1) Feeling of a spider web & irritation (3/C1) Glowing sensation (12/C3 17/C4) Itching (1/C1) Itching in chin (1/C1) Pain in jaws (1/C1) Mouth Burning feeling in the mouth, esp. tongue, like a blister or aphthae (1/C2) Burning in upper lip (1/C3) Dryness (11/C4) (20/C4) Salivation, profuse (2/C1) Swollen salivary glands (12/C4) Taste, bitter, like bile; after a sip of water. Water < (3/C2) Tingling, tongue (2/C3) Throat/Ext. throat Feeling of lump in the throat & feeling of choking (1/C3) Itching & coughing < left (3/C1) Pain, stitching, left on waking (3/C1) Violent pain, swallowing < (13/C2) Sensation of heat (2/C1) Torticollis drawn to the left (17/C4)
46
Food & Drink Desire for cold & sweets (ice- cream) (1/C4) (7/C4) Desire for yogurt (3/C3) Desire chocolate, menses during (7/C3) Desire & aversion artichokes & chicory (3/C1) Stomach Distension (1/C3) (7/C1) Grumbling in stomach (2/C1) Heavy feeling (2/C1) Hunger & easy satiety. Hunger & empty feeling in stomach. Hunger at night (3/C1) (10/C1) Hungry and tired (15/C4 20/C4) Nausea & Belching (1/C1 2/C1) Nausea constant, lasting for 2 weeks, after that only on waking (7/C1) Nausea with Sighing &Yawning (1/C4) Pain from anxiety (18/C3) Pain, burning; after apples (3/C1) Pain, cramping during anger (12/C1) Sensation of a lump in cardia, as if something were stuck there & nausea (3/C1) Shrinking sensation & anxiety about time (3/C1) Thirst intense (1/C2) (17/C1) Abdomen Pain with fear (12/C1) & palpitations (16/C3) Pain, just under diaphragm (12/C4) Pain, stitching in liver region (1/C3) Distended, feels hard, flatulence & belching (7/C3) for weeks (13/C1) Rectum Dry stool (3/C1) Urinary Bladder full & excitement (3/C1) Female Conscious of uterus (3/C1) Menses profuse, sensation of swollen breasts (7/C3) Desire for chocolate during menses (7/C3) Sexual desire increased, lascivious (17/ 18/ C4) Larynx & Trachea Choking; daytime & fear of suffocation (17/C1) Respiration Difficult; choking sensation & fear of suffocation (17/C4) Slow & deep (19/C1) Yawning (19/C1)
47
Cough Dry & raw feeling behind sternum (3/C3) (15/C3) Cough, just once every time (3/C3) Chest Conscious of lungs & yawning & itchy nose (10/C1) Itching, in sternum (3/C1) Pain, feeling of pressure in heart area (1/C1 7/C3) Pain, violent pressure on the chest, right side (1/C4) Pain burning & glowing sensation (1/C2) Pain, sore as from a blow on waking, 5 days before the menses. < Left. Nipple is swollen & bluish on one side. (3/C2) Pain, stitching, left side. Pain goes from nipple straight inwards, through the breast. (3/C2 15/C3) Swelling of axillary? glands & painful, before menses (16/C1) Mammae; sensation of swelling & growth (7/17/ C4) Heart Palpitations & tired, heavy legs (1/C2) Back Itching back & shoulders (3/C1) Sensation of warmth in the back (1/C1) Stiff neck muscles (12/C1) Limbs (Upper) Coldness of hands & cold face (2/C1) Cold right arm and shoulder with pain (7/C3) Eruption, itching on hand, like a fleabite (3/C1) Numb upper arms (19/C1) Pain in left arm, extending to left leg & tingling (16/C3) Pain in right arm, numb feeling (1/C1) Pain in right arm & coldness; as if rubbed with peppermint oil (13/C3) Pain cramping in shoulders (with irritation) (1/C2) Pain drawing in shoulders, as if drawn upwards (8/C1) Pain cramping in wrist (3/C1) Pain & heaviness in shoulders, upper arms and cervical region (16/C3) Perspiration in hands (1/C2) Wrists (10/C1) Scanty feeling in thighs (16/C3) Warm hands (4/C1) & feet (12/C4) Limbs (Lower) Coldness, thighs & feet at night (3/C1) Cold feet and lower legs (7/C3) & tingling (8/C1) < left and then right (12/C2/C3) Cramps in foot sole and toe, left > standing (5/C3) Pain in right knee (1/C1) Stretching out legs is impossible (12/C4) Swollen as if, and out of proportion (3/C1)
48
Sleep Difficulties falling asleep. Do not remember the dreams. (3/C1) Interrupted, from dreams, waking at 4 am (5/C3) Position, on abdomen with knee on the same side lifted (5/C3) Sleeplessness from worries, anger & vexation; dwelling at night (7/C1) Strong desire for sleeping (15 17/C4) Wake up tired and cold. (3/C2) Wake up often with a feeling of suppression (18/C3) Dreams of daily occupations, of cruel things (5/8/12/C1) Chill Shivers all over the body (1/C3) Perspiration Perspiration at night (7/C1) Skin Dryness, as if that of a mummy (17/C4) so dry that it hurts (15/C4) Goose flesh & shivers (8/C1 8/C3 8/C2) Ice coldness; hot water > (3/C1) Ice coldness; at night (3/C1) (16/C1) Wandering itch, right shoulder, wrist, nose, ear, right cheek & irritation (3/C1) Modalities Hot bathing, sun and warmth > Sleeping > Quarrelling < Generals Alternating and contradictory states Desire color blue Dryness of mucus membranes Heat & burning Ice coldness & tiredness & yawning (almost every prover) Ice coldness & shivering Itching all over Lack of energy from sleeplessness & tiredness Symptoms lasting for a week or two (1/3/7/16) Violent & quick symptoms
49
3g. Rubrics of the physical symptoms Rubrics of the Physical symptoms of Lapis Lazuli - trituration VERTIGO - Light headed (see Vertigo) - Vertigo (Pr 13/C2) HEAD - HEAD - COLDNESS, chilliness, etc. - water, as from cold (Pr 5/C1) - HEAD – CONGESTION (Pr 4/C1, Pr 3/C2, Pr 4/C3, Pr 17/C4) - HEAD - ITCHING of scalp – Occiput (Pr 3/C1/Pr 2/C3) - HEAD - ITCHING of scalp - Sides – left (Pr 3/C1) - HEAD - PAIN - morning - waking, on (Pr 1/C4) - HEAD - PAIN - Forehead, in - left side (Pr 1/C4) - HEAD - PAIN – eye right, then left - in - extending to – Forehead (Pr 17/C4)* - HEAD - PAIN - Forehead, in – pulsating (Pr 11/C4) - HEAD PAIN pressing (Pr 19/C1) - HEAD PAIN pressing – Fear with (Pr1/C1)* - HEAD PAIN pressing – Forehead in pressure agg (Pr 3/C1)* - HEAD - PAIN - pressing – between Forehead & Vertex (Pr 5/C2) - HEAD - PAIN - pressing - Forehead - Eyes – Behind (Pr 9/C1) - HEAD - PAIN - Forehead, in (Pr 1/C4) - HEAD - PAIN - Forehead, in - left side (Pr 18/C4) - HEAD PAIN pressing Temples left (Pr 5/C1) - HEAD - PAIN - stitching – Sides (Pr 15/C2) - HEAD - HEAT - accompanied by - Face - heat of (Pr 1/C2) - HEAD - HEAT - cold - touch, though heat; cold to (Pr 15/C2) - HEAD - HEAT - flushes of (Pr 5/C4) - HEAD - TINGLING – Vertex (Pr 16/C3) EYE -
EYE - DISCHARGES – burning (Pr 2/C1) EYE - ERUPTIONS - Lids – scurfy (Pr 16/C1) EYE - ERUPTIONS - Lids – right (Pr 16/C1)* EYE – IRRITATION (Pr 10/C1) (Pr 5/C2) EYE – IRRITATION – right (Pr 10/C1) EYE - ITCHING – Lids (Pr 16/C1) EYE - ITCHING - Lids – right (Pr 16/C1) EYE - LACHRYMATION – right (Pr 2/C1) EYE – LACHRYMATION – burning (Pr 2/C1) * EYE - LACHRYMATION – right and then left (Pr 2/C1)* EYE - PAIN – burning (Pr 3/C1) (Pr 4/C1) (Pr 10/C1) (Pr 16/C1) (Pr 2/C3) EYE - PAIN - burning - Lids – Upper (Pr 4/C1, Pr 4/C3) EYE - PAIN - burning - reading, while (Pr 3/C1) EYE - PAIN - burning - light - agg. (Pr 3/C1) EYE – PAIN – stitching inner canthi - extending to outer canthi (Pr 5/C3)* EYE – SWELLING (Pr 16/C1) EYE - SWELLING - morning - waking, on (Pr 16/C1) (Pr 19/C2) EYE - TIRED SENSATION (Pr 3/C1, Pr 16/C1)
50
-
EYE - QUIVERING – Lids – from irritation (Pr 3/C2)*
VISION -
VISION - LOSS OF VISION with tired sensation in eyes (Pr 16/C1)* VISION - COLORS before the eyes – red (Pr 2/C4) VISION – BLURRED (Pr 5/C5)
EAR -
EAR - HEAT - External ear (Pr 1/C1) EAR - HEAT - External ear accompanied with heat in the cheeks (Pr 1/C2)* EAR - ITCHING - Meatus – right (Pr 3/C1, Pr 1/C2) EAR - ITCHING - Meatus – left (Pr 3/C1) EAR - NOISES in – rustling (Pr 17/C3) EAR - NOISES in – rustling left (Pr 7/C3)* EAR – TINGLING (Pr 1/C1) EAR - PAIN – stitching (Pr 1/C1) EAR - PAIN - stitching – right (Pr 1/C1, Pr 1/C4, Pr 2/C5) EAR - PAIN - stitching – left (Pr 1/C3, Pr 5/C3) EAR - PAIN – pressing (Pr 1/C2) EAR - PAIN - pressing - Behind the ear (Pr 1/C1)
NOSE -
NOSE - COLDNESS - icy coldness (Pr 2/C1, Pr 8/C2) NOSE - DISCHARGE – transparent (Pr 19/C1, Pr 5/C2) NOSE - DISCHARGE – watery (Pr 19/C1, Pr 5/C2, Pr 20/C4) NOSE - DRYNESS – Inside (Pr 3/C1, Pr 8/C2) NOSE - DRYNESS – Inside and cold (Pr 8/C2)* NOSE - EPISTAXIS – morning (3/C1) NOSE - EPISTAXIS - stooping, on (3/C1) NOSE – IRRITATION as if from cold weather (Pr 2/C1)* NOSE – ITCHING (Pr 3/C1) NOSE - ODORS; imaginary and real bleach (Pr 2/C5) (Pr 8/C5)* NOSE - ODORS; imaginary and real camphor (Pr 7/C3)* NOSE - ODORS; imaginary and real coffee – burned (Pr 5/C3)* NOSE - ODORS; imaginary and real cold stones (Pr 12/C2)* NOSE - ODORS; imaginary and real – fresh/ spring (Pr 1/C4)* NOSE - ODORS; imaginary and real gasoline (Pr 1/C3)* NOSE - ODORS; imaginary and real peppermint (Pr 5, C3)* NOSE - ODORS; imaginary and real soap (Pr 17/C1) (Pr 5/C4)* NOSE - ODORS; imaginary and real – sweetish (Pr 3/C3)* NOSE - OPEN - Nostrils are wide - sensation as if left then right (Pr 17/C1)* NOSE - SMELL – acute (Mind sense acute) (Pr 11/C4) NOSE – SNEEZING (Pr 12/C1, Pr 7/C1, Pr 8/C1)
FACE -
FACE - COLDNESS - accompanied by - Hands; coldness of (Pr 2/C1, Pr 4/C1)
51
-
FACE - CRAMP - Jaws – Lower – left (pr 16/C1) FACE - DISCOLORATION - red - glowing red (Pr 12/C3) FACE - DISCOLORATION - red - glowing red – Cheeks (Pr 3/C2) FACE - DISCOLORATION - red - glowing red – Cheeks and Ears (Pr 1/C2)* FACE - ERUPTIONS – Forehead and chest (Pr 3/C1)* FACE – ERUPTIONS – itching (Pr 16/C1) FACE - ERUPTIONS - itching – Forehead and Chest (Pr 3/C1)* FACE - ERUPTIONS – painful (Pr 16/C1) FACE - ERUPTIONS – red (Pr 16/C1) FACE – ITCHING (Pr 1/C1) FACE - ITCHING – Chin (Pr 1/C1) FACE - ITCHING – Cheeks – right (Pr 3/C1)* FACE - ITCHING - Lips – Upper – above (Pr 17/C1)* FACE - COBWEB - sensation of (Pr 3/C1) FACE - PAIN – Jaw (Pr 1/C1) FACE - PAIN - burning - Lips – Upper (Pr 1/C3)
MOUTH -
MOUTH – DRYNESS (Pr 11/C4, Pr 20/C4) MOUTH – DULLNESS feeling of (Pr 2/C5)* MOUTH - PAIN - burnt, sensation as if (Pr 1/C2) MOUTH - PRICKLING – Tongue (Pr 2/C3) MOUTH - TASTE - bitter - water agg. (Pr 3/C1)* MOUTH - TASTE - bitter - Tongue; sides (Pr 3/C1)* MOUTH - TASTE - sweetish - Tongue – Root (Pr 5/C5) MOUTH - TASTE – acute (Pr 11/C4) MOUTH - SWELLING - Salivary glands (Pr 12/C4)
THROAT -
THROAT - CHOKING – daytime (Pr 17/C4)
EXTERNAL THROAT -
EXTERNAL THROAT - TORTICOLLIS - left; drawn to the (17/C1)
STOMACH -
STOMACH - APPETITE - easy satiety (Pr 3/C1) STOMACH - APPETITE - increased (Pr 10/C1, Pr 20/C4, Pr 15/C4) STOMACH - APPETITE - increased – night (Pr 3/C1) STOMACH – ERUCTATIONS (Pr 7/C3) STOMACH – NAUSEA (Pr 7/C1, Pr 15/C1, Pr 1/C4, Pr 20/C5) STOMACH - NAUSEA – daytime (Pr 7/C1) STOMACH - NAUSEA - sleep – after (Pr 7/C1) STOMACH - NAUSEA - accompanied by – eructations (Pr 1/C1, Pr 2/C1) STOMACH - NAUSEA – accompanied by heavy feeling in stomach (Pr 2/C2)* STOMACH - NAUSEA – accompanied by sensation of a lump in cardia (Pr 3/C1)* STOMACH - NAUSEA - motion – and looking away agg (Pr 2/C5)*
52
-
STOMACH - NAUSEA - pain, during - Abdomen, in (Pr 20/C5) STOMACH - PAIN – burning – apples after (Pr 3/C1)* STOMACH - PAIN – cramping (Pr 12/C1) STOMACH – THIRST (Pr 17/C1, Pr 1/C2, Pr 17/C3)
ABDOMEN -
ABDOMEN - DISTENSION - eating – after (Pr 5/C1) ABDOMEN - DISTENSION – Hypochondria (Pr 13/C1, Pr 1/C3, Pr 7/C3) ABDOMEN – FLATULENCE (Pr 7/C3) ABDOMEN - HARD – Hypochondria (Pr 7/C3) ABDOMEN - PAIN - cramping (Pr 8/C1, Pr 7/C3) ABDOMEN - PAIN - cramping - Across abdomen (Pr 5/C3) ABDOMEN - PAIN - Epigastrium - accompanied with - Chest; oppression of (Pr19/C1)* ABDOMEN - PAIN - stitching - Liver – Region (Pr 1/C3) ABDOMEN – RUMBLING (Pr 2/C1)
FEMALE -
FEMALE GENITALIA/SEX - CONSCIOUS of the uterus (Pr 3/C1) FEMALE GENITALIA/SEX - MENSES - copious - accompanied by – swollen breasts (Pr 7/C4)* FEMALE GENITALIA/SEX - SEXUAL DESIRE - increased - dreams sexual – with (Pr 17/C4, Pr 18/C4, Pr 20/C5)
LARYNX & TRACHEA -
LARYNX AND TRACHEA - DRYNESS – Larynx (Pr 3/C1) LARYNX AND TRACHEA - HEAT – Larynx (Pr 2/C1) LARYNX AND TRACHEA - LUMP; sensation of a - Larynx, in (Pr 1/C3) LARYNX AND TRACHEA - PAIN - stitching – Larynx (Pr 3/C1) LARYNX AND TRACHEA - PAIN - stitching – Larynx – warm drinks agg (Pr 3/C1) LARYNX AND TRACHEA - PAIN - stitching - Larynx - swallowing – impeding (Pr 13/C2, Pr 15/C1) LARYNX AND TRACHEA - SWELLING - sensation of (Pr 3/C1)
RESPIRATION -
RESPIRATION – SLOW (Pr 19/C1) RESPIRATION – DEEP (Pr 17/C1) RESPIRATION – DEEP and SLOW (Pr 19/C1)* RESPIRATION – SIGHING (Pr 1/C4)
COUGH -
COUGH - ITCHING - Larynx; in < Links (Pr 3/C1)* COUGH - ITCHING - Throat-pit evening and night (Pr 1/C4)*
53
CHEST -
CHEST - CONSTRICTION – Heart (Pr 1/C1) CHEST - CONSTRICTION - Mammae - right – (Pr 1/C4)* CHEST - ERUPTIONS – itching (Pr 3/C1) CHEST - ITCHING – Sternum (Pr 3/C1) CHEST - OPPRESSION – with heaviness in stomach (Pr 19/C1)* CHEST - PALPITATION of heart – (Pr 1/C2, Pr 16/C3) CHEST - PALPITATION of heart - coldness; with (Pr 1/C3) CHEST - PAIN – Heart (Pr 7/C3) CHEST - PAIN - gnawing – Heart with anger (Pr 5/C5)* CHEST - PAIN - stitching – Heart with grief (Pr 1/C3)* CHEST - PAIN - stitching - Mammae – left (Pr 15/C3) CHEST - PAIN - sore – Mammae – left (Pr 3/C2) CHEST - PAIN - sore - Mammae - menses - before - accompanied by – swelling nipples (Pr 3/C2)* CHEST - SWELLING - Mammae (Pr 17/C4) CHEST – SWELLING - Mammae - menses – during (Pr 7/C4) CHEST - SWELLING - Axilla - Glands – painful (Pr 16/C1) CHEST - SWELLING - Axilla - Glands – ovulation during (Pr 16/C1)*
BACK -
BACK – ITCHING (Pr 1/C1) BACK – HEAT (Pr 1/C1) BACK - HEAT - Cervical region - extending to – dorsal region – Scapulae (Pr 1/C2)* BACK - PAIN – gnawing right extending to left (Pr 5/C5)* BACK - PAIN – sore (Pr 20/C5) BACK - PAIN - sore - Dorsal region - Scapulae – Between (Pr 5/C5) BACK - PAIN – stitching (Pr 20/C4)
EXTREMITIES -
EXTREMITIES - COLDNESS - Upper limbs (Pr 4/C3) EXTREMITIES - COLDNESS - Upper limbs – right (Pr 7/C3) EXTREMITIES - COLDNESS - Upper limbs – as if rubbed in peppermint oil (Pr 13/C3)* EXTREMITIES - COLDNESS – Foot (Pr 12/C2, Pr 12/C3) EXTREMITIES - COLDNESS - Lower limbs – icy cold from knee down (Pr 7/C3)* EXTREMITIES - COLDNESS - Leg – night (Pr 3/C1) EXTREMITIES - COLDNESS - Leg – with numbness (Pr 8/C1)* EXTREMITIES - CRAMPS - Upper limbs – right (Pr 3/C2) EXTREMITIES - CRAMPS – Foot (Pr 5/C1) EXTREMITIES - CRAMPS - Foot – Sole – left (Pr 5/C1) EXTREMITIES - CRAMPS - Toes – First – Left (Pr 5/C1)* EXTREMITIES - CRAMPS - Toes – First – standing amel (Pr 5/C1)* EXTREMITIES - ERUPTIONS - Hand – right - flea bite, like (Pr 3/C1)* EXTREMITIES - HEAT – Hand (Pr 4/C1) EXTREMITIES - HEAT – Hand and Feet (Pr 12/C4)*
54
-
EXTREMITIES – (painful) HEAVINESS - Upper arm and shoulders (Pr 16/C3)* EXTREMITIES - HEAVINESS – Leg (Pr 1/C2) EXTREMITIES - ITCHING – Shoulder – right (Pr 3/C1)* EXTREMITIES - NUMBNESS - Arms – right (Pr 1/C1, Pr 13/C4) EXTREMITIES - NUMBNESS - Upper arm (Pr 19/C1) EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Knee – right (Pr 1/C1) EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Shoulder – right (Pr 7/C3) (Pr 3/C1) EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Upper arm – left (Pr 16/C3) EXTREMITIES - PAIN – Wrist (Pr 3/C1, Pr 10/C1) EXTREMITIES - PAIN - cramping – Shoulder (Pr 1/C2)* EXTREMITIES - PAIN - cramping – Wrist (Pr 3/C1) EXTREMITIES - PAIN - drawing – Shoulder (Pr 8/C1) EXTREMITIES - PERSPIRATION – Hand (Pr 1/C2) EXTREMITIES – Scanty sensation – thigh inner (Pr 16/C3)*
SLEEP -
SLEEP - FALLING ASLEEP – difficult (Pr 3/C1) SLEEP - FALLING ASLEEP – difficult from coldness (Pr 3/C1)* SLEEP - INTERRUPTED - night – waking many times (Pr 7/C1, Pr 16/C1)* SLEEP - POSITION - abdomen, on, knee lifted (Pr 5/C3) SLEEP - SLEEPINESS – overpowering (Pr 2/C1) SLEEP - WAKING - night - midnight - after - 2 h (Pr 7/C1) SLEEP - WAKING - night - midnight - after – 5 h (Pr 7/C1)
DREAMS -
DREAMS – ANIMALS being stung by bees (Pr 8/C2)* bitten by snakes (18/C4) DREAMS – CRUELTY (Pr 18/C3) DREAMS - EVENTS – daily (Pr 8/C3) DREAMS - EVENTS - past; long (Pr 16/C1) DREAMS – FAMILY – own (3/C3 5/C3 16/C1) DREAMS – QUARRELS (Pr 3/C3) DREAMS – WAR (Pr 8/C5)
PERSPIRATION -
PERSPIRATION – NIGHT (Pr 7/C1) PERSPIRATION – PROFUSE (Pr 5/C5)
SKIN -
SKIN – DRY (Pr 17/C4) SKIN - WRINKLED, shriveled (Pr 17/C4)
INFLUENZA -
HEAD - HEAT - flushes of – influenza; during open air amel (Pr 12/C1) NOSE - CORYZA - influenza; from (Pr 12/C1)
55
-
COUGH - ITCHING - Larynx; in- influenza; during (Pr 1/C1) COUGH - ITCHING - Larynx; in- influenza; appearing in the evening (Pr 1/C1) EXTREMITIES - PAIN – influenza; during accompanied with fever (Pr 1/C1)* GENERALS - PAIN - sore - influenza; during (Pr 12/C1) GENERALS - HEAT - lack of vital heat – influenza; during (Pr 12/C1) 28
3h. Dreams of the Lapis Lazuli trituration DREAMS of the Lapis Lazuli trituration Prover 3/C1 Dream – night of the trituration day I dream that I have some sort of tumor in my knees, they are purple and swollen. I can see the veins in them. Then they fall on the ground and leave these ulcers behind. Once on the ground, they grow and this enormous bee comes and feeds from them. My father and sister are standing in the street, I meet them there. My sister tells me then that my mother has cancer and that she is going to die sometime in November. She knows the exact date. My mother is standing behind my sister and she looks like she does not know anything. I find that distressing. I have dreamt a couple of times that my teeth fell off. Healthy, sound teeth, with no holes but were thin. It felt like having sea shells in my mouth. In the second dream I had no teeth and though: I look like sh..! How horrible! Prover 3/C2 I dream that my teacher has taken over one of my patients. She prescribed some other remedy. She tells me the story of this other remedy, hoe it is made and where from. It is an animal that looks a bit like an armadillo. She claims that this remedy is better for the child. She tells me this seriously but the people around her are laughing, as if they knew that what she is telling is not right. I feel angry and frustrated; I feel powerlessness and can not believe it. How is this possible? I can just not believe it. I think that I have deep respect for my teacher and I always ask you about things. I do that gladly, and this can not be. This is my patient I would have liked to be asked first, before anyone did anything. Prover 4/C1 Dreaming of something broken, it is done with the teeth and then spitting it all out. It is like some soft and bloody stuff. Prover 5/C1 Dream a lot about every day things like doing the groceries or cleaning.
28
* = new rubrics
56
Prover 5/C4 I saw the church tower of my parents’ village crushing down. My parents live close to the church, everything was destroyed. I saw my parents’ house from the other side of the street. There was no much going on, just that everything was destroyed. Prover 12/C1 I dreamt a lot about everyday things like vacuuming of doing the dishes. In the morning I had forgotten the dreams and then around 15 pm I remembered some of it. Prover 16/C1 I dream a lot about my father and the past. Prover 8/C2 I dream of bees in my room. They sting me. They are in the curtain, they are flying at me. Some unknown person takes the curtain and shakes them off. Prover 3/C3 I dream that I am so angry at someone that I can not stop yelling and end up beating up this person. I have drawn that person violently into a room and start beating her up. The reason for this is that I feel she crossed the line, disrespected the boundaries. This is a female family member coming on to my partner. My thoughts about this: you are not touching the most sacred in my life. After this I feel very sad and cry a lot because my partner is very angry at me for what I have done. He says to me in the dream: you have made a scene at a family party and that is not the place to do it! You have no respect for anybody!! Prover 5/C3 Dreams of strange situations in family, daughter had 3 children in dream instead of one. Also dreamt that my father in law, at 91 years went off to get something and fell, he ended standing on his feet one floor lower and walked away. I was surprised he was not injured. I had not emotions with this, I just watched it. Prover 18/C3 Cruel dreams. Felt shocked in the dreams. I dreamt of turtles eating a fish head, association with suppression and cruelty. Dreams of dancing, a lot of dreams, often. Prover 18/C4 I dreamt of a snake, 2 days in a row. The snake was very thin, was in my pocket and bite me. I let it fall, and goes away. Children are walking up the stairs they get bitten but do not feel it.
57
Prover 8/C5 I dream about the war. I and my children are in some attic. Somebody knocks strongly on the door. And then there is silence. One of my sons climbs on the roof to see what is going on. He then gets threatened with a gun by a soldier that was on the roof. They tell us that we shall be picked up in two days. I say good bye to the attic. I look through its round windows, I see a long and wide ditch full of weed, green plants, and it extends for as long as my eyes can reach. I get up with a heavy feeling.
58
3i. C5 level – “Sleeping Beauty” C5 level – the archetypical information of Lapis Lazuli During the fifth trituration of the remedy the main feelings expressed were: • • • • • •
Resistance to things – to old things that come back, to what there is to come, especially negative things like the coldness and cruelty of humanity. (Hitler as example) (3/C4 7/C5 15/C5) Fear that joy will turn around into misery – (3/C4 6/C5 7/C5) Feeling that maybe you can not be yourself because of duties and time, responsibility – wanting to break loose from these - (8/C5 13/C5) Feeling of being gone, detached – with “Sleeping beauty” as comparison in this gone feeling as well as the contradictions in it. (6/C5 15/C5) Experiencing the dark side as cruelty and wanting to skip that part. Anger about having to go through it forcibly. ( 2/C5 15/C5) Living in paradox – contradictory emotions – the solution being : believing in yourself and going above that feeling. (5/C5 7/C5 9/C5 11/C5 15/C5) 29
Ultimately what seems to be the core of this information is the paradox, having to go through the darkest of times to see the light and experiencing many contradictions in feelings, deeds, wishes, just like seen in the previous four triturations. -
It is difficult to get to the light, that is why the darkness feels like isolation to me, because I can not see it right. (8/C5) I am in the darkness and I feel isolated, there is just one beam of light. (8/C5)
There is resistance to go through darkness because it is brought on by someone’s cruelty. Someone’s cruelty brings on the darkness, a darkness that is so hard to bear that someone has no choice but to grief intensely and be consumed with anger, like we see in the proving. Most of the above mention feelings are reflected in the fairy tale “Sleeping Beauty”. In the next page two pages I explain the links between the proving and the fairy tale. The text used for this is that of Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch.
29
Paradox (disambiguation). A paradox is an apparently true statement or group of statements that seems to lead to a contradiction or to a situation that defies intuition. Typically, the statements in question do not really imply the contradiction, the puzzling result is not really a contradiction, or the premises themselves are not all really true or cannot all be true together. The recognition of ambiguities, equivocations, and un stated assumptions underlying known paradoxes has led to significant advances in science, philosophy and mathematics. Wikipedia encyclopedia
59
“Sleeping Beauty”
Painting by Maxfield Parrish: Sleeping Beauty (A Bella Adormecida) – 1912 30
30
For paragraph references, see “Sleeping Beauty” appendix B, page 106
60
Comments about “Sleeping Beauty” in relation to the trituration proving In the fairy tale there are contradictions in which we see that a family that could wish nothing else was in grief because they did not have a child (paragraph 2). Another one could be that in a palace where everything runs around the princess, at the time of the unfortunate event there is no one around to save her completely from her fate (paragraph 17-23). Instead of dying she would fall into a deep sleep, which to her father the king, this sounded like “cold comfort at the best” (paragraph 14). It is interesting to see that this sensation of coldness is seen throughout the proving as well. All of these elements we find in the fairy tale “Sleeping Beauty” where as in history, a family who has and enjoys everything, lives happily in light (paragraph 1) is brought cruelly into darkness by someone who has issues, in the fairy tale’s case the Fairy Uglyane , who curses the young Princess Aurora to die by piercing her hand with a spindle; bringing her unexpectedly from light into darkness for many, many years (Paragraph 11). This reflects the element of the unexpected that we see in the proving, where there is resistance to go on because of the fear of misfortune, fear of what it about to come. Once in the darkness you can not do anything but wait, wait to see the glimpse of light, like Princess Aurora had to wait for the prince to come by and break the spell. We can all imagine how such state can give us the feeling of isolation, being by your self in the darkness not being able to get help from anyone. 31
Another curious link between this fairy tale and the proving is the “sleeping sickness” (paragraph 31) where everyone sleeps deeply. In the proving we see an extreme feeling of tiredness with great need for sleep, wanting to go to sleep. This sleep symbolized death, as it is experienced by the Prince when he first enters the castle to rescue Princess Aurora (paragraph 40-42). The other similarity between the tale and the proving is the hunger everyone experiences on waking up, they all think of food (end paragraph 49 & 50), even the Queen herself who was first devastated by the events. The fairy tale shows that at the end, if you do dare to suffer the darkness as it comes, the light will show itself sooner or later, but even then there will be less joyful events, as these all belong to life itself and can not be avoided. The Princess and Prince lived happily ever after but had to see their fathers die of old age (paragraph 42-58).
31
“The Sleeping Beauty and other Fairy Tales” at 1910 by Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch (1863-1944)
61
3j. List of symptoms after one single dose of Lapis Lazuli C40/4 On May 11th 2005 we potentize the remedy up to C30/4 and then C40/4 by hand according to the Korsakov method. After this most of the provers take one single dose (one drop) of the C40/4 remedy. Provers 1, 2 and 12 do not take it, they are afraid of the reaction. Only a few provers send in their experiences after taking the remedy. Observations & mentioned reactions at the time -
Provers look young and fresh. Accelerated heartbeat – feeling a rush of energy on the chest. Feeling that thyroid works faster, feeling of hurry. The letters in the paper seem to dance & feeling of hurry. There is a lot of humor, people teasing each other.
Mental Symptoms -
-
-
Feeling of not being here anymore, having lost yourself (1, 8) My relationship with this remedy is that of love/hate. It attracts me but I am afraid of its dark side. (3) I feel courageous or coward. I postpone things that I do not like but they keep coming back. Then I feel that I need to confront them. I feel like a warrior before the battle. (3) I wake up singing ‘Let it be´ by the Beatles and need to listen to it many times on waking – feeling of unity and trust (3) I feel moved by provers 3 story with the Beatles, it is about mother Mary. In one of the sessions with a patient I drew something in an intuitive manner; a dark blue bow appeared with the contours of mother Mary beside it. It feels like we can now contact this high and healing entity, please read “Let it be” (8) I have the feeling of overview in my life, I feel relaxed, like an old soul, feel the wisdom, the emotions get quieter. Things are like they are, that is nature! Even if it means that I shall loose loved ones. I shall miss them but it won’t destroy me. All the contradictions in my life are clear now. If there is something very beautiful, something horrible will follow, this is nature’s law; I accept it and embrace it. I have a terrible need to mother others; I am not a mother so I play mother with my parents and friends. (13) Trying not to make room for those deeper feelings that you would rather suppress (15) Strong need to suppress emotions (15) Sympathy towards those who suffer (15) Anger about trifles, be nice, let it be, function from a higher perspective (15) Superficial attitude towards cruel events & emotions that these bring up (15) 32
Prophecy -
32
A Hurricane coming to America from China (11) – this was in May 2005, Katrina stroke the USA in August 2005.
Prover 1 did not take the single dose C40/4 but still produced some symptoms
62
Physical Symptoms Back -
Pain in lumbar region, very sudden and violent. The pain extends to abdomen, abdomen feels distended and stagnated. < Sitting > Lying down (1) Lumbar pain, sensation of constriction in pelvis > motion. It feels like a cystitis, I wonder if I have one (5) Pain in lower back, feeling as if it split in two. Burning pain. After a week I still have the feeling of a lump or a stone in the lumbar region (8) Cervical and lumbar region cold and stiff (15 16) Lower back aches, have to do with suppressed anger and not making room for what you really need to express (15) Pain in lower back with stitching pain in bladder (16)
Heart -
Palpitations & cold hands and feet (8) Palpitations with the feeling that heart jumps up with shocks through the body (16) Palpitations with excitement (16)
Fever -
Coming on at the end of the day (16) Fever with an ice cold feeling inside and hot skin, warmth of bed does not > (16)
Dreams -
-
-
Can not remember, woke up singing “Let it be” the Beatles (3) I am walking around the Church’s yard, someone is being followed and shot at, and he dies. I become afraid and hide behind a small building with a little porch. I am convinced that I can not be seen. I am afraid the shooter is going to shoot more people. I feel save and think I am not seen, then someone I know comes by and asks: are you coming? And then I ask: How do you know I was there? He could see me from the distance, I had made a mistake (5) Someone does not want to believe what I am telling, denies what I did and tells the story wrong, I feel powerless. When she keeps on denying and pointing at me I bite her on the finger because I feel powerless. The bite is so hard that I can taste the blood in the dream. I feel like I want to squeeze her, this does not happen. (5) I am giving birth with 3 other women. The contours of the baby could be felt through my skin. Then I sit straight up and feel the head between my legs. The child looks at me and I know that it is a boy. (8)
63
“The Mother Mary”
Mosaic by Sano di Pietro
Symbolism
Painting “Mother and child” Sano di Pietro33
34
The Virgin mother is the prima materia, the matrix, the virgin earth, the bearer of light, transforming power; she is symbolized by the tree, flowers and fruits. Virgin goddesses are not necessarily “virgo intacta” but unwed, free. Their chief symbols are the moon and the serpent. Virgin birth is the union of the divine and the human, heaven and earth, which results in the birth of God or superior being. It also symbolizes the birth of intelligence, or the higher faculties in men. The Great Mother, Queen of Heaven, is a virgin and her son is born of the spirit of the will, or she is born of her own son, symbolizing original identity. The Christian Virgin Mary is associated with a number of symbols; all enclosed places such as the walled garden; sealed fountain, the Ark, the living spring; also with the “living bush” from the burning bush, a place of divine manifestation; the closed gate and the gate of heaven, the light cloud, pure and unattached from which blessing falls in spiritual rain; the untilled soil of Eden; the never extinguished lamp, a bridge leading to heaven, a ladder by which Christ descended to earth; Star of the sea, and many other attributes. The great Mother’s archetype
35
The Great Mother, however, can frighten as well as sustain. Nothing is quite as unnerving as watching the Moon transformed from the nurturing light in the midnight sky into a black disk cutting away the light of the sun during an eclipse. Mother Earth may sustain the crops, but Mother Earth can generate terrible forces--earthquakes, floods and volcanic eruptions. Our primitive psyches enshrine the ecstasy of hunger banished by mother's breast, but we also 33
Sano di Pietro: Italian Early Renaissance Painter, 1406-1481 J.C Cooper “ An Illustrated encyclopaedia of traditional symbols” p 186 35 Jung, C. G. (1969). Four archetypes: Mother/rebirth/spirit/trickster Princeton, NJ p 9, 26 34
64
harbour dark shadows of her absence, of her inability to make everything better. The Great Mother not only pours her love out upon the earth, but she also generates an image in our shadow, smothering, devouring, implacable, and too terrible to contemplate. This is the mother-love which is one of the most moving and unforgettable memories of our lives, the mysterious root of all growth and change; the love that means homecoming, shelter, and the long silence from which everything begins and in which everything ends. Intimately known and yet strange like Nature, lovingly tender and yet cruel like fate, joyous and untiring giver of life--mater dolorosa and mute implacable portal that closes upon the dead. Mother is mother-love, my experience and my secret. Why risk saying too much, too much that is false and inadequate and beside the point, about that human being who was our mother, the accidental carrier of that great experience which includes herself and myself and all mankind, and indeed the whole of created nature, the experience of life whose children we are? The attempt to say these things has always been made, and probably always will be; but a sensitive person cannot in all fairness load that enormous burden of meaning, responsibility, duty, heaven and hell, on to the shoulders of one frail and fallible human being--so deserving of love, indulgence, understanding, and forgiveness--who was our mother. He knows that the mother carries for us that inborn image of the mater natura and mater spiritualis, of the totality of life of which we are a small and helpless part.
The Nourishing Mother
The Soul Mother
36
The Dark Mother 36
The Nourishing Mother: Building home, deep connection to family, community, and ones ancestral background The Soul Mother: Strong healing service. The Dark Mother: to honour the deep, passionate part of self. (www.jungianarchpsych.com/images)
65
Mother Mary and Lapis Lazuli As seen in the beginning of this work (Chapter 2, 2d) the link between Lapis Lazuli and the Virgin Mary can not be denied. Most of the paintings of the Mother Mary in history have been painted with ultramarine blue , made out of Lapis Lazuli. 37
If we compare the symbolism of the Mother Mary with the proving information we see some links. The first is her transforming power and the bearer of light. In the trituration proving, levels C1-C4 we see death as the transformation process. In the higher potentized Lapis Mary appears as the transformation power. She brings light into darkness, she is the light bearer. She is often symbolized by the moon – the female principal – appear both in the level 4 of the trituration (Pr 8, 15, 18). Also symbols like old, big trees are mentioned in the proving, the rainforest (Pr 3, 4, 8). There is also a link mentioned between heaven and earth, which are complementary but opposite, the birth of a superior being or the higher intelligence of mankind. This we can link to the proving at the higher levels when some of the provers feel a sensation of arising above all the problems and seeing everything from a higher perspective (see list of mental symptoms, page 32). It seems so that Mary is the highest female symbol for the light, reaching the wisdom to overcome the worst of darkness periods. The spiritual feelings during the proving might be linked directly to her and not so much to Jesus himself as he is not mentioned at all. The provers mention bells, sacristy, nature, high mountains and trees, some of these being directly Mother Mary’s symbols. It is quite amazing to see that in the proving the song “Let it be” comes up where it literally mentions Mother Mary as a comfort and source of light. The analysis of the song’s lyrics is found at the end of the “Let it be” text.
37
Some examples of European / Dutch colour symbolism Blue: sincerity, loyalty, melancholy, heavenly (http://www.dutchflowerlink.nl/engels/Lessons/esthetics/color/color.htm)
66
Let it be The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney) When I find myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me speaking words of wisdom, let it be. And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me speaking words of wisdom, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be. 1 And when the broken hearted people Living in the world agree, There will be an answer, let it be. For though they may be parted there is Still a chance that they will see There will be an answer, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Yeah There will be an answer, let it be. 2 And when the night is cloudy, There is still a light that shines on me, Shine on until tomorrow, let it be. I wake up to the sound of music Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be. Let it be, let it be. There will be an answer, let it be. Let it be, let it be, Whisper words of wisdom, let it be 3 Analysis Verse 1: In this part of the song it literally says that when things do not go right the source of light appears, she brings comfort and light in the hour of darkness. Mother Mary is telling that “letting it be” is the answer to the problem. Letting it be being the opposite of dwelling and trying to fight things, suppression. Letting things happen, letting things come as they are. Not fighting, not resisting. The listener, the son that listens to Mother knows very well that what she is telling is what needs to be done. Verse 2: When there is unity in people that have been hurt, this probably meaning to sympathize with each other instead of blaming or hating others the solution to the darkness will show itself. This applies even to the ones that have already departed; the dead ones.
67
Verse 3: The message here seems to refer to “cloudy nights” or times when things are not clear, when you do not know the answer, when you hesitate or experience some dilemmas. There will still be glimpse of light shining to show you the way, also tomorrow there will be that light, there is always hope. Music might be a way to let go of thoughts and fears and in this letting go, you will see the light at the end and find the solution. Another thing I would like to add to this, is that while looking at the title of the song I realised that it also symbolizes the kind of dilemma seen in the Lapis Lazuli proving. The person is so hurt and so damaged that can not let go of things and that creates the illness. LET ----------------------------- IT ----------------------------------------- BE Letting
(Neutral terrain)
being
To be able to just BE, you need to be able to let go; like it is mentioned in many holistic and naturals healing arts where the mental, emotional and physical state are all related. In meditation this is a common practice. Thinking of this I found a very interesting text that also confirms that in Lapis, the incapability to let go of anger, fear and pain can lead to illness.
Letting Go Simple Tips to Staying in Balance By Petrene Soames, author of The Essence of Self-Healing 38
An important part of becoming healthy and staying in balance is letting go of tension, stress and deeply buried or surface negative emotions such as anger, frustration, fear, hurt, pain and hate. I mentioned these so-called negative emotions because I have not yet found anyone who was ill or out of balance because he or she was living in or holding onto an abundance of joy and love. However, people are often ill because of the loss of joy and love from their lives; some have never known either of these emotions. Although I always look at each person as a unique individual being, and never apply generalities to anyone, it is possible to recognize patterns and links between some illnesses and certain emotions or mix of emotions. For example, lower backache, cancer, rheumatism, and irritable bowel syndrome are often linked with holding on to anger, pain and fear. I'm not suggesting that these illnesses are not very real in the body, but that letting go of these emotions is necessary to initiate and to allow the healing process to move towards completion. If you are in perfect health and shape you have found ways to let go already or not to hold on to what you do not need. You let go quite naturally. When you were young and carefree perhaps you let go of things more easily and never seemed to be ill; you were excited then and busy exploring life. There is some truth in the idea of not having time to be ill, a philosophy that works for many people. But as time goes by, letting go is often not so easy or spontaneous. Perhaps we simply do not make time for it; we get overloaded. Some people become more relaxed once again in their older years. They live life from a more relaxed perspective believing that the smaller events and problems that they used to worry about are no longer 38
Based on The Essence of Self-Healing: How to bring health and happiness into your life (FleetStreet Publications - March 2001) by Petrene Soames (http://1stholistic.com/reading/liv_healing-letting-go-soames.htm)
68
really important: "Time is running out, might as well make the most of it!" Such sentiments are played then in their minds. 3k. Summary of the symptoms of the Lapis Lazuli trituration: Level C1 to C4 C1 – Physical Level • • • • • • • • • •
Ice coldness, especially extremities – sensation of being rubbed with peppermint oil Stitching pains in heart region (associated with grief) Burning sensations in eyes Illusions of odors (Camphor, Peppermint, Chlorum, Gasoline etc) Dryness of skin and mucus membranes & intense itching in skin Nausea, belching and distension in abdomen – cramping pains with fears Congestion, heat in head and face Throat ache, sensation of lump in throat, can not swallow, dry cough & oppression Deep tiredness, wanting to sleep, lack of energy Heaviness of limbs, sluggishness
C2 up to C4 Level – Mental, emotional & spiritual • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Violent anger and quarreling – suppressed anger & cruelty Explosive emotions Fears – of misfortune & stomach ache Boundaries – lack of and feeling your boundaries are not respected – breaking boundaries – freedom Soberness – boundaries in emotions, dosing emotions to survive, perceiving environment without emotions. Indifference Desire for cleaning & clearing up (old grievences come back) Death – darkness, old people, cemeteries, saying good-bye to the world, loathing life, wishing death, light feeling (as if pulled upwards) War – Jewish people dying, Hitler, concentration camps Grief with pain in the heart region, grief is too hard and heavy, unbearable. Feeling of loneliness Tiredness – not wanting to go on anymore, wanting to sleep Concentration – forgetful, not concentrated, wandering thoughts vs sharpness of thoughts and senses Spiritual feeling, rest, quietness, peace inside, timeless Ego – separateness in humanity for seeing things from different dimensions, seeing different truths vs broad vision, seeing things from a wider perspective. Blaming others vs taking own full responsibility Dreams – about every day tasks & cruelties. Sleep difficult; waking up many times
69
Other themes – less prominent • • • • • •
Animals and animal instincts – wolves, lions, snakes Egypt, mummies Sun & Moon Sea, dark blue Nature, big old trees, rainforest (related to mother MARY?) Sexuality – sacrificing the male principle for the female
Generals Ice cold (physical and mental/emotional) – lack of vital heat Alternating moods (happiness # sadness, active # dullness, depressed # light feeling) Intense and quick symptoms Dryness – mucus and skin Desire for color blue Sluggishness – heavy feeling in limbs, lack of energy Summarizing the proving by linking the main themes of mental and the physical level As I try to make a round circle in the proving information I can say that the Lapis shows us clearly what it is about. We see different symptoms at each level and these are no more than a deeper understanding of the same feeling or its possible origins. There seem to be very strong emotions. These strong emotions are mostly anger and sadness. The anger is most prominently accompanied by abdomen complaints, like cramping pains. Also heat in the head and other parts is seen as an expression of this anger. And the sadness with palpitations of the heart and stitching pains in this area. There is also a heavy, hard feeling and fear and anxiety of the violence of these experiences. This reflects physically on the heavy and tired feeling in limbs and general loss of energy. It seems so that the pain has been so hard and so heavy that to be able to bear it, it has to be either ignored or suppressed initially. These emotions at this time are old grievances that have been there for long. The suppressed pain is associated with war, concentration camps, death, leaving home and saying good-bye to the dearest things. On a deeper level we see indifference and a wish for death. This indifference or emotionless state is associated with extreme cold, which is also experienced physically. The coldness brings on associations with ice bergs, cold Northern countries and even Auschwitz in winter, which has a link with the pain, loss, cold and emaciation and bones also mentioned during the proving. This remedy seems to bring up all kinds of old, suppressed dark feelings and brings them into the light, where one can deal with them and get rid of them for good. This seems to be a form of “cleaning up”, this is how it is experienced by the provers and it is literally told in this way. Also literal cleaning sessions have taken place at some prover’s homes. The anger seems to be related to a feeling of not being heard or understood, a feeling that someone is crossing the border, it is all going beyond what you can understand and tolerate. This can lead to introspection later on, as the person feels that there is no point in trying. The bonds and borders come back in the proving in the form of animal feelings and wanting to break ties. The ultimate way of breaking ties is death itself, which is also a big theme in this trituration.
70
The sadness seems to be also a part of feeling lonely and having the feeling not to belong here, being estranged, having to leave, and say good-bye. The prominent nausea can be related to the feeling that someone is so bad, so cruel, so beyond the human understanding that makes one sick. This can be explained better at the C5-level of the trituration. (See 3i) At a deeper level we see a swift in these feelings. What was death and end, feels like a transformation process, there is calmness and quietness and a sense of a base, no fear. The anger and the feeling that the boundaries are being crossed are replaced by understanding selfishness and ego, and letting go of this for a wider understanding. A whole understanding that would mean having no borders. 3l. The Essence of Lapis Lazuli The Essence of Lapis Lazuli according to what is seen through the trituration. It is not always easy to describe the essence of a substance with a few sentences. At this point I find it necessary to give a description of the essence as I have learned it through summarizing this proving. I hope that these words will help you remember the striking characteristics of Lapis Lazuli making the recognition in practice a bit easier for you and your colleagues. The essence of this remedy: A sudden misfortune brought on by someone’s cruelty or something (fate/mother nature); this cruelty that goes beyond all human boundaries and understanding causes the deepest of grief and anger, bringing on a state of almost total darkness; this darkness also being a metaphor for death. It is so painful that it kills something in you and you resent and blame that person for it, because it all goes beyond the human understanding. The pain seems to involve mainly family members, loved ones, the mother, children, losing your loved ones. These feelings of grief and anger can be so hard to bear that need to be suppressed to the deepest, maybe also because of a feeling of responsibility towards the human existence, being able to go on with everyday tasks. In this suppression there is a tendency to act superficially or focus on unimportant things, not to look at the truth lying underneath. The suppression can be the cause of instability and therefore alternating states sadness, isolation, and anger. But why does this happen? I think that it is just part of life. What goes around comes around. There are times of abundance, when we take things for granted and focus on the trivial things in life, forgetting what really is essential. A cruel event can bring you to the most essential in matter of minutes, a survivor of the Katrina who had lost everything material said on TV: this hurricane has taught me that I can live with nothing. I think that the reaction to this can be either confronting the pain and going on (if you do not know darkness, can never appreciate the light) or you get stuck with it get bitter and eventually become cruel yourself. An example for this would be the life of Jewish people being pretty happy until Hitler decided to go after them. During Hitler’s time many families were torn, fathers, mothers and children were separated, tortured, killed. I have always wondered, why Jews? Why them? Maybe it is just pure coincidence, being at the wrong place at the wrong time but after this remedy’s proving I thought that maybe it was something they needed because they were heading down
71
the wrong road. It is widely known that Jews have always been wealthy; maybe they were focussing too much on this and taking things for granted? We will never know.. Also the fairy tale “Sleeping Beauty” shows a similar situation between the Princess’s family and the fairy Uglyane. Someone’s cruelty that goes beyond human understanding brings on darkness and death at some unexpected time in your happy life. Here we see how the daughter is taken away from her parents and put into the darkness. Rajan Sankaran writes in his book “The Sensation in Homeopathy” that: 39
• • •
Sensation and action are equal and opposite: actions are equal to what we perceive is happening to us. The opposite is equally true of what is said: sensitivity, we mention the things that are issues to us and therefore means we are sensitive to these. There is no one or nothing out there other than myself: we only perceive that what we are sensitive to; other things we may not perceive at all.
If all of these are true we can assume that Lapis Lazuli does not only have a sensation of being the victim of cruelty but also is cruel to others or would want to be cruel to others. “I do not have or feel warmth, nurture, love, so I shall make sure that nobody else around me does”. The sensitivity of Lapis lies within the issues of cruelty (towards oneself and family), getting warmth/love and nurture. The reaction to these sensations could be active, passive or compensated. In the active reaction we would see someone being cruel to others; the passive would be compassion and the compensation could be constant fighting against cruelty. In the trituration proving itself we see suppressed aggression (cruelty), some sort of sympathy and the feeling of something being unfair and feeling the need to quarrel about it. These symptoms confirm Sankaran’s theory.
39
Rajan Sankaran “The sensation in Homeopathy” p 123-138
72
Chapter 4 Other provings of Lapis Lazuli: Schadde (Germany) & Tumminello (Australia) 4a. The proving of Lapis Lazuli by Anne Schadde
40
The substance used: 2 grains of raw, untreated piece of dark blue Lapis Lazuli containing a few pyrites. Origin: Afghanistan. Method: the substance was triturated up to C3 and succussed up to C30. Hahnemannian proving. Proving: the substance was proved in 1999. The C30 potency was taken by 12 provers (8 women & 4 men). 4b. A summary of the main symptoms: proving of Lapis Lazuli by Anne Schadde Mind themes • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Stupefaction with vertigo 4 pm > lying down, when thinking and acting slowly, with the sensation of excessive pressure in the head. Relating to the rest of the world: feeling of connection inside and outside or sensation of being disconnected from the world. Fear: Fear of water, rain, of malignant disease, of being hurt and the next symptoms coming up. Being rushed: Feeling rushed cause of a trip or feeling less rushed than usual. Gestures: Raising eyebrows while talking, as gesture of emphasis, face is very red. Greed: Feeling that I overate with a huge stone in belly. I feel gluttonous when I see something edible. Inhibition: I feel inhibited because I can not sing very well. I am worried that others will realise I am off key, with heart palpitations. Concentration: Concentration better than usual or mental exhaustion and lack of concentration with great fatigue. Nervousness: Suddenly very nervous, tremble from inside with shaky hands as if very agitated. Exhausted and irritated. Order & Structure: Desire for order and mental clarity. Urgent desire to rearrange the house, to organize, clean the entire house. Prophecy – premonition: Premonitory dreams. Predicts time of death. Retreat, inward and desire to be by oneself: Aversion to conversations. Desire to be alone. Nagging at night with family with the desire to be alone, total aversion to company. Desire: longing for something, do not know what. Changing mood: euphoria # depression. Extremely angry, I imagine how I strangle someone. Sluggishness: General sluggishness of body and mind, heaviness of limbs > after getting up. I deliberately do one thing after the other. In this state I am communicative;
40
Anne Schadde & Jürgen Hansel “Listening to Stone, Wood and Shell” p 15-72. Please read the book for more detailed information about the symptoms.
73
• • • • •
my thought process is slow, while my general mood is cheerful. I enjoy my leisure time, no sign of hastiness. Grief/sorrow/weeping: Terribly sad and cry a lot. I feel abandoned and sad, am annoyed by my self-pity. Communication with friends has ceased as well. Unyielding: Less yielding, more consequent. Commitment, lack of: I think that my tolerance towards others is really only a lack of commitment. I do not get involved enough with people and things. No defence: I can not defend myself, can’t hold my own. Rage/Anger: Jumped out of my skin, I even slapped my son in the face. That is extremely rare; I apologized later.
4c. Rubrics of Mind Symptoms
41
MIND - ABSENTMINDED MIND - ANGER MIND - ANXIETY - pains, from the - Heart; in the MIND - AWKWARD - drops things MIND - CLAIRVOYANCE MIND - COMPANY - aversion to MIND - CONCENTRATION - active MIND - CONCENTRATION - difficult MIND - CONSCIENTIOUS about trifles MIND - CONVERSATION - agg. MIND - DEATH - presentiment of MIND - DELUSIONS - pregnant, she is MIND - DELUSIONS - starve - being starved MIND - DELUSIONS - starve - family will MIND - DESIRES - full of desires - indefinite MIND - FEAR - disease, of impending MIND - FEAR - hurt, of being MIND - FEAR - rain, of MIND - FEAR - starving, of MIND - FEAR - water, of MIND - FORSAKEN feeling - isolation; sensation of MIND - HAUGHTY MIND - IMPATIENCE - contradiction; at slightest MIND - INDIFFERENCE MIND - INDIFFERENCE - sleepiness, with MIND - IRRITABILITY MIND - IRRITABILITY - conversation, from MIND - IRRITABILITY - spoken to, when MIND - IRRITABILITY - talking - while MIND - MEMORY - weakness of memory - expressing oneself, for MIND - MEMORY - weakness of memory - words; for MIND - MISTAKES; making - speaking, in MIND - OFFENDED, easily MIND - QUIET disposition MIND - QUIET; wants to be MIND - RETIREMENT; desire for 41
List of rubrics taken out RADAR version 9.1 – Dutch version
74
MIND - SADNESS MIND - SADNESS - causeless MIND - TACITURN MIND - TRANQUILLITY MIND - WEEPING - cannot weep, though sad MIND - WEEPING - suddenly MIND - YIELDING disposition Rubrics of Physical Symptoms VERTIGO - VERTIGO VERTIGO - MORNING - waking, on VERTIGO - ACCOMPANIED BY - epistaxis VERTIGO - ACCOMPANIED BY - Head - pain in head VERTIGO - BALANCING; sensation of VERTIGO - PERSPIRATION VERTIGO - ROCKING - as if VERTIGO - WEATHER - cold HEAD - ERUPTIONS - itching HEAD - ERUPTIONS - scales HEAD - ERUPTIONS - scurfy HEAD - ERUPTIONS - Margin of hair HEAD - HAIR - falling HEAD - HEAT HEAD - HEAT - contradiction, from HEAD - HEAVINESS - Forehead HEAD - ITCHING of scalp - Occiput HEAD - NOISES in head HEAD - PAIN - morning - waking, on HEAD - PAIN - accompanied by - nausea HEAD - PAIN - air - open - amel. HEAD - PAIN - cold - air - amel. HEAD - PAIN - cold - applications - amel. HEAD - PAIN - rubbing - amel. HEAD - PAIN - sleep - after - amel. HEAD - PAIN - walking - air - open; in the - while - amel. HEAD - PAIN - Forehead, in - right side HEAD - PAIN - Forehead, in - Eyes - Above HEAD - PAIN - Occiput HEAD - PAIN - Occiput - left HEAD - PAIN - Occiput - extending to - Head - Over whole head HEAD - PAIN - Sides - right HEAD - PAIN - Vertex HEAD - PAIN - pressing HEAD - PAIN - pressing - Forehead HEAD - PAIN - stitching - Occiput HEAD - PAIN - stitching - Occiput - morning - waking, on HEAD - RAISE THE HEAD - unable to HEAD - TIRED feeling EYE - FALLING - out; as if eyes were falling
75
EYE - INFLAMMATION - Conjunctiva EYE - ITCHING EYE - LACHRYMATION EYE - LACHRYMATION - pain, from - eye, in EYE - PAIN - weeping; as after EYE - TIRED EXPRESSION VISION - DIM EAR - HEAT - sensation of EAR - NOISES in EAR - NOISES in - left EAR - NOISES in - sitting, while EAR - NOISES in - waking, on EAR - NOISES in - pulsating, throbbing EAR - NOISES in - rushing EAR - NOISES in - whistling EAR - NOISES in - whistling - right EAR - NOISES in - whistling - left EAR - PAIN EAR - PAIN - blowing nose, on NOSE - CORYZA NOSE - CORYZA - air - draft of; from a NOSE - CORYZA - cold - air - agg. NOSE - CORYZA - discharge, with NOSE - DISCHARGE - bloody - morning - blowing nose, on NOSE - DISCHARGE - yellow NOSE - EPISTAXIS NOSE - EPISTAXIS - morning NOSE - EPISTAXIS - morning - bed, in - waking, on NOSE - EPISTAXIS - blowing - nose; the NOSE - EPISTAXIS - exertion, from NOSE - EPISTAXIS - headache - during NOSE - OBSTRUCTION NOSE - OBSTRUCTION - discharge - with NOSE - PAIN - burning, smarting - Nostrils NOSE - PAIN - burning, smarting - Root - Inside NOSE - PERSPIRATION on NOSE - SNEEZING - morning - waking, on FACE - CRACKED - Lips FACE - CRACKED - Lips - Lower FACE - DISCOLORATION - pale FACE - DISCOLORATION - red FACE - DRYNESS - Lips FACE - ERUPTIONS - acne - rosacea FACE - ERUPTIONS - boils - Chin FACE - ERUPTIONS - crusty, scabby - Mouth - Corners of FACE - ERUPTIONS - red - Nose, on FACE - ERUPTIONS - rough - Lips FACE - ERUPTIONS - Nose FACE - FORMICATION FACE - FORMICATION - Lips
76
FACE - HEAT FACE - HEAT - headache, with FACE - HEAT - sensation of FACE - PAIN - Eye - Below FACE - PAIN - Jaw FACE - PAIN - Jaw - Lower FACE - PAIN - Jaw - Upper FACE - PAIN - burning - Lips FACE - PERSPIRATION MOUTH - CRAWLING - Palate MOUTH - DRYNESS MOUTH - DRYNESS - thirst, with MOUTH - DRYNESS - thirstless MOUTH - ERUPTIONS - vesicles - Tongue - Tip MOUTH - INFLAMMATION - Gums MOUTH - NUMBNESS MOUTH - NUMBNESS - Palate MOUTH - PAIN - Tongue - motion agg. MOUTH - PAIN - burning - Tongue MOUTH - SALIVATION - night MOUTH - SPEECH - difficult - weakness; from MOUTH - TASTE - metallic MOUTH - TASTE - wanting, tastelessness of food THROAT - PAIN THROAT - PAIN - right THROAT - PAIN - left - extending to - right THROAT - PAIN - cold - air THROAT - PAIN - cold - becoming, on THROAT - PAIN - drinks - cold THROAT - PAIN - scratching THROAT - PAIN - sore - accompanied by - coryza THROAT - PAIN - stitching THROAT - PAIN - stitching - swallowing, on - empty, on EXTERNAL THROAT - PAIN - Cervical glands EXTERNAL THROAT - SWELLING - Cervical Glands EXTERNAL THROAT - SWELLING - Thyroid gland STOMACH - APPETITE - ravenous STOMACH - APPETITE - wanting STOMACH - EMPTINESS STOMACH - FULLNESS, sensation of STOMACH - HEARTBURN STOMACH - NAUSEA STOMACH - NAUSEA - cough - during STOMACH - THIRST STOMACH - VOMITING - coughing ABDOMEN - DISTENSION ABDOMEN - DISTENSION - painful ABDOMEN - FLATULENCE ABDOMEN - PAIN ABDOMEN - PAIN - walking - amel.
77
ABDOMEN - PAIN - cramping ABDOMEN - PAIN - cutting - flatus - passing - amel. ABDOMEN - PAIN - cutting - Sides - right ABDOMEN - PAIN - drawing - Sides - right ABDOMEN - PAIN - stitching - Hypochondria - right ABDOMEN - RUMBLING RECTUM - DIARRHEA RECTUM - FLATUS - offensive RECTUM - FLATUS - offensive - eggs; spoiled RECTUM - HEMORRHAGE from anus RECTUM - HEMORRHAGE from anus - stool - after RECTUM - HEMORRHOIDS RECTUM - ITCHING RECTUM - ITCHING - warm bed, in RECTUM - PAIN - cutting - stool - during STOOL - BALLS, like STOOL - BLOODY STOOL - ODOR - offensive STOOL - ODOR - putrid STOOL - PASTY, papescent STOOL - SOFT STOOL - THIN BLADDER - PAIN - burning BLADDER - URGING to urinate - frequent KIDNEYS - PAIN - drawing - Region of MALE GENITALIA/SEX - SEXUAL DESIRE - increased FEMALE GENITALIA/SEX - LEUKORRHEA FEMALE GENITALIA/SEX - LEUKORRHEA - brown LARYNX AND TRACHEA - PAIN - burning - Throat-pit LARYNX AND TRACHEA - VOICE - hoarseness LARYNX AND TRACHEA - VOICE - nasal RESPIRATION - IMPEDED, obstructed COUGH - DRY COUGH - OPPRESSION; from - Chest; in CHEST - CEASES to beat; as if heart - would cease CHEST - CONSTRICTION CHEST - CONSTRICTION - waking - on CHEST - ERUPTIONS CHEST - ERUPTIONS - itching CHEST - PAIN - Heart - walking - amel. CHEST - PAIN - pressing - Heart CHEST - PAIN - sore - Heart CHEST - PAIN - stitching - Axilla CHEST - PAIN - stitching - Heart CHEST - PALPITATION of heart - vertigo, with CHEST - SWELLING - Axilla - Glands BACK - ERUPTIONS - fleabites, like BACK - ERUPTIONS - Cervical region BACK - ITCHING BACK - ITCHING - Cervical region
78
BACK - ITCHING - Dorsal region - Scapulae - Between BACK - PAIN BACK - PAIN - lying - while BACK - PAIN - sitting - long, after BACK - PAIN - Cervical region BACK - PAIN - Cervical region - motion - head BACK - PAIN - Cervical region - turning head - right; to BACK - PAIN - Dorsal region BACK - PAIN - Dorsal region - motion - on BACK - PAIN - Lumbar region BACK - PAIN - Lumbar region - morning BACK - PAIN - Lumbar region - lying - while BACK - PAIN - Lumbar region - extending to - Hips BACK - PAIN - Sacral region BACK - PAIN - Sacral region - stooping, on BACK - PAIN - cramping - Dorsal region - Scapulae - right BACK - PAIN - cramping - Dorsal region - Scapulae - left BACK - PAIN - lancinating - Dorsal region BACK - PAIN - pressing BACK - PAIN - pressing - Dorsal region - Scapulae - Under BACK - PAIN - pressing - Dorsal region - Scapulae - Under - left BACK - PAIN - stitching - Cervical region BACK - PAIN - stitching - Cervical region - extending to - Head BACK - PAIN - stitching - Dorsal region BACK - PAIN - stitching - Dorsal region - Scapulae BACK - PAIN - stitching - Dorsal region - Scapulae - right BACK - TENSION - Cervical region EXTREMITIES - COLDNESS - Hands - vertigo, with EXTREMITIES - CRACKING in joints - Knee EXTREMITIES - DISCOLORATION - Nates - redness EXTREMITIES - DRYNESS - Hands EXTREMITIES - ERUPTIONS - Hand - red EXTREMITIES - FELON EXTREMITIES - HEAVINESS EXTREMITIES - ITCHING - Hand - Back of EXTREMITIES - NUMBNESS - Upper limbs - night EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Joints - rheumatic EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Upper limbs - morning EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Shoulder EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Shoulder - right EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Elbow EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Wrist EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Wrist - dislocation, as from EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Wrist - motion - on EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Fingers - Second EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Fingers - Second - Joints - Metacarpus EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Thumb EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Thumb - right EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Lower limbs - sciatica EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Nates
79
EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Hip - right EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Hip - motion - amel. EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Hip - sitting - while EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Hip - weather - wet EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Knee - motion EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Knee - rising - seat; from a EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Foot - walking - while EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Foot - Heel EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Toes - stepping, on EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Toes - First EXTREMITIES - PAIN - Toes - First - left EXTREMITIES - PAIN - burning - Thumb EXTREMITIES - PAIN - burning - Hip EXTREMITIES - PAIN - pressing - Toes - First EXTREMITIES - PAIN - stitching - Shoulder - right EXTREMITIES - PAIN - stitching - Knee EXTREMITIES - PAIN - stitching - Knee - motion, on - amel. EXTREMITIES - RESTLESSNESS - Lower limbs EXTREMITIES - TOTTERING gait EXTREMITIES - TREMBLING - anger, after EXTREMITIES - TREMBLING - Hand - holding objects - on holding objects EXTREMITIES - WEAKNESS - Knee CHILL - CHILL in general CHILL - EVENING CHILL - NIGHT CHILL - INTERNAL CHILL - PERSPIRATION - with perspiration; chill FEVER - SHIVERING, with PERSPIRATION - NIGHT PERSPIRATION - EXERTION - during slight SKIN - DRY SKIN – ITCHING Rubrics of General symptoms GENERALS - COLD - internal coldness with external heat GENERALS - FOOD and DRINKS - alcoholic drinks - desire GENERALS - FOOD and DRINKS - chicken - desire GENERALS - FOOD and DRINKS - chocolate - agg. GENERALS - FOOD and DRINKS - chocolate - desire GENERALS - FOOD and DRINKS - cucumbers - agg. GENERALS - FOOD and DRINKS - dry food - desire GENERALS - FOOD and DRINKS - milk - desire GENERALS - FOOD and DRINKS - vegetables - aversion - raw GENERALS - HEAT - sensation of GENERALS - HEAVINESS GENERALS - HEAVINESS - Externally GENERALS - HEAVINESS - Internally GENERALS - LIGHT - agg. GENERALS - MOTION - agg.
80
GENERALS - MOTION - desire for GENERALS - PAIN - crushed, as if GENERALS - SLUGGISHNESS of the body GENERALS - TREMBLING - Internally GENERALS - WEAKNESS GENERALS - WEARINESS GENERALS - WEARINESS - morning GENERALS - WEARINESS - evening GENERALS - WEARINESS - eating - after GENERALS - WEARINESS - talking, after Sleep & Dreams SLEEP - DISTURBED - moon, at full SLEEP - LIGHT SLEEP - POSITION - impossible; lying SLEEP - SHORT SLEEP - WAKING - night - midnight - after SLEEP - WAKING - night - midnight - after - morning, toward SLEEP - WAKING - fright, as from SLEEP - WAKING - vertigo, from DREAMS - CHURCHES DREAMS - FALLING - abyss, into an DREAMS - FLOATING DREAMS - PROPHETIC DREAMS - WATER DREAMS – WITCHES 4d. Summary of the proving by Anne Schadde
42
•
Consolidation and disintegration: Symptoms of consolidation appear, like metal plate in the head, petrification, swelling of indurated lymph nodes and the matching dream about a lump in the breast. One prover dreamed that the substance was granite. There is also deep sadness leading to feelings of disintegration which showed itself in physical symptoms as joint is as if disintegrated, sensation of disintegration of the back and in delusions of transparency. • Lightness & heaviness: A sensation of heaviness appears repeatedly as in now I will petrify completely, the Colossus of Rhodes. It comes in constant fatigue, exhaustion, weakness. On the other hand the discrepancy between internal lightness and external heaviness and tiredness becomes apparent. It could be said that there is something tender, subtle versus rigidity, sluggishness, as well as slowness and lack of concentration, versus being rushed and nervous. • Womanliness, motherhood, pregnancy: Two provers express the sensation as if they were pregnant. The great mother, being pregnant, breast feeding, mother milk play a role in dreams as well, so does the above mentioned dream of the lump in the breast. • Religion: 42
Anne Schadde “ Listening to Stone, Wood and Shell” p. 55-58
81
•
•
•
•
We find religious symbolism in dreams about altars, paintings of saints, trip to Buddha and also about witches and heathen rituals for the great mother. Order: Three different provers mentioned order and as a contrast clumsiness as an important theme. In the big picture it is of importance that the remedy brought up the things that were out of order: malfunctions of the car appeared, weaknesses in the organism surface. Water and dryness: The water is mentioned as part of the synchronicity: the matching dreams about Noah’s Ark and animal Polonaise, as a contrast: dryness of the skin, lips, mouth, dry cough, coryza with running discharge, but also congestion of the nose. Heat and cold: Sensation of heat combined with abundant perspiration in the face, cheeks, forehead, ears and the entire body, as well as dryness of the skin increased; also but less sensitivity to cold and sensations of coldness. Disease pictures: Numbness, stiffness and trembling of the hands, arms as well as staggering gait, sagging in the knees when trying to walk, also the dream about shuffling gait . Pain in limbs and rheumatic complaints. Four provers noticed heart disorders, including the sensation of cardiac arrest. Three different provers noticed various symptoms of vertigo and sounds in the ears. This included whistling high frequency sounds twice. Bleeding from the anus and bloody stool, nose bleeding complaints regarding the head as if vessels were rupturing. 43
4e. The comments by provers and supervisors (before the substance was revealed): Prover 1 I experience a strong discrepancy between inside and outside, between physical and mental/emotional. Aversion to talk, but also enjoyment in meeting and exchanging with others. I respond more sensitively to critics; I feel treated unfairly. But I also experience a lack of sensitivity and emotion, I am indifferent and observing. There was a non-specific longing and later the feeling of change and sometime euphoria. Physically I became more and more immobile: hip, knee, thumb (not being able to tackle something) with weight gain. I thought now I will petrify completely, I became more and more apathetic. I felt like the Colossus of Rhodes. There was a feeling that something was going to change, as if it was about to happen; certain clairvoyance, prophetic dreams, more sensitive in regards to myself and others. Prover 3 Desire to retreat, I cleaned out the practice, cleaned the house. I spent one sleepless night because of the fire in the oven was not supposed to be out, that was very important to me. Followed by a dream:
43
Ataxic gait -- Awkward, uncoordinated walking (http://teachmefinance.com/Scientific_Terms/ataxic_gait.html)
82
Dream about the mountain of Ararat (where Noah’s ark landed). I am riding in a train, sharing a compartment with my family, there is an announcement: the weather forecast calls for strong winds on the way to Westland (?), please dress warm. I think to myself that such wind does not penetrate the walls of a train. I feel a breeze going through me in the dark. I can not see my children and my husband in the dark I apparently brought the wrong wardrobe for the trip. In the morning through the trees of a big forest I can see a mighty gigantic white mountain. It is the Ararat, how magnificent; I had no idea that this is where this trip brings us. It is way more beautiful than I had even imagined. The mountain is covered with pure snow. I cried out of happiness. Association: wind – flood- feeling the ark. She reported sudden moments of deep sadness “not even crying helps this state”, it is as if everything disintegrated. She cut her hair during the active phase of the remedy “as if cutting the umbilical cord”. Her periods of sadness improved after that. Physically she felt clearly better after cutting her hair. “I desire clarity and being grounded”. Supervisor of prover 3: “Everything prepares for something new. She has to create order”. Prover 4 The radiator of our car explodes on Sunday after receiving the remedy. It turns out later that this was due to a defect in the construction of the radiator. The car is 12 years old and drove just fine, in spite of the defect. One week later, on another Sunday, I ran into a roadside ditch: the car was totalled. Nobody was injured. On another Sunday a waiter poured water over my shirt. Prover 8 The remedy brings me closer to my true being, reliable and friendly on the other side, physically and mentally rigid on the other. It confronted me with my own rigid side. Listless and sluggish, rigid, no interest in cooperation. The remedy also inspires something very deep, genuine, tender and subtle inside of me, the dimensions of which I can only imagine, because defence, blockage and not-wanting to see dominate me. Prover 9 I had a lot of technical problems in my house: can’t install the software, the phone does not work; I am cut off from the world. One night the toilet was running, I was not able to turn off the water. I had to ask a friend for help the same night, because I could not handle the rushing sound of the water. Prover 13 I was clumsy, dropped the globules all over the desk; poured water of files. I was trembling like an old woman. Many incidents involving water: it rained during the entire vacation. The bad on top of the car got wet and all homeopathy books got soaked.
83
4f. The immersion proving of Lapis Lazuli by Peter Tumminello
44
The substance used: High quality stone in its natural unpolished state. Method: Immersion. The gem is immersed in distilled water and left it exposed to sun and moon for 24 hours before drawing off the water and mixing it with 50:50 with 90% alcohol, which is the mother tincture. The potencies were made out of this tincture. Potencies used 30K, C30, 200K & 10MM, as well as meditation. Provings: • • •
Experiment A: group proving. 13 June 1997. Single blind. Meditation/Hahnemannian. Experiment B: Group proving, 22 June 1997. Single blind. Meditation/Hahnemannian. Experiment C: Independent provers. 2 provers, 3 separate experiments.
Total of provers: 11 (5 women and 6 men) Negative Seed Essence Fruitless digging and the search for meaning •
•
Being stuck in the small picture and wanting to get to the bigger one. Finding the meaning of life, meaningful things to do, instead of being stuck with “Mundane, daily things, price of food I had bought, things to clean at home, things to organise. This was frustrating to me, as I wanted to move on to bigger more meaningful things” This situation causes anger; anger at being constrained, being disconnected and having to lead a mundane existence, frustrated at life’s trivialities. Anxious about things that have nothing to do with the cause (of the disease), she focuses on all her little aches and pains, these become major issues, she is unable to let go and she cannot transcend them.
No mirrors, no mirrors •
She is not willing to look at herself; it would be unbearable because she would see the truth, the reality that she does not really have a life, just a token gesture for vibrancy, joy and living.
Negative keywords Alone; Barren; Blinded by action; Cold Mother; Digging holes; Disconnected; Driven; Empty and desolate; Field in the; Fixed Focus; Fruitless digging; Fruitless searching; Grey sky; Locked in her own individuality; Lost; Mothered; Mundane; No mirrors; Nurtured not; Searching for meaning; Self-critical; Superficial and Trivial; Uncared for; Unprotected.
44
“Twelve Jewels” Peter Tumminello Lapis Lazuli p. 243-258
84
The underlying cause: Embrace of the Mother, care and nurturing of the child. The fundamental problem is in the relationship between mother and child. It is an outstanding medicine for those who have not received the love they needed from their mother or for a mother who does not know how to give that love. It is common in the personal history that love has not been expressed: affection, kisses, hugs, loving support or that zealous protection that a natural mother affords her child in the threat of danger. Indicated in situations where carers were absent of unaware of the child’s needs. They will say that their mother was cold and distant, of that they were robbed of nurture. The lack of mothering, caring and nurturing generates an inability to see and to embrace the whole. The positive dimension of this perspective is that of a caring mother who looks after all the needs of her children and family, like Jung states in his book “The Four archetypes”, see page 56-57, the giver of all in abundance, like mother earth. Positive seed essence •
•
The resolution of this state is realizing that there is a bigger picture, that she can let go of the small things and detail to concentrate on seeing things from a higher perspective and not just focus on the problem at hand. There is a program that had to be removed; the program that the little things were the issues. She realises that she has chosen the painful, hard path, and that she always soldiered through. On letting this program go, she can see her way through, let go of remorse and punishment, and be understanding and compassionate to herself. Ultimately it is a move to embrace herself, to mother herself, to nurture herself and love herself. With this come love, nurturing, abundance and the ability to give birth to her real self.
The field and the sky.. Earth to the heavens •
The central issue in Lapis Lazuli often appears around the idea of the field. This word was used prominently in the proving and in cured cases. On one hand a person who is searching, digging in a defined place in the field. The field here means a place where you find a natural resource. This place is limited, a place of finite possibilities. Here she is only finding bareness. The other side of this is the sky, a place with a full aerial view, unlimited with unlimited possibilities. It envelopes everything. Lapis allows a sense of expansiveness and freedom, in terms of perspective, understanding, beauty and love.
Positive keywords Being; not searching; Big picture, sees; Blue sky; Communication intimate and meaningful; Compassionate with herself; Embraced, feels; Embraces, self; Embrace, the whole; Higher perspective; Loves, self; Mothering, self; Nurtures, self; Protected; Skyward, moving; Soft on self; Understanding.
85
4g. Key mental themes The amusement park •
It is as if he lives in an amusement park. He, his family & friends are all engaging in rides of pleasure and thrill. The world of materialism and the senses. Life is nothing but the seeking of material excitements, a superficial existence. When he realises this is empty and there is nothing there spurs his search for real connection, communication, love and nurturing. He needs to see the big picture, to let go of the old programs and travel beyond the superficial amusements of life to find a sense of meaning.
Communication, freedom of expression and connectedness •
•
Implicit to the search for meaning in Lapis is connection to others. It can be with partner, family or friends. Lapis may feel that the communication with others is ineffective, mundane or focused on the trivial or superficial. His relationships have descended into offensive nuances, the persistent chatter of superficialities, swearing or persistent arguments. There is a great desire to communicate on an intimate level, to exchange, understand, feel and experience that joy of togetherness. Lapis enables people to communicate and express their feelings and activates the throat charka. It may help autism and shy introverted individuals. It is excellent for personal articulation and the expression of buried emotions.
Grieving over death of the mother •
•
For people, especially women who are still mourning over the death of someone in the family long after the natural time. Mediterranean women who dress in black forever after such a death. These women have been totally focused on the trivial aspects of home and being a housewife. Having identified so deeply with their role of nurturer they are unable to receive nurture themselves. Their lives have become dead, empty and purposeless. In the loss of a loved one their whole world is lost and they themselves become as if dead and empty. The very process of being a mother seems to naturally invoke an eternity of loving, caring and protection that has the power to transcend death.
4h. Psyche Animals & colours • •
Many animals appear in meditations and dreams. The most prominent being the African Savannah animals. The characteristics of this are a profusion of wildlife. Colours: go hand in hand with the profusion of life. Deep aqua, jade, deep blue, deep purple; red, yellow, gold and black. Primary colours being red, yellow and blue.
Intellect •
It stimulates mental clarity and the ancients recommended it in dementia.
86
Mundane things and the mother •
There is much investment in the mundane things of life; they often become the whole focus, preventing perception of a bigger picture and the meaningful things in life. There can also be a frustration with these mundane things.
Character and dress • • •
Women in black and are in permanent mourning. Men who are coarse, ignorant and mouth off offensively. Refugees who are coming home.
4i. Spiritual themes Embracing the whole Earth • •
On the spiritual plane Lapis stimulates a movement from the small picture of our small human existence to the big picture of connectedness with everyone and everything, a sense of unity and universal loving. Lapis calls for nurturing and healing for all persons, beings and things on earth. It is a true movement to the bigger picture in which everyone is included in the loving acts and a healing poultice of motherly love is wrapped around the Earth.
Hanuman, the monkey god •
•
The monkey god of India appeared in the proving. He was a great warrior and inertly he was profoundly devoted to loving nature. Although a monkey and a warrior he is renowned for this gentlemanly manners, his etiquette, his great sensitivity and kindness even to foes. Sensitivity to the pain of others and at all times his motive was deep devotion to Rama, the Divine King of ancient India. The quality of this kindness, sensitivity and undying love link him to the love of the mother. Hanuman was the incarnation of strength, vitality and virility. In a cure case it was commented “my issue is about protection and strength, I had given my parents role to protect me”.
Throat charka •
Throat charka focuses on communication and has action on the voice and thyroid gland. Additionally cleaning the emotions through this charka is clearly indicated.
4j. Physical particulars Head: tension across the left side of forehead - occiput. SE of pressure in the head. Headache > cold applications. Face: Cracking tempero-mandibular joints for two days. Sudden formication; skin crawling on the left cheek.
87
Ears: Ear trouble and deafness. Eyes: Pulsation of the eyes when closed. Nose: Epistaxis from blowing the nose with substantial amount of blood for 5 days. Mouth: Right-sided stones in salivary duct reduced 50 percent on taking the medicine. Gumboils and gum pains. Teeth: Strong toothache in lower right back molar. SE went from a toothache to a feeling that is injected with anaesthetic, a full, heavy feeling; indicating use for the bad effects of tooth anaesthetics. Toothache. Throat: Constantly clearing the throat. Sometimes the voice cuts out completely. Voice irregular, can’t reach deeper tones. Strong sense of constriction in throat. Strong feeling it is acting on thyroid. Clear sensation of thyroid. Inflammations of oesophagus, larynx, upper bronchial passages and tonsillitis. Cancer of larynx. Disease of throat in general. Gastro-intestinal: Very sharp pain in the region of appendix (which had been removed years before). The pain woke him up and it took almost 1 hour. Nothing would reduce the pain. Biliousness. Male: Sharp persistent pain in left groin, adjacent with left testicle, as if being stabbed there. Conscious of nothing else until the pain subsides. Female: Menstruation that finished a few days before began all over again, lasting 6 days. Unsure if it is menses or just bloody discharge. Strong throbbing in uterus with sensation it is growing and filling the abdomen. Feels pressure as if a lump in uterus like a big head. As if I was trying to give birth. Protects from miscarriage but must be removed at the time of birth lest it keep up the child. Menopausal flushing. Respiratory: Aware of his breath is noisy. Disease of lungs. Chest: Cramping in the breast, specially the right, similar to “let down of breast milk”, experienced when the mother hears the baby cry. Back: SE of a great weight on the back of the neck, as though something was pushing down hard and heavy. Dream: of falling hard on her back. Extremities: SE of great heaviness in the limbs. Arthritis, gout and rheumatism. Upper limbs: SE as if had been carrying a heavy weight like a bundle of steel pipes on his left shoulder for a very long time. SE that this has pushed the musculature on the left shoulder down and it is very painful. Pain extends down to the left side of the spine to lower lumbar region. Woke at 4 am burning pain left elbow, and inflammation of the skin. Blister resembling a burn appears on elbow one hour later. Blister is slightly irregular in shape, round + -1 cm of diameter, 4 mm high, filled with fluid and the skin was very inflamed around the edges. It burst twice through the day and both times refilled with fluid.
88
Weakness of right arm. SE that my left hand is facing downwards when it is facing upwards. Pain in the tip of the third and fourth fingers of the right hand. Pain in the tip of the first finger of right hand. Sleep: Sound and refreshing. Insomnia. Fever: Used for quartan fever by the ancients. 45
Skin: Irritatingly sensitive to clothing. It was rubbed on plague boils of the middle ages. Boils, carbuncles and abscesses. Combined with white coral cures dermatitis. 4k. Generals • • • • • • • •
45
Tingling through the body for a minute leaving a sensation of warmth that lasts for some time. Surges of energy, buzzing and vibrating through the body. Floating sensation. Sudden trembling, a shudder through the whole body. Sensation of being hollow. Sides of body: left side feeling longer than the right side. It felt out of balance, almost as if left side was larger it would tip me over and smother the right side. Feeling of different sensation on my right than left side. Left side: Intuited to be a left-sided remedy. Sensation that left hand was facing downwards when in reality it was facing upwards. Pain left side of forehead; pain in shoulder and lower back; painful eruption on elbow; pain in groin. Right side: Right-sided salivary glands; lower back molar, pain in region of appendix, pain in breast, weak arm; pain in fingers tips. Lymphatic system: Pituitary and thymus gland are invigorated, as are sections of the vertebrae connected to the parasympathetic ganglia. Treats diseases of the spleen, lymph and thymus, as well as Hodgkin’s disease. A potent cleanser. Conditions: Apoplexy; blood disorders; diabetes; epilepsy; fainting; jaundice; neuralgia and spasmodic disorders, osteitis, TBC; urinary troubles. Food: desires exactly like that of Natrium Muriatricum.
Fever caused by malaria parasites with a periodicity of 72 hours (http://www.icp.ucl.ac.be/~opperd/parasites/terms.htm)
89
Chapter 5 The comparison of the provings Schadde –Timmerman; Tumminello –Timmerman. 5a. Schadde – Timmerman: Prominent differences & similarities. Schadde MIND SYMPTOMS & THEMES Animal themes, instinct & territories absent. Changing moods, euphoria # depression. Less prominent (1 prover). Unyielding (hard & unyielding with children). Does not express it as bullying or teasing. Not present. Not really present. Only depression with feeling of disintegration = end of life. Commitment, lack of. Feeling of not getting involved. Not really present. Only prover 8 experienced something similar that remains unconscious. Speaks of dimensions that he can only imagine. Absent. Absent. Relating to the rest of the world. Both isolation & happiness. Fears of water & Rain. Sensation of no defence.
Timmerman MIND SYMPTOMS & THEMES Lions, wolves, acute senses & territories. Changing moods melancholy # happiness. Anger, irritation # humour, laughing. Bullying, teasing, quarrelsome towards children, husband, and mother. Inner dark side – goals in life. Death, cemeteries, ghosts, elderly & terminal patients. Detachment, indifference, soberness. Different dimensions, wider view that goes above everyday understanding. Views about cruelty, boundaries. Ego – Selfishness – deeper understanding of dynamics of the Ego. Egypt, mummies, walking into the other world. Excitement, joy, feeling happy.
Fears of threat with danger, of what future brings trituration. Fear associated with good-byes and death. Absent. Freedom, wanting to break bonds and ties. Concentration better or lack of concentration. Concentration better or lack of concentration. Awareness & clear thoughts. Sluggishness general with heaviness of Hard & Heavy, too much to bear. Falling limbs, motionless, apathetic. asleep. Weakness. Cold (ice) a lot less prominent. ICE COLD (Mental & Physical). Associations with snow, ice, winters & concentration camps. Retreat, inward, desire to be by oneself. Introspection. Rage/Anger. Irritation. Violent & explosive anger. Very prominent. Absent. Past, war, Nazis & Jews. During preparation of the remedy (trituration Peaceful, confident, sacred feeling, warmth.
90
up to C3). Not after that. Grief/Sorrow/Weeping. Feeling abandoned. Being rushed. Greed – gluttony. Delusion being pregnant. Smell illusions absent. Order and structure. Organizes a lot and cleans up. Prophecy, premonition. Water, floods, fear of rain.
Schadde PHYSICALS (differences) Vertigo – more vertigo symptoms & modalities. Head – Eruptions & falling off hair. Eyes – No eruptions, nor burning pain. Vision – Dim. Ear – general pain on blowing nose. Nose – No imaginary odours, nor acute smells. Face – Cracked lips & formication. Mouth – Taste metallic. Eruptions, Numbness & Salivation. External throat – swelling of glands. Stomach – Pain cutting, drawing, stitching. Stool – many more symptoms & modalities. Rectum – Bleeding. Kidneys/Bladder – burning. Female – Leucorrhoea brown. Respiration – Impeded. Back – more symptoms & modalities. Dreams – Churches, falling into abyss, floating, prophetic, water and witches. Food – desires chicken, cucumbers, milk. Aversion – raw vegetables
Grief, sorrow, forsaken feeling (with palpitation & stitching pains in heart) Feeling pressure, anxiety about time, rushed feeling. Time passes slowly, letting go of time. Sudden feeling of hunger. Absent. Swelling of breasts and abdomen not associated with pregnancy. Delusions smelling sharp, cold things. Order and structure. Cleaning, washing, clearing up. Presentiment of death. Prover 11 did mention Hurricane Katrina, C5 trituration. Basically absent, Sea is mentioned but no fears about it.
Timmerman PHYSICALS (differences) Light headed & vertigo. Absent. Eruptions & burning pains in eyes. Blurred & tired sensation. Pressing & Stitching pains. Less Epistaxis symptoms (just one prover (3). Absent. Taste bitter or sweetish. The rest of the symptoms absent. Torticollis drawn to the left. Pain burning & cramping (with anger or fear) Dry stool (1 prover (3). Absent rectum symptoms or not mentioned. Kidneys/Bladder – see C40/4 symptoms. Absent leucorrhoea or not mentioned. Slow & Deep. Sighing. Absent or not mentioned. Dreams – Animals bitten, stung by; cruelty; daily events, past events long, war, quarrels and family. Food – desires sweets, artichokes. Aversion – bitter vegetables.
91
Schadde GENERALS (differences) Internal trembling. Pain as if crushed. Desire for motion. Absent. Absent. Less prominent. Absent. Yawning absent.
Timmerman GENERALS (differences) Absent or not mentioned. Absent or not mentioned. Absent or not mentioned. Desire colour blue. Symptoms lasting for a week or two. Itching all over. Dryness of mucus membranes. Cold, tired & yawning.
92
5b. Conclusion from comparing Schadde – Timmerman. Anne Schadde did triturate the remedy up to C3 to potentize it to a C30, which was the potency used for the proving. As explained before, in the trituration proving the substance is triturated up to a C5-level (2 hours longer than a C3). These triturations are the main information source for the trituration proving. So basically the preparation of the remedy in the beginning of both provings is the same, the substance needs to be grinded or triturated in order to be able to potentize it further. The reason for this is that the stone in its ungrounded form would never dissolve in water and its healing powers would never come apparent . 46
In Schadde’s proving there are a lot more modalities mentioned in the physical symptoms. This can be due to a more thorough follow up of the provers and their symptoms. In Hahnemannian provers a supervisor is assigned to every prover or every two provers . The meaning for this is not to miss any information, like modalities and observations and to make symptoms as complete as possible. So the loss of information is most probable in the trituration proving, since there was no supervisor assigned to each prover. Provers were basically writing down the symptoms their own and sharing them afterwards in the group meetings. Often, if people are not reminded of something unusual remains ignored or is just forgotten, this is the disadvantage of such trituration provings but it could be avoided by assigning supervisor/s to a small group of provers, this of course takes more time and effort to be put into the whole process and sometimes that is not possible due to people’s everyday responsibilities. 47
In Schadde’s proving though there is a lack of C4 level awareness, the possible real cause behind the symptoms remains unfolded. There is no mention of cruelty possibly being behind the anger, nor lack of warmth and nurture from the mother. Prover 8 does mention the feeling of other dimensions that he can not reach because of the “not wanting to see” attitude. In the trituration proving this is expressed as superficial way to dealing with things, ignoring or suppressing them. There is also no C5 level or archetypical information in which the archetype of the mother is mentioned, only the physical aspect of the mother is expressed in the form of “Delusion being pregnant”, which peculiar enough is absent in the trituration provings, since no prover expressed that particular feeling or association. Most of symptoms are otherwise the same or similar, just expressed in other words by the provers and there are other symptoms that are completely absent in either one of the provings, this can have to do with the provers susceptibility or the fact that there has been some information lost. It can also be due to the provers groups, Schadde used 12 provers for the proving, in the trituration proving there were 20 provers . In this case it does not seem to have anything to do with the method the remedy is prepared by, as it is almost the same. The grinded stone is in the remedy either way. 48
49
46
Samuel Hahnemann “Organon der Geneeskunst” 6th edition p. 145-146 ECCH Recommended Guidelines for Good Provings (www.homeopathy-ecch.org/provings.html) 48 Samuel Hahnemann “Organon der Geneeskunst” 6 th edition p. 76, p. 79 49 Samuel Hahnemann “Organon der Geneeskunst, 6th edition p. 83 47
93
Very important is to recognize that the symptoms mentioned from the trituration of Lapis Lazuli for Schadde’s proving were basically the same as the ones experienced by the provers in The Hague. Some examples of these symptoms are : 50
-
Sensation of awareness and clarity. Sensation of meditative calm and relaxation. Gazing into empty space. Slow oncoming sadness, melancholy with the sensation of constriction in the chest, as if something was weighting on the chest. She has to take deep breaths; it feels burdensome, which makes her sad. Cardiac irregularity. Burning of the eyes. Pressure on ears. Stabbing in left ear. Pleasantly cool sensation on the body’s surface.
The conclusion to this would be that the substances give away the same kind of information if prepared the same or similar way and that the slight alteration or differences in symptoms can be mostly due to susceptibility of the provers and loss of information. It seems to be true though that as claimed by the C4-practicing homeopaths , triturating the substance up to C4 and C5 level does add extra information that mostly remains unveiled in a regular proving. It may be possible to gain this kind of information by other methods, like meditation. Peter Tumminello is known for adding meditation provings to his Hahnemannian provings. 51
5c. Tumminello – Timmerman: Prominent differences & similarities. Tumminello KEY MENTAL ASPECTS The amusement park: the world of materialism and the senses, a superficial existence. Communication with others: ineffective, mundane, and focused on the trivial. Persistent arguments. Grieving over death of the mother. Focussing on trivial things, their life is dead. Animals: African Savannah Animals Colours: deep aqua, jade, deep blue, purple, yellow, red, gold and black. Intellect: stimulates mental clarity. Character & dress: women in black, in permanent mourning. Refugees coming home.
Tumminello 50 51
Timmerman KEY MENTAL ASPECTS Suppressing, ignoring the reality, detaching from feelings. Quarrelling with family members, introspection because it is all in vain. Grieving in general, heavy pain, also related to death but not only mother, but dear ones. Association with death & terminal patients. Wolves, lions, snakes, fish Colours: blue, dark blue, orange, yellow, gold and black. Clear senses, awareness & mental clarity. Absent or not mentioned.
Timmerman
Anne Schadde “ Listening to Stone, Wood and Shell” p. 26 For instance the ones who introduced this method: Gerhard Lang and Jürgen Becker. (http://www.hahnemanninstituut.nl/introc4.html)
94
SPIRITUAL THEMES Embracing the Earth: from small picture to bigger picture. Hanuman: the monkey God. Represents selfless nurturing & protecting.
Tumminello PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS Head symptoms, pressure in head Face: pain in jaws; crawling in cheek Ear: trouble and deafness Eyes: Pulsation when closed Nose: Epistaxis from blowing the nose Mouth: Stones in salivary glands. Gum pains Teeth: Toothache, full heavy feeling, as from anaesthetics Throat: Clearing the throat, no voice or irregular. Constriction in throat Gastro-intestinal: sharp pain in region appendix (removed years before) Male: Sharp pains in groins Female: Menses subsides and comes back. Throbbing in uterus. SE pressure in uterus like a big head (birth giving). Menopausal flushing Respiratory: aware of breath, noisy Chest: cramping in chest, similar to let down of breast milk Back: SE weight on the back of neck, hard & heavy as if pushing down. Extremities: heaviness
SPIRITUAL THEMES C3 & C4 levels give information about letting go of ego (small things) to focus on the bigger picture (wider view) and freedom from mundane things. The Mother: Symbolized by Mother Mary. Represents selfless love & nurturing.
Timmerman PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS Head symptoms, pressure & headache. Flushes of heat Face: cramp in jaws. Absent Ear: heat, noises and pain Eyes: Burning pains, tired sensation, Lachrymation, swelling and eruptions Nose: imaginary odours, epistaxis, irritation, dryness, discharges Mouth: Dryness, bitter & sweetish taste No symptoms, only dreams of broken teeth (3, 13) Throat: choking during the day. Constriction Stomach/abdomen: swelling, cramping pains, nausea, belching, flatulence & rumbling Male: absent (just one male prover 6) Menses: copious with swelling of mammae. Increased sexual desire. Flushes of heat in face also associated with menopause. Slow & deep, sighing Constriction, eruptions, swelling, oppression, palpitations & stitching pains (with grief & anger) Sore & stitching pains, heat & itching
Skin: sensitive to clothing, boils, carbuncles and abscesses
Coldness, cramps, heaviness, numbness & cramping, drawing pains Sleep: interrupted, unrefreshed, overpowering sleepiness Skin: dry, wrinkled, shrivelled (like mummies)
Tumminello
Timmerman
Sleep: sound and refreshing. Insomnia
95
GENERALS Tingling with sensation of warmth Surges of energy, buzzing & vibrating. Floating sensation. Trembling Sides of body: Left Lymphatic system Food desires, exactly like Nat-m . Salty things (3)Beer, bitter drinks/food, farinaceous, fish, milk, oysters (2) 52
GENERALS Warmth & perspiration of extremities Lack of energy. Floating sensation (1) Left, left to right Swelling of glands (16) Food: desires chocolate, sweets Aversion: bitter vegetables (artichokes & chicory) (3)
Chocolate, coffee, cold drinks & food, pasta (1) 5d. Conclusion from comparing Tumminello – Timmerman. At first sight it seems quite obvious that the differences between Tumminello’s proving (from Immersion) and the one in The Hague are a lot more prominent than between Schadde’s proving and Timmerman’s. In this case we need to take into consideration that the method of preparation of the remedy is different. Tumminello did not choose to grind or triturate the stone but made a “Bach- remedy” out of it (see beginning page 83). This might be the reason why most of the symptoms seem to be different. There are some similarities as you can see in the tables above but the differences (in Italic) are much more prominent. The peculiarity about the Australian proving is that besides taking the remedy, there were meditation sessions upon the substance, which in this case, delivered the spiritual or aetiology of the pathology in this remedy that we can not find in Schadde’s proving. In Tumminello’s proving the essence of the remedy is given as: “It is about someone that focuses on small, trivial, superficial things and therefore can not see the big picture, the purpose of his life and the abundance of natural love & nurturing available around him. It seems then easier to avoid the pain by not wanting to see and focussing on a superficial existence that ultimately will lead to melancholy and isolation, and not being able to find the way to the bigger picture, the light or spirituality”. According to Tumminello’s proving the cause of this is a lack of love and or nurturing by the own mother in childhood. Tumminello’s conclusion about the essence of the remedy comes closer to the C4-C5 information of Timmerman’s trituration in which the archetypical figure of the Mother appears in the form of mother Mary, the one who brings light in time of darkness. Throughout the trituration proving we see indeed some sort of superficial way of communicating with others, blaming others, not wanting to see yourself and therefore suppressing emotions. In the trituration proving there seems to be an unbearable grief and darkness that is brought on by life’s cruelty, in which eventually the love and nurturing of the mother (Mary) will bring on the solution and relief. But it does not directly link this grief to the death of the mother and it does not literally tell that is due to a lack of love and nurturing although we could conclude that the pain and grief, the death and darkness are there when the mother is not, and they disappear when she comes back. 52
Frans Vermeulen “Prisma” Arcana of Materia Medica Illuminated p. 967
96
So the conclusion to this comparison would be that in this case the way in which the remedy is prepared does alter the outcome of the symptoms, at least partially, there are different and new symptoms added to the remedy’s picture. It seems to be so that this method is more effective in revealing spiritual information than a regular Hahnemannian proving, even though this could be due to the meditation techniques added to this proving and not only due to the susceptibility of the provers. Chapter 6 Differential Diagnoses
53
Going back to my comments on 2e (page 24) about the issues to be expected in Lapis Lazuli according to its components proved out to be pretty close. In the provings we have indeed seen problems with relating to others; grief & introspection, need for attention and forsaken feeling, ego problems, religion, spirituality, difficulty with sharing things (deep emotions). The feelings of being used or abused and the battling and struggling seem to be a bit less prominent; these are more Ferrum issues which are also found in Lapis Lazuli in small amounts. What we do see is the fighting (quarrelsome), battling, concentration problems and haemorrhages from nose and anus (Schadde 4b page 72). On the physical level we see among other symptoms and sensations coldness and heat, dryness, gland affections, headaches, thirst, and haemorrhages, most of these themes were already expected (2e page 24). Therefore we could conclude that the components in a substance bring out similar or the same symptoms as they would by themselves. Example: substances containing alumina would bring out dryness, which is a prominent feature in the remedy Alumina. Since Lapis has a lot of symptoms in common with Alumina, Silica, Calcium Carbonicum, Sulphur, Natrium Muriatricum, etc I am just going to list the differences that are worth mentioned for being completely different or opposite, I also mention a general list of similarities. All the information about detailed similarities can be found in any good Materia Medica book. 6a. Themes of remedy groups (Aid for making DD’s) Minerals
Structure & organisation/break in structure & organisation. Breaking of relationships or failure in performance. Systematic personalities and highly organised. Cations: need for a relationship. Sodium & Potassium: forming relationships. Magnesium, calcium, Strontium, Barium: need for support. Boron, Aluminium: confusion & sensation of a cobweb in the face. Anions: effort to keep or maintain a relationship. Phosphorus, Arsenic, Antimony, Bismuth. Feeling of being unloved & alone. Fear of being alone, desire for company & clinging. Sulphur & Selenium. Aversion to company & incapacity to work. Making an enormous effort which is expected from them. Halogens: Fluorine, Chlorine, Bromine, Iodine. Feeling of being let down & betrayed.
53
Boericke & Phatak “De complete Materia Medica” by Frans Vermeulen.
97
Non-metallic elements: Carbon & Silica: Both non-reactive.
Gems
Metals
Plants
Acids: Struggle followed by collapse in the situation of that element. (Phosphorus, etc) Rare, special, beautiful, magic. Transformation & opposite forces. Darkness/Death – Light/Rebirth. Family & relationships. Order & perfection. Instinct VS what you are expected to do. Passion & Obsession. Performance & defence. Manganese, Iron, Cobalt, Nickel, Copper & Zinc are more concerned with defence than with performance. Rhodium, Palladium, Silver, Cadmium & Indium are more concerned with performance than defence. Osmium, Iridium, Platinum, Gold, Mercury and Thallium (heaviest metals) have strong issues about performance & defence.
Sensitivity. Sensitive to environment. Adjusting & adapting to environment. Irregular patterns rounded & disorganised. Present complaints in this way too. Many modalities (related to sensitivity). Causative factor is strain or hurt, emotional or physical. “I am affected, I am sensitive, This hurts me, I can not bear it.. Anacardiaceae: Caught, stiff, tension, stuck, cramps, pressing. RHUS-T, ANAC. Berberidaceae: Sudden, intense, rapid, changeability (mental & physical). BERB, CAUL. Cactaceae: Constricted, made smaller, shrunk, contracted, bound, trapped, and pressed. Oppressed, weighted down. ANH. Compositae: Injured, hurt or insulted, shocked, burnt or scalded, fear to be touched, hurt, approached. ARN, CALEN, CHAM, CHINA, ABROT, BELL-P. Conifers: fragile, broken, brittle, connected/disconnected, empty/fullness. Cut off/fragmented. THUJ, SAB. Euphorbiaceae: tied and untied, bound/unbound. MANC, HURA. Hamamelidae: Compressed, heavy, pressing, load, limited, dragging, fixed, confined. Opposite: lightness & flying. CANN-S CANN-I. Labiatae: Excitement: vivid, pleasant, tremulous with perspiration, trembling, overwhelmed, passionate. AGN, ORIG. Leguminosae: Splitting apart, coming apart, scattered, bound together, fragmented. BAPT, LATH. Liliflorae: forced out, squeezed, excluded, oppressed, constrained. Left out, there is no interest in me. I am neglected. VERAT, SARS, ALONE, SABAD, LIL-T. Loganiaceae: shocked, shock so sudden that paralyses, shattered, torn to pieces, disappointment, ruined. NUXV, SPIG, GELS, IGN, CUR. Magnolia: Confusion, bewildered, strange, feels isolated cause of this, reaction is withdrawal into a familiar shell. CAMPH, NUX-M. Malvales: attached/detached, joined and separated, together and then separated. CHOC, ABEL KOLA. Papaveraceae: pain, intense pain, hurt with great intensity, torture, intense suffering. Punished, murdered, executed, violence, fright & shock. Agony & hell. SANG, OP. Primulaceae: unable to move because of paralytic pressure and lame sensation. CYCL Ranunculaceae: vexed, excited easily, raw nerves, morbidly sensitive, electric shock, irritability, excessive anger with grief, guilt, shock and annoyed, distress, harassed. Insulted dreams, vexatious. Sharp, stitching stabbing & stinging pain. ACON, HELL, RAN-B, PULS, CIMIC, STAPH, HYDR, CLEM. Rubiaceae: over stimulation, which agg. Many desire, fantasies, fancies, tobacco, alcohol, sex and other stimulants agg. Joy agg. COFF, IP. Scrophulariaceae: bonds and connection are not strong, so they want to hold to very tightly and the connection breaks then fear, fright and delusion start. EUPH, GRAT, VERB. Solanaceae: violence, sudden, splitting, bursting, exposure, spasmodic, jerking, shooting, apoplexy, violent terror, pursued, murder, life and death, killed, snakes. Theme of black and white, light and dark. BELL, STRAM, HYOS, CAPS, DULC. Umbelliferae: sudden unexpected violence or attack, accident, blows, riots, stab, topped with numbness, stupefaction, dullness & sleep. OEN, AETH, SUMB, ASAF, PHEL, CON, CIC. Violales: physical level: cutting, stabbing, lancinating, sharp. Mental: vexation, does not want to be disturbed. BRY, VIOL-T, VIOL-O.
Trees
Tradition, growth, old, wise, death, life after death. Stability, steadiness, found, center, unchangeable, reserved, conservative, stiff, rheumatism, rooted, strong, heavy. Function: shelter, nourishment, parenthood, shadow,
98
caring for others, strong responsibility, oppressive protectiveness, communication, danger/insecurity, judgment. Dominance, control, wanting to reach the sky (religious), dignity, serene. Rough/rude, frail/brittle, transcendence, floating sensation. Ailments from anticipation. Lack of creativity, inspiration. Isolation, resignation, introvert, emptiness. Connection, communication, opposite, duality, loss of identity. Animals
Conflict, basis split within the self. Animal side & human side. Animal side is concerned with competition, need to attract attention, attractive in behaviour and appearance. Deceitful, malicious & aggressive. Expressions: by human beings, human beings are cruel, I feel split up, I jump at them. Disappointment in love and performance, from being looked down upon, from being attacked. Survival, competition, use/abuse, forced, attraction, sexuality, ego, attack/defend. Insects: Industrious, hyperactive, hurry, excited, anger, fear of water, death, of being attacked, injured, jealousy, crushed, stamped, insulted, destructive, mean, adulterous, vivacious, lewd, shrieking, sensitive to vibrations, pains stitching & burning, big appetite, meat eaters. Small, hopeless, alone, dirty, wants attention, loquacious, dancing and revenge. Parasites: Selfish, rude, cursing, ambitious in a cold manner: want to be the best, avarice, want to eat the most, photophobia, alternating states. Snakes: Forsaken feeling, SE constriction, fear of being choked, violent, desire to hide, manipulative, suspicious, antagonism with the self, loquacity, lack of morals, show and appearance, one sided-symptoms, sensitive to temperature, congestion, swollen sensation, sense of persecution, strong fear & dreams of snakes, demand attention, clairvoyance, guilt feelings, I am bad, religious affections, marked PMS, < Sleeping. Sea animals: heavy/light, tired/energetic, tied up/freedom, suffocation/open space, conflicts with: protection, financial dependence, domination (male/female), criticize, rape, cheat, external marital affairs, pressure. Detached/disconnected, I am not myself, Hard, cold, reduced sexual desire. Different world, Calm, fun loving, elation/excitement. Fear of snakes & reptiles. Milk < Birds: flying and freedom, overview, light and flight, feathers and touch, singing, voice, family group orientated, speed and metabolism, light, dark, spirituality. Trapped, need for freedom, bound. Negativity, sexuality. Vulnerable, indifferent, caring, ravenous appetite. Mammals: Belonging to group, herd and paying the price for that, connection with family (father, mother, siblings). Safety within the group. Fight for the supremacy within the group. Conflict with self over control of sexuality. Dirty feeling, self critical. History of abuse. Fear of snakes. Problems with breasts before menses, problems with breast-feeding. Caring for young ones.
Nosodes
Desperation, this desperation is expressed in every sphere of the life of a person. Always a desperate way to look at things. Activity.
99
6b. Minerals/Metals – remarkable differences & common traits. Alumina – Lapis Lazuli: -
-
Alumina has dryness of mucus membranes & skin plus a tendency to faulty motoric paralysis with coordination problems. In Lapis Lazuli we see motion problems that have to do with rheumatic or arthritic processes. (Unable to stretch out legs & painProver 16/C3). No coordination problems. Confusion of identity is absent in Lapis Lazuli: Lapis wonders more about the goals and purpose of life (Provers 10, 12, 13 C3). Alumina – no heat or violent sensations and symptoms, has only lack of heat. Eyes – Alumina dryness, Lapis lachrymation (Prover 2 C1) Menses – scanty, in Lapis profuse (Prover 7 C4).
Alumina: dryness, lack of concentration, confusion, being hurried, gastrointestinal problems. Silica – Lapis Lazuli: -
Silica has a prominent lack of confidence and is very sensitive and yielding. In Lapis we see more of an indifference to others, communication problems and not yielding, rigid attitudes and quarrelling (3, 7, 17 C1). Menses too early and scanty. Lapis profuse with swelling of breasts (Prover 7 C4). Slow, chronic processes, no violent symptoms.
Silica: Neurasthenic symptoms and increased irritability of the nervous system & strengthen reflexes. Abscesses (see also Tumminello’s proving of Lapis under Skin & Generals page 87) & lymphatic symptoms (throat, tonsils). Calcium Carbonicum – Lapis Lazuli: -
Calcium does not want to be seen by others, Lapis does not want to see himself. Again, slow processes in Calcium, especially lymphatic, rather violent symptoms in Lapis (Prover 1, 7, 11, 17, C1/C3). Profuse perspiration of Calcium, Lapis a lot more dryness (of skin, mucus membranes, stool). Calcium can not bear cruelty and it affects him a lot. Lapis experiences more of soberness and indifference (1, 3, 9, 10, 11, 12, 17 C1-C4)
Calcium Carbonicum: Gland affections, skin and bones. Issues with food & eating. Ice coldness, to the bones. Sulphur – Lapis Lazuli: -
Sulphur seems to be untidy; Lapis wants order & cleanness around him. Sulphur is < Bathing, Lapis wants to wash off (Prover 1/C1 16/C1). < Warmth, Lapis > warmth of sun.
Sulphur: heat, congestion, burning & redness. Lack of reality. Do not listen to anybody, want to be the centre of attention. Desires sweets.
100
Natrium Muriatricum – Lapis Lazuli: -
This remedy is the most similar to Lapis. It is hard to find any remarkable differences. Periodicity of Nat-m is not (yet) seen in Lapis. Nat-m is worse 9-11 am. Lapis seems to be worse at night (cold, sleeplessness & pain – Schadde)
Natrium Muriatricum: Depression, forsaken feeling, withdrawal & suppressed grief, easily hurt, headaches, dryness. Bitterness about what has been done to him. Muriatricums – Lapis Lazuli: -
Feeling of pity & unfairness Self pity from a need to be nurtured and cared for. Problems with the mother, mother figure. Want of attention & lost hope of getting it. Themes of water & the sea (Schadde).
Arsenic – Lapis Lazuli: -
Fear of death of Arsenic is not present in Lapis. Death seems like a rather appealing option (Aurum) (4, 3, 6, 7, 17 C1-C3). Arsenic’s drinks often but small sips. Lapis drinks a couple of glasses of water after each other (1, 17/C1) Arsenic > company. Lapis aversion to company.
Arsenic: Restlessness, anxiety, fear, obsession for tidiness & weariness, lack of heat. Burning pains. Quarrelsome, materialistic and cruel. Terminal patients. Aurum – Lapis Lazuli: -
Aurum, also suicidal from pains, Lapis more sadness. Aurum, workaholic, industrious but with ambition and strong sense of responsibility. Lapis does not seem to have that kind of ambition, does not need to be at the top. Lapis indifference to work, can not concentrate there (1, 16) Aurum > Cold bathing. Putrid taste in mouth, Lapis, bitter (3), sweetish (5) & metallic (Schadde)
Aurum: Depressed, melancholic mood (everything black inside, life has no value). Suicidal. Mental exertion. Reserved & alone; no friends, just a few superficial contacts. Heaviness. Congestion in various organs. Mercury – Lapis Lazuli: -
Mercury is sensitive to temperatures, to cold. Lapis ice coldness to the bones. Mercury skin, almost constantly moist, (persistent dryness of skin contraindicates Mercury), Lapis dry skin, shrivelled, like a mummy (17). Mercury, profuse salivation during sleep. Lapis dryness of mucus membranes & also mouth (11, 20).
101
Mercury: Memory weakened and loss of will power. Weary of life. Time passes slowly. Extremely closed. Quarrelsome complaining of relations and surroundings. Indifference to everything. Cruelty, mischief. Dreams of water & floods, trembling in limbs (Schadde). Ferrum – Lapis Lazuli: -
A lot more similarities than differences. Anger in Lapis seems to be more prominent & violent. Ferrum does not seem to be suicidal, loathing of life or any of these symptoms. Lapis does (1, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 15, 17).
Ferrum: Irritability. Desire solitude. Alternation of moods. Circulation problems. Headaches. Argentum Nitricum – Lapis Lazuli: -
Arg-n: can not hide his feelings. Lapis can not hide his anger, though he tries. Arg-n: desires sweets & < sweets. Lapis does not < from sweets. Arg-n: one of the hottest remedies. Lapis ice cold. Arg-n: desires company to express feelings, Lapis avoids company, does not want to share feelings, only when it seems too much (7). Arg-n: loud eructations. Lapis, not in the proving.
Argentum Nitricum: Anticipation, hurry, anxiety when time is set. Brain fag, weakness of memory. Distension, flatulence in abdomen. Causticum – Lapis Lazuli: -
Caust has a lot more sympathy and issues with the group. Lapis has more tendency to isolation. Caust paralysis due to damage in nervous system & then muscles. Lapis’s pathology seems to focus more on rheumatic like complaints (Schadde/16) Caust > wet weather, > sips of cold water. Aversion to sweets. Lapis does not seem to have these modalities, has a strong desire for sweets. (7, 8)
Causticum: Anxious forebodings, can not stand injustice & sensitive to authority. Chronic grief. Fanatism & rigidity. Quarrelsome & excitable. Phosphor Acid – Lapis Lazuli: -
Ph-ac: mild & yielding disposition. Lapis seems to be more of a rigid or quarrelsome type (page 38/39). Ph-ac: craves fruit & juicy refreshing things mainly. Ph-ac: strong debility from loss of fluids. Lapis does not.
Ph-ac: ailments from prolonged grief, disappointed love, homesickness. Apathetic, burn-out state. Weakness & indolence. Indifference. Poor memory, can not collect his ideas, hunts for words.
102
6c. Plants/Trees Ranunculaceae: vexed, excited easily, raw nerves, morbidly sensitive, electric shock, irritability, excessive anger with grief, guilt, shock and annoyed, distress, harassed. Insulted dreams, vexatious. Sharp, stitching stabbing & stinging pain. ACON, HELL, RAN-B, PULS, CIMIC, STAPH, HYDR, CLEM. In Lapis Lazuli we also see the nervousness, excessive anger and grief & some stitching pains. The difference would be though that Lapis does have other minerals traits & themes of the mineral and gem kingdom.
Aconite – Lapis Lazuli: -
Aconite: fear of death, Lapis indifference to death (4, 6) Aconite: Loquacity, Lapis more prominent taciturnity (1, 16) Aconite: acute states, Lapis more chronic (contains minerals) Aconite: no suppression possible, too violent & fast. Panicky. Acute.
Aconite: fear, restlessness, & presentiment of death. Violent symptoms. Panic states. Rheumatism, numbness & tingling in extremities. Restless, nervous. Clairvoyance. Palpitation with anxiety or fear of death. Violales: physical level: cutting, stabbing, lancinating, sharp. Mental: vexation, does not want to be disturbed. BRY, VIOLT, VIOL-O.
Bryonia – Lapis Lazuli: -
Bryonia: desire to go home, Lapis feeling needs to say good-bye to home, family (16). Bryonia: fear of poverty. Lapis Delusion starving (Schadde). Bryonia: not hindered by emotions, business orientated. Lapis is hindered by emotions. Bryonia: < motion, Lapis moves about in anger (1)
Bryonia: dryness of mucus membranes. Irritability, indisposition to talk, desire to be alone. Materialistic. Thirst for large quantities. Trees: Tradition, growth, old, wise, death, life after death. Stability, steadiness, found, center, unchangeable, reserved, conservative, stiff, rheumatism, rooted, strong, heavy. Function: shelter, nourishment, parenthood, shadow, caring for others, strong responsibility, oppressive protectiveness, communication, danger/insecurity, judgment. Dominance, control, wanting to reach the sky (religious), dignity, serene. Rough/rude, frail/brittle, transcendence, floating sensation. Ailments from anticipation. Lack of creativity, inspiration. Isolation, resignation, introvert, emptiness. Connection, communication, opposite, duality, loss of identity. Again we see some common themes here but also big differences between the mineral/gem world and the plant/trees world. The common theme here would be death, life after death, rheumatism & communication troubles.
Lycopodium – Lapis Lazuli: -
Lycopodium: fear of responsibility, aversion to marriage, etc. Lapis is family orientated (Tumminello, Schadde). Anticipation, fear of speaking in public. Lapis does not fear this (17)
Lycopodium: bloated abdomen, flatulence, desires sweets. Egotism. Ravenous hunger stops after a mouth full. Skin dry & wrinkled. Unrefreshed sleep. Ego problems.
103
Literature Books on Homeopathy Luc de Schepper, “Homeopathy and the Periodic Table”, Volume I Full of Life Publishing 2003 Jan Scholten, “Homeopathie en de elementen”, Stichting Alonissos 1996 Jan Scholten, “Homeopathy & Minerals”, Drukkerij Haasbeek 1993 J. Sherr, “The Dynamics & Methodology of homeopathic provings”, Dynamis Books 1994 Anne Schadde “Listening to Stone, Wood and Shell”, Homoeopathic M. Publishers 2004 Peter Tumminello, “ Twelve Jewels”, The Medicine Way Frans Vermeulen, “Concordant Materia Medica”, Emryss Publishers 1994 Frans Vermeulen, “Prisma, The Arcana of Materia Medica Illuminated”, Emryss 2002 Frans Vermeulen, “De complete Materia Medica Boericke & Phatak”, Elmar 1991 Rajan Sankaran, “An Insight into Plants” Volume I, Homoeopathic M. Publishers 2002 Rajan Sankaran, “The Soul of Remedies”, Homoeopathic M. Publishers 1997 Rajan Sankaran, “The Sensation in Homeopathy”, Homoeopathic M. Publishers 2004 R. C Otter, Het Relationele Homeopathische Woordenboek, 2nd edition, Lutra Services 2000 Samuel Hahnemann, “Organon der Geneeskunst” 6th edition Dutch version, Homeovisie 3rd edition 1996 E. Price," Provings of Drugs" Homeopathic seminar notes Peter Tumminello, Seminar The Hague May 2005 Jürgen Becker, Seminars The Hague November 2004 & 2005 Jenny Tree, Seminar The Hague February 2006 Divya Chabbra, Seminar The Hague April 2006 Homeopathic Software RADAR version 9.1 (Synthesis Repertory) Divers J.C Cooper, “An Illustrated encyclopaedia of traditional symbols”, Thames & Hudson 1979 C.G Jung, “ Four Archetypes”, Princeton 1969 C. G Jung, “ De mens en zijn symbolen” 1966, Lemniscaat Coelho, “Zakwoordenboek der geneeskunde”, Elsevier 26th version 2000 Internet websites http://geology.about.com/library/weekly/aa062198.htm http://www.gemhut.com/info.htm http://webmineral.com/data/Lazurite.shtml http://www.ganoksin.com/borisat/nenam/formation-of-gem.htm http://www.jjkent.com/articles/history-medicine-lapis-armenus.htm http://www.suevematsu.com/lapis_lazuli.html http://www.tradeshop.com/gems/lapis.html http://galleryvoltaire.com/lapis.html http://www.crucible.org/gem_elixir3.htm http://www.online-literature.com/yeats/777/ http://www.gemstone.org/gem-by-gem/english/lapis.html http://astrological-jewelry.com/ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lapis_lazuli http://www.trytel.com/~jfalt/Oth-art/archetypes.html http://www.meertens.knaw.nl/medewerkers/theo.meder/sprookje/doornroosje.html http://www.bartleby.com/76/1.html http://www.homeopathy-ecch.org/content/view/24/41/ http://www.dharma-haven.org/thrangu-medicine-buddha.htm http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=crystals http://www.answers.com http://skeptic.com/collectiveun.html http://jungianarchpsych.com http://dutchflowerlink.nl http://icp.ucl.ac.be http://hahnemanninstituut.nl/introc4.html
104
APPENDIX A Lapis Lazuli POEM 54 I have heard that hysterical women say they are sick of the palette and fiddle-bow. Of poets that are always gay, For everybody knows or else should know That if nothing drastic is done Aeroplane and Zeppelin will come out. Pitch like King Billy bomb-balls in until the town laid beaten flat. All perform their tragic play, There struts Hamlet, there is Lear, That's Ophelia, that Cordelia; Yet they, should the last scene be there, The great stage curtain about to drop, If worthy their prominent part in the play, Do not break up their lines to weep. They know that Hamlet and Lear are gay; Gaiety transfiguring all that dread. All men have aimed at, found and lost; Black out; Heaven blazing into the head: Tragedy wrought to its uttermost. Though Hamlet rambles and Lear rages, And all the drop-scenes drop at once Upon a hundred thousand stages, It cannot grow by an inch or an ounce. On their own feet they came, or On shipboard,' Camel-back; horse-back, ass-back, mule-back, Old civilisations put to the sword. Then they and their wisdom went to rack: No handiwork of Callimachus, Who handled marble as if it were bronze, Made draperies that seemed to rise When sea-wind swept the corner, stands; His long lamp-chimney shaped like the stem Of a slender palm, stood but a day; All things fall and are built again, And those that build them again are gay. Two Chinamen, behind them a third, Are carved in lapis lazuli, Over them flies a long-legged bird, A symbol of longevity; The third, doubtless a serving-man, Carries a musical instrument. Every discoloration of the stone, Every accidental crack or dent, Seems a water-course or an avalanche, Or lofty slope where it still snows Though doubtless plum or cherry-branch Sweetens the little half-way house Those Chinamen climb towards, and I Delight to imagine them seated there; There, on the mountain and the sky, On all the tragic scene they stare. One asks for mournful melodies; Accomplished fingers begin to play. Their eyes mid many wrinkles, their eyes, Their ancient, glittering eyes, are gay.
54
William Butler Yeats (1865-1939) Irish poet, dramatist and prose writer, one of the greatest English-language poets of the 20th century. Yeats received the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1923.
105
APPENDIX B Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch (1863–1944). The Sleeping Beauty and other Fairy Tales 55 “The Sleeping Beauty” ONCE upon a time there lived a King and a Queen, who lacked but one thing on earth to make them entirely happy. The King was young, handsome, and wealthy; the Queen had a nature as good and gentle as her face was beautiful; and they adored one another, having married for love—which among kings and queens is not always the rule. Moreover, they reigned over a kingdom at peace, and their people were devoted to them. What more, then, could they possibly want? Well, they wanted one thing very badly, and the lack of it grieved them more than words can tell. They had no child. Vows, pilgrimages, all ways were tried; yet for a long while nothing came of it all, and the poor Queen especially was in despair. At last, however, to her own and her husband’s inexpressible joy, she give birth to a daughter. As soon as the palace guns announced this event, the whole nation went wild with delight. Flags waved everywhere, bells were set pealing until the steeples rocked, crowds tossed up their hats and cheered, while the soldiers presented arms, and even strangers meeting in the street fell upon each other’s neck, exclaiming: “Our Queen has a daughter! Yes, yes—Our Queen has a daughter! Long live the little Princess!” A name had now to be found for the royal babe; and the King and Queen, after talking over some scores of names, at length decided to call her Aurora, which means The Dawn. The Dawn itself (thought they) was never more beautiful than this darling of theirs. The next business, of course, was to hold a christening. They agreed that it must be a magnificent one; and as a first step they invited all the Fairies they could find in the land to be godmothers to the Princess Aurora; that each one of them might bring her a gift, as was the custom with Fairies in those days, and so she might have all the perfections imaginable. After making long inquiries—for I should tell you that all this happened not so many hundred years ago, when Fairies were already growing somewhat scarce—they found seven. But this again pleased them, because seven is a lucky number. After the ceremonies of the christening, while the trumpeters sounded their fanfares and the guns boomed out again from the great tower, all the company returned to the Royal Palace to find a great feast arrayed. Seats of honour had been set for the seven fairy godmothers, and before each was laid a dish of honour, with a dish-cover of solid gold, and beside the dish a spoon, a knife, and a fork, all of pure gold and all set with diamonds and rubies. But just as they were seating themselves at the table, to the dismay of every one there appeared in the door-way an old crone, dressed in black and leaning on a crutched stick. Her chin and her hooked nose almost met together, like a pair of nut-crackers, for she had very few teeth remaining; but between them she growled to the guests in a terrible voice: “I am the Fairy Uglyane! Pray where are your King’s manners, that I have not been invited?” She had in fact been overlooked; and this was not surprising, because she lived at the far end of the country, in a lonely tower set around by the forest. For fifty years she had never come out of this tower and every one believed her to be dead or enchanted. That, you must know, is the commonest way the Fairies have of ending: they lock themselves up in a tower or within a hollow oak, and are never seen again. The King, though she chose to accuse his manners, was in fact the politest of men. He hurried to express his regrets, led her to table with his own hand, and ordered a dish to be set for her; but with the best will in the world he could not give her a dish-cover such as the others had, because seven only had been made for the seven invited Fairies. The old crone received his excuses very ungraciously, while accepting a seat. It was plain that she had taken deep offence. One of the younger Fairies, Hippolyta by name, who sat by, overheard her mumbling threats between her teeth; and fearing she might bestow some unlucky gift upon the little Princess, went as soon as she rose from table and hid herself close by the cradle, behind the tapestry, that she might have the last word and undo, so far as she could, what evil the Fairy Uglyane might have in her mind. She had scarcely concealed herself before the other Fairies began to advance, one by one, to bestow their gifts on the Princess. The youngest promised her that she should be the most beautiful creature in the world; the next, that she should have the wit of an angel; the third, a marvellous grace in all her ways; the fourth, that she should dance to perfection; the fifth, that she should sing like a nightingale; the sixth, that she should play exquisitely on all instruments of music. Now came the turn of the old Fairy Uglyane. Her head nodded with spite and old age together, as she bent over the cradle and shook her crutched staff above the head of the pretty babe, who slept on sweetly, too young and too innocent as yet to dream of any such thing as mischief in this world. “This is my gift to you, Princess Aurora,” announced the hag, still in her creaking voice that shook as spitefully as her body. “I promise that one day you shall pierce your hand with a spindle, and on that day you shall surely die!” At these terrible words the poor Queen fell back fainting into her husband’s arms. A trembling seized the whole Court; the ladies were in tears, and the younger lords and knights were calling out to seize and burn the wicked witch, when the young Fairy stepped forth from behind the tapestry, and passing by Uglyane, who stood scornful in the midst of this outcry, she thus addressed their Majesties:— “Take comfort, O King and Queen: your daughter shall not die thus. It is true, I have not the power wholly to undo what this elder sister of mine has done. The Princess must indeed pierce her hand with a spindle; but, instead of dying, she shall only fall into a deep slumber that shall last for many, many years, at the end of which a King’s son shall come and awake her. Whenever this misfortune happens to your little Aurora, do not doubt that I, the Fairy Hippolyta, her godmother, shall get news of it and come at once to render what help I may.” The King, while declaring himself infinitely obliged to the good Fairy Hippolyta, could not help feeling that hers was but cold comfort at the best. He gave orders to close the christening festivities at once, although the Fairy Uglyane, their spoil-joy, had already taken her departure; passing unharmed through the crowd of folk, every one of whom wished her ill, and riding away—it was generally agreed—upon a broomstick. To satisfy the King’s faithful subjects, however,—who were unaware of any misadventure—the palace fireworks were duly let off, with a grand set-piece wishing Long Life to the Princess Aurora! in all the colours of the rainbow. But His Majesty, after bowing from the balcony amid the banging of rockets and hissing of Catherine wheels, retired to a private room with his Chamberlain, and there, still amid the noise of explosions and cheering, drew up the first harsh proclamation of his reign. It forbade every one, on pain of death, to use a spindle in spinning or even to have a spindle in his house. Heralds took copies of this proclamation and marched through the land reading it, to the sound of trumpets from every market-place: and it gravely puzzled and distressed all who listened, for their 55
http://www.bartleby.com/76/1.html.
106
1
2 3
4
5
6 7
8
9
10 11 12
13
14
15
women folk prided themselves on their linen. Its fineness was a byword throughout the neighbouring kingdoms, and they knew themselves to be famous for it. “But what sort of linen,” said they, “would His Majesty have us spin without spindles?” They had a great affection, however (as we have seen), for their monarch; and for fifteen or sixteen years all the spinning-wheels were silent throughout the land. The little Princess Aurora grew up without ever having seen one. But one day—the King and Queen being absent at one of their country houses—she gave her governess the slip, and running at will through the palace and upstairs from one chamber to another, she came at length to a turret with a winding staircase, from the top of which a strange whirring sound attracted her and seemed to invite her to climb. As she mounted after the sound, on a sudden it ceased; but still she followed the stairs and came, at the very top, to an open door through which she looked in upon a small garret where sat an honest old woman alone, winding her distaff. The good soul had never, in sixteen years, heard of the King’s prohibition against spindles; and this is just the sort of thing that happens in palaces. “What are you doing, goody?” asked the Princess. “I am spinning, pretty one,” answered the old woman, who did not know who she was. “Spinning? What is that?” “I wonder sometimes,” said the old woman, “what the world is coming to, in these days!” And that, of course, was natural enough, and might occur to anybody after living so long as she had lived in a garret on the top of a tower. “Spinning,” she said wisely, “is spinning, or was; and, gentle or simple, no one is fit to keep house until she has learnt to spin.” “But how pretty it is!” said the Princess. “How do you do it? Give it to me and let me see if I can do so well.” She had no sooner grasped the spindle—she was over-eager perhaps, or just a little bit clumsy, or maybe the fairy decree had so ordained it—than it pierced her hand and she dropped down in a swoon. The old trot in a flurry ran to the head of the stairs and called for help. There was no bell rope, and, her voice being weak with age and her turret in the remotest corner of the palace, it was long before any one heard her in the servants’ hall. The servants, too—in the absence of the King and Queen—were playing cards, and could not be interrupted by anybody until their game was finished. Then they sat down and discussed whose business it was to attend on a call from that particular turret; and this again proved to be a nice point, since nobody could remember having been summoned thither, and all were against setting up a precedent (as they called it). In the end they decided to send up the lowest of the junior page-boys. But he had a weakness which he somehow forgot to mention—that of fainting at the sight of blood. So when he reached the garret and fainted, the old woman had to begin screaming over again. This time they sent up a scullery maid; who, being good-natured and unused to the ways of the palace, made the best haste she could to the garret, whence presently she returned with the terrible news. The servants, who had gone back to their game, now dropped their cards and came running. All the household, in fact, came pouring up the turret stairs; the palace physicians themselves crowding in such numbers that the poor Princess Aurora would have been hard put to it for fresh air could fresh air have restored her. They dashed water on her face, unlaced her, slapped her hands, tickled the soles of her feet, burned feathers under her nose, rubbed her temples with Hungary-water. They held consultations over her, by twos and threes, and again in Grand Committee. But nothing would bring her to. Meanwhile, a messenger had ridden off posthaste with the tidings, and while the doctors were still consulting and shaking their heads the King himself came galloping home to the palace. In the midst of his grief he bethought him of what the Fairies had foretold; and being persuaded that, since they had said it, this was fated to happen, he blamed no one but gave orders to carry the Princess to the finest apartment in the palace, and there lay her on a bed embroidered with gold and silver. At sight of her, she was so lovely, you might well have supposed that some bright being of the skies had floated down to earth and there dropped asleep after her long journey. For her swoon had not taken away the warm tints of her complexion: her cheeks were like carnations, her lips like coral: and though her eyes were closed and the long lashes would not lift, her soft breathing told that she was not dead. The King commanded them all to leave her and let her sleep in peace until the hour of her awakening should arrive. Now when the accident befell our Princess the good Fairy Hippolyta, who had saved her life, happened to be in the Kingdom of Mataquin, twelve thousand leagues away; but news of it was brought to her in an incredibly short space of time by a little dwarf who owned a pair of seven-league boots. (These were boots in which you could walk seven leagues at a single stride.) She set off at once to the help of her beloved goddaughter, and behold in an hour this good Fairy arrived at the palace, in a fiery chariot drawn by dragons. Our King met her and handed her down from the chariot. She approved of all that he had done; but, greatly foreseeing as she was, she bethought her that, as all mortals perish within a hundred years or so, when the time came for the Princess to awake she would be distressed at finding herself orphaned and alone in this old castle. So this is what she did. She touched with her wand everything and everybody in the palace: the King, the Queen; the ministers and privy councillors; the archbishop (who was the Grand Almoner), the bishops and the minor clergy; the maids-of-honour, ladies of the bedchamber, governesses, gentlemen-in-waiting, equerries, heralds, physicians, officers, masters of the household, cooks, scullions, lackeys, guards, Switzers, pages, footmen. She touched the Princess’s tutors and the Court professors in the midst of their deep studies. She touched likewise all the horses in the stables, with the grooms; the huge mastiffs in the yard; even Tiny, the Princess’s little pet dog, and Fluff, her black-and-white cat, that lay coiled on a cushion by her bedside. The instant the Fairy Hippolyta touched them they all fell asleep, not to awake until the same moment as their mistress, that all might be ready to wait on her when she needed them. The very spits at the fire went to sleep, loaded as they were with partridges and pheasants; and the fire went to sleep too. All this was done in a moment: the Fairies were never long about their business in those days. But it so happened that one of the King’s councillors, the Minister of Marine (his office dated from a previous reign when the kingdom had hoped to conquer and acquire a seaboard) had overslept himself that morning and came late to the palace without any knowledge of what had befallen. He felt no great fear that his unpunctuality would be remarked, the King (as he supposed) being absent in the country; nevertheless he took the precaution of letting himself in by a small postern door and so missed being observed by the Fairy and touched by her wand. Entering his office, and perceiving that his under-secretary (usually so brisk) and all his clerks rested their heads on their desks in attitudes of sleep, he drew the conclusion that something had happened, for he was an excellent judge of natural slumber. The farther he penetrated into the palace, the stronger his suspicions became. He withdrew on tiptoe. Though by nature and habit a lazy man, he was capable of sudden decision, and returning to his home he caused notices to be posted up, forbidding any one to approach the castle, the inmates of which were suffering from an Eastern but temporary affliction known as the Sleeping Sickness. These notices were unnecessary, for within a few hours there grew up, all around the park, such a number of trees of all sizes, and such a tangle of briars and undergrowth, that neither beast nor man could find a passage. They grew until nothing but the tops of the castle towers could be seen, and these only from a good way off. There was no mistake about it: the Fairy had done her work well, and the Princess might sleep with no fear of visits from the inquisitive. One day, many, many years afterwards, the incomparable young Prince Florimond happened to ride a-hunting on that side of the country which lay next to the tangled forest, and asked: “What were those towers he saw pushing up above the midst of a great thick wood?” They all answered him as they heard tell. Some said it was an old castle haunted by ghosts. Others, that all the wizards and witches of the country met there to keep Sabbath. The most general opinion was that an Ogre dwelt there, and that he carried off thither all the children he could catch, to eat them at
107
16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24
25
26
27
28 29
30 31
32
33 34 35 36
his ease. No one could follow him, for he alone knew how to find a passage through the briars and brambles. The Prince could not tell which to believe of all these informants, for all gave their versions with equal confidence, as commonly happens with those who talk on matters of which they can know nothing for certain. He was turning from one to another in perplexity, when a peasant spoke up and said:— “Your Highness, long ago I heard my father tell that there was in yonder castle a Princess, the most beautiful that ever man saw; that she must lie asleep there for many, many years; and that one day she will be awakened by a King’s son, for whom she was destined.” At these words Prince Florimond felt himself a-fire. He believed, without weighing it, that he could accomplish this fine adventure; and spurred on by love and ambition, he resolved to explore then and there and discover the truth for himself. Leaping down from his horse he started to run towards the wood, and had almost reached the edge of it before the attendant courtiers guessed his design. They called to him to come back, but he ran on, and was about to fling himself boldly into the undergrowth, when as by magic all the great trees, the shrubs, the creepers, the ivies, briars and brambles, unlaced themselves of their own accord and drew aside to let him pass. He found himself within a long glade or avenue, at the end of which glimmered the walls of an old castle; and towards this he strode. It surprised him somewhat that none of his attendants were following him; the reason being that as soon as he had passed through it, the undergrowth drew close as ever again. He heard their voices, fainter and fainter behind him, beyond the barrier, calling, beseeching him, to desist. But he held on his way without one backward look. He was a Prince, and young, and therefore valiant. He came to the castle, and pushing aside the ivies that hung like a curtain over the gateway, entered a wide outer court and stood still for a moment, holding his breath, while his eyes travelled over a scene that might well have frozen them with terror. The court was silent, dreadfully silent; yet it was by no means empty. On all hands lay straight, stiff bodies of men and beasts, seemingly all dead. Nevertheless, as he continued to gaze, his courage returned; for the pimpled noses and ruddy faces of the Switzers told him that they were no worse than asleep; and their cups, which yet held a few heeltaps of wine, proved that they had fallen asleep over a drinkingbout. He stepped by them and passed across a second great court paved with marble; he mounted a broad flight of marble steps leading to the main doorway; he entered a guardroom, just within the doorway, where the guards stood in rank with shouldered muskets, every man of them asleep and snoring his best. He made his way through a number of rooms filled with ladies and gentlemen, some standing, others sitting, but all asleep. He drew aside a heavy purple curtain, and once more held his breath; for he was looking into the great Hall of State where, at a long table, sat and slumbered the King with his Council. The Lord Chancellor slept in the act of dipping pen into inkpot; the Archbishop in the act of taking snuff; and between the spectacles on the Archbishop’s nose and the spectacles on the Lord Chancellor’s a spider had spun a beautiful web. Prince Florimond tiptoed very carefully past these august sleepers and, leaving the hall by another door, came to the foot of the grand staircase. Up this, too, he went; wandered along a corridor to his right, and, stopping by hazard at one of the many doors, opened it and looked into a bath-room lined with mirrors and having in its midst, sunk in the floor, a huge round basin of whitest porcelain wherein a spring of water bubbled deliciously. Three steps led down to the bath, and at the head of them stood a couch, with towels, and courtsuit laid ready, exquisitely embroidered and complete to the daintiest of lace ruffles and the most delicate of body linen. Then the Prince bethought him that he had ridden far before ever coming to the wood; and the mirrors told him that he was also somewhat travel-stained from his passage through it. So, having by this time learnt to accept any new wonder without question, he undressed himself and took a bath, which he thoroughly enjoyed. Nor was he altogether astonished, when he tried on the clothes, to find that they fitted him perfectly. Even the rosetted shoes of satin might have been made to his measure. Having arrayed himself thus hardily, he resumed his quest along the corridor. The very next door he tried opened on a chamber all panelled with white and gold; and there, on a bed the curtains of which were drawn wide, he beheld the loveliest vision he had ever seen: a Princess, seemingly about seventeen or eighteen years old, and of a beauty so brilliant that he could not have believed this world held the like. But she lay still, so still … Prince Florimond drew near, trembling and wondering, and sank on his knees beside her. Still she lay, scarcely seeming to breathe, and he bent and touched with his lips the little hand that rested, light as a roseleaf, on the coverlet. … With that, as the long spell of her enchantment came to an end, the Princess awaked; and looking at him with eyes more tender than a first sight of him might seem to excuse:— “Is it you, my Prince?” she said. “You have been a long while coming!” The Prince, charmed by these words, and still more by the manner in which they were spoken, knew not how to find words for the bliss in his heart. He assured her that he loved her better than his own self. Their speech after this was not very coherent; they gazed at one another for longer stretches than they talked; but if eloquence lacked, there was plenty of love. He, to be sure, showed the more embarrassment; and no need to wonder at this—she had had time to think over what to say to him; for I hold it hot unlikely (though the story does not say anything of this) that the good Fairy Hippolyta had taken care to amuse her, during her long sleep, with some pleasurable dreams. In short, the Princess Aurora and the Prince Florimond conversed for four hours, and still without saying the half they had to say. Meanwhile all the palace had awaked with the Princess. In the Council Chamber the King opened his eyes and requested the Lord Chancellor to read that last sentence of his over again a little more distinctly. The Lord Chancellor, dipping his quill into the dry inkpot, asked the Archbishop in a whisper how many t’s there were in “regrettable.” The Archbishop, taking a pinch of snuff that had long ago turned to dust, answered with a terrific sneeze, which again was drowned by the striking of all the clocks in the palace, as they started frantically to make up for lost time. Dogs barked, doors banged; the Princess’s parrot screamed in his cage and was answered by the peacocks squawking from the terrace; amid which hubbub the Minister for Agriculture, forgetting his manners, made a trumpet of his hands and bawled across the table, begging His Majesty to adjourn for dinner. In short, every one’s first thought was of his own business; and, as they were not all in love, they were ready to die with hunger. Even the Queen, who had dropped asleep while discussing with her maids-of-honour the shade of mourning which most properly expressed regret for royal personages in a trance, lost her patience at length, and sent one of her attendants with word that she, for her part, was keen-set for something to eat, and that in her young days it had been customary for young ladies released from enchantment to accept the congratulations of their parents without loss of time. The Prince Florimond, by this message recalled to his devoirs, helped the Princess to rise. She was completely dressed, and very magnificently too. Taking his beloved Princess Aurora by the hand, he led her to her parents, who embraced her passionately and—their first transports over—turned to welcome him as a son, being charmed (quite apart from their gratitude) by the modest gallantry of his address. They passed into a great dining-room lined with mirrors, where they supped and were served by the royal attendants. Violins and hautboys discoursed music that was ancient indeed, but excellent, and the meal was scarcely concluded before the company enjoyed a very pleasant surprise. Prince Florimond, having no eyes but for his love, might be excused if he forgot that his attendants must, long before now, have carried home their report, and that his parents would be in deep distress, wondering what had become of him. But the King, the Princess’s father, had a truly royal habit of remembering details, especially when it concerned setting folks at their ease. Before dinner he had dispatched a messenger to carry word to Prince Florimond’s father, that his son was safe, and to acquaint him briefly with what
108
37 38 39
40
41
42
43
44
45 46 47 48
49
50
51
52
had befallen. The messenger, riding through the undergrowth—which now obligingly parted before him as it had, a while ago, to admit the Prince—and arriving at the out-skirts of the wood, found there a search-party vainly endeavouring to break through the barrier, with the Prince’s aged father standing by and exhorting them in person, to whom he delivered his message. Trembling with relief—for he truly supposed his son to be lost beyond recall—the old man entreated the messenger to turn back and escort him. So he arrived, and was ushered into the hall. The situation, to be sure, was delicate. But when these two kings, both so well meaning, had met and exchanged courtesies, and the one had raised the other by the hand to a place on the dais beside him, already and without speech they had almost accorded. “I am an old man,” said the Prince’s father; “I have reigned long enough for my satisfaction, and now care for little in life but to see my son happy.” “I think I can promise you that,” said the Princess’s father, smiling, with a glance at the two lovers. “I am old enough, at any rate, to have done with ambitions,” said the one. “And I,” said the other, “have dreamed long enough, at any rate, to despise them. What matters ruling to either of us two, while we see your son and my daughter reigning together?” So it was agreed, then and there; and after supper, without loss of time, the Archbishop married the Prince Florimond and the Princess Aurora in the chapel of the Castle. The two Kings and the Princess’s mother saw them to their chamber, and the first maid-ofhonour drew the curtain. They slept little—the Princesshad no occasion; but the Prince next morning led his bride back to the city, where they were acclaimed by the populace and lived happy ever after, reigning in prosperity and honour. MORAL Ye Maids, to await some while a lover fond, Rich, titled, debonair as Florimond, Is reason; and who learns on fate to attend Goes seldom unrewarded in the end— “What! No one kiss us for a hundred years!” There, la-la-la! I understood, my dears. ANOTHER Further, the story would suggest a doubt That marriage may be happiest when deferr’d— “Deferr’d?” you cry—“Deferr’d,” I see you pout, —We’ll skip this moral, and attempt a third. ANOTHER Thirdly, our fable then appears to prove Disparity of years no bar to love. Crabb’d Age and Youth—But that’s an ancient quarrel, And I’ll not interfere. There’s no third moral.
109
53 54 55 56 57 58
APPENDIX C INDIVIDUELE TRITURATIE SYMPTOMEN C1 Prover 1 C1: Mooie blauwe kleur, tijdens beginnen gevoel dat er glas in zit Heel snel al tintelingen oren, gloeien Pijn rechterarm, doof gevoel Ga steeds sneller wrijven Nu al deze symptomen, oh jee, wat heftig! Druk op mijn hoofd, heftig, help!! Mijn God, hou ik dit vol? Gevoel van bedreiging, alsof poeder me kan aanvallen Stekende pijn rechteroor Angst, heen en weer lopen, voel me een dier wat opgesloten zit Hoofdpijn, voorhoofd, pijn neuswortel Pijn rechter knie Misselijk, boeren Pijn kaken Opgejaagd gevoel van binnen Drukkend gevoel in hartstreek Ga steeds sneller schrapen, agressief gevoel (ik zit boven, Dennis kan het beneden horen) Snelle gedachten, gaan kriskras Jeuk kin Druk achter mijn oren Steken in oren Zie spoken (?) in zwarte gewaden Gevoel van een “donkere” energie Wil het poeder vermorzelen, krijg gevoel van onmacht Jeuk in gezicht Gevoel alsof ik in een horrorfilm zit: sodemieter op! Tijdens schrapen zie ik een begraafplaats, gevoel dat ik een graf aan het graven ben Rug warm Jeuk hoofd Na afloop ga ik uitgebreid mijn handen wassen, wil het van me af wassen, ga douchen, wil het van me afspoelen! Prover 2 Misselijk Zwaar gevoel op de maag Oprispingen Prikkelende neus als van vrieskou Verdrietig Rommelende buik Voel me alleen en verdrietig, alleen op de wereld Wil eigenlijk stoppen In de steek gelaten Misselijke gevoel neemt de overhand Heet gevoel in keel Re oog traant een beetje Vijzel ziet er uit als schaatsbaan, poeder van alle schaatsen die erover heen zijn gegaan het draaien klinkt als van schaatsen op ijs. Denk aan vroeger op de ijsbaan Koud, winterkoud, lekker Li-oog traant ook, re niet meer Koud - moet aan voorfilm denken van de "Sneeuwkoningin" . Woont in een kasteel van ijs. Voel me rustig Koude neus Mijn jas ligt in de buurt, die doe ik aan - lekker Koude handen en gezicht. Behaaglijk, ik voel me loom Laatste 5 minuten ben ik in slaap gevallen. Prover 3 Situatie voor de trituratie. Ik ben heel moe, de afgelopen weken heel druk met werk en school. Ik had niet door dat we les hadden, per ongeluk ontdekt. Ik krijg een bergje blauw spul in mijn vijzel. Het ziet er heel mooi uit. Heel mooi. Gelijk gevoel van opwinding, prachtig spul! Zin om te beginnen nieuwsgierigheid naar de uitkomst van de trituratie. 1e deel lactose Opwinding gevoelt in de maag Gelijk gevolgd door gevoel van volle blaas en dat ik mijn broek ga plassen van opwinding Ik zie een jongentje van 4-6 jaar die iets doet wat niet mag van moeder en lacht erom hahaha! Ik heb het je geflikt en je hebt het niet eens
110
door! Kinderen in een soort park die spelen met een bal Gooien de bal in de lucht (helder blauwe lucht) Jeuk linker oor (inside) Jeuk rechter schouder Jeuk rechter pols Jeuk in de neus Jeuk in het rechter oor Onrust van de jeuk Jeuk rechter been onder knie Haar moet weg van gezicht Irritatie door haar en jeuk Jeuk rug/onrust gaat door Jeuk rechter wang Jeuk hoofd links Jeuk achter in het verhemelte Jeuk, jeuk, jeuk wat irritant!! Alles draait om de jeuk! Bittere smaak in de mond na slok water < Het smaak naar gal Slok water voor 2e keer < weer Denk aan artisjokken/witlof, eerst denk ik lekker! Daarna afschuwelijk! Getver! Bittere smaak in de mond gaat door, ik voel het vooral op de tong Jeuk achterkant van het hoofd, onder schedelbasis Ik kan niet genieten van de trituratie door de jeuk Jeuk linker schouder Jeuk in de rug Tijdens trituratie ook de volgende dingen die ik over het hoofd heb gezien: Heel kort brandende ogen Van uitgezakt op mijn stoel zitten met de vijzel op mijn schoot naar rechtop zitten met vijzel op tafel Gevoel van een soort spinnenweb of iets op mijn gezicht toen ik mijn haar irritant vond. ‘Savonds 8-12-04 Ik kom thuis met enorme honger gevoel, na 1 boterham vol Ik kan niet direct in slaap vallen, raar meestal doe ik dat wel Honger snachts Koud- vooral de benen Droom: Ik heb een soort condylomata op mijn knieën, paarsig en gezwollen, ik zie vaten die erin lopen. Daarna vallen ze op de grond en laten ze gaten (zweren) achter. Op de grond gaan ze groeien en een enorme bij komt en gaat erin om te eten. Mijn zus en vader staan op straat, ik kom ze tegen. Mijn zus vertelt me dat mijn moeder kanker heeft en dat ze ergens in November dood zal gaan. Zij weet precies de datum. Mijn moeder staat op eens achter mijn zus en kijkt alsof ze van niets weet. Ik heb het gevoel dat ze van niets weet. Ik vind dat heel erg. ‘sochtends 9-12-04 Ik ga de deur uit en laat ik de verwarming aan staan. Doe ik nooit. Ik doe altijd alles uit. Van mijn vader overgenomen die gewoonte. Het kan me niet schelen dat de verwarming aan blijft. Irritatie omdat het heel druk is op straat. (meestal ook wel maar nu was ik heel snel geïrriteerd) ‘snachts 9-12-04 Wakker van de pijn (ongesteld geworden) dit heb ik altijd. Opvallend is dat bij het leggen van mijn linker hand op de buik, mijn inwendige organen heel gedetailleerd kan voelen, alsof ik met mijn hand door de huid heen kan. Ik voelde mijn uterus heel goed. ‘sochtends 10-12-04 Ik weet dat ik gedroomd heb maar ik weet niet wat. Ik voel me koud. Gedoucht met heel warm water, heet. Het brandt mijn huid maar ik vind het lekker. Dit is voor mij heel raar. Nooit eerder gehad. Ik ben meestal heel warm. Ik kijk in de spiegel en ik zie er ontzettend rond en gezwollen uit, mijn buik, heupen en benen. Ik vind dat lelijk, vreselijk. Het ziet er uit alsof de verhouding met de rest van het lichaam niet klopt. Ook nog nooit eerder gehad. Nog steeds koud. Verwarming aan (20 C) meestal staat ie op (15 C) en ik vind het warm zat. Ik heb een T-shirt aan, fluwelen vest aan en een fleece trui erop. Alles blauw. Ook mijn ondergoed is vandaag blauw. 11-12-04 Brandende pijn in maag na appel, anders nooit Raak veel sneller verzadigd 12-12-04 16:59 uur raak veel sneller verzadigd met eten 13-12-04 Zit er tegen op om naar buiten te gaan wegens de kou. S’avonds 20 uur eten, weer heel snel verzadigd S’nachts heel kou, kan niet in slaap vallen wegens kou. Moet extra deken halen, dubbel gevouwen, vooral mijn bovenbenen en knieen zijn koud. Ook mijn voeten, ijskoud. Dit is zeer ongewoon voor mij. Ik slaap meestal met een deken en de verwarming bijna uit. Nu 2 dekens een
111
dubbel gevouwen en de verwarming hoger. 14-12-04 Pukkeltjes met jeuk op borst en voorhoofd. Heel erg klein, bijna niet te zien. In de nacht van 13 tot 14 december de jeuk op voorhoofd al gevoeld. 2 keer gedroomd dat mijn tanden eraf vielen. Gezonde tanden zonder gaatjes maar wel dun. Alsof ik schelpen in mijn mond had. In de tweede droom was er iets over het uiterlijk. Ik had geen tanden en dacht “ nu zie ik er niet uit” wat erg!! 16-12-04 Wakker geworden met keelpijn, stekend links, voelt dik van binnen. Warm drinken is verschrikkelijk, het steekt enorm. Eten gaat wel. Woede onderdrukken als ik me niet gezien of gehoord voel. Zin om te schreeuwen voor aandacht en om dingen tegen de muur te smijten. Verdriet gevoeld in mijn borst, zo voel ik het altijd. 17-12-04 Vieze gal smaak in de mond weer Kriebelhoest, had ik al sinds september of zo. Tijdje niet gevoeld, nu terug. 18-19-20 december 2004 Een aantal keer kriebelhoest, vooral links. Dit had ik al, sinds september of zo. 21-12-04 Brandende ogen tijdens het lezen. 4 januari 2005 2e deel lactose: Steeds bezig met de tijd, wat gaat het langzaam Misschien is het nu niet de tijd om dit te doen Pijn in rechter pols, moeheid van tritureren Mis de groep Niet leuk in mijn eentje Gevoel van zenuwen in maag, gerelateerd aan de tijd Haast om het af te maken Volle blaas Haast Snel verwrijven Steeds aan mijn haar zitten Tijd gaat langzaam Ik wou dat de groep er was, ik zou me dan beter voelen en de trituratie meer betekenis hebben Bitter smaak in de mond Jeuk op sternum Super sterke bittere smaak in mijn mond. Geconcentreerd op de tong. Gevoel van moeheid in de ogen 3e deel lactose: Droge neus binnenkant Droge keel Kramp in pols, snel verwrijven omdat ik het snel wil afmaken Tijd gaat langzaam Jeuk in hoofd, linker kant boven Irritatie omdat de verschijnselen zich herhalen Haar is irritant Moeheid in ogen Drukkende pijn in voorhoofd druk < Brandende linker oog Jeuk boven rechter knie Jeuk voorhoofd rechts Tijd gaat langzaam, ik ben het zitten zat. Ik ga even wandelen met vijzel. Een beetje rondkijken, naar buiten kijken, praatje maken met mijn vriend (zit in de huiskamer). Raar gevoel in de cardia, alsof er iets vasts in zit. Daarbij voel ik een soort misselijkheid
112
Prover 5 1e trituratie in kliniek uitgevoerd.
- Vredig, rustig gevoel. Tot me zelf beginnen te komen.
Gen/side/left Head/pain/pressure/left
-Linker slaap drukkende hoofdpijn, heb nooit hoofdpijn -wegtrekken hoofdpijn/druk onder achter laten van koude plek, als of het nat geweest is en de wind er nu langs gaat, met gevoel zoals je dat bij vrieskoude hoog in de ijle lucht in de bergen hebt. Head/feeling/cold after wet, sensation.
Na trit.
-gevoel of ik stevigheid krijg in gebied tussen uiteinde borstbeen t/m bekken: BASIS hebben. Maakt mij stabiel en niet meer zo bang voor alles, wat ik de laatste tijd erg had. Mezelf terug gekregen. Al anderhalve week dit gevoel. Kijk uit naar tritt. 2 en 3 van C1. -vergeten van dingen die ik normaal als automatisme doe b.v. boodschappenkrat meenemenl. -kramp links, voetzool -kramp links, grote teen -kramp in voetzool of grote teen > gaan staan.
Mind/confidence self M/forgetfull/normal things M/weaknes/normal things Extr/cramps/lower limbs/left Extr/cramps/foot/sole/left Extr/cramps/foot/sole/in bed Extr/cramps/foot/sole/standing amel. Extr/cramps/toes/first/in bed
Prover 7 C1 trituatie op 9 december 2004 Hoofdpijn direct na begin. Voel mij heel open en blij. Raak in een intensief gesprek met Gert en Alize. Heb het gevoel precies te begrijpen hoe alles in elkaar zit. Doet mij erg denken aan mijn puberteit. Ik weet wel hoe het zit. De eerste 2 weken elke dag misselijk, de hele dag door. Daarna regelmatig als ik wakker wordt. Slaap erg onrustig. Droom over alles en nog wat, heel banale dromen ( b.v. over huishouden, boodschappen doen). Wordt elke !!!! nacht wakker. Minimaal 1 keer meestal 2 of 3 keer. Ben ’s morgens doodmoe. Zweet ’s nachts regelmatig (doe ik normaal nooit) Heb ijskoude voeten en handen. Enkele keren een heel erg opgeblazen buik. Voel mij als een Jojo. Het ene moment blij het volgende moment erg droevig, verdrietig, zonder aanleiding. Wil wel dood. Maak via de telefoon ruzie met mijn moeder. Wordt enorm boos op haar, schreeuw. Ze is niet redelijk, erg onrechtvaardig. Ze begrijpt het echt niet! Ook dat doet mij denken aan mijn puberteitsjaren! Heb veel en stevige aanvaringen met mijn twee puberzonen. Koop voor het eerst in mijn leven een lichtblauw kledingstuk. Ben mij erg bewust van oude mensen. Zie ze overal. Ik denk, dat ze erg eenzaam zijn. Ben bang om oud te worden. Ik wilde niemand tot last zijn, moet dat alleen oplossen, maar uiteindelijk bel ik met Jacqueline en gooi het er allemaal uit. Ik kan het niet meer alleen aan, het wordt mij teveel. Dat luchtte al op. De dag daarna gaat het ook nog. Slaap daarna voor het eerst sinds begin december twee nachten door!! Val weer terug en tel de dagen, en op het laatst zelfs uren totdat het eindelijk lesdag is en ik hopelijk wordt bevrijd. Prover 8 "Eenzaamheid is alles delen met jezelf" Dit is het gevoel wat ik heb na de trituraties. Kwam spontaan in me op toen ik in bed lag. C1 scherpe geur in mijn neus trekken aan mijn schouders tintelende koude benen kriebel onder mijn haar kippenvel rillingen de steen der wijzen Poolster IJstijd voel me leeg en verdrietig "lonely planet" verder eenzaam, eenzaam. eenzaam. Prover 10 C1. 8-12-04 1. a. ogen branden, druk achter ogen b.ik kan mijn longen bijna voelen, gapen, neus prikkelt, ik kan de middel bijna proeven, een beetje verdrietig 2. 26-01-05 Neem ik mijzelf slecht waar?, Polsen doen pijn, hoesten -intense, toegenomen gevoel, een soort druk op mij, alsof ik een race doe, hoest 3. ik baal van de blauwe kleur, prikkelende ogen, vooral rechts, -plotseling honger Prover 16
113
Fysiek begon vanaf zaterdag 11-12-2004: enorm eczeem in gezicht, buik, billen, achterbovenbenen ( sinds baby heb ik constitutioneel eczeem, wat de eerste 22 jaar is onderdrukt met zware middelen o.a. prednison) rood pijnlijk, jeukende pukkeltjes jeukende oogleden, brandende ogen, m.n. rechter ooglid met schilfers tranenvloed met brandende uitscheiding gezwollen ogen bij opstaan dit heeft ruim twee weken aangehouden ogen vermoeid en pijnlijk, slecht kunnen zien ontstoken ogen doorlopend hoofdpijn, ook langere tijd aangehouden kaak verkrampt links heeft week geduurd 's nachts extreem koud hebben Zaterdagavond d.d.11-12-2004 enorm gehuild, kwam ineens opzetten, ik had al heel lang niet meer zo gehuild, verlaten eenzaam gevoel, Siberisch gevoel. Zondag 12-12-2004, ik heb geen zin in werken. Veel dromen over mijn vader en het verleden. Dinsdag 14-12-2004 een dag flink opgeruimd, dit voelde goed daarna enorme ruzie met partner terwijl het heel lief voelde, dus de enorme omslag. Die nacht niet kunnen slapen, heel naar wakker worden vervreemd, zo moe, totale energie is weg. Mis mijn kinderen. Woensdag 15-12-2004 gevoel niet erbij te horen vanaf dat moment het terugtrekken begonnen en de extreme zwijgzaamheid, het heeft geen zin meer om te praten als ik niet begrepen wordt, zo voelde het diep van binnen. na ovulatie rond 23-12-2004 net boven de rechter borst pijnlijke klierzwelling van zo een 10 cm, dit heeft twee weken geduurd, na menses was het weg. slaap: veel slapeloosheid met dromen en wakker liggen niet kunnen opstaan vanuit niet meer willen energie volledig verdwenen gevoelens van: alleen zijn, er niet bij horen, apathisch, koppig, extreem zwijgzaam, wantrouwen, totaal terugtrekken, vervreemding, dingen dringen niet door, ontzettend traag, geen zin in werken en er niet toe kunnen komen. Het overheersende gevoel het zonder familie te moeten doen, het gevoel afscheid te moeten nemen hierin, dit gevoel klopt met de werkelijkheid, het is een tijd voor mij van afscheid nemen. Prover 17 na de trituratie een enorme woede uitbarsting gehad 9-12-2004 19.30 een explosie. VRESELIJK mijn familie is zich rot geschrokken mijn zoon riep dit ben je niet! vraag me af of ik door wil gaan? Ruik de hele avond zeeplucht. Als de stof in mijn vijzel komt verbaasd het mij hoe mooi de kleur blauw is. Ik ruik eraan om te controleren of de zeeplucht van de stof komt. Dat is niet zo. Het voelt heel spannend. Een soort opwinding maakt zich van mij meester. We gaan beginnen! Dan luidt Sjaq de bel en direct komt het gevoel alsof de bel luidt voor de sacristie. Er komt een soort heilig gevoel over me een gewijd gevoel. Dit ervaar ik als spiritueel en komt openheid vanaf boven, in mij. (begint bij kruin chakra) (gebeurd soms als ik mediteer, maar niet zo intens zo opeens zo allesomvattend) Alize begint te praten en het irriteert me. Houd je mond denk ik. Dan sluit ik me ervoor af. Zie in mijn kom mooie patronen lagen, opgebouwd van beneden naar boven als richels. De stof blijft hangen. Dan opent zich mijn linker neusgat. Als of er zuivere zuurstof doorheen komt. Later mijn re ook maar niet zo open als de li. Ik adem diep en rustig en er komt een diepe rust over me. Mijn borstkas opent zich en vult zicht met zuurstof, lucht. S 1 Ik zie mooie, blauwgrijze substantie met glans. W2 Ruik opnieuw de zeeplucht. Het valt me op dat Evelien een roze rood glittertje op d´r wang heeft. Mijn ogen staan wijdt open, neem heel helder waar. Ik ben me bewust van de omgeving en als ik rondkijk zie ik diep triest, treurig en lijden op een aantal gezichten. Wat mij niet raakt, ik neem alleen waar. Ik krijg opeens jeuk ik de kleine ruimte tussen neus en bovenlip. Dan overvalt me ineens een slaperigheid. S2 Krijg de stof niet los. De inhoud in de kom lijkt veeel kleiner. Dan in een impuls wil ik een hapje nemen, doe het niet. Mijn haren irriteren en ik denk dat ik snel naar de kapper moet om het af te knippen. Ik krijg dorst en ga naar de keuken. Het water in mijn kopje is vrij warm, maar als ik mijn vinger in steek is het lauw tot koud. Ik voel me heel goed, prettig. Opvallend. Bij het vertellen van mijn verhaal was ik alleen daar mee bezig. Dit is bijzonder meestal ben ik me bewust dat iedereen kijkt ook dat de camera draait. Na het vertellen was ik me wel bewust dat iedereen keek en voelde ik me heel verlegen.
114
Volgende dag In de avond na sporten om 19.30 thuis. Spoedje aan telefoon! Zoon riep van boven. Maak je het eten klaar. Papa komt zo thuis. Ik vroeg of hij wilde helpen maar hij liep weer naar zijn kamer. Man kwam thuis. Wat eten we? Ik explodeerde, extreem!!!! Ik ging tekeer als een viswijf. Ik kan boos zijn maar zo, nog nooit! Zo explosief! Zo onredelijk. Tijdens schreeuwen herkende ik mijn eigen stem niet en ik dacht: stop stop. Maar kon niet stoppen. Later na mijn excuus zei mijn zoon: mam dit ben je niet. Man zei: je bent je nog nooit zo boos geweest zo hysterisch. Ik ben erg geschrokken. Was daarna zo mak als een lammetje. Erg in mezelf gekeerd Wel bewust dat deze heftige reactie van de testing komt. 14-12 Voel me goed en relaxed ondanks veel activiteiten in het weekend. Ik voel me open en toegankelijk. Patiënten komen niet opdagen vanaf donderdag zonder afbellen . Iedere dag eentje. Is heel opvallend. Gebeurt zelden. Heel relaxed. Bewust dat ik de C1 niet af wil maken ivm explosie gevaar. 7-1 conflict met mijn dochter. Nee, gezegd wat een enorme ruzie veroorzaakte. Daarna intens verdrietig en uren gehuild. Het verdriet van de afgelopen jaren kwam eruit, (Ik huil zelden) Afmaken C1 27-1-2005 Tijdens de verwrijving komen beelden naar boven over situaties waar ik in het verleden boos over ben geweest. Hebben allemaal te maken met het overschrijden van mijn grenzen. De woede borrelt in me op vanuit mijn lenden. Heftig maar ik ben me bewust van de kern van de woede. Ik ben niet duidelijk, ik laat het gebeuren. Gevoel van dorst. Ga water drinken 2 glazen vol. Mijn geur is versterkt. Prover 19 Lang uitgesteld voor ik er aan begin. > Kan me niet meer herinneren hoe ik C1 moet maken. > > Zwaar, vast, langzaam. > Hoe kom ik bij C1 - C4? > > Langzaam ademen. > Vettig. > Lamme bovenarmen. > Hoofd --> pressure. > > Vettige klei. > Hoe heet die keramist ook alweer? > Hoogerdam, Hoogendam. > > Zwaar in maag / boven middenrif / longen. > Heel diep en langzaam ademen. > > Loopneus, neus ophalen. > Dun transparant vocht. > > Niet goed concentreren. > Gedachten steeds ergens anders. > > Geeuwen. > Onbeweeglijk. INDIVIDUELE TRITURATIE SYMPTOMEN C2 Prover 1 C2 Wat ik bemerk is dat ik geen horloge om heb, dat is niets voor mij! Pijn, druk op oren Verkramping schouders, rug wat mij zeer irriteert, grrrr…. Ben snel aan het verwrijven Explosief “BOEM”! Schilderen? Ik heb liever een boksbal! Branderig gevoel mond en puntje tong, gevoel alsof er een blaar/aften zit Ondeugend gevoel Hoofdpijn Warm hoofd
115
Gloeiende warmte vanuit nek, hoofd, schouderbladen Jeuk rechteroog Jeuk in algemeen Hierna word ik rustiger, lieflijker, alsof in een soort trance Gloeiende wangen, gloeiende oren Vrolijk en gelukkig gevoel, voel me dankbaar dat ik dit allemaal mag meemaken Hartkloppingen Zware benen Moe Gloeien, brandend gevoel borststreek Transpirerende handen (dit heb ik normaal nooit, altijd koude handen) Als Vanessa over de vlinder vertelt, komt het woord transformatie in mij op. Ik moet heel sterk denken aan een patiënt uit de stagekliniek die we de vorige dag hebben gezien, die had ook iets met “tijd”, haar naam komt steeds naar boven. Thuis heb ik hevige dorst en reageer ik ondeugend, plagen. Als ik in bed lig blijft er een liedje in mijn hoofd hangen, de tekst die zich herhaalt in mijn hoofd is : “let it be love”. Ik slaap lekker, voel me “wollig”, warm De volgende dag 27 januari op weg naar mijn werk zie ik diverse auto’s om mij heen, die allemaal een cijfer 8 (?) in hun kenteken hebben. Zelf hebben wij ook een auto met het cijfer 8 in het kenteken. Op het werk is het ontzettend druk, er gaat van alles mis, maar ik voel me er totaal niet verbonden mee. De dagen erna heb ik moeite met concentreren, voel me afwezig, duf, duurt ongeveer een week. Prover 3 C2 26 januari 2005 1e deel lactose Irritatie Dan lachen Irritatie linker oog – knipperen Stuwing in het hoofd – hete wangen Gevoel dat ik ben afgeleid – ik zit er niet in Vrijheid – los breken Blauwe lucht – blauwe vogels – elektrisch blauw –donker dus Vrijheid tov Materie Verbinding tov ziel – spirit Schrappen Eerder het zat zijn – wil nu door met trituratie Obs Jacqueline zegt schrappen ipv tritureren –doet ze vaker Neutrale toestand, voel niets specifieks Blauw is mooi Blauwe golven – water- zee Glimlachen SE van geluk Soort trance – neutraal gevoel (trance ken ik wel van mijzelf) Omgeving is vaag. Ik wil gaan schilderen maar wil vijzel en gevoel niet loslaten 2e deel lactose Blauwe vlinders Vrijheid Getekend op de muur Klaar met tekenen = lekker gevoel van vrijheid- ik ben klaar! Blij gevoel door naar de tekening te kijken Een samen gevoel Ik voel de resonantie en de herkenning Neutraal en lekker Ik denk ik ga zo stoppen met tritureren Ik voel dat ik ‘privilege” heb Ik heb met Hahnemann geknuffeld in de lucht – het voelde warm –lachen daardoor. Hier ga ik mijn levenstaak van maken. Homeopathie- provings- trituraties. Het voelen geeft je vrijheid. 3e deel lactose - 31-01-05 Blij gevoel Zorgen over tijd – voel dat in de maag, alsof ie krimpt Gevoel dat de tijd langzaam gaat – tegenstrijdig net gestresst alsof tijd te kort Maak plannen in mijn hoofd mbt proving & trituratie van dit middel Irritant gevoel over de tijd – tijd moet weg
116
Dood – ben ik er bang voor? Weet ik niet Neutraal gevoel over de dood Kramp in rechter arm van het tritureren, ik ga verder met linker arm Jeukend bultje in rechter hand, ziet er uit als een Flea bite. Misschien van insect. In ieder geval bewust ervan geworden tijdens de trituratie. IJskoud!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 26 januari 2005 avond na de les Ik ga naar huis. Ik ben angstig, alsof er iets gaat gebeuren. Iemand gaat dood. Ik geef heel veel om die persoon. Dit had ik al 4/5 dagen. Gedroomd: Alize heeft een van mijn patiënten overgenomen van Marije. Heeft een andere middel voorgeschreven. Vertelt mij het verhaal over dit andere middel. Waarvan het wordt gemaakt en hoe. Het gaat om een beest, lijkt op een Armadillo. Een stuk van het beest wordt gekrust en gepotentieerd. Alize beweert dat dit middel beter is voor het kind. Zij vertelt het serieus maar mensen om haar heen lachen, alsof ze weten dat wat zij vertelt niet klopt. Ik ben boos en gefrustreerd, een soort onmacht en ongeloof. Hoe kan dit nou. Ik kan er niet bij met mijn hoofd. Ik denk: Alize: ik heb diep respect voor jou. Ik vraag je altijd om dingen. Ik overleg graag maar dit kan niet. Dit kind is mijn patiënt en ik had graag overleg met jou gehad. Anxiety tijd, een soort angst. Ik haal het niet. Gevoel even snel dit afmaken want ik moet nog dat en dat doen en ik heb te weinig tijd. 27-januari-2005 Ochtend: Koud en heel moe. Avond: Enorme woede uitbarsting omdat hij mij vraagt mijn post op te ruimen als ik binnen kom. Wij krijgen ruzie. Hij snapt er niets van, vertelt hij achteraf. Ik loop naar mijn kamer. Ik huil en huil.. Ik heb het ijskoud van binnen en buiten. Ik denk en voel : Ik doe zoveel uit de bodem van mijn hart en jij ziet dat niet. Jij ziet alleen dat scherp ben in mijn woorden, jij ziet de rest niet. Om geen verdere ruzie te maken loopt hij fluitend weg. Dit voelt voor mij als bevestiging dat hij mij waardeert. In een klap ben ik terug naar een soort hysterisch nerveus breakdown. Ik kan niet stoppen met huilen, snikken als een gek. Ik voel dat ik mijn relaties kapot maak. Ik snap niet hoe het kan. Ik ben zo veranderd. Ik doe zo mijn best. Maar hij doet en zegt hetzelfde als mijn huidige vriend. Ik ben wanhopig. Ik doe iets fouts maar ik zie niet wat. Ik zie het niet, ik zie het niet, ik zie het niet. Achteraf begrijp ik dat dit een soort schuldgevoel is. Ik denk dan aan de familie van mijn moeder. Het schuldgevoel van mijn opa die zijn vrouw en 3 dochter in de steek heeft gelaten. De jongste was mijn moeder en was nog geen 3 jaar oud. Ondanks ik niet meer hysterisch ben. Huil ik gemakkelijk. Mijn vriend het ik praten erover en maken het goed. Ik snap niets van deze reactie. Ik ben in een klap teruggegaan naar het moment die mij aan de therapie heeft gezet. Jaren lang heb ik eraan gewerkt en was weg, dealt with. Volgende dag om niets huilen. Nog steeds het gevoel van Ik maak alles kapot wat mijn dierbaar is omdat ik een negatief deel van mijzelf niet kan veranderen omdat ik niet zie wat er nou fout aan is! Dan pijn in de borst, links, alsof ik een klap heb gehad. Blauw plekje. Tepel gezwollen aan een kant. De volgende dagen nog meer pijn. Voelt als een ballon, gevuld met vocht. Rechter borst gaat ook pijn doen, maar links is erger. Ik hoor binnen 5 dagen (rond 2-2) ongesteld te worden. 29/01/05 Angst is weg. Borsten nog pijnlijk. Ik voel me goed. Rustig. Best vrolijk en vrij. Prover 5 C2 trit.Thuis. di.14-12-04 3e week van advent 2e x tritt.
-loopneus bij toevoegen lac.sac -gevoel van rust, in mijn bekken rusten na 5 min tritt. -opdrogen loopneus na c.a. 5 min. bij 1e x schrapen: voel me thuis bij dit middel. -de stof is meegaand en eigenzinnig (voelt plezierig) -gevoel of ik vlak boven de enkels vastgehouden wordt op de aarde. Ik zit stevig rechtop. -na 4 min. lichte druk op overgang vertex/voorhoofd -de tijd gaat langzaam schrapen: stof laat makkelijk los van de rand, lijkt bij het schrapen overvloedig te worden, is gul. Plezierig voor mij -hartslag minder snel -gevoel van Rust.
Nose/discharge/watery/sudden M/content/feeling M/time/passing too slow M/confidence self Extr/constriction/ankle/sensation Head/pressure/forehead to vertex
M/rest/sensation
Prover 7 C2 trituatie 26 januari 2005 Na binnenkomst zie ik het grote vel papier en de potten verf. Ik voel mij er meteen erg toe aangetrokken. Ik wil eigenlijk niet praten maar zo gauw mogelijk beginnen aan de C2 om eindelijk verlost te worden. Nog voordat wij beginnen mag/moet ik verven. De kleuren staan vast: blauw, geel en rood. Ik wil ze het liefst niet door elkaar op het papier brengen. Wil de verf heel dik opdragen. Jammer dat ik niet over meer technieken beschik. Ben mij niet bewust wat ik doe, maar weet tegelijk dat het zo moet en niet anders. Voel mij daarna heel opgelucht en blij alsof er iets van mij afgevallen is. Tijdens de trituratie kijk ik naar de vijzel en heb de indruk dat de stof bijna oplost. Ik kijk naar mijn tekening, er moet meer blauw bij!. Ik ben
117
euforisch als ik aan verven denk. Opgewonden, wil de tekening verfijnen. Ben trots op mijn schilderij. Nu is het opgelost. Tijdens het verven denk ik aan een vuurbal en aan een meteoriet. Nu komt er schot in. Ik kan vliegen!!! Zou graag meer verfijning aan willen brengen in het schilderij. Moet gapen, maar dat past niet bij mijn opgewonden zijn. Roer haastig, snel. Wil dat vasthouden. Zie anderen voor zich uit staren, dat wil ik niet. Wil niet remmen / geremd worden. Ik ben in de tijd. Alize en Jacqueline gaan door mijn tekening. Voel bijna lichamelijke pijn. Observeer nauwkeurig wat zij doen. Ze willen mij pesten. Ik probeer rustig te blijven. Bepaal voor mijzelf een grens op het schilderij tot waar zij mogen komen. Hoop intensief dat zij niet over die grens gaan. Ik weet niet wat ik dan ga doen. Als ik merk dat Alize er niet overheen komt wordt ik innerlijk rustiger. Neem wat meer afstand en wordt benieuwd naar wat het wordt. Alize weet volgens mij niet, dat blauw en geel groen wordt anders zou zij dat nooit doen. Begin de humor van wat er gebeurt in te zien. Kan het loslaten. Tijdens de nabespreking houd ik mij eerst bewust stil. Wat er gebeurde heeft mij erg diep geraakt. Als ik uiteindelijk uitleg, dat zij bijna over een grens gingen en Alize daarop zegt dat het haar daar helemaal niet om gaat, zij voelt geen grenzen, geen tijd, het is een universum, voel ik mij erg gekwetst. Ik ervaar het alsof zij haar ervaring- gewaarwording boven de mijne stelt. De hare is beter. Mijn emotionele ervaring is minder. Sowieso is mijn emotionele reactie niet goed. De interventies van enkele te hulp schietende aanwezigen voelen maar even goed. Ik moet hier alleen doorheen. Ik herken dit. Het is mijn projectie. Ik breng de normen en waarden erin en de waardering van mijn emotionaliteit is erg laag. De volgende dag ontmoet ik kort Alize. Wij praten over wat er is gebeurd. Dat doet erg goed. Nu kan ik vanuit overzichtsniveau ernaar kijken. Voel mij daarna rustig en blij. Slaap nu weer normaal. Prover 8 droge koude neus koude en wit ben doodmoe krijg steeds meer rillingen beeld van een hele verre planeet die explodeert/tijdloos voel me wezenloos ijsbergen Heel slecht geslapen. Voel veel boosheid en kan dat niet echt kwijt. Droom over een zwerm bijen in mijn slaapkamer. Ik word gestoken. Er zit een nest in het gordijn. Ze komen er allemaal uitvliegen.Een voor mij onbekende pakt het gordijn en klopt het uit. Prover 10 C2 Een hele reeks van gedachten, alles wat gezegd was, verteld was, hoe ik met mijn innerlijk kind moet verbinden, ben ik onderdrukt? -Het is lekker om alleen te zijn, bij mijzelf te zijn, met mijn gedachten te zijn. Ik vind het jammer dat de trituratie afgelopen is. Het was een beetje als een droom – een stroom van gedachte die voorbij ging, gedachten die ik beleefd heb, ik voelde me afgezonderd -van de groep, van mijzelf. 2-2-05 Ik weet niet hoe ik me voel, een beetje eenzaam, Ik doe dingen om tijd te vullen? Tijd vullers,? Dag vullers? Ik zou graag naar een diepte willen gaan van totaal verveeld te zijn & hopelijk terugkomen. Iets slaapt in mij en ik kan het niet wakker maken dus ik blijf proberen en diegene wat slaapt trekt tegelijk mij, vooral zwaar op mijn rug, het trekt mijn naar voren & beneden. Prover 16 Deze verwrijving heb ik niet gedaan. Er gebeurt zoveel dat ik het niet goed kan bijhouden, vooral op gebied van afscheid nemen. Prover 19 Leegte die heel prettig is. > Ritmisch, rustig draaien. > > Gelukkig dat ik alles nog heb (ledematen). > Alsof aan de binnenkant van ei, de schaal, de schil, binnenin. > > Verlaagd bewustzijn. > Dikke foetale ogen. > Gedempt. > > Eigenlijk niets-voelen. > Onraakbaar. > > Mijn rechterarm doet het niet meer. > Schrapen vanuit de pols. > > Denken aan sterven van de kou, bewustzijn verlaat dan het lichaam. > Heel veel keer geeuwen. INDIVIDUELE SYMPTOMEN TRITURATIE C3 Prover 1 Ik ruik gelijk al een sterke lucht, kan het niet thuis brengen, benzine?
118
Steken in mijn rechterzij, gebied lever Hoofdpijn Voel me weemoedig Vervlogen tijden, zit in een ouderwets straatbeeld, zwartwit, mensen in ouderwetse kledij, lijkt op een oude ansichtkaart. Er is iets wat me benauwd. Gevoel alsof er iets in mijn keel zit Daarna is er stilte, sereniteit. Slaperig (sonar) trillingen in mijn lichaam Verdriet, oud zeer: oorlog, joden, zie rijen magere, trieste mensen staan die afgevoerd worden naar de concentratiekampen, voel stekende pijn in mijn hart Moet diep zuchten Steken linkeroor Brandend gevoel bovenlip Opgezette buik Hoesten AFSLUITING (wil me het liefst omdraaien, met mijn rug naar de groep toe gaan zitten, maar denk: dat kan ik niet maken en doe het niet) Gedachten aan vroeger komen naar boven: mijn oma’s en opa en aan wat zij gevoeld moeten hebben in de oorlog Verdriet van familie Moe, zwaar gevoel Marije begint erg te hoesten en ik denk: zie je wel: gaskamer! VERDRIET IS TE ERG, TE ZWAAR Later tijdens bespreken in de groep heb ik het enorm koud en last van hartkloppingen. Prover 3 1e deel lactose Ik zie geel/goud om me heen Ik zit op top van de berg Rust gevoel – zware ogen, alsof ik ga slapen Ik zou zo eeuwen kunnen zitten! Tijd bestaat niet Er is heel veel ruimte om me heen Heel moe- slaperig Medelijden maar zonder gericht object – naar wat of wie gericht niet bekend. Ik zit op de top van de berg waar de engelen niet durven Alles daarboven is compleet en geheel 2e deel lactose Oranje om me heen Ik ruik een zoetig/fruitig geur. (Als de thuja) Ik ruik bomen Toestand van “purity” = zuiverheid, Nederlands woord komt later in me op Verbergen – ik ga zitten boven op een plek waar niemand mij kan zien toch weet ik dat alles er is. Neutrale meditatieve toestand Heel moe – slaperig Denk aan mijn oma, tante, oom en nog een oom. Allemaal overleden, ik heb ze ook gekend 3e deel Ik zie een stiervecht van boven Ik ben de stier en ook de stiervechter en tegelijkertijd neem ik het van boven waar. Steken in linker borst, van tepel recht naar binnen dwars door de borst heen Ik zie grote, gigantische bomen, ik denk aan de dood, moeder aarde. Dit volgt na de beuk. Opeens helder, helemaal terug, gevoel van herboren zijn. Honger gevoel, lege maag. Ik wil graag naar de C4! Ik weet even niet zo goed wat ik op aarde doe. Rustig doorgaan, misschien komt het nog (weten wat ik hier doe) Neutraal gevoel. Nacht van 2-2-05 Dezelfde nacht gedroomd dat ik zo boos was op iemand dat ik niet kon stoppen met schreeuwen tot dat ik overging in slaan. Ik heb die persoon met geweld een kamer ingeduwd en ik ging erop los. De reden: zij was ver over mijn grenzen heen gegaan. Een vrouwelijke familielid die verliefd is op mijn vriend en daar op af ging. Mijn gedachten: “ jij komt niet aan het meest heilig in mijn leven” Daarna enorm verdriet en huilen omdat mijn vriend boos was over mijn actie. Hij zegt in de droom: You have made a scene at a family party and that is not the place to do it! You have no respect for anybody!! Donderdag 3-2-05 Volgende ochtend droge hoest met een ruw gevoel in mijn sternum. Herken dit gevoel van de tijd dat ik bronchitis heb gehad op mijn 18e. Ik hoest steeds een keer. Doe ik al een tijdje zo, als ik moet hoesten, bedoel ik. Ongelofelijke trek in yoghurt. Na vorige trituraties ook maar was me niet van bewust dat het misschien hierdoor kwam. Ik ben gewend periodes door te maken waarin ik steeds trek heb in iets concreets. Ik ben geschrokken van het feit dat ik me bewust ben dat ik liever aan de andere kant wil zitten. Ik voel me niet depressief en in feite wens ik ook niet dood te gaan maar ik voelde me daar zo goed. Als ik in contact ben met de andere kant doe ik het vanuit de aarde, vanuit mijn wezen, met als het ware een klein lijntje dat omhoog gaat. Dit doe ik meestal met Reiki-oefeningen of behandelingen. Tijdens de trituratie
119
zat ik niet beneden maar boven. Het lijntje was geen lijntje, het was alles, ik was alles. Het geeft mij een raar gevoel om hier te zijn en een aardse bestaan te lijden. Ik ben echter als ik daar boven op de berg zit, want dan ben ik wat ik ben in mijn kern. Ik heb 4 cases uit te werken en ik kom er niet aan toe om er aan te beginnen. Ik heb geen kracht vrijmaken hiervoor. De kracht moet binnen mijzelf blijven. Morgen college, weet niet of ik het kan opbrengen om daarheen te gaan. Ik voel me neutraal. Het enige wat ik wil is mijn kracht voelen en ervaren wat ik werkelijk ben, en dat is, wat ik boven op die berg was. Ik weet niet zo goed wat ik hier mee aan moet. Mijn neiging is nu, rustig wachten en de aandacht op mijzelf richten. Ik voel trouwens ook enorme, overweldigende liefde naar de mensheid, in het bijzonder mijn vriend (niets nieuws). Gevoel van eenheid. Prover 5 3ex tritt.
Na de C2 en C3 trit.
1e x: -denk aan het boek Psalmen uit de Bijbel -prik oog, begint rechteroog bovenlid. Doorgaans ooghoek bij de neus links gaande naar rechts. -tijd gaat zo langzaam -stof voelt lekker en maakt lekker geluid, als rustig door goede sneeuw zoeven. Fijn, gelukkig gevoel in bovendeel romp. --stof voegt zich makkelijk naar mijn hand, lijkt bij schrapen meer te worden. Oogst makkelijk, i.t.t. het schrapen ban lac.h. 2e x: -fijn geluid, maakt me gelukkig -triest om dood kindje van 6 maanden in baarmoeder -ruik de geur van droogkokende koffie (was niet echt zo) -tijd gaat zo langzaam -neusgat links helemaal vrij, alsof koude vrieslucht tot diep in je longen kan gaan. Fris koud gevoel als in ijle lucht hoog in de bergen, wat me ook altijd blij maakt. -natuurrijken werken nu in deze tijd mee om de aarde voor te bereiden op Kerstmis. 2ex schrapen: -Gulle stof. - gevoel van Rust tussen borstbeen en bekken. -Veel meer op buik gaan slapen met knie, aan dezelfde zijde als waarheen het hoofd gekeerd is, opgetrokken. Wil dit eigenlijk niet om knieen niet zo te belasten, maar is wel de prettigste houding als ik al iets van bewustzijn heb ’s morgens bij het wakker worden (soms al om 4 uur) dromen zijn helder, geen emotievolle situties, kan ze meer helder maar gedeeltelijk vasthouden. - dr: 23-01-05: dochter bleek ineens 3 kinderen te hebben terwijl ik alleen de 1e goed ken -schoonvader van 91 jaar stapte op een balustrade om iets te pakken en viel, kwam rechtstandig op zijn voeten terecht 1 verdieping lager en liep gewoon weer weg. Dat hij op de balustrade stapte gaf me wat zorg en ik was verbaasd dat hij geen letsel had. Geen emoties, alleen constateren. Bij beide dromen was ik logisch aan het waarnemen.
120
M/thoughts/religious Eye/pain/stitching/side/right/outer corner M/time/passes too slow M/content/feeling of happiness
M/sadness/death foetus Nose/odor/coffee, burning Nose/open/nostrils/left Nose/smell/air/open, cold M/content/open air M’thoughts/religious
Sleep/position/abdomen/knee lifted Dreams/waking 4 a.m. Dreams/noticing just Dreams/ family/strange situations.
Prover 7 C3 trituatie, 2 februari 2005 Vanaf ’s ochtends op mijn linker oor een vreemd vegend geluid op het ritme van mijn hartslag. Ik heb al een constant ruisen in mijn oren maar wordt hier toch niet paniekerig van. Het is heel rustig. Thuis heb ik even getwijfeld over mijn kleding. Heb besloten zonder BH, met grote trui, stretchbroek en gemakkelijke schoenen te gaan. Dat voelt heerlijk. Het maakt mij niet echt uit wat anderen vinden. Bij binnenkomst wordt ik blij als ik het schilderij van laatste keer zie. Ik vind het nog steeds heel mooi. Aan het begin van de trituatie lichte hoofdpijn rechts. Vijzel en stamper voelen koud. Voor het eerst komen Duitse woorden, waarvan ik niet naar de vertaling zoek. Roerend in de vijzel wijkt de substantie van het midden: Mittelpunktfliehend. Ik ruik Kampfer (ik zou niet weten hoe dat ruikt en hoe het in het Nederlands heet). S1 Wil alles energiek naar het midden toe schrapen. Roer met gesloten ogen. Dat voelt goed. S2 Ben hel rustig. Prettig. Ben moe, gaap vaak. Kijk om mij heen, zie anderen zwaar kijken en denk: wij zijn niet blij. Ruik 4711 (weer in het Duits, Eau de cologne, werd vroeger vooral door oudere dames gebruikt). S3 Ik wil niet schrapen! Er gebeurt niets. Denk in het Duits: Bin nicht bei der Sache. (Ben er niet bij). Iets staat mij tegen. Ik wil niet met de stroom mee! Sta op en haal thee. Ik wil mij niet verzetten – maar meedoen is moeilijk. Heb pijn in mijn hart. Denk na over het woord verzetten – verzet – oorlog. (Ik lees op dit moment een boek waar over een aantal Concentratiekampen wordt geschreven). Kijk naar het schilderij en zou iets soortgelijks willen schilderen. In de linker hoek beneden. Het zou anders worden, rustiger, wel met dezelfde kleuren. Maar de energie om het daadwerkelijk te doen ontbreekt. Discipline. Nog een keer roeren! (Nee toch!) Der Gang nach Kanossa! Ik wil dit niet – is dit weer verzet? Ik ben hier waarschijnlijk niet goed in – SORRY! Er zit iets creatiefs in. Ik wil bij het schrapen van de substantie een windroos maken. Wil de C4 tritureren! Wacht met vertellen. Ik heb niet direct de behoefte het kwijt te moeten. Geluid in mijn linker oor is er nog steeds. IJskoude voeten en onderbenen. 3 februari 2005 Heb goed geslapen. Opgeblazen buik. Buikkrampen. Voel mij heel rustig. Zoek in het woordenboek naar de precieze betekenis van : Gang nach Kanossa. In het Duits: jemandem schwer fallende, aber von der Situation geforderte tiefe Selbsterniedrigung. De eerste uitleg in de Van Dale bevalt mij niet, pas in de aanhang vind ik een uitleg die aansluit bij mijn gevoel. Naar Canossa gaan: zich op deemoedige wijze onderwerpen, en boete doen. ‘s middags erg moe. Val tijdens lezen in slaap. Het is goed zo. Krijg een enorm (vanaf het middenrif) opgezette buik, heel hard. Het voelt vreselijk. Winderig. Laat een boer (dat doe ik echt nooit). Ik denk erover morgen niet naar de opstelling te gaan. Ik wil liever de kamer schilderen. 4 februari 2005 Ben niet naar de opstelling. Voel mij een beetje schuldig maar begin blij aan het schilderen van de woonkamer. Dit was een goede beslissing. Heb in de hele periode een koude rechter arm. Mijn rechter schouder doet zeer. De ene dag is het erger dan de andere. Mijn stemming is wisselvallig. Soms heel eenzaam en onbegrepen, dan heb ik weer het gevoel het allemaal te weten. Voel mij net als in mijn puberteit. Heb de indruk mijn puberzonen beter te begrijpen. Sta er dichter bij. Wat is het toch een moeilijke fase. Aan de ene kant alles weten aan de andere kant zo onzeker. Klein en groot willen zijn, maar wat ben ik nu? Prover 8 Bij aanvang van de trituratie voelde ik erg me moe, verdrietig en boos. Voor mij voelde alles tegengesteld bij het tritureren. Verdraagzaamheid/onverdraagzaamheid Dan toch maar het weer laten gebeuren Kippenvel; echt koude rillingen Geremdheid/ongeremdheid Voel me draaierig en slaperig linksom draaien/rechtsom draaien dan alles weer terugdraaien; dan is het goed ophouden/weer beginnen
121
streken uithalen/betrouwbaarheid wil niet schrapen, maar hakken Kijk om me heen; Gert is lief en komisch zo hard als hij zit te schrapen. krijg het beeld van een stier te zien bij een boom voel de trilling van diepblauw en geel verre planeet/steen/ grote leegte/alles willen zien en weten Prover 10 C3 2-2-05 1. a.Iets hards, taais, zwaars als stroop, trekt aan mij van binnen b. eindeloos geduld 2. a. moe, zwaar werk, moe, bijna in slaap gevallen b. gapen 3. iets wil naar buiten (uit mij) maar kan niet, zelfde gedachten als van middag voor de trituratie, het trekt mij steeds naar binnen, bijna ademloos, zwaar gevoel, bijna verdrietig maar kalme, niet bang, gevoel alsof ik naar een grote, donker innerlijk gebied, ruimte wordt gedrukt Prover 15 Dag Allemaal, Na deze trituratie een immens verdriet en eenzaamheid, en onbegrip dat wij (ik) als mens in staat is om tot planmatige wreedheid in staat te zijn. Door het weglaten van gevoelservaringen is dit mogelijk=rationele verklaring Maar wat mbv de trituratie terugkomt is het kinderlijke element, en dat is het niet begrijpen ervan. het niet begrijpen met het gevoel, de onmogelijkheid op gevoels nivo jezelf te begrijpen en te ervaren, en de behoefte te oefenen en fantaseren tot je dat misschien wel kan begrijpen, . De kinderlijke opluchting dat het lichaam een stof produceert die je beschermd voor het lijden wat de mens aan zichzelf kan ervaren en zichzelf aan kan doen. Het ondraaglijke te verhelpen met een drug, die je lichaam zelf produceert. Maar toch te voelen dat de oplossing niet is, maar de illusie. De weerstand om in de illusie te gaan..die is heel sterk. niet naar het grotere geheel te vertrekken, de illusie op te geven, dat is de pijn. Als we niet in de emotie / pijn teveel hoeven te gaan, wordt de weg opengebroken naar een groter geheel. maar is dat een escape, onderdrukking, en laten we de pijn, en de aangedane pijn dan maar niet gemakshalve achter!???? Dat is de pijn die ik nu beleef. Prover 16 (zit erbij, tritureert niet) Hele angstige voorgevoelens als ik opsta, dit blijft de hele dag hangen. Last van m'n buik hierdoor Ik zie een begrafenisauto Afscheid, dood, transformatie Heb enorme hartkloppingen Alize geeft haar mortier en dit voelt als delen een fijn gevoel, ik schraap. Gevoel te willen uitbreken. Arm links boven doet pijn Stroomt in linkerbeen en tintelt Bovenbenen voelen aan de binnenkant schraal Boven op hoofd aan binnenkant tintelingen Ik voel me intens moe Ik zie een enorme ijsberg en die gaat smelten, alsof het zachter wordt. Een onherbergzaam gebied zo een eenzaam gebeuren. Schouders en bovenarmen zo zwaar en pijnlijk. Nek pijnlijk Achter rechter oog pijn Ik zie een skelet, het doet van achter naar voren pijn aan de binnenkant. Ik voel medelijden en liefde. Ik hoor donderdag d.d. 03-02-2005 dat heel slecht gaat met een lieve vriend, hij heeft die dag een operatie en zal het waarschijnlijk niet redden. Het lijden voor hem is afschuwelijk. Dit grijpt me zo aan. De week ervoor heb ik een afscheidsgesprek met hem gehad. Het voelt als veel. Ik ga in meditatie en kom als nog met hem in een geestelijk contact, daarna wordt het rustiger in mijn gevoel. Ik heb het besef dat dit weer een afscheid betekent. Prover 19 Ben er mee begonnen en alweer gestopt voor de bel rinkelde. Toen ik > thuis de C1 moest maken wilde het ook al niet lukken. Ik ben ook erg beïnvloed door > alles wat ik in de groep heb gehoord, kan niet onbevangen draaien. Het > lucht me op dat ik stop want ik moest nog C3 en C4 en het lag als een last op > mijn schouders. Ik ga vrijdag gewoon C5 doen, sla de rest over. > Mijn reis naar Nieuw-Zeeland heeft hier zeker mee te maken. Er is veel > veranderd maar ik kan niet beschrijven wat het is. Het is iets dat
122
> zich "innerlijk in mij heeft voltrokken", zo probeer ik het uit te > leggen en zie dan verbaasde blikken. Maar jullie snappen dat denk ik > wel. Het beïnvloed op dit moment al mijn persoonlijke relaties en daar schrik ik soms van. > > Toen ik thuis kwam heb ik een dag later mijn studiekamer afgebroken en > naar de zolder verhuisd, alle studiespullen opgeruimd die nog steeds op de > tafel of in de kast lagen. De dossiers van de kliniek weg gedaan, alle anamneses > versnipperd. Een helder moment. En zo voelt het nu ook (wat betreft die C3 > en C4), een helder moment, een goed besluit. > > De reis heeft me dus ook losgeweekt van mijn homeopathie-trauma. > Zonder dat ik er iets voor heb gedaan. Of juist omdat ik er niets mee heb gedaan? De > natuur werkt vaak ook helend. Daar heb ik een overdosis van gehad. Het > lijkt wel een afscheidsbrief he? Dat is het niet hoor. Ik zal altijd een groot > aanhanger van de homeopathie blijven. Ik weet niet eens waarom ik jullie > dit laat weten, het welde gewoon in me op. INDIVIDUELE SYMPTOMEN C4 TRITURATIE Prover 1 C4 trituratie d.d. 16 maart 2005 Voel al snel pijn, druk op mijn borst, rechterkant Koud Pijn voorhoofd Wil heel erg in mezelf zitten, laat me met rust! Loslaten, wil hier niet op aarde zijn, wil naar andere dimensies Ik wil doorwrijven, nu al schrapen Ik wil me niet bewijzen, ben goed zoals ik ben, al die verschrikkelijke Ego’s waarvoor ik mij moet bewijzen Wil weg, weg van deze aardbol, heb het wel gezien hier! Voelt als bevrijding. Misselijk, zuchten, geeuwen. Gert is hard aan het schrapen en dat irriteert enorm: hou op: je verstoort mijn gevoel! Schrapen duurt me te lang, wrijven duurt te kort Verlang naar muziek om lekker bij weg te zweven Zit in een draaikolk, heel veel kleuren, word daarin meegezogen Daarna is er LEEGTE Jullie mogen het allemaal hebben, het hele Ego-bestaan, ik vind het prima, ik ga weg!! Voel me verdrietig, maar ook trots Pijn in rechteroor Ruik een licht frisse geur, doet me denken aan de lente. Dan weer: Ik wil weg!! Voel het in het diepst van mijn ziel: ik wil hier niet zijn! Daarna gevoel alsof ik echt “weg” ben: ik word steeds lichter, dunner, alsof ik oplos Dan kom ik terug: waar ben ik? En meteen voel ik: Dit is mijn lot…. Voelt heel zwaar…. Daarna ben ik uit mijn concentratie en heb ik heel veel trek in zoet. Tijdens de bespreking heb ik wel het gevoel dat ik er “ben”, maar moet daar erg mijn best voor doen, steeds de neiging om weg te willen “glippen”. Eenmaal thuis duik ik de koelkast in en werk een Magnum naar binnen, heb behoefte aan zoet en kou om zo te proberen weer meer “hier” te komen. Daarna word ik overmand door een immens verdriet en moet heel hard huilen. Ik slaap goed, maar word wakker met hoofdpijn. De volgende dag krijg ik ’s avonds last van kriebelhoest wat zich ’s nachts doorzet met pijn in spieren en koorts, kortom: ik heb de griep. Blijf thuis (18/3), moet veel hoesten, overal pijntjes in hele lijf en voel me heel erg sloom, alles wat ik doe, doe ik in slow motion. Prover 3 1e deel lactose Egypte – oase in de woestijn Oranje kleur Hoofd van Nefertiti Neutraal Gevoel Overgang naar de andere wereld Lopen in een Gouden gang ergens naar toe maar geen eind Rustig/Neutrale sensatie LEREN – heb ik wel genoeg geleerd? Schrappen: nog nooit zo weinig gevoeld tijdens een trituratie Het doet me niets! Wat is dan het tegenovergestelde? Dat alles door jou heen gaat, alles komt binnen GEVEN EN NEMEN Egoïsme kan schadelijk zijn maar ook gezond Ego is noodzakelijk maar niet onmisbaar Je hoeft niets te missen, er komt wat nodig is FARAO-Slaaf-Nefertiti beeld in mijn hoofd Wie is eigenlijk bevoorrecht? Degene die zijn ego kan missen.
123
In wezen hetzelfde maar je moet je gouden gang alleen doorlopen “ Alice in Wonderland” Ik zie de ogen van Monique als een kat 2 e deel lactose Overzicht – ego vast Om de gouden gang te mogen doorlopen moet je groeien en groei komt door overzicht Bij gevoel – dat dit even duidelijk is voor mij Blij! Ik ben blij! Wat er uit moest komen is er uit gekomen Middel is voor mensen die door EGO geen overzicht krijgen Kunnen niet vanuit een andere perspectief uit hun ego zien Tegenpool te weinig Ego daardoor onbegrepen = verdriet Oplossing van alle perspectieven leren zien. Ego wanneer nodig? Grenzen Grenzen bestaan niet maar dat kan je pas begrijpen als je ook zonder ego kan. Als ik hierover denk, raak ik verward. SE het gaat even boven mijn pet. Stem in mijn hoofd – schrijf gewoon op – je bent een boodschapper en nu is je denken- je ego niet nodig. Als je thuis bent, ga eens goed nadenken wat ego is, inhoud, nu niet. Ik ben vrienden met de stof. 3e deel lactose SE praat met een meester. Ik ga wat leren. Stilzitten en luisteren. SE dat ik de stof begrijp Dat ik de essentie begrijp Mijn leven is nu voorgoed veranderd OBS: mensen heel geconcentreerd. Ik zie een dilemma in de gezichten. Slaap of pijn? SE dat ik te snel gaat (3 keer) OBS: zeer aangename sfeer, ontspannen, mensen praten met ironie Dankbaarheid naar Hahnemann voel ik.
124
Prover 5 C4 trituratie
Wo 16-03-05
Rubriek
1ex 7 min.
Eeuwige gelijkmatigheid, eeuwigheid. Boven het gewriemel van mensen verkeren. Alsof ik vanuit de eeuwige bergwereld met sneeuw op de wereld neerkijk/overzien Glad en zacht, zalfachtig. Wil mortier tegen me aan houden, en het omarmen
M/del/eternity M/del/mountain, het is on the top of the M/del/looking/downwards from the top of the mountains. M/emotions, lack of
Schrapen 3 min
Gulheid van de substantie Rust, ervaar omgeving als doelloze ONRUST
2e x 7 min
Frisse zeepgeur Omarm mortier Hitteflush Vanuit eeuwige bergwereld beschouwend naar de wereld kijken, geïnteresseerd maar er geen deel van uitmaken. Geluiden gedempt alsof er een dikke sneeuw deken overheen ligt
Nose/odor/soap, fraish Head/heat/flush M/disconnected to the world M/covered, sensation the world is
Schrapen 3 min
Wat doet Gert Arsenerig, heeft hij koorts of zo?
Melksuiker toevoegen 3ex 7 min
Denk aan onlangs overleden mensen en hun levenssferen Het is alsof er een dik pak goede sneeuw ligt Geeft me vertrouwen Frisse zeepgeur
M/thoughts/dead people M/ confident, sensation of Nose/odor/soap
Schrapen 3 min
Veel onrust in het schrapen bij anderen Substantie is gul om niet, maakt me dankbaar en blij Pepermuntgeur die wat van kamfer heeft
M/delusion/restlessness in others. M/thankful; M/graceful
4ex 7 min
Wat is dit ‘ont-spinnings-proces? Alice in de Echter Wereld te gast Wie ben ik dat ik deel mag hebben aan het ontrafelen, ontrollen van de wijsheid in deze substantie. Als of we het AARDSE EEUWIGE door ons tritureren naar de mensenmaat halen, vol bewondering en verwondering en deemoed. Kruidige zeepgeur. Tijd gaat vlugger dan ik denk.
M/ Philosophical M/theorising M/ graceful to the universe M/ time/too fast (quick) M/ admiration M/ religious feelings
3e portie lac.sac 5ex 7 min
Alleen maar die hogere eeuwige bergwereld Ineens weer helemaal in het hier en nu.
M/del/ mountain, being on top of the
Schrapen 3 min
Niets, veel gelach, concentratie weg, gehakketak van stemmen
6ex
Onrust, geen concentratie meer Geur zoals in Aziatische meubelwinkels Tijd gaat snel. Substantie gul, als losse sneeuw komt het zonder moeite van de wand los. Einde C4 trituratie
e
1 nacht
-droom: zag kerktoren van het dorp waar mijn ouders wonen ineens in elkaar zakken. Ouders wonen dicht bij die kerk, alles was verwoest. Zag het huis van mijn ouders vanuit de plaats aan de andere kant van de straat tegenover de buren. Was verder niets aan de hand, alleen alles kapot. Dit had geen verdere consequenties. - ik was met een trituratie groep in een voor mij gewijde ruimte, ik had een zwart boek in mijn hand. Iedereen sprak over zijn ‘spirituele ervaringen’, alsmaar, en ieder had wel wat, de een al mooier dan de ander. Ik voelde dat de ruimte wat ontwijd werd of zo, waarop een iemand uit de groep laatdunkend zei: jij verkoopt toch ook alleen maar loten! Het boek bleek het homeopathische woordenboek te zijn. - was me bij het wakker worden in eens bewust dat iemand mij incorrect benaderd had, waarvoor ik een verklaring gegeven had vanuit mijzelf, terwijl me nu duidelijk was, dat die ander zich had moeten verontschuldigen voor zijn gedrag.
125
Dreams/accidents/tower is crashing Dreams/humiliated, being
Prover 7 C4 trituatie, 16 maart 2005 Blij gevoel. Alize en Jacqueline kletsen veel, ik zeg er wat van en schrik daarvan: hoe haal ik het in mijn hoofd. Voel schaamte – sorry! Substantie voelt lekker rond in de vijzel, soepel. Moet aan Irene denken, ik zou iets voor haar willen doen, het lichter willen maken. Lisanne studeert af op het onderwerp Duitsland en moet de film: “Der Untergang” zien. Wat moet zij inhalen. Iets wat in de familie nog een plek moet krijgen? Vanuit onzekerheid belangrijk willen zijn. Dat hoeft nu niet meer. Ben nog onzeker wanneer ik dan wel iets moet zeggen. Ben blij en dankbaar, dat ik tritueer, dat er geen PC’s op tafel staan, dat wij hier zitten en dit doen. Het voelt verbonden, ook al kan ik niet iedereen helpen, omdat ik ook weet dat ieder zijn stuk heeft waar hij zelf doorheen moet. Geert schraapt heel fanatiek, ik maak mij zorgen om hem: “komt het wel goed?” Voel mij heel heel, wil eigenlijk in deze toestand blijven, hoef niet meer verder. Es kann doch nur noch besser werden. Oud liedje komt in mij op: Das kann doch einen Seemann nicht erschüttern, keine Angst, keine Angst Rosmarie! Voel mij blij. Hauptsache das Ganze zerplatzt nicht wie eine große Seifenblase! Moet aan het verhaal van Marije denken. Wat erg al die experimenten in de oorlog, dat mensen moeten ervaren dat zij tot iets in staat zijn waarvan zij dachten dat zij het nooit zouden doen. Die Erkenntnis muß schrecklich sein. Er was geen overzichtsniveau. Ze zaten er te diep in. “Der Untergang” zien – men kan dingen weten zonder ze meegemaakt te hebben. Als het al in je ziel zit. Waarom komen wij soms niet aan ons weten? Zit ons Ego ons in de weg? Alles is er toch. Wat zijn wij mensen toch prachtig in ons streven naar waarheid , het zijn te bereiken! Zouden wij nog veel moeten wrijven? Geeft niet, wij komen er wel uit met z’n allen. Volgens mij ziet iedereen alles aan mij, maar dat geeft niet, het is goed zo. Voel mij erboven staan. Dat maakt dat ik mij schaam. Ik hoef dus niet meer te schrapen. Ik ben moe, ik wil slapen. Fanatieke Geert! Heb het gevoel, dat ik een spel speel. Kan mijzelf geen houding geven. Zou het liefst willen slapen maar weet niet hoe en waar. Kijk naar mij en schaam mij daarvoor. Durf niet echt ergens te…. Ben een stuk kwijt……. Weet niet wat er allemaal in mij zit. Ben bang. Existentiële angst. Nu weet ik het weer: het ging te snel! Als wij nog doorgaan blijven wij in die toestand. Is dat de angst voor wat erna komt? Jacqueline waar zijn de zakjes? Eintüten – und jetzt weiter! Heb enorm behoefte aan zoet, gelukkig is er chocola bij Alize. Wanneer gaan wij de C5 doen? De volgende ochtend kom ik nauwelijks mijn bed uit. Intens moe! Sleep mij de dag door, doe dingen en ben toch niet echt aangesloten. Functioneer op de automatische piloot. Erg moe. Krijg heftige menstruatie, het lijkt alsof mijn borsten groter zijn. Ben zo moe. Eet een hele blok chocola. Behoefte aan zoet. Veel geluid in mijn hoofd. De gedachten gieren door mijn hoofd. In het weekeind voel ik mij erg onzeker over alles. Wandelen en praten helpt. Eet veel zoet. Kan moeilijk bij een onderwerp blijven. Prover 20 16 maart 2005 C4 Honger en droge mond soort gelatenheid / geduld stekende pijn in mijn rug allemaal zo grof om me heen afgeleid aan patiënt in Kenia gedacht, zat in "rolstoel" gaf hem Plumbum gelatenheid erge slaap zou ik ziek zijn? iets met oordeel dementie/versterven, dood van mijn eigen vader kou, moe, honger geld loopneus voel me ineens de oudste in deze groep Gevoel alsof ik in m'n buik zit te roeren
126
INDIVIDUELE SYMPTOMEN C5 TRITURATIE Prover 8 1 april 2005 / C 5 Begin de trituratie met een lamme rechterarm. Ga links draaien. Mag ik zijn wie ik ben? Tijd en plicht altijd aanwezig Verlang naar tijdloosheid en vrijheid Ruik sterke chloorlucht Rechterneusgat verstopt. Ik zit vrijwel in het donker en voel me geïsoleerd. 1 streep licht. Het voel heel onrustig om mij heen. Lijkt wel of iedereen in de lesruimte "op springen" staat Alsof de bom gaat barsten Poolster/schraapwand lijkt op ijspegels ijsberen. "geloof in jezelf overstijgen = vertrouwen hebben. Ik droom kort na de trituratie over de oorlog. Mijn kinderen en ik zitten in een soort zolderhuis. Er wordt op de deur gebonkt. Wij doen niet open. Dan wordt het weer stil. Een van mijn zoons klimt op het dak om te kijken wat er aan de hand is. Hij wordt direct met een pistool bedreigd door een soldaat die kennelijk al op het dak aanwezig was. Er wordt ons verteld dat wij over 2 dagen opgehaald worden. Ik neem afscheid van onze zolder. Ik kijk door een van de ronde zolderramen; zie een hele lange brede goot die helemaal begroeid is met groene planten zo ver ik maar kan kijken. Ik word met een loodzwaar gevoel wakker. Prover 15 heb ik je verteld dat bij de laatste bijeenkomst ik weer over Hitler en de wreedheden begon. het gevoel was: ik wilde het niet ik had weerstand: nee niet weer, dat hebben wij nu gehad. ik heb er over gehad. ik heb het toch verwerkt? nee toch niet. de vraag kwam op. waarom heeft dit moeten gebeuren, waarom hebben we dit zo gedaan, waar is het goed voor. wat is de bedoeling ervan. en dan wel vooral de geplande wrede organisatie van dit al, het wrede en koude. WAAROM WAAROM WAAROM. WAT IS DE MENING ERVAN. Prover 20 april 2005 C5 Zou de paus al dood zijn? Niet leuk dat er mensen uit de groep naar buiten gaan raak ongeïnteresseerd in het middel pijn in m'n kiezen door schrapen Gert beetje misselijk iets met seksualiteit, spanning man in Kenia die me wilde schaken buikpijn, rugpijn en misselijk hoor om me heen de verwarring over de tijd, heb er niets mee ziekte, prostaatkanker? seks, gewone seks, lust stel dat ze me moeten komen halen omdat er thuis iets erg gebeurd is.. hoe moet ik naar huis rijden.. ervaring na 1 april. Ik weet niet of het effect was van de trituratie of de casus van de Nat-m vrouw. Was zeer onder de indruk van de vrouw. Ik wist meteen dat ze hoorde bij de Ananda Marga groep. Ik vond haar schitterend. Maar vooral haar hele uitstraling pakte me. Veel herkenbare dingen. De dagen erna heb ik veel hoofdpijn en buikpijn gehad. Vooral de hoofdpijn was heel erg. Verdween na 4 dagen maar blijft op de achtergrond sluimeren. Alles leek zwaar. Ik was erg gedeprimeerd. Erg labiel. Eigenlijk nog. Ook het beeld van de vrouw blijft bij me..
127
INDIVIDUELE ERVARINGEN NA INNAME LAPIS LAZULI C40/4 Prover 1 Ondanks dat ik vorige week het middel niet heb ingenomen, heb ook ik last van mijn onderrug. Afgelopen vrijdagochtend "schoot" het er ineens in, het was pijnlijk, maar nog wel uit te houden. Totdat het afgelopen zondag het er nogmaals in "schoot", en ditmaal 3x zo hard in mijn beleving, met als gevolg hevige pijn die uitstraalt naar mijn buik, opgezet en een gevoel alsof de boel "op slot" zit. Zitten is bijna onmogelijk, lopen en staan gaan wel maar met moeite, alleen als ik lig heb ik nergens last van. Heb inmiddels via mijn eigen homeopaat een middel ingenomen, maar helaas tot nu toe nog niet zoveel resultaat. Klachten met mijn onderrug heb ik vroeger ook wel gehad, echter niet zo heftig als deze keer en het is ook alweer een tijdje geleden. Toeval?? Ook het gevoel van dat "ik niet meer ben, jezelf kwijt zijn" is herkenbaar, dit heb ik alleen niet deze keer, maar dit had ik al na de C4 trituratie. Ben benieuwd naar jullie ervaringen/reactie. Prover 3 11 mei 2005 Vanochtend allemaal plannen. Ik heb veel af te handelen. Beslis eerst een homeopathisch middel langs een patiënt brengen. Normaal gesproken neemt dit 45 minuten in beslag. Ik begin dat ik in de verkeerde tram stap, waardoor ik terecht kom in een buurt in Den Haag die ik meestal vermijd, als het kan, omdat die buurt veel herinneringen naar boven brengt waar ik meestal geen zin in heb. Ik beslis langs de (verkeerde) boekenwinkel te gaan. Ik zeg verkeerde omdat ik graag naar Verwijs in de stad wilde omdat ik daar een boekje over Differentiaal Diagnose moet gaan ophalen. Ik loop op straat met een enorme boosheid: Waarom zit ik hier? Waarom moet ik dingen zo doen? Waarom moet het zo? Eenmaal in de boekenwinkel, zoek ik een cadeau. Wat ik oorspronkelijk wilde is er niet meer dus ik kan dat niet kopen. Uiteindelijk kom ik de boekenwinkel uit met een boek over xxxxxx (als kado) en een boek van Kubler Ross “Lessen voor levenden”. Ik koop dit boek met een soort spanning in mijn buik. Ik vermijd al een hele tijd boeken over dit onderwerp omdat ik vind dat ik er niet aan toe ben. Bij deze twee boeken krijg ik een boekje cadeau over Duitsland and then it hits me...! De lapis natuurlijk! Mijn relatie met dit middel is een van love-hate. Het doet me goed en het trekt me aan maar het maakt me ook bang voor de duistere kant ervan. Ik voel me moedig of juist het tegenovergestelde. Ik besef dat ik dingen vermijd, uitstel, de dingen die ik niet leuk vind en dan blijven ze terug komen. Op een gegeven moment denk ik: het is nu klaar! Ik ga de confrontatie aan! Tegelijkertijd voel ik de adrenaline in mijn lijf. Ik voel me net een warrior even voor the battle. Het valt me op dat ik vaak, als ik dingen schrijf over de Lapis veel woorden in het engels komen. Ik vergeet de Nederlandse woorden. Lieve allemaal, Ik heb veel opgeschreven ivm proving, dit komt later wel. Iets opmerkwaardigs voor mij is het afgelopen nacht gebeurd toen ik aan het dromen was. Droom wist ik niet meer toen ik wakker werd. Het enige wat ik weet is dat ik in de droom Let it be (The Beatles) aan het zingen was en zo ben ik ook wakker geworden, met dat nummer in mijn hoofd. Ik heb pas rustig kunnen worden nadat ik het nummer een aantal keer heb beluisterd. Hierbij dus ook de tekst van Let it be, merkwaardige ervaring, vind ik dit. Het gaat om darkness/unity/answers/Mother Mary. Ik hoor graag wat jullie ervan vinden. De keelklachten, met heesheid herkende ik heel goed van vroeger, dus voor mij was dat wel duidelijk. Dit keer heb ik echter ook oogklachten gehad, een soort ontsteking < links. Dit ken ik niet zo maar goed het kan toeval zijn. Ik dacht aan de Lapis omdat ik sinds de proving probleempjes heb gehad met mijn ogen. Ik kan de zonlicht niet meer uitstaan zonder zonnebril. Voorheen kon dat prima. Nu gaat het wel beter. Ik heb mijn stem terug, ontsteking in larynx is weg, ook bloed en mucus.
128
Prover 5 11 mei
Sinds ik de datum voor het examen gehoord heb, heb ik lumbago. De buikomtrek in onderhevig aan constrictie, nu niet rond mijn borst maar in het bekken. Het middel dat ik van Alize kreeg ingenomen en hief de constrictie niet op. De avond van de dag daarop volgend, bijna 2 dagen na inname van het middel vond de inname van C4/C30 Lapis Lazuli plaats. De lumbago met constrictie op buikwand in het bekkengebied, waardoor ik me in de loop van de dag afvraag of er soms sprake was van een latente optrekkende cystitis, nam na c.a. 1 uur na inname van C4/C30 af om ook weg te blijven. De plek in de rug is nog wel week/zwak Abdomen/constriction/hypogastrium; Abdomen/lower abdomen; Abdomen/band around Abdomen/pain/constricting/band or belt; Abdomen/pain/constricting/umbellicus, below. Back/constriction/lumbar region; Back/pain/constricting/lumbar. Back/pain/motion/amel.; Back/pain/move/beginning; Dreams/anxious/quarrels between friends, - Droom: Terwijl ik op een oud kerkplein loop wordt er iemand achtervolgd. De achtervolger grijpt al hollend in zijn zak om er een klein pistool uit te halen en schiet de wegloper dood. Ik ben bang en ga achter een klein gebouwtje met een zuilengang er in staan en denk dat ik zo niet gezien wordt, want de schutter kon het eens in zijn hoofd halen nog meer mensen te beschieten. Ik denk dat ik veilig ben en niet gezien wordt. Dan komt er een bekende langs, die tegen me zegt: ga je mee? Ik vraag hem hoe hij weet dat ik daar sta en dan blijkt: ‘dat hij van een afstand me gewoon kon zien staan’. Ik had dus een verkeerde inschatting gemaakt, foutje. Dreams/shooting, Dreams/guns, Dreams/shot/wounded Dreams/invisible; Dreams/danger; Dreams/danger/murder; Dreams/impending danger; Dreams/mistake; Dreams/fights
15 mei
- droom: Iemand anders wil niet geloven wat ik zeg, sart me, ontkent wat ik gedaan heb en stelt het continu in een totaal verkeerd daglicht, waardoor ik me volledig onmachtig voel. Wanneer ze doorgaat met ontkennen en naar me wijst, bijt ik haar uit onmacht vreselijk hard in haar vinger, zelfs zo dat ik in mijn slaap bloed proef. Ook voel ik in mijn slaap in me zelf de neiging om haar te knijpen, wat niet gebeurt. Dreams/biting; Dreams/mortification; Dreams/humiliation;Dreams/helpless feeling.
Prover 8 Wil graag even mijn reactie op de inname van lapis lazuli op 11 mei jl. met jullie delen. De nacht na de avond van de inname voelde het alsof mijn onderrug "uit elkaar ging". Een branderig pijnlijk gevoel. Nu, bijna een week later zit er nog steeds een soort brok/ steen in mijn onderrug. Ik meen me te herinneren dat ik een jaar of 3 geleden een vergelijkbaar gevoel heb gehad in mijn onderrug. Verder heb ik veel hartkloppingen gehad. Die zijn nu veel minder. en koude uiteinden (voeten en handen) Voorts veel "instralingen" bij mijn kruin. Ik heb steeds een heel onwezenlijk gevoel alsof "ik" "ik" niet meer ben. To be or not to be, zoiets. Ik droomde een paar nachten na de inname dat ik met 3 andere vrouwen aan het bevallen was. De contouren van het kindje waren helemaal voelbaar door de huid van mijn buik. Dan ga ik rechtop zitten en zie het hoofdje tussen mijn benen. Het kindje kijkt mij aan. Ik "weet" dat het een jongetje is. Daar eindigt de droom. Ook herinner ik me een droom in de afgelopen week, waarbij ik eerst een schoen en een rode laars draag. Ik ruil de schoen om voor de andere rode laars (met veters). Ze zitten heerlijk en ik heb er een blij gevoel over. Dat was het even voor nu. hallo allemaal,
129
Het verhaal van Prover 3 raakte me recht in mijn hart. In de tekst van het liedje gaat het o.a. over "Moeder Maria". In kleur zie ik haar mooie positieve donkerblauwe energie. Vorige week maakte ik voor iemand een "bijenwas" tekening. (encoustic art), waarbij ik "boodschappen doorkrijg". aan de hand van de beelden die verschijnen op de tekening. Intuïtief maak ik deze tekeningen. Het frappante nu is dat op deze tekening een donkerblauwe boog verscheen met daarnaast de contouren van de "Mariafiguur". Voor mij voelt het nu zo dat wij middels de trituratie van Lapis Lazuli in contact mogen komen met deze "hoge" en helende entiteit. Zie ook de tekst van het liedje van de Beatles. Prover 15 Weinig gemerkt na inname veel minder als na trituratie, opnieuw erg koud geweest en boven en onderrug koud en stijf, bang dat ik last zou gaan krijgen, maar is niet echt gebeurt. Het woord omarming kwam in een meeting met collega homeopaten steeds terug. De onderrug pijnen hebben met onderdrukte boosheid en geen ruimte scheppen voor wat je werkelijk wilt "uiten" te maken. En de diepere gevoelens die er zijn, die toch maar liever te willen onderdrukken, Of er geen ruimte voor maken of kunnen maken. Ik zou zeggen spreek je uit.. Dat is wat er aan de hand is. Ik ben benieuwd, of dat gaat werken Prover 16 Pijn in onder rug en buik, met steken in de blaas, vlijmscherp. Heel koud gevoel in onderste deel van de rug. Een aantal dagen ijs en ijskoud en dan een hele hete huid, met koorts, de koorts kwam meestal tegen einde van de dag. Ik kon ook niet warm worden, zelfs niet in mijn bed. Heel veel hartkloppingen en overslaand hart met schokken door lichaam. Hartkloppingen heb ik nu nog bij opwinding. GROEPSERVARINGEN TIJDENS TRITURATIES Supervisor – Alize Timmerman C1 Trituratie – 8 December 2004 Observaties: Obs: er worden sommige dingen met veel humor verteld. Voor trituratie begint: rommel, mensen zoek, net na pauze normaal? A: waar is J, G? Moeten ze niet meedoen? Doet ze altijd C staat al te tekenen. Wil niet dat Alize aan haar tekening komt. Alize zegt dat: wil niet eens da t ik aan haar tekening kom. M: waarom moet je altijd bij iemand zijn gevoel? A tekent iets tussen mijntekening en die van C, gaat direct klagen. Zag ik al aankomen. C : dit is niet de bedoeling. Wat ben je nou aan het doen!!!! Kijkt zo van: jeetje.. wat erg, wat een zooi maak je ervan? G kijkt naar Alize en lacht. C: blijft naar Alize kijken met een soort afschuw. Blijft er naar kijken. Gefixeerd. Staart. De groep vindt Alize een puber omdat ze de tekening van C verpest. Er wordt gelachen om wat Alize zegt: je moet de mensen in de concentratie laten C: Wie doet dat dan? A klaar met tekening “ verpesten” kijkt tevreden C lacht en zegt zie je dat? Terwijl ze naar Gert kijkt. A: kijkt rond, wij kunnen overal gaan schilderen. V Lacht: ze heeft die van mij ook verpest... A kijkt boos. V Kijkt naar de tekening en probeert een betekenis te vinden voor de groene strepen die A heeft getekend op haar vlinder. Eerst hoort het niet, daarna denk ik het zou het bos kunnen zijn, of gras, of een bloem waar de vlinder beland maar Ik mis de kleuren van die bloem. Door de web cam van Gert ziet de tekening er prachtig uit! Ontroerd daardoor. J: zit de hele tijd te lachen over de Al-Co situatie en maakt sarcastische opmerkingen over. G kijkt naar mij terwijl ik mijn spullen opruim en ik zeg Mind your own business, soort irritatie maar niet echt serieus. Hij zegt: doe ik ook! En dan even samen slappen lach. G zucht een aantal keren tijdens de trituratie.
130
C niezen 2 keer M hoest 2 keer en dan stopt het Prover 1 Heftigheid Donker Gloeiende oren Opgeblazen gevoel hoog Ik hou het niet vol omdat het heftig Heel snel reactie gekomen Ik wil het poeder vermorzelen wegens onmacht Begraafplaats, aan het afgraven Prover 2 Alleen en verdrietig Periode tussen C1 en C2 huis opgeruimd. Dingen weggooien. Zolder, kamers van kinderen. SE een kamer klaar, gelijk naar de volgende. Ik had er tijd voor ook, raar, normaal gesproken niet. Tussen alles door gedaan. Het moest. Prover 3 Iets niet mogen Moeder gaat dood kanker Graag samen met de groep Tijd ook Zie 4 en 5 ook Krampen in de arm Bittersmaak tong Prover 4 Warme handen Kerkhof, donker blauw/zwart Heel rustig : ik kijk rustig de dood in de ogen Stuwing in hoofd, vooral hoofd en oren Ogen branden, bovenste oogleden Koude handen SE middel oude mensen, stervendenbegeleiding, vogeltrek naar de winter, overgang van de ene fase naar de andere. Om mensen de dood te laten accepteren. Vader wat zie je er wit uit, je lijkt wel dood. Wit koud en begraafplaats. Bij mij dood ook geestelijk. Niet negatief of beangstigend. Tijd is er nog geen tijd? Droom: Iets in stukken, gedaan met tanden erin, eruit spugen Zachte bloederige spul Prover 5 Gevoel basis hebben Heerlijk materiaal om te doen Gulle stof SE, ja Basis! Krampen in voeten Ook vergeetachtig (Prover 12 ook) Boos, en gehaast Heel ongeconcentreerd Niet goed afmaken Veel sneller gedaan dan zou moeten Woedend in de stof te draaien Zin in koffie (echt nooit) Ik ergere me aan de koeien lucht, anders nooit Prover 6 Woede Veel voorspellende dood, elke keer terug Echt niet last Humoristische kant in het middel, plezierige kant Heel sterk ene of andere kant in te schieten Prover 7 Heel misselijk geweest (Prover 15 ook gevoeld) Enorm opgeblazen buik (dikke buik) man ook gezien Iets met eten te maken Heel veel gedroomd – elke nacht 2-3 keer wakker geweest Over dagelijkse dingen door het hoofd- kon niet stop zetten Uur om 2 wakker en dan 5 uur Heel veel te doen met oude mensen; heel erg begaan met die oude mensen. Blijheid Afwisselende met boosheid en droefheid. Gedacht aan eigen puberteit. Relatie met moeder niet goed meer , na Lac-H wel beter Flashback van vroeger – gevecht met moeder.
131
Over kleine dingentjes ruzie maken. (Prover 15 gezegd) Bijna iets magische gevoel – ik geef de poeder weg – heeft invloed op me Boos op iedereen Ontzettend vermoeiend Tijdens trituratie vrolijk (Prover 15 gezegd) Conny dit deed me ook aan puberteit denken. Heel intens Prover 8 Krampen in buik Gedroomd – ijspegels uit neus kwamen –allemaal afgezaagd met schaar Voorheen repeterende dromen Heel koud IJzige gevoel – in de steek gelaten voelen- alleen in de kou (heel ongewoon voor mijzelf) Kramp kwam afgelopen zaterdag terug toen ik me bewust werd dat ik hierheen moest komen Boos – niet helemaal scheiden van mijn state nou (Conny ook dat gevoel) Reactie op Tsunami onder invloed van dit middel Prover 8 Nuchter geworden in een klap – goed voort te kunnen leven, belangrijk dat ik nuchterheid ontwikkel anders trek ik het niet. Overleven vanuit mijzelf. Prover 9 Meer afstand nemen Ervan af weg moest Ik wist het en dat was genoeg Afstand nemen van de realiteit Iets met de maan, daar heel erg mee bezig (Prover 15 ook) Discussie over onderwerp Nuchter: Nuchter: reageren zonder emotionele betrokkenheid. Prover 18: binnen de proporties, de grenzen. Prover 15: bepaalde stabiliteit in je emotie. Dat je niet zo verliest in je emoties. In nuchter hoort ook het woord rustig. Prover 4: verstandelijke toestand dan een emotionele toestand. Sobrio niet dronken: dat je niet laat gaan door emoties. Door nuchter zijn neem je afstand (Prover 7). Prover 10 Sober – dat je niet meegenomen wordt in het gevoel of emotie. Nuchterheid: is het niet vertrouwen? Een soort basis? Emotionele basis is daarin redelijk stevig. Prover 11 Tsunami: ik kon het doseren. Tv aan - kijken invoelen en huilen – tv uit kon ik door Eerste 3 weken ontzettend helder geweest Gevoel basis geweest (Prover 5) Laatste 2 weken ingestort. Constant over boerenland en bouwvakkers bleven terugkomen. Lopen in boeren land met voeten in grond zakken. Nuchterheid – ik voelde me heel mannelijk – boeren man Achter me een huis – basic gevoel Dood – mensen hele wereld in kring, hand in hand Alleluja woord kwam naar boven IJzer plaat omringt door gras pletten al die mensen, mensen kwamen er onder uit kruipen alsof er niets aan de hand was. Ok we gaan doodonder plaat vandaan en weer verder. Leeuw- vorm van Ik voelde me meer dier als mens. Tijdens tritureren werd ik een leeuw. Ik kon niet denken als een mens. Ik kon ervaren van vocht, de zon op je huid. Proberen er een mentaal verhaal van te maken, lukte niet. Heel raar voor mij. Grijze energie massa en niet meer met vorm. Ik keek anders. Kaarsen branden, allerlei energieën ging erdoor heen, geen vorm. Menselijk zicht op dingen kwijt. Wel een paar keer in de spiegel naar kijken. (om te checken of ze een leeuw was). (zie ook Prover 4) Emoties kon ik anders doseren dan normaal. Mentale laag eronder die gedoseerd naar binnen kreeg. Intensiteit was niet minder, Niet overspoeld worden dat gevoel A: Een leeuw ziet een mens niet – zien alleen een grijze massa dat beweegt. Prover 12 Helderheid in dingen die ik voel, reactie Vreselijk kwaad, wel met aanleiding Kramp in maag, ken ik niet van mijzelf Stoom kwam er uit Vaagheid. Ik vergeet heel snel, heel veel. Ontzettend naar woorden zoeken. Heel vreselijk voor mij. Herken ik niet. Dag van trituratie: heel angstig voor dat ik hier heen kwam. Angst gevoeld in buik. Niezen Gevoel alles eruit kwam tijdens trituratie 1,5 week ziek geweest. Ook niet zoals normaal. Conclusie: komt niet van middel maar wel versneld door het middel.
132
Griepbeeld: Extreem koud, neusloop. 8 uur koud, 8 uur in bed, 1 uur opvlieger raam open.. Dingen in je hoofd hebben dat is goed – en dan binnen 3 seconden kwijt Veel gedroomd: over huishoudelijke dingen, elke dag taken. (stofzuigen, afwassen) Ochtend vergeten en dan Smiddads 3 uur stuk herinneren Nu iets positiefs: Een soort nuchterheid Tsunami: kon niet mee in vrolijkheid tijdens voorbereidingen kerst. Soort van ondertoontje niet helemaal vrolijk of gezellig. Beelden wilde ik niet zien. Nu al gezien. Heel boos met krampen in de maag door beelden telkens, raakte me. Geen zin dat even binnenkwam. Prover 13 Dit na trituratie Heel heftig op tsunami, anders heel nuchter Heel boos, gevecht met verzekering. Boze brief geschreven, anders nooit. Ongelijk, dingen waar ik niet mee eens was. Niet nuchter, helemaal niet Heel emotioneel door t Tsunami – ik ken daar mensen – er naar gezocht via TV doorzoeken tot alle info had. Zo ben ik helemaal niet, nog nooit gedaan. Heel zenuwachtig en teleurgesteld. Tijdens trituratie Stijve nek daarna rustig gevoel Weken opgeblazen buik Prover 14 Boosheid, slaan op tafel Schreeuwen, gewoon grof Oneerlijkheid aanleiding van boosheid Dat kan niet!!!!! zo oneerlijk! Wat voor soort oneerlijkheid? Conny: afspraak met moeder en familie, opeens moeder zei dingen die niet klopte. Oneerlijk wat ze deed. Ik ben er niet zacht mee omgegaan. Geschreeuwd! Prover 15 Allemaal beelden Auschwitz in sneeuw en kou. IJskoud heel groot plan geweest. Welke hersenen bedenken zulke dingen? Prover 17 C1 buiten mijzelf geraakt van woede en agressie. Zwaar, Heftig. Daardoor C2 niet durven doen. Kinkhoest waardoor beschadiging strotklep. Klep slaat om. Snachts stikken, flauwvallen. Sinds trituraties niet meer snachts. Denk dat het aan het genezen is. Gedacht nu moet ik stoppen, niet gestopt en dan hoesten. Kinkhoest – Lac-H is een van de belangrijkste middelen voor Kinkhoest. Iemand uit praktijk Vaak longenphyseem erachter aan omdat blaasjes opgetrokken worden. C2 TRITURATIE 25 januari 2005 Observaties: Met deze proving heeft men moeite met de website, dat is gebleken Supervisor vraagt of we door gaan. Ik (Prover 3) SE dat er echt geen animo voor is. Prover 12 en 3 zelf geen behoefte. Prover 1 Gloeien, branden, oog Explosief Ondeugend, bleek ook uit de rest Rustig, lekker Prover 2 Veel speeksel Veel aan vroeger denken, foto’s van mijzelf en familieleden van vroeger Aan kleurtijd denken Conclusie: gelukkige tijd Gedachten rondfladderen Stekende pijn boven linker oog, verloop erger, komt het gaan Poeder : glijbaan waar veel overheen is gegleden Frisse koud in mijn neus Beelden van vroegere winters, sneeuw en ijs Jammer dat zulke winters er niet zijn misschien volgende leven, geruststellend gevoel Rustige beweging, ook schrappen, normaal niet Misselijk Het leven is een cirkel, met begin en eind Laatste stap niet gemaakt Prover 4 Hitte en branden Droge neus Droge slijmvliezen in het algemeen
133
Voor de rest is het gewoon lekker Pesten/verborgen agressie: zo ervaar ik het ook die acties over de tekeningen. Stel kinderen die elkaar aan het pesten zijn. Grenzen: boos omdat anderen je grenzen heen gaan. Conflict die op 2 verschillende niveaus wordt Niveau zit ver van elkaar af. Komt langs elkaar heen. Prover 7 Er moet iets exploderen Meteoriet Vuurbal Gevoel dat we aan haar komen. Grenzen stellen. Speelse ervan te zien, eigenlijk is het wel komisch en toen begon het luchtiger te worden. En dan weer met dat groen, dacht ik uhhh! Daar is mijn grens en dat is alles. Voelde alsof ik iets los kon laten. Ruzie over kleuren in tekening: Dat voel ik als een strijd, al in het begin. Wat doe je nou? Je moet iemand laten! Prover 7 ik heb een lichtblauw jas gekocht; ik had dat nog nooit gedaan! Prover 8 Verre planeet die explodeer Kou nog steeds, ijsbergen Wezenloos gevoel Onbegrensd erbij ook Kleur blauw ook. Lucht in wezen. Prover 9 Alleen maar wolven zag lopen Boeiend conflict. Prover 15 zegt geen territorium. En dan tegelijkertijd kom je wel in het territorium, ruimte, grens. Jij zegt dat je daar niet in leeft. Bij territorium hoort altijd een grens. Ik voel dat er geen grenzen zijn. (Supervisor en prover 15) Prover 10 Heerlijke tijd gehad Bezig met gesprekken uit begin avond Lekker gevoel Prover 11 Van de week 2 conflicten van hetzelfde soort Verdrietig Daarna letterlijk spugen dat wat ik binnen had gekregen die niet bij me past Dit heeft te maken met oneerlijkheid. Alize: dacht kinderen vinden altijd alles oneerlijk. Wolven, leeuwen en slangen Iets gemeens met elkaar – dieren die enorm het instinct aanwakkeren in mensen. Prover 12 Alleen voet vanaf enkel ijsblokken, voeten bloedsomloop voelt gaan. Linker continu kouder naar rechts Nu rechts kouder naar links Natte stenen geur. Genoten van de spel Conny ik geef je helemaal gelijk, dat groene Tijdens het schrappen heel ongeduldig – zijn we nog niet klaar? Over tekening Groene bevalt ons niet. (Provers 12, 7 en 3) Dieren: 2 kleuren blauw, kop van wolfachtig kanivoor Prover 3 walvis Prover 13 de zon getekend, moest oorspronkelijk rond, spontaan kwamen de stralen erbij Ontzettende keelpijn – niet meer slikken (Alize tijdens C1) Ontspannen Warm lekker warm Heel ontspannen Anticipatie angst, gevoeld in maag voor de toekomst Ik weet niet hoe het moet in de toekomst en tot weet ik niet wat de toekomst brengt. Duizelig. Licht in hoofd. Prover 15 Uitgeput en moe En als ik maar naar bed kon Kon ik ajb gaan slapen Ineens in hoofd ik wil van de tijd af Universum een tijdloos bestaan is. Verlangen tijd los te laten
134
(Prover 4 ook) overgaan anderen dimensie, tijdloos, licht, zon naar boven. Kleur donker blauw. Warm hoofd maar voelde koud van buitenaf. Grijs-blauw hoort hier niet bij. Donker blauw moet het. Prover 15: wil de licht blauw Prover 7: helemaal niet! Alles blauw turquoise, licht blauw Heel warm hoofd Stekende pijn aan beide kanten Mijn behoefte beeld uit te drukken Beeld was universele donkere, blauwe hemelschepper Bal kort klein en tijdelijk Zag geen evenwicht met de rest en daarom geheel ervan gemaakt Ik zou geen probleem hebben als iemand anders daar iets meedoet Niet mijn territorium of zo. Het universum is tijdloos en gaat in rondgaande golving. Het is pijnlijk dat je iets doet dat bij anderen als kwaad of anders wordt opgevat. Je doet iets en dat wordt zus of zo uitgelegd en klopt het niet. Mensen komen met projecties en het klopt niet. Pijn is omdat je niet veroordeeld wil worden omdat je iets in een andere dimensie zit. Andere dimensie en daarom niet mogelijk om je grenzen te overschrijden. Dat zou mij niet beperken. (discussie over grenzen). Voor mij is het allemaal niet af. Hele laatste maand bezig ben geweest met die kleuren. Blauw, licht blauw of turquoise bezig. Prover 7 ik heb een lichtblauw jas gekocht; ik had dat nog nooit gedaan! Prover 16 Warm Beetje blij Opgelucht Behoefte iedereen te bekijken wat ze doen Of ze hetzelfde gevoel hebben Energie, meer energie C3 TRITURATIE – Februari 2005 Prover 1 Lucht rook, benzineachtig Rechter zij steken Vervlogen tijden denken Aanzichtkaart, begin jaren 20 mensen, straatbeeld Benauwd en aan oma denken Se iets in de keel zit Daarna stilte, sereniteit Trillende door lichaam gaan Oud verdriet te maken met de oorlog Joden gevoerd naar gaskamers Heel emotioneel Pijn in hart steken Oma en opa oorlog Familie verdriet VERDRIET IS TE ERG TE Zwaar en dan moet ik stoppen. Prover 2 C3 (gedeeltelijk C2, niet afgemaakt) Regenboog, als je in het leven komt via regenboog en terug achter regenboog. Heel prettig gevoel. Ontzettend slaperig, veel gapen. Tevreden loom gevoel Ongeduldig van moeheid – boos irritatie, vijzel in hoek willen gooien Niet hoe moest zitten, niet weten wat ik me mijzelf aan moest. Schrappen mateloos irriteren Loom gevoel – van hyper naar loom gevoel- raar omslaan Gekriebel achterhoofd na C4 Lac H weg en nu weer Tinteling gevoel in tong Branderige ogen Te veel C2 en C3 achter elkaar. Prover 4 De zee Branderige oogleden ook vorige keer Vorige keer warm nu koude handen, door naar koude arm Iets gemist Stuwing hoofd Boom reikt naar het licht. Boom past niet bij het schilderij. Niet gedurfd. Oude dikke hoge boom Leeftijd tijdloos Er is geen tijd Over eeuwen nog tijd, vorm van zijn
135
Koud!!!!!! Interne koud, zon nodig om op te warmen Zon centrale rol, spelen Tropisch regenwoud. Toestand van zijn, kou Alle grenzen weg zijn Oerbos beelden Prover 5 Pepermunt LUCHT Spinnenweb Enigheid? Bewust van basis die hier zit Frisse LUCHT Zeer bevoorrecht Stof en ik maatjes Dit is zo gul, vertrouwt Hoge bergen van waaruit emotieloos kon zien SE evenwicht in de stof, heel rustig en heel fijn Lichte darm krampen –transversaal Steken linker oor Mortier dicht bij me hebben 3 hoek, zwart, oranje en wit Het komt uit mij ziel, de stof Pijn links gaat naar rechts Ongeduld, het is mooi geweest en dan denk ik nog een keer Kijk naar mijzelf als baby op wieg Heel warm bovenkant Broek kribbelen, prikt wil het eruit. Sneeuw Te gast in de wereld van de stof Stof geeft zich over wordt bijna zalf Boeddhistische tempel met allemaal belletjes. Gevoel Van Schrappen anderen irriteert SE Zeer bevoorrecht Behoefte aan ruimte en vrijheid Beelden nachtelijke donker blauwe lucht – mediterrane LUCHT Het is er gewoon. Daar ben ik toeschouwer in. Prover 6 Klopt ik haal eruit wat erin zit en het was ook zo veel... zit steeds met zakje zit te wriemelen (enige) mooi middel maar ook veel zwaarte in zich. Begint duurde zolang de trituratie. Duurt veel te lang. Laatste melklactose gaat het opeens heel snel,d e tijd. Heel zwaar, eerst voor mijn leven met beide handen zitten tritureren. Het is heavy. Mooie vlakte gezien met ontzettend veel reflectie licht in sneeuw veel kleuren, spatte op eens uit elkaar. Pubertjes kwamen dus aan. Geen droefheid Moe en zwaarte. Zwaar, zwaar, zwaar. Prover 7 Niet eens behoefte om te vertellen Lichte HP Geen bh aan, grote trui aan ik wil helemaal niets vandaag (ook prover 17) Verschillende fases – Duitse woorden in me op – apart Kamphor LUCHT – kou nog veel extremer in camphora – alles bij kou, ijskoud.. Roeren midden geen substantie – middelpunt vliedend Schrappen energiek naar midden toe Gesloten ogen voelt goed Rustig en moe en gaap Kijk en zei mensen M, C, AM en toen dacht ik wij zijn niet blij. En dan ruik ik (Eau de Cologne) Oude mensen geur. (7 is wel Duits) Ik wil niet schrappen (17, 3 en 15) Opmerkelijk dat er niets gebeurde, was niet lamlendig Ik ben er niet bij, ik ben niet aangesloten Het staat me heel erg tegen, niet met stroom mee Ik wil niet roeren, moeilijk Ik wil me nu niet verzetten, ik moet dat nu niet doen Meedoen moeilijk Pijn in hart, verzetten = oorlog Boek aan het lezen over concentratiekampen Schilderij gelijk willen schilderen in die hoek maar geen energie ervoor. Rustig heel anders als de vorige keer. Discipline. Nog een keer roeren, ik vond het zo erg! Op z’n knieën Ik wil niet meer. Is dit meer verzet.
136
Ik ben hier niet geschikt voor, heel erg jammer vind ik dat! Aan het einde toch iets creatiefs in zit. Wil iets moois van maken. Wil naar de C4. Nu is het klaar. (3 en 6 ook) Prover 8 Boosheid erken ik heel erg, laatste week nav C2 heel erg gevoeld Heel erg naar mijzelf toe woede Tegenstellingen gevoel, ook nu Van boven naar beneden, links naar rechts Stilte-lawaai.. allemaal tegenstelling Koud, rillingen Beeld Hele verre planeet, (bij C2 ook) Beeld van een stier En van een boom 5e straal gevoel van) fysiek – Sensatie te maken heeft met gebied rond de keel Associatie met dood = misselijk gevoel tijdens het tritureren en ook van verhalen die ik heb gehoord. Werkt in mij door. Beroerd van. Kan niet weergeven in woorden. Heel veel plezier om G. Zat heel erg, haal eruit wat er in zit... Stimulerend voor mij (gedrag van G) Prover 6 keek anders dan normaal (Prover 4) Prover 6 is lief en komisch (Prover 8) Prover 9 Het enige wat ik graag wil zeggen Ik zie van vorige keer dat jij een vissen kop gemaakt hebt en ik dacht ja de dimensies vloeien uit elkaar voort, het is onvermijdelijk. Kennis van aarde in zicht. Het moest dus zo, de tekening. Prover 10 Beeld van de zee, voelde een soort getrokken of gedrukt naar een donker plek binnen. Misschien was het de zee. Diep, diep in iets. Rustiger maar heel zwaar. Dat is wat ik herken wat van jullie hebben gezegd. Moe, gapen. Gevoel in donkere? Zwaar alsof ik vastgehouden werd maar niet angstig maar ook niet rustig of prettigs. Iets nieuws. Enorme angst om te beginnen. Prover 11 Heel veel C1 -2 -3 door elkaar heen Niet vervelend Het is zo veel Het stopt niet, het blijft doorgaan, dadelijk explodeert mijn hoofd.. dat allemaal moet gaan vertellen. Prover 12 SE sereniteit Heel veel verdriet Tegenstellingen Vragen in mijzelf – deze verwrijving is gesprek met mijzelf. Botsende dingen in mijn leven of ik links of rechts moet daarin Koude voeten als vorige keer SE gezicht rood, dat het straalt In gesprek met mijzelf punt gekomen ene helft begreep, kreeg ik middenvoorhoofd pijn tussen wenkbrauwen. Heel zwaar. Prover 13 Hele week last gehad van rechter arm Sterke pepermunt LUCHT Arm kou alsof ingesmeerd met pepermunt olie Afgeschermd geheel, essentie of doel kon komen, SE puntje van tong en Mensen horen niet thuis in steden maar in de natuur in de groen, net als dieren. Tv vreemd futuristisch voorwerp Dierlijke behoefte Losrukken van banden, kettingen Helemaal niet aan regels gebonden, asociaal Zwerver, lekker vrij. Vrij zijn heel sterk. Prover 15 Angst voor verwrijving. Hele diepe zwarte zee. Heel blij van verhaal regenboog Clara, alsof het samen hoort. Zee zwart met rimpels. Vorige keer maar blauwe lucht.
137
Ik nam Prover 7 waar, gezicht veranderd gezicht was opeens vrouw 35 jaar. Prover 7 gaat helemaal in haar kracht staan. Als een vrouw uitzien. Zo zag ik het eigenlijk. Marije begint trituratie. Omgekeerd werd en soort jong meisje van 13-14 jaar. Zag er heel anders uit dan nu, bijna ander persoon. Hoe zijn geplaagd is. Hoe geplaagd ze is moet zijn geweest in die tijd. Vandaag andere kleding aangedaan dan anders om dit te laten zien. Dat klopt: ik zat in de auto en ik ben terug gegaan. Ik kon niet gaan. Geen BH, geen make up opgedaan, uitzonderlijk! Vluchtige gedachten over egoïsme. Wat egoïsme echt is. Toeeigenen van gevoelens en ineens. Daarvoor beeld gehad. Aantal jaren geleden vrouw overleden in de praktijk. Tegenover mij vertelde hoe goed het met haar ging. Kwam op consult voor haar kinderen. ¾ woorden opgeschreven. Weten welk middel 9 maanden is geweest, dat is mijn middel. Ging doorschrijven naar andere homeopaten. Vervuld gevoel. In deze trituratie, mijn gevoel was Nanny kwam als volgende patiënt bij me binnen. Gewoon binnen komen, Het verdriet wat je nu hebt moeten we bespreken. Kijk dat is nou wat mensen doen. Ik was boos op mijzelf in die tijd dat ik niet... Geschokt geen verdriet toen de tijd. Veel verdriet voor haar kinderen en man. Later begreep ik ook waarom ik dat niet gehad heb. Logisch moment voor haar. Aversie voor wij mensen die toestand van iemand anders. Zelf een probleem, verdriet hebben over overledene vrouw, alleen verdriet van eigen probleem maar dan projecteren op dood van die vrouw. Gevoelens die je weer gebruikt via de andere. Woorden door me heen: dit stabiliseert onze extreme gevoelens. Pijn in linker schouder. Jonge jongens woedige zee tegen golven in bewegen. Dwarsliggende golven veroorzaken. Stout doen en bijna hard, weinig gevoelens zijn. Ivm patiënt, verdriet was goedkoop geweest. Stout of rebelse in verborgen ligt. Jonge jongens in de zee hebben kracht om dit zo te doen. Zee zwart en donker en diep. Vloer veel prachtige kleuren, stenen prachtige kleuren in zich dragen. Meer energie. Droge hoest. Zuivert gevoelens die de ruimte innemen van anderen. Ik hoor niet wat er gezegd wordt. Steken linker borst. Gaperig en zo. (melksuiker) Over ruzie omtrent tekening Eind van de avond even gaan staan, aan de andere kant en toen begreep ik waar jullie het over hadden. Paar meter verandering van betekenen zien vanuit andere dimensie. Dit middel prikkel gegeven dat het zo is. Werkelijkheden heel snel kunnen veranderen. Mensen kunnen tegelijkertijd verschillende waarheden zien en ervaren waardoor scheiding, ruzie. Mensen relateren aan waarheid en onrecht. Kinderen hebben dat gevoel – het is niet eerlijk. Prover 16 Allemaal angsten Lichaam in buikgebied Opstaan met enorme angst en niet kunnen herkennen omdat er is niets. Na C1 veel gebeurd daarom nu erbij zijn Dood en afscheid Vandaag werd ik wakker, zo een angst de hele dag Gevoel voorgevoelens had Begrafenisauto tegenkomt en daarna gebeurd iets heel heftigs.. al jaren zo dat als ik ze tegen Gespannen, hartkloppingen Gelukkig ik kan nu iets delen, toen Alize vijzel meegaf Gevoel van losbreken Linker benen en arm, binnenkant benen schraal Enorme ijsberg, heel indrukwekkend van boven begon te smelten Bergen, eenzaam en verlaten Nek zat vast .... Skelet beweging van achteren naar binnen Achter rechter ook pijn Medelijden, liefde gevoel Heel koud en zo ontzettend moe Daarna dagelijkse dingen af te dwalen IJsberg voor staan? Smelten alsof verharding van het middel, iets zachter kan worden. Vanuit al die dood, afscheid en verdriet. Uitbreken, doorbreken daaruit, dat gevoel. Dat lot zo zwaar is om te kunnen dragen (Prover 17 zegt dat ook) Gevoel hoe moet je dit doen? Periode hiervoor. Prover 17 Ook boom schilderen, mist de bladeren, doe maar niet. Verkleed van Praktijkkleren, zat in de auto en ik ben teruggegaan. Ik kon niet gaan. Enorme rust en sereniteit Dorst Alwetend oog, oog van orka wordt oog van havik (weet het ook maar kleiner en meer gefocust, verfijnde blik) Orka moeder aarde oog Scherpe zeelucht Ik mis de bomen en de kracht van de boom Tijdloosheid Diepe trance
138
Geen gedachten Prettig om te zijn leegte en stilte Wil niet schrappen, dan kom ik uit stilte en rust Stampen niet door kom heen Heel emotioneel Materie is te zwaar, je kan er niet doorheen Ik wil daar omhoog in de spiritualiteit Wereld zonder gedachten Dit leven is me veel te veel Stoppen met trituratie fysiek te zijn op deze wereld Ik wil daarboven zijn Omhoog uit mijn lijf getrokken Ik wil bewust niet meer hier zijn Afscheid neem van deze wereld, gevoel Schrappen, veel herrie maken Scheten te laten Herrie maken Kinderlijke neiging 12-13 jaar gevoel Bewust vergeten middel te leggen voor patiënt, mag een keer Verplicht om door te gaan en dan hoesten en stoppen ermee Bijna dood ervaring, al een keer gehad op andere middel, zo voelde dit ook. Nu ok Beeld terminale patiënt. (Prover 4 ook) Het leven is zwaar. Niet fysiek zwaar is.. emotioneel zwaar vooral. Prover 18 Terug te kijken naar vorige Beelden zijn essentieel bij dit middel Geen woorden kunnen vinden Dromen heel belangrijk Constant wakker geweest gevoel van onderdrukking, allemaal Carc innemen in LM1. gaat het weg. Wrede dromen – vraten kaken vis eruit. Shock dat ik het zag. Oude schildpadden aten kop van de vis. Associatie over onderdrukte wreedheid. Tijdens verwrijving stil gevoel harmonieus What is the name of the game? Iets met spel, soort verleiding en dat slaat het toe Gevaar komt uit onverwachte hoek Tijdbeeld is bepalend, tijdgeest bepaald normen en waarden, nee cultuur. Diep geworteld is. De aard van het beest verander je niet. Ik zit in een andere werkelijkheid, dimensie. Ik sluit niet aan bij de anderen. Cannabis gevoel iedereen zit te filosoferen. Prover 15: wreedheid voel ik wel. Veel dromen, dansen. Nachten gedroomd, pijn in maag, zoveel mensen met zoveel ellende hadden. Mensen zaten er vol van, ze moesten het kwijt. Wreedheid: in de droom wel maar in andere dimensie is het geen wreedheid. Tijdbeeld en cultuur is bepalend. Dus andere cultuur of tijdsbeeld kan het logisch zijn. Anders in een andere dimensie- botsen van dimensies geeft pijn. Afgelopen week werkelijkheid bezig geweest. Vriend duidelijk maken dat het zo was. Ik dacht duidelijk zijn dat werkelijkheid veranderd met voorwerp, hoe jij het bekijkt. Ik wilde heel graag dat een andere die waarheid realiseert. Het is niet iets vaststand. C4 Trituratie 16 maart 2005 Prover 1 Druk op borst en pijn in voorhoofd Heel erg in mijzelf Laat me met rust Met niemand te maken hebben Loslaten Niet hier willen zijn Ik ben goed zoals ik ben Hier weg, heb gezien hier = bevrijding gevoel Irritatie – hard schrappen Wrijven liever dan schrappen Wrijven ging goed, schrappen duurde te lang Verlangen naar muziek bij weg kunnen zweven Heel veel kleuren Leegte Ego bestaan prima, maar ik ga weg Pijn rechter oor Ruik frisse geur, lente Ik wil hier niet zijn
139
Gevoel dat ik weg ben Als ik terugkom, dit is mijn lot Daarna eruit.. Supervisor: gevoel dat zij (Prover 1) weg ging Heftig middel Hoe voelde je dat? In je lichaam? Ja, licht worden Prover 2 Heel lang leeg gebleven Zwaar en blauw Voelde stevig draaien, einde licht gevoel Eigenlijk te stevig, zacht prettiger Rood voor ogen Zwart en dan groen en rood Gevoel van afstand dood gevoel Onverschillig (niet bij me passen) Het is zo als het is. Heel lang met ogen dicht Hagelslag, kou, stilte en koude wereld Er was geen tijd Zijn-niet zijn – ik had er niets mee, ik voelde er niets bij Het is allemaal goed, onverschillig. Rij mensen door sneeuw lopen Geen zin in, helemaal nergens toe Ik vond het pijnlijk Ogen dicht draaien SE helderder zie Draaien lichter Hier lichter allemaal Het is helemaal niet zo stevig, lijkt alleen stevig.
140
Prover 3 Angst om te verwrijven naar C5 door verhaal van 11. Ontzettend aangedaan door verhaal 11. Boosheid, verdriet, ongeloof, BALEN! Onder de indruk van 11 haar reactie. Sterke vrouw. Supervisor: Meelevend zijn is van jezelf, actie maar reactie boosheid, balen is van het middel! Dan moet je het echt doen, want nu zit je in de weerstand en daar moet je overheen. Prover 5 Enige gelijkmatige Van boven af naar de wereld kijk Een sneeuw wereld Frisse geur van zeepachtig – kruidige geur in meubel winkels in het oosten, Singapore en zo. Kruidig en fris Vanuit enige bergdeel naar beneden, geluid gedempt door dikke laag sneeuw Gedachten aan overleden mensen Dikke pak sneeuw- vertrouwen Heel merkwaardig – Alice in Wonderland. Wie ben ik dat ik deel mag hebben aan.. Barst in eens de concentratie door lachen van iedereen Stof: het is mij zo gul Prover 6 Heeft niets te melden Prover 7 Ik heb een blij gevoel (klinkt niet zo), toen ik begon bedoel ik Mensen lachen Jullie te praten, ik zeg er wat van Schaamte, sorry Ik moet aan Irene denken Iets voor haar willen doen om het lichter te maken Wat moet ze inhalen? Wat in familie nog plaats moet krijgen? En dan weg Steeds dingen in me opkomen Vanuit onzekerheid belangrijk willen zijn, dat hoeft nu niet meer, maar dan ben ik nog wel zeker wanneer ik iets moet zeggen. Geen gevoel voor timing. Heel blij en dankbaar dat ik tritureer dat er geen PC’s staan. Gebonden gevoel, ook kan ik niet iedereen helpen want iedereen heeft eigen stuk Het raakt me maar ik denk ik moet het maar laten. Zorg om Gert Wil in deze toestand blijven, ik hoef niet echt verder Het kan alleen maar beter worden Zeemanslied in het Duits, maakt me heel blij en dan denk ik.. Hopelijk gaat het geheel niet in elkaar barsten als een grote zeeveld? Marije experimenten in de oorlog dat mensen iets moeten ervaren wat ze dachten dat ze nooit zouden kunnen doen. Toen geen overzicht en dat ze er diep in zaten om dat te beseffen. Film moeten zijn van familie en dan ga ik dingen weten zonder ze meegemaakt te hebben, als het al in je ziel ziet. Waar zijn mensen krachtig in...???? Zouden wij nog veel moeten wrijven, het geeft niets, wij komen er uit met z’n alleen Ik voel me er boven staan, het maakt dat ik me schaam Ik hoef nu niet meer te schrappen. SE speel spel, kijkt naar mij, schamen daarvoor Stukje kwijt, heel moe kan niet meer opschrijven Ben bang, existentiële angst Nu weet ik het weer, het ging te snel Als we door blijven gaan blijven in toestand Angst voor wat er komt? Prover 11 Dierenverhaal Ik vind het een beetje flauw Afvragen waar ik ben Ik kan niet stoppen met huilen Voorhoofd kloppen Afgelopen weken heel moeilijk Ik wist niet wat ik moest doen Riep om hulp Prettig om die man om je heen te hebben Ik kan niets met Candy voorheen Beeld van daken van huizen met antennes Waar gaan die antennes naar toe, vooral naar wat? Ik word op mijn plaats gezet door middel Met ego te maken? Zoveel leed Vooral vrouwenleed OPOFFERING
141
Heeft met werkelijke rituelen te maken In soort wolk en mist Maan belangrijk Jonge wolf, ik ben aan het spelen en dat is heel prettig Vacht warmte en zonnewarmte heel belangrijk Jeugd en comode heel belangrijk, er staat voor iets maar weet niet wat Vuur te maken met beslissingen Bij Indianen, trommel ceremonie gaande, het gaat over oorlog Vredespijp gerookt maar terwijl we dat doen onderspit moeten leven, het is niet echt. Voor het komisch verhaal is het nodig Dik stroperig spul, geel, energetisch allemaal vuil, het is niet fijn maar alle anderen kwaliteiten ook zichtbaar Pees en bloed bezig, vooral pezen belangrijk in het verhaal Tovenaar, alchemistisch proces het gaat voor de hele wereld en geen emotionele betrokkenheid, het gaat om het totale overzicht. Wolven, ik word weer een wolf Ik kan alles ruiken en proeven Ik communiceert met het water, het gaat over het vuur van de aarde, zeggen de bomen als ik een niew bloesem wil vormen Groot zwaart gat, hart tekeer Ipv gele verf is het nu wit Kattenogen gehad die ik eerder heb gehad Jungle constant over vocht, buien, Over eenzaamheid, diepe eenzaamheid Alles wordt geëlimineerd Gemeen gevoel gehad Enorm grote spin, zwarte spin zonder richting of ruimte Binnenkant huid zwart Buitenkant helemaal wit Droge mond Alles is droog Heel moe Niets meer zin heeft Zin om alles overboord te gooien en niets meer Heel interessant, ik ben goed aan het kijken wat er gebeurd Er gebeuren hele grote dingen in mijn omgeving 1 jaar lang partner voor een zaak. Mijn hele toekomst op gebaseerd, bijna verhuisd. Alles is weg. Vriendje ging weg. Het is niet erg, maar het heeft ook wel wat. Ook geen mannen die leuke dingen tegen me zeggen, integendeel 7 resoneert met 11 Ik voel veel angst uit jouw spreken en ook heel veel schaamte 15 voelt ook veel eenzaamheid. Prover 12 Vanmiddag om 14 uur – elke dag dat we C4 hebben HP in voorhoofd en daarna achter Gezwollen speeksel klieren Buikpijn precies onder middenrif Benen strekken ging niet Dingen vergeten ondanks goede voorbereiding Warme handen en voeten en andere trituraties tegengestelde Rust ontspannen Onrust chaotisch afwisselend Niet kunnen concentreren Zwaar in slaap Witte wereld alles bedekt en stil maakt Sneeuw eruit pakken uit mortier, gevoel,ook die kou Wat is dit nou? Gedachten wie ben jij? Vervormde gezichten in mortier krijgen en Duitse woorden in mijn hoofd = verwarring Wat moet ik daar nou mee? En dan chaotisch Moe, slaperig en moeite met concentreren Zwaarmoedig afwisselend met luchtige stemming Kwetsende voelen van oude dingen, lang geleden Vooral kwetsende dingen kwamen boven Prover 13 Heel warrig Dissociatie gevoel Ik vergeet alles Hoofd blanco Kleuren komen uit, heel duidelijk Zo ver over grenzen te zijn dat ik de aarde niet meer zie Het is niet eerlijk hoe mensen elkaar belazeren, iedereen doet het. Dan slaap Zelfs in slaap vallen als ik een moord heb gezien (en dan nog verder slapen) Pijn in arm. Diepe zee, zweven
142
Half slaap toestand Waarom val ik in slaap? Wil ik niet weten Ik wil wakker en alert zijn Actie is die telt maar het is eigenlijk niet zo, weet ik Gert heel hard schrappen. Soort Lord of the Rings – op het moment dat je in slaap gaat vallen (heb ik vaker) Droombeelden bij het schrappen, bijna in slaap vallen. Prover 15 Op een heel bepaalde manier associaties. Niet eenvoudig te vinden Moe en hongerig. Begrijp er niets van Gevoel van kou, heel letterlijk (geestelijk) Spiritueel eenzaam en koud Hoe komt het dat het zo is en zal zijn? Noordelijke kou Uitgestrekt eenzaam en nat Idee voor stijgen naar.... Het is de overgang Wit en sneeuw Overgang door doodsgebeuren heen Woord: skelet kwam steeds in me op Elkaar beschuldigen uitweg om verder te komen om in de vrijheid te kunnen komen, Zorgt voor antwoord en oplossing. (te maken heeft met sterk aan de dood doet denken, beelden van Ars patiënten, tibetaanse meditaties met stervenden, energie opgespaard door kou om transformatie te maken, nodig is dat voor mensen sterven beschuldigen de omgeving om vrij te kunnen komen) Doodmakend – op zij zetten. Dat is de doorgang door de dood, kou nodig om in stilte te komen Droogte gevoel – zelfs pijnlijk Dr Zhivago Diepe grote liefde met voortkomen uit het kou, kou nodig om daarin te komen Kou bloeit en kracht ontwikkeling, door kou heen en winterslaap Energie opbouw nodig om naar buiten toe te komen Fenomeen natuur zich terugtrekt in de winter – een aantal bomen en planten nodig om te kunnen groeien. Dat was het gevoel. SE dat het doorgegaan moet worden. Verder tritureren naar C5. Sterk idee van verstillend zijn. Afgevraagd hoe kom ik er bij? Prover 16 Ik zag jou 18? in die sfeer zitten, in het wit spiritueel. Heel leuk gewoon. Stil en krachtig en rustig Winter vlakte Zorgeloos, dankbaar, stil en rust Alize resoneert met 17, 7 en 2 voor mijn gevoel is het hetzelfde. Niet met 18 Prover 17 Diepe onverschilligheid Doet me helemaal niets Ik reed hier naar toe, voor mij sliep Ik wist niet wat ik moest doen, auto op cruise controle ABS in werking, op vluchtbaan geweest. Ik zag auto’s volop rennen en ik wist niet meer wat ik moest doen Met beide benen remmen zoeken, anders ben ik dood. Paar seconden maar. Ik heb mijn auto bedankt Stikaanvallen weer gehad, week of 8 niet gehad Dit middel wil ik helemaal niet meer. Klep verkeerd. Ik verslik me overdag. Kom hier binnen, voel meteen heel veel bij Irene. Weet niet of ik haar mag storen. Begin met stof Slaat op mijn keel Ik wil niet stikken. Ik wil niet dood Ik wil leven , enorm verdriet Enorme pijn in linker rib en dan rechts Steken alsof longen protesteren HP rechter oog en dan naar links en dan voorhoofd Niets doet me iets Alles zit vast in mij Er is geen beweging Wat doe ik hier? Er is niets, er is niets. Verschrompelde huid, Geen leven, mummie soort Gedroogd Ik wil niets doen alleen maar heen en weer
143
SE Borst groeien en zwellen Ik voel bijna nooit bij mannen aantrekkingskracht ontzettend onttrekking kracht in Hij triggert het geile in mij Overgangsfase, SE golfpatroon Bevroren van binnen Afgelopen weken zo vrij en onbezorgd dat het bijna levensgevaarlijk Bijna geschept door grafmachine Warmte naar mijn hoofd Ik kan genezen met mijn handen, was weg Hitte in hoofd en gezicht ook Bewust – wel genoeg doe en ben voor omgeving? Ik wil niemand te kort doen Ik voel me heel verdrietig Toekomst beeld – ik mag in de toekomst kijken Ontroert mij enorm. Daarna allemaal patiënten die ik niet heb kunnen helpen, voorbij komen Knikken en zwaaien naar mij alsof het ok is. Ik heb genoeg gegeven. Schrappen en verwarring, alles laten vallen geen zin om dingen vast te houden Heel erg moe Ik heb Torticollis naar links, iedereen zit scheef naar links. Voor kinderen met KISS syndroom. Alleen Gert zat recht. Dan in verdriet, ik wil rust en ik wil niets meer doen SE alsof ik vast zit, kan niet in andere beweging (KISS) – vastzitten Geen zin meer Ik wil slapen Voor gevoel huil ik Ik wil slapen en ik wil niets meer Ik wil niet meer Geen connectie met omgeving Prima alleen Afgesloten ruimte zit ik Bij bewustwording = kokhalzen En nu is het afgelopen En dan: ik wil nog steeds niet dood En nou moet ik er doorheen Driftig draaien Ik moet doorzetten om te kunnen leven. Enorm bewust van geen tijd. Prover 18 Ook iets met Egypte gehad Vanochtend HP links voorhoofd 2 dagen gelden gedroomd door slang, heel dun, stop in een zak en slang bijt, laat vallen gaat weg, kinderen de trappen oplopen en gebeten worden maar ze voelen dat niet. Op weg hier naar toe. 3 mannen een soort seksuele energie, gesprekken op de fiets, Flirten, met de lente te maken? Hoe lang ben jij? 2-3 meter, vrouw zat er naast. Heel grappig! Op eens in een tempel waar handen werden geofferd, offeren van het mannelijke ten gunste kracht de vrouw, sterven maar alleen de kleine dood = orgasme van de man. SE van gebruik, voorwerp om tot het hogere te komen = spirituele. Orgastische energie, spirituele bewust gaan van beneden naar boven. Als soort drug, werkt in je geest. En dan kruinchakra verruiming. Dat is die explosie ook. = druk in hoofd. Druk moet eruit. Energie opgeslagen. Wrijven heel fijn een soort opbouw energie in mij lijf, kwam van benen. Inwijdingsritueel. OBS: Heel veel lachen in de zaal De kleine dood – 3 dagen in sarcofaag. Inleiders dood. Verkeerde orakel meegenomen Ik had Godinnen kaart moeten meenemen. Heel veel met priesteressen en Godinnen. Sterke vrouwen, vrouwen met veel kracht. Hij is dienend in het vrouwelijke principe. Gert enige man. Beeldvorming – ritueel met vrouwen, een kring energie vanuit de grond door lichaam heen, schoot van beneden naar boven. Waanzinnige power. C5 moeten maken, vanuit derde oog heel ruimte. Veels te kort. Geen HP meer. Kleuren? Paars en blauw In een wit gewaad met gouden band omhoog. Prover 20 Bijna alles wat prover 15 heeft Droge mond Heel moe Iets met oordeel weet niet wat, schuld aan de andere geven (Alize) het is zo zwaar dat je dan zelf wel door kunt gaan. Eerst negatief beoordelen en daarna iets moois uit, het kan ook ok zijn. Deze manier van denken volstrekt nieuw voor mij. Waarneming was het eigenlijk. Schuld is dus nodig, als uitweg, ergens uit komen. En ook nog bedenken dat het een oplossing kan zijn. Andere is ervaring van koud en doorgang. En transformatie die nodig hebt om te verkouden om alle krachten te verzamelen om te groeien, begin trituratie: waar zal dit toe leiden? Kou en eenzaamheid. Noordelijke landen, altijd koud, zag ik. Niets met Egypte te maken. Tegenpool (Vanessa). Dementie, verstervend, dood van eigen vader
144
Mager en botten Zo moe en hongerig, ben ik ziek? C5 Trituratie 1 April 2005 Prover 2 Irritatie Geen zin Alize opmerking –dubbel nog geïrriteerde en een soort vrolijkheid Stom gedoe dit, dacht ik Zie je wel, ik had het niet moeten doen terwijl ik geen zin in Het is hier echt niet serieus Ontzettende boosheid Ik gooi dat ding uit het raam Super belachelijk Geen zin meer dan Veel plezier om Gert en zijn geschrapt Bleekwater Sloom gevoel in mond Er veranderd niets aan als ik er wel mee of niet mee doe Pijn rechter oor Misselijkheid < door draaien (wrijven) en er ook niet nakijken Geluid vervelend Ik ben blij dat het over is! Prover 3 Niet meegedaan aan de trituratie. Weerstand. En niet van mijn gevoel af willen. Bij mijzelf blijven. Prover 5 Duidelijk behoefte aan concentratie Tijd Verdriet en vreugde door elkaar, blijdschap Linker long borst/hart hoogte – soort knagende Sterke behoefte vijzel tegen aan te houden Transpiratie Zoete smaak achter in keel Branden de gevoel voeten Niet verbonden met substantie als vorige keer ... Verstoringeenheid op Zuidpool Zee, ruimte Fijn voor anderen maar het hoeft niet Irritatie en SE verontwaardiging Knagende pijn rug rechts naar links Knagende pijn rondom hart Spierpijn mn schouderbladen Ongeduldig erbij .... Niet aan de stof gehecht Wazig zien Prover 6 Joligheid gevoel dat het zo kan omslaan en dan niet leuk (Vanessa) Voelde heel erg alsof groep uit elkaar getrokken werd, als jullie weggaan, dan voor eigen tijd zorgen eigen verantwoordelijkheid Toen jullie terug kwamen over, dan groep weer bij elkaar Ik zie allemaal doornroosjes, jullie waren er niet meer, jullie zaten in dromenland Iedereen volkomen weg Obs Gert Energie werkt anders op mannen of vrouwen. Iets met seksualiteit te maken. SE van verantwoordelijkheid maar sterk voor het hier en nu Prover 7 Blij en opgewonden En tegelijk obstinaat Wij kunnen net zo goed met elkaar koken, het gaat om het doen Hard lachen Nanny en ik dacht dit is een leuk middel, Nanny nooit zo zien doen Wilde naar buiten maar niemand houdt dan de tijd bij. Ik voelde wat verzet, mooi werd met elkaar het maakte me bang Fijn gevoel en straks is dat weer weg Verbondenheid met elkaar prettig Maakte me bang omdat het onvoorspelbaar is Gevoel dat het zo kan draaien Ik wist niet dat het vrijdag was Vis dag Onzin komt uit geloof en ik heb er niets mee Goede vrijdag verhaal..
145
Hoorde iedereen stampen en dat was wel fijn, iedereen bezig met een bepaald ritueel SE straks gaat geest opstijgen, ramen moeten open Buddha, rituelen Voelde heel licht Het individuele doet er niet meer toe Het viel me op dat iedereen heen en weer lopen Iedereen zo bezig met de tijd Prover 8 Verantwoordelijkheid als plicht staan Er boven kijken, het gouden van bovenaf Moeilijk om het licht te krijgen, waardoor voor mij donker en geïsoleerd aanvoelde omdat ik er niet goed in kon kijken Afgeleid door chloor geur (Clara sterk water) Tijdloos gevoel Pikte gedachten op, helder moment Voelde heel helder Vorige keer – sterke helderheid gevoeld in mijzelf Observerende helderheid IJspegels terechtkomen Prover 9 Lichtheid Heerlijk om mee te resoneren Uitbundigheid Prettig als vrijblijvendheid = vrijheid je niet belemmerd voelen Totaal onbezorgd Heel erg lachen Het slaat dan om als ik een beeld van droom zie, afgelopen nacht Noordzee Jong Anima deel van vermoord wordt, invulling van mijzelf Jong vrouwelijke wordt in de kin gesmoord, dat beeld houdt op Moeite om het serieus te nemen, ook wat ik hier doe en de homeopathie serieus te nemen. Als ik dit zomaar kan doen = twijfel over homeopathie Overgelaten gevoel aan het lot Derde oog in het midden van substantie schaduw patronen te maken met adelaar, schaduwmakers Prikkeling in neus – substantie in via de neus? Licht-donker Leven in het paradoxe, juist steeds belangrijk om dat te mogen voelen en een keuze te mogen maken Prover 11 Flauw gevoel vond ik het Adelaar kwam van de videocasus Bij de vrouw overzicht Los willen zijn van alles Gewoon vrij maar los Erg warrig Reuzen – alle soorten en maten Bergtoppen- echt de top van de bergen Het hart als orgaan als symbool Heen en weer geslingerd, of heel erg mooi of verdwaasd? Boom is vlammenzee staan, elke boom in een kleur Lichaam alles samentrekken, gevoel Verkrampen Alles in lichaam werd klein Bovenkant van het hoofd had ik niet meer, er was alleen energie, bewoog omhoog? Weer een reus, die keek op de aarde neer, was aan het vijzelen en die maakte de sterren Dubbel – ga je daar niet te ver in? Zei tegen mijzelf Verantwoordelijk voelen voor alles, maar vooral voor de aarde Letterlijk moeder aarde, milieu (Alize ook) Verantwoordelijke met mijn hele geest, allemaal verantwoordelijk Over verleiding maar niet met lust erbij of uiterlijk SE verleidelijkheid zonder lust, zacht, mooi en universeel Beeld giraf, ogen van een giraf Sneeuw, eskimo’s Verantwoordelijkheid welzijn van de aarde Visoen over de toekomst, hoe het zou gaan met mij en de zaak Het ging allemaal over begrip. Toekomst – horkaan, tornado in Amerika vanuit India? Ik voel me heel anders als de vorige keer maar wel heel verantwoordelijk, Deze verantwoordelijkheid ga ik niet meer kwijt raken (Vanessa een van de trituraties – mijn leven is voorgoed veranderd) Prover 13 Begin wakker zin plezier te maken Naar buiten heerlijk, zalig Nu wil leven veranderen radicaal maar weet niet waar te beginnen
146
7 minuten duurde heel kort Verdriet SE druk op hart? ... Hoe kan ik het toch goed maken? Dit na de dood is, gevoel Teleurstelling .... Nu nog niet weg, zit er nog in Prover 15 Hetzelfde gevoel Dubbele emoties wel niet wel niet Vorige keer hoefde niet en de rest zo overtuigd van wel Merkwaardig dat mensen weg zijn van wat ze volovertuiging wilden. Tegengestelde emoties Tegengestelde van Alumina casus (die daarvoor bekeken werd) Ineens heel stil – alsof verdieping lager: Om iets te bereiken moet je door weerstand heen angst is... Zo verschrikkelijk vervelend ineens kwam ik weer terecht in tegenstelling waardoor oorlog is ontstaan: Wij moeten begrijpen dat tegenstelling niet is, als tegenstelling meestelling is dan worden we eens gered... Wond is heel groot, hier kan ik er niet uit komen Hopeloos gevoel, terug naar 2e trituratie Tegenstelling is niet groot maar lijkt groot Obstakel – Obstinaat = weerstand zit er ook in Naar buiten gegaan – naar binnen gaan zwaar voor mij Oplossing geloof in jezelf te hebben en dat te kunnen overstijgen Belast voelen met deze gegevens uit het verleden. Er zit veel meer in het middel Einde-transformatie Gevoel van willen overstijgen en samenkomen. Beelden van tegenstelling in de grote wereld. Persoon niveau te overstijgen is belangrijk Sterk gevoel van oorlog zijn. Vervelend om het hier te zeggen. Middel van Krijgers - eerste symbool getrokken door Jacqueline toen ze naar boven ging. Boosheid- waarom moeten we dat proces door om samen te zijn naar het hogere zijnsnivo te zijn. Ik ervaar die tegenstelling als wreedheid. Waarom kunnen we die stap niet overslaan? Een kinderlijk gevoel was dat! Het donkere overslaan. Moment niet willen dat te doorleven. Sterke tegenstelling in mij – heel lief en liefdevol naar omgeving en familie kan zijn en wreed naar de wereld zijn = alles met oorlog te maken. SE dom en vermoeiend, dat gevoel. Chloor heeft daarmee te maken. In Chloor gaat niets leven. Vulkaan – geuren waarin niets kan leven. Chloorlucht is dood. Dodelijke geur, leeft midden in de aarde. Doorroosje- sprookje tegenstellingen. Prover 18 Licht en luchtig Speels Helderheid Ruimte in mijn denken Vrijheid Voelde verbinding met iedereen met gevoel vrij erin te bewegen Visoen – iedereen leuk lachen – Irene oude bekende Ontmoeting met totemdier Belangrijk contact te maken met oersymbolen Energie door lichaam stromen en tegelijk licht Dreamcatcher – je eigen droom opvangen in glaswater en dan opdrinken (Dreamcatcher houden slechte dromen tegen) Oersymbolen en dan naar boven – pakte er een lezen en dan onzin eigenlijk Je moet je eigen symbolen leren begrijpen en doorgronden, veel belangrijker. Antwoord ligt in de vraag – Ontsloten Prover 19 Onraakbaar Geen gedachten niets Wel fijn Prover 20 Heel ongeconcentreerd Zal de Paus wel/al dood zijn?
147
Ik vond het niet leuk dat jullie weggingen naar buiten Ongeïnteresseerd in het middel Na tijdje kreeg ik iets meer maar het blijft een beetje vaag Een beetje misselijke Seksualiteit en spanning daar om heen Buikpijn en misselijk Rugpijn Thema DOOD – vaag iets met iemand prostaat kanker Seksualiteit Stel voor dat ze me komen halen omdat er iets gebeurd is thuis, hoe zal ik dan rijden Wat zou er dan gebeurd zijn? Alles te maken met DOOD
148
149
