TABLE OF CONTENTS
1. INTRODUCTION ............................................................................................................................... 2 1.1 SOURCES ....................................................................................................................................... 4 1.2 METHODOLOGY ............................................................................................................................. 5 2. CULTURAL BACKGROUND ................................................................................................................ 6 2.1 DAN BROWN ................................................................................................................................. 6 2.2 DECEPTION POINT.......................................................................................................................... 8 2.3 THE TRANSLATIONS AND THE TRANSLATORS ................................................................................ 10 3. STYLISTIC ANALYSIS – THE AUTHOR’S STYLE VERSUS THE TRANSLATORS’ STYLES ........................... 11 3.1 THE STYLE OF DECEPTION POINT .................................................................................................. 12 3.2 THE STYLE OF PAVUČINA LŽÍ AND ANATOMIE LŽI........................................................................... 15 4. PRACTICAL ANALYSIS .................................................................................................................. 177 4.1 EXPLICITATION ............................................................................................................................. 18 4.2 IMPLICITATION ............................................................................................................................ 33 4.3 SIMPLIFICATION ........................................................................................................................... 37 4.4 CLOSE VERSUS FREE TRANSLATION ............................................................................................... 45 5. LOST IN TRANSLATION ................................................................................................................ 488 6. CONCLUSION................................................................................................................................. 67 7. BIBLIOGRAPHY .............................................................................................................................. 70 7.1 PRIMARY SOURCES ...................................................................................................................... 70 7.2 SECONDARY SOURCES .................................................................................................................. 70 8. LIST OF TABLES .............................................................................................................................. 72 9. ABSTRACT ..................................................................................................................................... 73 10. RESUMÉ ...................................................................................................................................... 74
1
1. Introduction
The topic of this thesis is Dan Brown‘s Deception Point and its two Czech translations, Pavučina lží, translated by Blanka Petáková in 2004, and Anatomie lži, translated by Jitka Fialová in 2008. Its purpose is to analyze and compare the two existing translations on the basis of several selected chapters from the novel. The analysis and comparison will be based on a few translation-related aspects, that is translation universals (namely explicitation and simplification), implicitation, and the dichotomy between close and free translation. The author of this thesis has chosen to ground her analysis on the above phenomena for several reasons. First, explicitation and simplification will serve as markers of the individual translators‘ styles; the tendency to explicitate and simplify varies from translator to translator, and indicates to what degree a particular translation adheres to its source text. Second, the analysis of implicitation, which is generally regarded as the counterpart to explicitation, will complement the analysis of explicitation. And third, the dichotomy between close and free translation is a phenomenon frequently discussed with regard to the translator‘s style and the possible quality of the target text. In addition to these aspects, the thesis will also deal with translation problems, which may include awkwardly translated passages and eventual mistakes. One and the main reason for the choice of this topic is that the second translation, Anatomie lži, came out relatively shortly after the first one, which is rather unusual. The aim of this thesis is to examine possible reasons why the novel was translated again after mere four years. The hypothesis is that the first translation was of
2
a comparatively low quality, and therefore there was the need to translate the book afresh. Another reason is that the same situation has already arisen as far as Brown‘s novels are concerned, namely in the case of perhaps his most widely known one, The Da Vinci Code. This novel was also translated twice, first by Zdík Dušek in 2003 (Šifra mistra Leonarda), then by Barbora Michálková in 2005 (Da Vinciho kód). There is also the intriguing fact that both the first translations, Pavučina lží and Šifra mistra Leonarda, were published by Metafora, whereas the second translations, Anatomie lži and Da Vinciho kód, were both published by Argo. It is not within the scope of this thesis to try and analyze the translations of The Da Vinci Code as well (this analysis has been carried out by Mgr. Šárka Knotková); however, the mere fact that the same situation was repeated with Deception Point is intriguing and it is one of the reasons why this topic was chosen. The thesis will be divided into several chapters. The purpose of the first chapter is to introduce the topic, as well as describe the secondhand sources and methodology of the practical analysis. The second chapter will provide some cultural background, namely information about Dan Brown, Deception Point, the translations and the translators. After that the thesis will be devoted to the practical analysis and comparison. The analysis will focus mainly on the Czech translations; however, a brief literary and linguistic analysis of the English original will appear in the thesis as well. Based on the results of the analysis, the hypothesis will be either confirmed or disproved at the end of the thesis.
3
1.1 Sources The primary sources used for the thesis are the original novel Deception Point by Dan Brown and its two existing Czech translations, Pavučina lží by Blanka Petáková and Anatomie lži by Jitka Fialová. As for the secondary sources, they comprise several theoretical works dealing with translation, the purpose of which is to provide theoretical background in the chapters concerned with practical analysis. Among these works is for instance Routledge Encyclopedia of Translation Studies edited by Mona Baker. The secondary sources also include Dan Brown‘s biography by Lisa Rogak called Muž, který stvořil Šifru mistra Leonarda (The Man Behind The Da Vinci Code in English); unfortunately it was available only in Czech to the author of this thesis. It is an unauthorized biography; there is, however, not an authorized biography of the writer, and Lisa Rogak is a well-known American author of several books dealing with the lives of famous people of all sorts, writers or politicians among others. Aside from The Man Behind The Da Vinci Code, she has written titles such as Haunted Heart: The Life and Times of Stephen King, or Barack Obama In His Own Words1. Rogak‘s biography of Dan Brown will, therefore, undoubtedly prove a valuable source of Brown‘s background. Various internet sources will be used as well, in order to provide additional information, for instance about the novel or the translators (Dan Brown‘s official website, for instance). Several scholarly works on translation in their electronic forms will be employed, too, for example Is there such a thing as a translator’s style? by Mikhail Mikhailov.
1
Lisa Rogak‘s official website: www.lisarogak.com/
4
1.2 Methodology As it is impossible to compare and analyze the whole of a novel within the scope of one diploma thesis, the best solution is to choose a number of passages or chapters for the purposes of analysis. The first step, then, was to choose these extracts. Six different chapters were chosen; so that the analysis were as objective as possible, these chapters are taken from different parts of the novel. To be specific, the selected chapters are chapter 1, 21, 51, 80, 102 and 124 (the total number of chapters in the novel is 133). This way it will be possible to generalize the findings and assume that the whole novel, or in other words the translation, can be judged by this sample. The next step was to process the selected texts, so as to make the analysis and comparison easy and well-arranged. Although all the books were first obtained and studied in printed form, to carry out the analysis properly using printed books would be impractical. The selected chapters were therefore also obtained in their electronic forms (an electronic version of Pavučina lží was freely available on the internet; the chosen passages from Anatomie lži were copied manually) and subsequently put into parallel tables. On the basis of this parallel corpus, then, the analysis could be carried out thoroughly. The focus was aimed at several translation aspects and problems, which have already been mentioned. In the part devoted to practical analysis, which will be divided into subchapters according to the individual phenomena, suitable examples will be chosen from the compiled corpus in order to support the comparison. The whole corpus, being too large to be included in the thesis itself – the six chapters in their three versions (one English, two Czech) put together in the parallel tables are 56 pages long (approximately 100 norm pages) – will be provided on a CD-ROM and appended to the thesis in this form.
5
2. Cultural background
Even though this is a thesis dealing with translation and the practical analysis is undoubtedly the most important part, providing cultural background to a certain degree is nevertheless valuable. It is surely a matter of fact that translation analysis and comparison cannot be fully appreciated without knowing at least some basic information about the analyzed text and its author. The purpose of this chapter is therefore to provide such information. The individual subchapters will deal with the author, Dan Brown, the novel, Deception Point, and its translations and translators, respectively.
2.1 Dan Brown Dan Brown is an American author of thrillers and mystery fiction and was born in Exeter, New Hampshire in 1964. His father was a Mathematics teacher and his mother a church musician; therefore, Brown‘s background combines science, art and religion, and all these fields appear in his novels. One of the frequent themes of his novels is mystery, represented by means of puzzles, codes and ciphers. This, again, originates in Brown‘s childhood, when he and his siblings, for example, used to find a treasure map with clues under the Christmas tree, rather than conventional presents. These treasure hunts later became a great inspiration for Brown in his literary career. In his youth he also took interest in secret societies and history in general, so the choice of topics for his novels is not at all surprising. A number of secret brotherhoods and
6
societies existed even in Exeter itself, for instance ―Improved Order of Red Men‖, ―Independent Order of Odd Fellows‖ or ―Degree of Pocahontas‖ (Rogak 20-21). Dan Brown has gained his versatile knowledge perceptible in his books due to many interests and activities he pursued in the past. Among others, he studied art history in Spain; one particular course devoted to the works of Leonardo da Vinci presumably served as the first inspiration for his future most well-known novel, The Da Vinci Code. When he accidentally found out about the existence and practices of the National Security Agency (NSA), he immediately started to occupy himself with further research, which developed into the plot of Digital Fortress, his first thriller. Brown liked the theme because, again, it was concerned with complicated codes and cryptography, as well as a more or less secret society, which NSA is. He also set a large part of the novel in Seville, Spain, where he had studied, and proved that he is indeed able to use as much knowledge and experience as possible. Later Brown used his technological and political knowledge in yet another thriller, Deception Point, which is focused on NASA and the United States presidential election. Brown‘s religious background and art education enabled him to write three novels with the main character of Harvard professor and symbologist Robert Langdon. Due to his frequent travels, Brown could set the books in different interesting locations and provide an accurate description of each of them, as well; these are for instance Paris, London, Rome and Washington, D.C. Dan Brown has written five novels so far, namely Digital Fortress (1998), Angels and Demons (2000), Deception Point (2001), The Da Vinci Code (2003), and The Lost Symbol (2009). Even though the beginnings of his writing career were not easy, The Da Vinci Code, above all, was a worldwide success, and to this day remains one of the best selling novels of all time. As is clear from the following summary found
7
on Dan Brown‘s official website, he is indeed one of the most well-known authors nowadays: Named one of the World‘s 100 Most Influential People by TIME Magazine, [Dan Brown] has appeared in the pages of Newsweek, Forbes, People, GQ, The New Yorker, and others. His novels are published in 51 languages around the world.2
2.2 Deception Point As this thesis is concerned with the analysis of Deception Point and its translations, it may be useful to include a brief description of the novel, as far as its plot is concerned. This will serve the purpose of clarifying the content of the selected chapters and setting these chapters in a cultural background. As has already been mentioned in chapter 2.1, the novel‘s main theme is the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) and high political manipulations preceding the United States presidential election. The main character is Rachel Sexton, who works for the National Reconnaissance Office (NRO), another authentic government agency. Her father, Senator Sedgewick Sexton, is running for president and is, for the time being, more popular than his opponent, President Zach Herney. Meanwhile NASA discovers a meteorite buried within the Milne Ice Shelf in the Arctic. In the meteorite there are insect fossils, and NASA therefore claims that a proof of extraterrestrial life has finally been found. The President wants to authenticate the find and sends Rachel, together with a team of experts, to the Arctic. The
2
Dan Brown‘s official website: www.danbrown.com/#/author/bio
8
authenticity of the meteorite would significantly help NASA and President Herney, who is, unlike Senator Sexton, an enthusiastic NASA supporter. A Delta Force team, led by a commander unknown to the reader until the end of the novel, is in the meantime monitoring NASA staff and the place of the discovery. When the experts accidentally find a number of suspicious irregularities in the meteorite, and also discover that the meteorite was put into the glacier on purpose, they are immediately attacked by the Delta Force team. Three of them manage to escape; Rachel Sexton, Michael Tolland, an oceanographer, and Corky Marlinson, an astrophysicist. They are found by a Navy submarine and William Pickering, the NRO director, arranges for them to be taken away from the Arctic. They begin to try and find out who is behind the deception. Meanwhile Senator Sexton‘s illegal activities are revealed; he frequently takes bribes from private organizations from the Space Frontier Foundation, whose aim is to privatize the space and abolish NASA. At the end it is revealed that the secret commander devised the fake meteorite to hurt Sexton‘s campaign and save NASA‘s reputation, as well as the President‘s. When Rachel and the experts discovered that the meteorite was a fake, they had to be eliminated in the commander‘s view, in order to protect American people. However, they survive, and even though the true nature of the find is revealed, Zach Herney secures a second term in office for himself, as Senator Sexton‘s activities come to light. Dan Brown, as is usual for him, used many existing places and government agencies in the novel. He spent a long time doing research before the actual writing process, and his descriptions of various crafts and technologies used in the book are therefore detailed and plausible, making Deception Point an intriguing novel.
9
2.3 The translations and the translators The novel was first translated in 2004 by Blanka Petáková and came out as Pavučina lží. It was published by Metafora. The second translation by Jitka Fialová, Anatomie lži, was published in 2008 by Argo. It has already been mentioned in chapter 1 that these two publishing houses released the two translations of another novel by Dan Brown, The Da Vinci Code. Coincidentally enough, Metafora published both of the first translations, whereas Argo published the second ones. This fact, in the view of the hypothesis of this diploma thesis (i.e. that Pavučina lží is of low quality and a new translation was needed), is intriguing and implies that Argo felt the need to publish other Czech versions of the novels than Metafora. As far as The Da Vinci Code is concerned, this thesis cannot analyze whether Da Vinciho kód by Barbora Michálková is indeed better than Šifra mistra Leonarda by Zdík Dušek; however, its purpose is to carry out such an analysis of Deception Point, and results will be provided at the end. It is likely that the translator who produced the first version, Blanka Petáková, is relatively unknown because no further information could be found about her. On the other hand, Jitka Fialová is a member of the Czech Literary Translators‘ Guild (Obec překladatelů in Czech). According to her brief biography on the Translators‘ Guild website, she studied translation and interpretation at the Faculty of Arts at Charles University in Prague and has translated a number of books, sometimes more books by one author, for example Ian Rankin or Mary Renault. Her translations were mostly published by Argo (10 of them) and BB art (11 of them)3. The biography was last updated in 2006; however, the list of Fialová‘s translations has been extended since then – for instance, she translated further two novels by Ian Rankin in 2009 (published again 3
Obec překladatelů: www.obecprekladatelu.cz/F/FialovaJitka.htm
10
by BB art). The fact that Jitka Fialová, in comparison with Blanka Petáková, is apparently an experienced translator, also supports the hypothesis about the quality of the translations. An interesting detail, even though it may actually be of no consequence, can be found on Dan Brown‘s official website, too. In the section devoted to the individual novels there is an enumeration of all the world editions; Anatomie lži is listed there as the Czech translation, even though it came out second4. The purpose of the above information is not to determine the validity of the hypothesis; its aim is merely to provide some background before the actual analysis. The next and main part of the thesis will be devoted to the practical analysis, and only the analysis will be able to produce relevant conclusions.
3. Stylistic analysis – the author’s style versus the translators’ styles
The purpose of this chapter is to discuss the style of the English novel and compare it with the style of the Czech translations. The stylistic analysis will play an important role in the subsequent comparison of the translations against the original, as it is related to some aspects which will be elaborated thereinafter, for instance explicitation or simplification, or close versus free translation.
4
Dan Brown‘s official website: www.danbrown.com/#/deceptionPoint/worldEditions
11
3.1 The style of Deception Point Needless to say, Deception Point is a work of fiction. It is a third-person narrative and consists of dialogue (which occupies a large part of the text) and descriptive passages. Although the language of fiction is frequently figurative, that is not the case with this novel, especially as regards the non-dialogue sections. Dan Brown does not make use of figures of speech here; he concentrates on plain facts alone and the vocabulary is not particularly rich. These passages generally contain plenty of technical information and their style reminds the reader of scientific magazines (but for the past tense, perhaps), as the following examples illustrate: In total secrecy, the NRO built and maintained an astonishing arsenal of cuttingedge spy technologies: worldwide electronic intercepts; spy satellites; silent, embedded relay chips in telecomm products; even a global naval-recon network known as Classic Wizard, a secret web of 1,456 hydrophones mounted on seafloors around the world, capable of monitoring ship movements anywhere on the globe. NRO technologies not only helped the United States with military conflicts, but they provided an endless stream of peacetime data to agencies such as the CIA, NSA, and the Department of Defense […] (Brown 29) Insects were members of the phylum Arthropoda – creatures having hard outer skeletons and jointed legs. With over 1.25 million known species and an estimated five hundred thousand still to be classified, earth‘s ‗bugs‘ outnumbered all of the other animals combined. They made up 95 percent of all the planet‘s species and an astounding 40 percent of the planet‘s biomass. (Brown 125) In addition to scientific information, Brown even frequently states exact quantities of devices or species, and other accurate data, as in the above examples; an in-depth research, therefore, must have preceded the process of writing, and Brown apparently places emphasis on providing the reader with as much detail as possible, rather than on the language itself. The referential function of language, which is oriented toward the context, is thus much more perceptible throughout the novel than any other. The 12
tendency towards explaining the tiniest detail is a typical marker of Brown‘s literary style and the non-dialogue passages are predominantly of informative character. As Roman Jakobson puts it, ―a set (Einstellung) toward the referent, an orientation toward the context – briefly, the so-called referential, ‗denotative‘, ‗cognitive‘ function – is the leading task of numerous messages‖ (Jakobson 66). As for the dialogues, they are often sharp and witty, and although their purpose is also to provide the reader with significant information on a relatively frequent basis, their style is different to a certain extent. Other functions of language, not only referential, can be perceived in the dialogues, and the author employs figures of speech, such as metaphor, or repetitions here. Examples are as follows: ‗I want to throw you a life raft,‘ he said. ‗I wasn‘t aware I was drowning.‘ ‗You‘re not. The President is. You should jump ship before it‘s too late.‘ (Brown 20) – the use of metaphor: throw somebody a life raft, jump ship (phrases not meant in their literal sense) ‗I‘m simply a huge fan of strong women and strong families.‘ (Brown 21) – the use of repetition: stress is laid on strong ‗A lovely name for a lovely young woman.‘ (Brown 54) – again, the use of repetition Unlike the non-dialogue passages, the dialogues convey more than just bare facts, and functions of language such as emotive and conative can be traced in them. The emotive function means that the speaker directly expresses his or her attitude toward what he or she is speaking about and it ―tends to produce an impression of a certain emotion, whether true or feigned‖ (Jakobson 66). An example of this is as follows: ―‘Um… that‘s right,‘ Sexton said warily […]‖ (Brown 48), the emotion, that is, wariness, being conveyed by means of the interjection. The conative function means orientation toward the addressee and ―finds its purest grammatical expression in the vocative and
13
imperative, [whereas] the imperative cannot be challenged by the question ‗is it true or not?‘ […]‖ (Jakobson 67-8). There are many examples of dialogues which perform the conative function of language, as for instance: ―Tolland called out to him. ‗All the way to the far strut, Corky! Down the stairs!‘‖ (Brown 487). Despite the fact that Brown‘s language is not by far as figurative as the language of many works of fiction, Brown is nevertheless capable of attracting the reader by means of his mastery of suspense. He builds up tension throughout the novel via utilizing very short chapters and minor sentences. The chapters frequently end unexpectedly and the next few chapters are then devoted to other events and characters, playing with the reader‘s anticipation. Out of the total of 133 chapters, 49 (which is more than one third) are only one to two pages long; they serve as intermissions between longer chapters, gradually creating suspense. Minor sentences, due to their shortness and absence of the predicate, convey tension, too, as in the following examples: Sexton waited for the laugh, but it never came. Dead silence. Blank stares. (Brown 572) Another thirty minutes had passed. It was time. Again. (Brown 25) From the literary point of view, the novel unfortunately lacks any substantial psychological aspects, which may be attributed to the fact that the plot takes place within mere twenty-four hours. Since the events are complex and plentiful, the author seems to place emphasis on them, rather than on the characters themselves, and character development is therefore of no consequence throughout the book. The following subchapter will discuss the style of the Czech translations and the measure to which they adhere to the original, as far as writing style is concerned.
14
3.2 The style of Pavučina lží and Anatomie lži In translation studies, the question of adherence of the translated text to the original is among the most discussed ones. No literary translation can be an exact replica of the source text, as languages are different and have different grammatical structures, as well as stylistic practices. A much-disputed issue is closely associated with the question of adherence, that is, whether there is such a thing as a translator‘s individual style. According to Mikhail Mikhailov, a translator should be considered as a separate entity with a personal writing style, not only as a means through which the original text is reproduced. […] although the translator is a ‗chameleon‘ and the language, style, and core vocabulary of the translation depend on the author‘s style, we still believe that translator‘s style is indeed an existing phenomenon. Despite the strong dependence on the original, all translators have favourite equivalents and patterns of language usage. (Mikhailov 381-2) As Mikhailov puts it, all translations reflect not only the original author‘s style, but the translator‘s style as well. Translators usually have their own favourite ways of expression and they tend towards using certain words and patterns more frequently than others. Nevertheless, a translator should never modify the target text to such an extent that the spirit of the source text would cease to be perceptible. Pavučina lží and Anatomie lži, two translations of one source text, differ considerably, as far as their style is concerned. The major distinction lies in that Pavučina lží, as opposed to Anatomie lži, is a free translation to a great extent. The translator, Blanka Petáková, does not seem loyal towards the original. Not only does she demonstrate a great tendency towards explicitation, but she also often elaborates sentences which are short in the source text, adding unnecessary information and thus neglecting the author‘s style and intentions. She frequently changes punctuation, 15
breaking up longer sequences, replacing dashes with commas, etc. Petáková even supplies her translation with whole new sentences, phrases and introductory sentences which are absent in the original text, as the following examples illustrate. "Oh, let's not talk business." Sexton leaned across the table, lowering his voice. "How's that guy at the State Department I set you up with?" (DB) „No tak,― přerušil ji otec. „Přece si nebudeme povídat o práci.― Naklonil se přes stůl a spiklenecky ztišil hlas. „Jak se má ten chlapík z ministerstva zahraničí, kterého jsem doporučil tvé ctěné pozornosti?― (BP) A number of comebacks came to mind, but Rachel chose silence. Being the bigger person was not difficult when it came to her father. (DB) Dokonalé moudro, pomyslela si Rachel a vynořilo se jí několik vzpomínek. Raději však mlčela. V souţití, ba i jen v letmém kontaktu s otcem, nebylo těţké být tím lepším a velkorysejším - dokázal to prakticky kaţdý. (BP) On the other hand, Jitka Fialová‘s translation adheres to the original and the translator thus conveys the author‘s style into the target text. Fialová preserves short sentences and other means of building up tension; Petáková‘s translation, in contrast, has the effect of immoderate lengthiness: This morning Toulos was busy—a cacophony of clanking silverware, espresso machines, and cellphone conversations. (DB) Tak jako jindy i dnes ráno zde bylo rušno - cinkání stříbrných příborů se slévalo s tlumeným bručením strojů na přípravu espressa a prolínalo se s nezřetelnými hlasy návštěvníků, kteří vyřizovali své záleţitosti mobilními telefony. (BP) I dnes ráno tu bylo rušno: stříbrné příbory cinkaly, kávovary připravující espreso syčely a hosté pilně mluvili do mobilů. (JF) Petáková‘s translation as a whole is, not surprisingly, longer than Fialová‘s, judging by the word and character count. The counts are taken from the six-chapterlong sample this thesis is based on; Pavučina lží has 9,761 words (61,036 characters), whereas Anatomie lži has 9,406 words (58,658 characters). 16
In comparison with the source text, the language of both the target texts is more colourful and the translators utilize more figures of speech than the original author. Metaphors, even proverbs can be found in the Czech versions: The man was a silver-haired, silver-tongued political animal […] (DB) Stříbrovlasý politický matador, který dokáţe řečnit jako Jan Zlatoústý […] (JF) ... long enough to be sexy, but short enough to remind you she was probably smarter than you. (DB) Jejich délka byla vypočítána tak, aby působily sexy dojmem, ale zároveň vyvracely přísloví ‚dlouhé vlasy, krátký rozum‗. (BP) On the whole, it can be concluded that Petáková does not preserve the spirit of the source text as well as Fialová does, making unnecessary changes and lengthening the text. Through Fialová‘s translation, the author‘s style is conveyed to the reader in a much better way; as Mikhailov puts it, ―[a]fter all, it is the original author‘s name that is printed on the very cover of the translation, i.e. even the translation is considered to be a work of the author, not of the translator.‖ (Mikhailov 378)
4. Practical analysis
The following chapter will be concerned with practical analysis of the translations. The selected passages were analyzed on the basis of several translation phenomena and aspects, such as translation universals, or the dichotomy between close and free translation. The chapter will be divided into subchapters, each of which will 17
analyze the target texts from a specific point of view.
4.1 Explicitation Explicitation, one of the so-called translation universals, is a phenomenon widely discussed and applied among translators. The concept of explicitation was first introduced by Vinay and Darbelnet, who define explicitation as „the process of introducing information into the target language which is present only implicitly in the source language, but which can be derived from the context or the situation― (Klaudy 80). It is, then, a linguistic feature which generally occurs in translated texts, as these texts tend to be more explicit than non-translations. This is attributed partly to the fact that languages differ in their grammatical structures, and partly to the assumption that even if a word-for-word translation were grammatically correct, the target language would be unnatural and the reader might not be able to understand some culture-specific terms, unless explicitly explained. Translators thus frequently utilize additions, for instance additions of modifiers, classifiers and connectives, and convey more specifically what was general in the source text. Explicitation is therefore naturally connected with shifts of cohesion and coherence, which were explored by Blum-Kulka. Shifts of cohesive markers can be partly attributed to different grammatical systems and stylistic preferences of languages; however, explicitation is primarily the result of the translation process itself, according to the so-called explicitation hypothesis formulated by Blum-Kulka in 1986:
The process of interpretation performed by the translator on the source text might lead to a TL text which is more redundant than the SL text. This redundancy can 18
be expressed by a rise in the level of cohesive explicitness in the TL text. This argument may be stated as ―the explicitation hypothesis‖, which postulates an observed cohesive explicitness from SL to TL texts regardless of the increase traceable to differences between the two linguistic and textual systems involved. It follows that explicitation is viewed here as inherent in the process of translation. (Klaudy 82) Nevertheless, explicitation does not necessarily have to mean that the translated text is always redundant. According to Séguinot, explicitation takes place also in cases where ―something which was implied or understood through presupposition in the source text is overtly expressed in the translation, or an element in the source text is given a greater importance in the translation through focus, emphasis, or lexical choice‖ (Klaudy 82). Translators thus apply explicitation techniques such as insertion of explanations or the provision of more accurate descriptions and explicitly named geographical locations, by means of which they fill in cultural gaps. In such cases the target texts cannot be considered redundant, as the explicitations are essential for the purpose of clarity. Klaudy identifies four types of explicitation, namely obligatory explicitation, optional explicitation, pragmatic explicitation and translation-inherent explicitation. Obligatory explicitation is governed by different syntactic and semantic structure of languages, and it is called obligatory because without its utilization the target text would be ungrammatical. This is the case particularly where a translation from an analytic to a synthetic language is carried out, for instance from English to Czech. Optional explicitation is dictated by different stylistic preferences of languages, meaning that without its application the target text would be grammatically correct, but possibly clumsy and not much readable. An example of optional explicitation is the addition of connective elements in order to strengthen cohesiveness. Pragmatic explicitation is applied where the reader of the target text does not share the same culture and knowledge with the source language community; therefore, translators need to provide
19
the text with explanations. Translation-inherent explicitation is the result of the translation process itself; it is independent of the given language pair, it is merely the necessity to convey ideas from the source language into the target language. All of the above-mentioned explicitation types have been identified in the analyzed translations. Henceforth the chapter will be concerned with explicitation in Pavučina lží and Anatomie lži; the ways the translators utilize explicitation techniques will be discussed and practical examples taken from the texts will be commented on. This will help to assess the translators‗ tendencies, which in turn will provide the author of this thesis with relevant findings as to the quality of the translations. In the passages selected from Pavučina lží, 391 occurrences of explicitation have been identified altogether. Out of these 391 occurrences, 36 were identified as obligatory, 137 as optional, 11 as pragmatic and 207 as translation-inherent. As for Anatomie lži, 236 instances of explicitation occur there. Out of the 236 explicitations, 27 were identified as obligatory, 107 as optional, 15 as pragmatic and 87 as translationinherent. The table below summarizes the occurrences for clarity‘s sake.
Type of explicitation Pavučina lží Obligatory 36 Optional 137 Pragmatic 11 Translation-inherent 207 Total 391 Table 1: Types of explicitation in the translations
Anatomie lži 27 107 15 87 236
Total 63 244 26 294
As can be seen in the table above, optional and translation-inherent explicitations are by far the most frequent in both of the translations, with 244 and 294 occurrences altogether, respectively. On the other hand, pragmatic explicitation is the least frequent type, with only 26 occurrences altogether. As far as the high number of optional and 20
translation-inherent explicitations is concerned, it is attributed to the fact that the translators undoubtedly aimed at making the target texts natural in the target language, and they accordingly applied optional explicitation relatively often. The frequency of translation-inherent explicitations is not surprising, either; this type of explicitation, as has already been said above, can be attributed to the nature of the translation process itself, and the translators therefore again intended to make lexical and stylistic choices which are natural in the target language. There is a substantial difference between the number of occurrences in Pavučina lží and Anatomie lži. Petáková explicitates much more frequently than Fialová does; excluding obligatory explicitation from the count (since it is largely dictated by the semantics of the text itself), there are 355 explicitations in Petáková‘s translation, as compared with 209 instances in Fialová‘s translation. The difference is 146, which means that the number of occurrences is increased by approximately 70% in Pavučina lží, as opposed to Anatomie lži. This finding corresponds with the already stated fact that Petáková‘s translation is longer and that she often lengthens the target text unnecessarily; it is best taken notice of, as far as translation-inherent explicitation is concerned – its occurrences in the two translations significantly differ in number, that is, 207 in Pavučina lží to 87 in Anatomie lži. The individual types of explicitation in the translations will be discussed hereafter. Obligatory explicitation occurs 36 times in Pavučina lží and 27 times in Anatomie lži. The translators utilize this type where the word-for-word translation would be ungrammatical in Czech, as Czech and English have different grammatical structures. English sentences frequently do not require predicate, as in the following examples:
21
You wanna wait? Your dime. (DB) Chcete čekat? Jsou to vaše peníze. (BP) Chcete počkat? Platíte vy. (JF) No relation to that shortsighted, depraved senator, I hope! (DB) Nemáte doufám ţádný vztah k tomu krátkozrakému, zpustlému senátorovi, ţe ne? (BP) Doufám, ţe nejste v ţádném příbuzenském vztahu s tím krátkozrakým zpustlým senátorem! (JF) Her posture was straight—chin raised ever so slightly—not arrogant, just strong. (DB) Vzpřímený postoj a mírně zdviţená brada působily dojmem síly, ale nikoli arogance. (BP) Vzpřímený postoj spolu s nepatrně zvednutou bradou nepůsobil arogantně, jenom sebejistě. (JF) The purpose of the adjectives in the last sentence is to describe a woman. Since the use of the adjectives alone would be against the Czech syntactic structure, the translators chose to explicitate the sentence by means of adding the verb působit.
Thirty-four. Almost an old maid. (DB) Ovšem, čtyřiatřicet. Uţ je z tebe skoro stará panna. (BP) Čtyřiatřicet. Brzo z tebe bude stará panna. (JF) Here, the translators added the verb být in order to make the sentences gramatically correct in Czech. Below there are further examples of adjectives which cannot normally stand alone in Czech sentences in the sense in which they are used in English.
You are aware she is with two others who corroborate her story? 22
Yes. Most disturbing. (DB) Víte, ţe jsou s ní další dvě osoby? A ţe její prohlášení stoprocentně potvrzují? Ano, vím. Je to velmi znepokojivé. (BP) Víte o tom, ţe je s dvěma dalšími lidmi, kteří její slova potvrdili? Ano. Je to velmi zneklidňující. (JF) Appropriate, Rachel thought […] (DB) To je dobře, pomyslela si Rachel […] (BP) To se taky sluší a patří, pomyslela si Rachel […] (JF) Let's meet somewhere discreet. (DB) Raději bych se s vámi setkala na nějakém diskrétním místě. (BP) Měli bychom zvolit nějaké diskrétní místo. (JF) In English, adjectives together with the indefinite article are often used as nouns, which is impossible in Czech. The translator is therefore obliged to explicitate the adjective and add a noun in such cases.
The senator was a regular here and currently one of the country's most famous men. (DB) Senátor Sexton, v současné době jeden z nejpopulárnějších politiků v zemi, byl v Toulos pravidelným hostem. (BP) Pravidelný host, který v poslední době patří k nejslavnějším osobnostem Spojených států. (JF) Similarly, determiners, such as few, can stand without a noun in English sentences, as in the example stated below. The Czech counterpart has to be explicitated then.
I think the boys were tossing back a few. (DB) Asi vypil pár skleniček. (BP) 23
Řekl bych, ţe pánové si dali nějakou tu skleničku. (JF) Some semantic constructions with the preposition of have to be explicitated in Czech, otherwise their meaning would not be correctly conveyed.
Rachel half expected to see voodoo dolls of her father dangling everywhere. (DB) Nijak by ji nepřekvapilo, kdyby od stropu visely hadrové vúdú panenky představující jejího otce [...] (BP) Rachel by nebylo nijak zvlášť překvapilo, kdyby tady od stropu visely figurky s obličejem jejího otce […] (JF) Were the construction translated literally, that is, in the usual possessive sense of the preposition, the translation would read ―vúdú panenky jejího otce‖, which would then mean something completely different. English, unlike Czech, can replace the content verb with the auxiliary verb do, where the content verb would be unnecessarily repeated. As auxiliary verbs are not used in Czech the way they are in English, the translation of such a verb has to be explicitated.
She knew the man's handsome face in an instant. Everyone in America did. (DB) Okamţitě ho poznala. Znala ho celá Amerika. (BP) Ten hezký obličej okamţitě poznala. V Americe ho zná kaţdý. (JF) Sometimes the explicitation is obligatory just because the given phrase does not have its exact counterpart in Czech, as in the following example:
He had a strong chin and a carefree mannerism that exuded confidence. (DB) Choval se s nenuceností, která vzbuzovala dojem sebejistoty. (BP)
24
Choval se s bezstarostností svědčící o sebejistotě. (JF) The phrase exude confidence cannot be translated into Czech literally, as vzbuzovat sebejistotu is hardly ever used among the Czech language speakers in this sense. Therefore, explicitation is needed in this case; Petáková chose to add the noun dojem and Fialová changed the verb to svědčit o. English, as opposed to Czech, can combine two nouns into phrases. Target texts have to be explicitated in such cases by means of a subordinate clause because literal translation would be ungrammatical:
But he said he didn't know of any meteorite documentarians. (DB) A on na to, ţe neví o ţádném dokumentaristovi, který by se zabýval meteority. (BP) Ale ţádného dokumentaristu, který se specializuje na meteority, prý stejně nezná. (JF) Both of the translators correctly utilize obligatory explicitation, as the above examples indicate; grammatically incorrect sentences do not occur in either of the target texts. To sum the use of obligatory explicitation up, it is applied in the translations in several cases: when the English sentence lacks a predicate and the Czech sentence would not be grammatical without it; when an adjective stands alone in the English sentence and has to be explicitated by means of adding either a noun or a verb; when phrases used in English do not exist in Czech; and finally, when there is a language phenomenon in the source language which does not occur in the target language, for instance phrases formed by two nouns, auxiliary verbs, or an adjective used as a noun.
Optional explicitation is the second most frequent type identified in the
25
translations, with 137 occurrences in Pavučina lží and 107 occurrences in Anatomie lži. The translators use it in cases when they feel the need to strengthen cohesive links, when the target language would otherwise be clumsy and unnatural, or when the sentences, although grammatically correct, would have ambiguous and inexplicit meaning. For the purposes of better cohesion, connective elements and emphasizers are employed, as in the following examples.
Behind him, the white-clad soldiers faded away, shrinking to illuminated specks in the glow of the flares. (DB) Postavy v bílých kombinézách rychle mizely a v záři signalizačních světel se scvrkávaly do malých teček. (BP) Bíle odění vojáci se rychle ztráceli z dohledu, uţ vypadali jen jako tečky na ploše ozářené světlicemi. (JF) All this power... and I couldn't save her. (DB) Tolik moci mám... a přece jsem ji nedokázal zachránit. (BP) Mám velkou moc… A přece jsem ji nedokázal zachránit. (JF) Several minutes later, having made a wide loop, the taxi was traveling up C Street. (DB) Dlouhou oklikou to trvalo několik minut, ale taxi konečně jelo po C Street […] (JF) Can you wait ten minutes? Not a minute longer. (DB) Mohl byste deset minut počkat? Jo, ale ani o minutu déle. (BP) Můţete deset minut počkat? Ale ani o minutku dýl. (JF) Gabrielle knew she couldn't tell Yolanda anything until she'd talked to Sexton. (DB) 26
Věděla však, ţe Yolandě nemůţe říct ţádné podrobnosti, dokud nepromluví se Sextonem. (BP) I told you I was wrong and— (DB) Uţ jsem ti řekla, ţe to byl omyl a – (JF) He was no stranger to blustering politicians and support staff trying to establish footholds over the intel community. Few put up as strong a front as Marjorie Tench. (DB) Dobře věděl, ţe rozzuření politici a jejich týmy se snaţí proniknout do zpravodajské komunity. A málokdo se tak dokáţe prosadit jako Marjorie Tenchová. (JF) No names. I can set up a meeting. (DB) V tuhle chvíli ti ţádná jména neřeknu. Ale mohu vám domluvit schůzku. (BP) Ţádná jména. Ale můţu ti zařídit schůzku. (JF) But I'm only doing it because he was glad I let you in earlier. (DB) Ale dělám to jenom proto, ţe senátor byl rád, ţe jsem vás pustil dovnitř i předtím. (BP) Ale dělám to jen proto, ţe byl rád, ţe jsem vás tam dneska uţ jednou pustil. (JF) I heard something. (DB) Něco opravdu slyšel. (BP) Něco jsem přece slyšel. (JF) The above examples demonstrate the ways in which cohesive links are strengthened by means of connective and emphasizing words, such as rychle, přece, konečně, a, ale, or však. This explicitation technique is perceptible throughout both the target texts. Optional explicitation is also utilized by the translators in order to make the Czech texts natural and unambiguous; examples are as follows: 27
The woman had the senator's penetrating eyes and refined carriage. (DB) Ţena zdědila senátorovy pronikavé oči i kultivované vystupování. (BP) Dcera po otci zdědila pronikavý pohled a vznosné drţení těla. (JF) Here, the translators explicitate the verb because the literal translation, i.e. měla, would not be as natural as zdědila in the target language.
Politics is perception, Rachel. (DB) Politika je otázkou pocitů a dojmů. (BP) Rachel, v politice se všechno odvíjí od toho, jak co vypadá. (JF) The sentence, if translated word for word, would undoubtedly be grammatically correct; however, politika je dojem would not probably make much sense to the target reader. Therefore, optional explicitation is employed.
The senator's eyes narrowed. (DB) Senátorovy oči se změnily v úzké štěrbinky. (BP) Senátor přimhouřil oči. (JF) Again, literal translation is not suitable in this case because the Czech language does not usually use the phrase oči se zúžily.
Flight in that direction meant death by exposure. (DB) Snaţit se prchat tam by znamenalo vystavit se nepřátelům v nechráněném prostoru a pravděpodobně by to skončilo smrtí. (BP) Prchat tím směrem by znamenalo zahynout v palbě nebo zimou. (JF)
28
The phrase death by exposure has to be explicitated because the literal translation of exposure, vystavení, would lack an object in the target language, as far as coherence is concerned. Petáková thus adds an object and Fialová replaces exposure with a more particular rendering. The above example also demonstrates how lengthy Petáková‘s solutions can be, while Fialová adds only what is necessary. Part of Petáková‘s solution can therefore be classified as translation-inherent (pravděpodobně by to skončilo smrtí).
Pragmatic explicitation is the least frequent type found in the translations. It occurs only 11 times in Pavučina lží and 15 times in Anatomie lži. It is also the only type with more occurrences in Fialová‘s translation; there are, that is, inadequacies in Petáková‘s translation, as far as pragmatic explicitation is concerned. In some cases she does not explicitate facts which cannot be considered as general knowledge in the target culture, as the following examples indicate.
The media hailed Tolland as a cross between Jacques Cousteau and Carl Sagan. (DB) Média ho označovala za kombinaci Jacquesa Cousteaua a Carla Sagana. (BP) Sdělovací prostředky Tollanda opěvují a vidí v něm pokračovatele takových osobností, jako je oceánolog Jacques Cousteau či americký astronom a popularizátor vědy Carl Sagan. (JF) Petáková‘s translation is insufficient here because it may be assumed that a large part of the target readership does not know who Jacques Cousteau and Carl Sagan were. On the other hand, Fialová is explicit and by explaining that Cousteau was an oceanologist and Sagan a famous astronomer, she provides a connective link between the personalities and the character of Michael Tolland, who himself is an oceanologist.
29
[…] he can quote you the distance to Alpha Centauri in millimeters […] (DB) […] dokáţe vám odříkat na milimetr přesně vzdálenost Alfa Centauri od Země […] (BP) […] zpaměti vám řekne přesně na milimetry, jaká je vzdálenost k hvězdě Alfa Centauri […] (JF) Similarly, Petáková, unlike Fialová, leaves the name of the star without explanation here; on the other hand, she rather unnecessarily explicitates the distance, although it quite logically ensues from the text that the distance from the Earth is meant. Despite the fact that Petáková utilizes pragmatic explicitation less frequently than Fialová does, the following example demonstrates a redundant pragmatic explicitation used by her.
Toulos Restaurant, adjacent to Capitol Hill, boasts a politically incorrect menu of baby veal and horse carpaccio, making it an ironic hotspot for the quintessential Washingtonian power breakfast. (DB) Restaurace Toulos stojí nedaleko washingtonského Kapitolu. Díky politicky nekorektnímu menu, na němţ můţete najít mlaďounké telecí a carpaccio z koňského masa, se stala oblíbeným místem pracovních snídaní lidí, kteří ve Washingtonu něco znamenají. (BP) Petáková explicitates Capitol Hill, translating it as washingtonský Kapitol. This explicitation is needless because first, Capitol is known to be the meeting place of the United States Congress in Washington, D.C., and second, even if the reader did not know where it was, the very next sentence mentions Washington and the context is therefore clear. Petáková‘s use of pragmatic explicitation can be thus considered as unsuccessful in places; unlike Fialová, she explicitates where it is not particularly necessary, and at the same time she leaves some names, important for the sake of context, unexplained. Another difference between the two translations, as regards pragmatic explicitation, is that Fialová seems to take the trouble describing and 30
elaborating not widely known terms, whereas Petáková rather leaves them out and substitutes them with common renderings, as in the following examples.
[…] his fate determined by a billowing spinnaker sail and the whim of the ocean breeze. (DB) […] při vhodném větru se vznáší kolem lodi jako na padáku. (BP) […] jeho osud určuje spolu s rozmary mořského vánku vzdouvající se spinakr, tradiční plachta ve tvaru padáku. (JF) While they were speaking on the phone, Sexton had clearly heard the distinctive triple-click of his Jourdain clock in the background. (DB) Kdyţ s ní telefonoval, jasně slyšel trojitý tikot hodin. (BP) Kdyţ spolu mluvili po telefonu, zřetelně slyšel charakteristické tikání svých stojacích hodin. (JF) Presumably not many members of the target language community know the terms spinnaker and Jourdain clock. Petáková simply replaces spinakr with padák and simplifies Jourdain clock; Fialová, on the other hand, explicitates both and thus conveys the exact concept of them to the reader, and at the same time she adheres to the source text by keeping the items that the author had in mind in the target text, too.
The last type discussed is translation-inherent explicitation. It is the most frequent type identified in the translations, with 87 occurrences in Anatomie lži and more than twice as much, 207, in Pavučina lží. Unlike the above types, it is dictated neither by grammatical and stylistic structures, nor by cultural differences. Translationinherent explicitation is largely believed to arise from the translation process itself, and as such it represents natural renderings of ideas originally conceived in the source language.
31
"That's his daughter, you idiot," another replied. (DB) „To je jeho dcera, ty osle,― uzemnil dotyčného jiný hlas. (BP) „To je dcera, ty idiote,― zpraţil ho jeho známý. (JF) She knew exactly where this was headed. (DB) Věděla přesně, k čemu celá tahle šaškárna směřuje. (BP) I have no intention of abandoning my job to work for Senator Sexton, and if you print anything to the contrary, you'll need a shoehorn to get that recorder out of your ass. (DB) Nemám a nikdy jsem neměla v úmyslu opustit svou práci a pracovat pro senátora Sextona. A jestli otisknete něco jiného, pořiďte si pořádně dlouhou lţíci, protoţe vám ten zatracený magneťák nakopu do zadku. (BP) V ţádném případě nehodlám opustit svou práci a pracovat pro senátora Sextona, a jestli se v tom vašem plátku dočtu něco jinýho, tak si seţeňte pořádnej šoufek, protoţe vám ten diktafon nakopu do zadku. (JF) Amid the electronics, thirty or forty white-clad NASA personnel were hard at work. (DB) Uprostřed nejrůznějších elektronických zařízení bylo zabráno do práce třicet nebo čtyřicet lidí z NASA. (BP) Once dead, however, her body would stay warm long enough to dissolve the blockage. (DB) Oběť se v krátké době zadusí, ale tělo zůstane teplé dost dlouho na to, aby sníh v krku a průdušnici roztál. (BP) Tělo však zůstane teplé dost dlouho, aby se překáţka v hrdle rozpustila. (JF) Gabrielle looked out at the emergency vehicles in the distance. (DB) Gabriela sledovala vozy hasičů a sanitky v dálce. (JF) The above extracts are selected examples of translation-inherent explicitation. As has
32
already been mentioned, it occurs in the target texts as a natural result of the translation process and the translators thus utilize it subconsciously, sometimes coming up with similar solutions. However, the fact remains that Petáková inherently explicitates more than twice as much than Fialová. It can therefore be concluded that Fialová‘s translation, unlike Petáková‘s, is faithful to the original text, in compliance with the initial presupposition. To sum this chapter up, the two translations were analyzed and compared, as far as explicitation is concerned. Four types of explicitation, namely obligatory, optional, pragmatic and translation-inherent, were discussed and practical examples were provided. It is the general assumption that translated texts tend to be more explicit than their source counterparts; it proved to be the case with the two translations in question, too. As for the comparison, Petáková‘s translation turned out to be substantially more explicit than Fialová‘s. Petáková‘s explicitations are frequently redundant, and at the same time she keeps her text implicit, even deficient, in places where an explicitation would facilitate a better understanding of the context and fill in cultural gaps (see the comments on pragmatic explicitation above). All things considered, Fialová employs the explicitation technique in a better and more consistent way.
4.2 Implicitation After having discussed explicitation, the following chapter will be devoted to its opposite. Implicitation is indeed generally viewed as the counterpart to explicitation; Vinay and Darbelnet, who first introduced the concept of explicitation, define implicitation as ―a stylistic translation technique which consists of making what is 33
explicit in the source language implicit in the target language, relying on the context or the situation for conveying the meaning‖ (Klaudy, Károly 14). In the definition, the word stylistic is of significance because implicitation occurs solely on the grounds of stylistic preference in the target language, unlike explicitation, one type of which is dictated by semantic and syntactic differences. The general assumption is that implicitation does not occur in translated texts as frequently as explicitation. Nida, who further developed the concepts of explicitation and implicitation (using the terms addition and subtraction), states that although subtractions are by all means highly important in the process of adjustment, they are ―neither so numerous nor varied as additions‖ (Klaudy, Károly 14). The studied target texts are in accordance with the above presupposition. Implicitation occurs 133 times in Pavučina lží (as opposed to 391 occurrences of explicitation) and 63 times in Anatomie lži (compared to 236 occurrences of explicitation). The following table summarizes the occurrences of explicitation and implicitation in the translations.
Explicitation Implicitation 391 133 Pavučina lží 236 63 Anatomie lži Total 627 196 Table 2: Occurrences of explicitation and implicitation in the translations
The ratios of explicitation to implicitation in the individual translations are as follows – 2.94:1 in Pavučina lţí and 3.75:1 in Anatomie lţi. As the above table shows, implicitation is not by far as frequent as explicitation in the selected target texts. Petáková uses implicitation twice as much as Fialová, which again proves that Pavučina lží is the translation adhering to the source text much less. Petáková is sometimes 34
implicit in places where an explicit solution would have been more appropriate.
Toulos Restaurant, adjacent to Capitol Hill, boasts a politically incorrect menu of baby veal and horse carpaccio, making it an ironic hotspot for the quintessential Washingtonian power breakfast. (DB) Restaurace Toulos stojí nedaleko washingtonského Kapitolu. Díky politicky nekorektnímu menu, na němţ můţete najít mlaďounké telecí a carpaccio z koňského masa, se stala oblíbeným místem pracovních snídaní lidí, kteří ve Washingtonu něco znamenají. (BP) Restaurace Toulos v blízkosti Kongresu se díky nabídce kontroverzních jídel z mlaďounkého syrového telecího a koňského masa paradoxně stala podnikem, kam s oblibou chodí snídat washingtonská mocenská elita. (JF) Petáková leaves out the word ironic, which is quite important in the context. It is implicitly present in the sentence, yet Fialová‘s solution better expresses its meaning.
As the maitre d' led the senator's daughter across the dining area, he was embarrassed by the gauntlet of male eyes following her. (DB) Dveřník vedl ţenu jídelnou a s rozpaky si uvědomoval, ţe je ze všech stran sledují pohledy hostů. (BP) Vrchní číšník vedl senátorovu dceru přes jídelnu a s rozpaky vnímal muţské pohledy, které ji provázely při kaţdém kroku. (JF) There are two examples of implicitation in the above sentence at once. Firstly, Petáková translates senator’s daughter as žena. According to Klaudy and Károly, replacing a source language unit with a specific meaning (in this case, senator’s daughter) by a target language unit with a more general meaning (in this case, žena) is one of the typical implicitation strategies. However, Fialová‘s adherence to the original is more appropriate here; Petáková, that is, already uses žena five times in the paragraphs preceding this sentence (therefore the word is utilized six times within a passage little longer than one norm page). Secondly, Petáková translates male eyes as pohledy hostů,
35
which is implicit in the sense that host may mean both male and female guest in Czech. Her solution then does not accurately convey the meaning present in the original sentence and in Fialová‘s rendering; the point is that the male guests are looking at the woman because she is attractive, and even though this may be deduced from the context, it is better not to be implicit in this case.
"Some prominent divorcé looking for a young wife?" "Don't kid yourself, honey. You're not that young anymore." (DB) „Nějaký rozvedený prominent hledá novou ţenu.― „Přestaň dělat hloupé vtipy, má milá. Na to uţ jsi moc stará.― (BP) „Nějaký čerstvě rozvedený prominent hledá mladou manţelku?― „Zlato, nedělej si iluze. Tak mladá uţ nejsi.― (JF) The word young is important in the above example, yet Petáková chose to implicitate and translated it as nová. It follows from the conversation that the prospective wife is supposed to be young; however, taking the whole dialogue into consideration, Fialová‘s version ―works‖ better, as she is able to keep the repetition of young there, too. The above extracts are examples of implicitation utilized by Petáková but not by Fialová. There are instances throughout the texts in which both the translators make what is explicit in Brown‘s text implicit in their translations; examples are as follows.
Sexton's demeanor thawed instantly. (DB) Senátor okamţitě roztál. (BP) Sexton byl vmţiku vlídnost sama. (JF) The senator glared indignantly at having been interrupted. (DB) Senátor na ni vrhl rozhořčený pohled. (BP) Senátor na ni vrhl rozhořčený pohled. (JF) 36
Unsure of what to expect, Rachel followed Tolland into the work area. (DB) Bez nejmenšího tušení, co ji čeká, kráčela za Tollandem. (BP) Kdyţ Rachel vykročila za Tollandem, nevěděla, co má očekávat. (JF) "Pull over," she blurted to the driver. (DB) „Zastavte,― vyhrkla. (BP) „Zastavte,― vyhrkla. (JF) Find anything at NASA? (DB) Zjistilas něco? (BP) Našlas tam něco? (JF) The above occurrences represent the typical implicitation strategies identified in the translations, that is, lexical generalization and lexical omission. These two are among the standard transfer operations involving implicitation, according to Klaudy and Károly. As it was the case with explicitation, Petáková utilizes implicitation more often than Fialová and some of her solutions are questionable, as is indicated by means of the provided examples.
4.3 Simplification Simplification, the same way as explicitation, is one of the phenomena known as universals of translation. This linguistic feature can be identified in translated text where the translator deliberately or subconsciously simplifies the target language as compared 37
with the source language. According to Laviosa-Braithwaite, three types of simplification have been delimited, that is, lexical simplification, syntactic simplification and stylistic simplification. To start with lexical simplification, Blum-Kulka and Levenston define it as ―the process and/or result of making do with less words‖ (Laviosa-Braithwaite 288). In their view, it operates according to six strategies, which are:
[u]se of superordinate terms when there are no equivalent hyponyms in the target language, approximation of the concepts expressed in the source language text, use of ―common-level‖ or ―familiar‖ synonyms, transfer of all the functions of a source-language word to its target-language equivalent, use of circumlocutions instead of conceptually matching high-level words or expressions (especially with theological, culture-specific or technical terms), and use of paraphrase where cultural gaps exist between the source and the target languages. (LaviosaBraithwaite 288) These simplification strategies have been observed not only by Blum-Kulka and Levenston, but by other scholars as well. Syntactic simplification is naturally employed when there are syntactic differences between the given languages. In English, as opposed to Czech, for example, there are usually many occurrences of non-finite clauses (i.e. clauses in which the verb phrases do not have tense); these are simplified by means of replacing them with finite ones in Czech. With regard to stylistic simplification, translators tend to make the text natural in the target language and they thus simplify it in various ways, the most common being breaking up long sequences and sentences, reducing and omitting repetitons or redundant information, shortening overlong circumlocutions and leaving out modifying phrases and words, among others (Laviosa-Braithwaite 289). As far as the occurrences of simplification in Pavučina lží and Anatomie lži are
38
concerned, they are as follows. In Pavučina lží, there are 331 occurrences of simplification altogether, out of which 39 were identified as lexical, 87 as syntactic and 205 as stylistic. As for Anatomie lži, 290 instances of simplification occur there, out of which 23 were identified as lexical, 92 as syntactic and 175 as stylistic. The table below summarizes the occurrences.
Type of simplification Pavučina lží Anatomie lži Lexical 39 23 Syntactic 87 92 Stylistic 205 175 Total 331 290 Table 3: Types of simplification in the translations
Total 62 179 380
Although there are fewer occurrences of simplification in Anatomie lži than in Pavučina lží (taken altogether), as it was the case with explicitation and implicitation in the previous chapters, this time the difference is not substantial (see the above table). Syntactic simplification even occurs more frequently in Anatomie lži. As regards the individual types, the most common one is stylistic, with 380 occurrences altogether; on the other hand, the least frequent is lexical simplification, identified only in 62 instances throughout the passages selected from both of the translations. Lexical simplification is utilized by the translators of Deception Point mostly when they substitute a word or a phrase with a superordinate or a more general one. Petáková does this more often; she unnecessarily simplifies several words which have their equivalents in Czech, whereas Fialová is loyal to the source text, as in the following examples (in the examples, only Petáková‘s solutions are considered as instances of lexical simplification; Fialová‘s solutions are provided in order to demonstrate the difference between the two texts).
39
Normally the harsh electronic beeping was an unwelcome interruption, but at the moment, it sounded almost melodious. (DB) Za normálních okolností by pro ni zvuk byl nepříjemným vyrušením, ale dnes jí zněl jako rajská hudba. (BP) Za normálních okolností by pronikavé elektronické pípání nemile rušilo, teď jí však znělo téměř melodicky. (JF) Rachel fished the pager from her handbag […] (DB) Rachel vyndala přístroj z kabelky [...] (BP) Vylovila pager z kabelky […] (JF) Amid the electronics, thirty or forty white-clad NASA personnel were hard at work, conferring happily and talking in excited tones. (DB) Uprostřed nejrůznějších elektronických zařízení bylo zabráno do práce třicet nebo čtyřicet lidí z NASA a vzrušeně diskutovali. (BP) U počítačů se pohybovalo třicet nebo čtyřicet zaměstnanců NASA v bílém; horlivě se radili a vzrušeně diskutovali. (JF) […] not surprising in these gale force winds. (DB) Ţádný div, v takovém počasí. (BP) […] v takové vichřici by věru nebylo divu. (JF) […] one of the soldiers pushed him back down on his back […] (DB) Jeden z muţů ho srazil zpátky na záda […] (BP) […] jeden z vojáků ho povalil na záda […] (JF) […] a hundred-foot drop to the lethal pounding surf of the Arctic Ocean. (DB) […] pád do hloubky třiceti metrů, do vod Severního ledového oceánu. (BP) […] pád z výšky třiceti metrů do smrtonosného příboje Severního ledového oceánu. (JF)
40
Fialová‘s solutions are undoubtedly more appropriate, especially where the particular word or phrase is important for the sake of evoking the right atmosphere for the target reader – this is the case, for example, when the nature of the weather or the ocean is depicted. Gale force winds, translated as vichřice by Fialová, by all means evokes the atmosphere better than the mere word počasí used by Petáková. Or similarly, when describing the Arctic Ocean, Fialová conveys the horror of the situation more easily by adherence to the source text and translating lethal pounding surf as smrtonosný příboj. Petáková inexplicably simplifies the phrase into vody; even though the target reader can in all likelihood imagine the nature of the Arctic Ocean without its being explicitly described, Fialová maintains Brown‘s suspense in a better way.
As for syntactic and stylistic simplification, their occurrences are more or less similar in number in the translations (87 and 205 in Pavučina lží, and 92 and 175 in Anatomie lži, respectively). Syntactic simplification is mostly utilized where there are non-finite clauses in the source text, as has already been mentioned above. In such cases both the translators generally simplify because the Czech language naturally requires it, as the following examples indicate.
He paused as if waiting for someone to pick up. (DB) Odmlčel se, jako by čekal, jestli někdo nezdvihne sluchátko. (BP) Odmlčel se, jako by čekal, ţe někdo zvedne sluchátko. (JF) The guard sighed, standing up. (DB) Bodyguard si vzdychl a vstal. (BP) Stráţce vzdychl a vstal. (JF)
41
Arriving at the main door of Senator Sexton's five-room office suite, Gabrielle used her key card to enter. (DB) Dorazila ke dveřím Sextonovy pětipokojové kanceláře a otevřela si magnetickou kartou. (BP) Došla k hlavním dveřím senátorovy kanceláře o pěti místnostech a otevřela si kartou. (JF) Several minutes later, having made a wide loop, the taxi was traveling up C Street. (DB) Řidič jel oklikou a o několik minut později projíţděli ulicí C. (BP) Dlouhou oklikou to trvalo několik minut, ale taxi konečně jelo po C Street […] (JF) Pulling out her cellphone, she dialed the senator. (DB) Vyndala mobilní telefon a vytočila senátorovo číslo. (BP) Vytáhla mobil a zavolala senátorovi. (JF) Without the utilization of syntactic simplification, the underlined English clauses would have to be translated into Czech by means of participles, which would be out-of-date and archaic.
With regard to stylistic simplification, the translators employ it in various ways; one of them is omitting repetitions. The English language, for instance, tends to repeat proper and other names over and over again, which would be considered clumsy in Czech. The repetitions are therefore usually omitted in the target texts.
Dad, I don't work for the President. I haven't even met the President. (DB) Proboha ţivého, tati, já přece nepracuju pro prezidenta. Dokonce jsem se s ním ještě nikdy ani nesetkala. (BP) Tati, já nedělám pro prezidenta. Dokonce jsem se s ním nikdy nesetkala. (JF) 42
As Sexton dried his face, he threw his head back and took a deep breath. Relax, he told himself. Don't get punchy. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply again, feeling better. When Sexton exited the bathroom […] (DB) Utřel si obličej, zaklonil hlavu a zhluboka se nadechl. Uklidni se. Nedělej ze sebe kašpara. Zavřel oči a znovu se zhluboka nadechl. Cítil se lépe. Vyšel z toalety […] (BP) Otřel si obličej, zaklonil hlavu a zhluboka se nadechl. Uklidni se, domlouval si. Nechoď na to tak zhurta. Zavřel oči, ještě jedno hluboké nadechnutí, a cítil se líp. Kdyţ vyšel z toalety […] (JF) Another form which stylistic simplification takes in the discussed translations is leaving out possessive determiners; this is again dictated by different stylistic practices between the Czech and the English languages. An English sentence, unlike a Czech one, can contain several possessive determiners without sounding unnatural; these generally have to be left out in target texts (an example being the very extract above, where the possessive determiner his is repeated three times in the source language). Other examples are as follows.
As Gabrielle fingered her way through her files, her cellphone rang. (DB) Kdyţ přejíţděla prstem po hřbetech šanonů, zazvonil jí mobil. (BP) Gabriela právě jela prstem po hřbetech sloţek, kdyţ jí zazvonil mobil. (JF) Dozing on a chair in the hallway outside Senator Sexton's Westbrooke apartment, a security guard awoke with a start at the sound of his cellular phone. Bolting up in his chair, he rubbed his eyes and pulled his phone from his blazer pocket. (DB) Před vstupními dveřmi bytu senátora Sextona podřimoval bodyguard. Zazvonění mobilu ho probudilo z lehké dřímoty. Narovnal se, promnul si oči a vyndal telefon z kapsy u vesty. (BP) Na chodbě přede dveřmi bytu senátora Sextona ve Westbrooke podřimoval jeho tělesný stráţce. Škubl sebou, kdyţ zazvonil mobil, hbitě se na ţidli narovnal, promnul si oči a telefon vytáhl z kapsy saka. (JF) 43
In addition to omitting repetitions and leaving out possessive determiners, the translators also shorten phrases, making the target texts more natural. Petáková utilizes this form of stylistic simplification more frequently than Fialová; she even shortens whole sentences, which yet again corresponds with the hypothesis that her translation does not adhere to the source text very much.
When Rachel glanced up at the newcomer, her feet froze in place. (DB) Rachel se na něj podívala a ztuhla. (BP) Sotva se Rachel na příchozího podívala, zůstala stát jako solný sloup. (JF) He gave a frustrated sigh and turned to Rachel. (DB) Zklamaně se otočil k Rachel. (BP) Bezmocně vzdychl a obrátil se k Rachel. (JF) Delta-One felt no remorse as he stared down at the woman lying unconscious on the ice before him. (DB) Delta-jedna se sklonil nad tělem bez sebemenšího pocitu lítosti. (BP) Delta 1 necítil ţádné výčitky svědomí, kdyţ upřeně hleděl na ţenu v bezvědomí, která před ním leţela na ledě. (JF) If you want me to help you, you've got to start by being honest with me. (DB) Jestli chcete, abych vám pomohl, budete mi muset říct pravdu. (BP) Jestli chcete, abych vám pomohl, musíte začít tím, ţe se mnou budete jednat na rovinu. (JF) Then he saw something even more shocking—the clear outline of a second shaft directly beneath where the meteorite had been. (DB) Daleko víc ho ale šokovala jasná linie další šachty přímo pod místem uloţení meteoritu. (BP) 44
Pak přišel ještě větší šok: přímo pod místem, kde meteorit původně leţel, se zřetelně rýsovala další šachta. (JF) To sum this chapter up, simplification, unlike explicitation and implicitation, occurs in a relatively consistent way, as regards the comparison between Pavučina lží and Anatomie lži. Only in the case of lexical simplification, there are several instances in which Petáková‘s solutions are rather inappropriate, as opposed to Fialová‘s (see above).
4.4 Close versus free translation The dichotomy between close and free translation has long been a point for debate in translation studies. On one hand, each translator influences the target text in a characteristic way, as has already been discussed in chapter 3.2. On the other hand, the original spirit of the source text should always be preserved. Mikhailov points out that ―it has been widely argued that literary translations should maintain the style and structure […] of the original as intact as possible‖ (Mikhailov 378). It logically ensues that translations which do not adhere to the source text to a great extent will be considered free, and possibly also worse to a certain degree than closer translations. As far as Pavučina lží and Anatomie lži are concerned, the first can be regarded as free and the second as close. Petáková‘s nonadherence to the source text has already been mentioned several times in the previous chapters. However, there are additions (or omissions) in Petáková‘s translation which cannot be attributed either to the translation universals, or to implicitation. There are a number of instances in her target text where the translator deliberately adds phrases and sentences of her own creation, phrases and 45
sentences which are absent in the source text. Then, she sometimes considerably shortens paragraphs and omits important information. Below there is a selection from the numerous examples of Petáková‘s ―creative‖ technique.
Her father clicked off his phone and stood to kiss her cheek. (DB) Senátor vypnul mobil a se zářivým úsměvem se postavil, aby dceru políbil na tvář. (BP) The author definitely does not imply that the senator should be smiling; on the other hand, it ensues from the context that he is quite irritated that his daughter is late. Why add such a phrase, then? Moreover, the verb postavil se sounds rather clumsy, too.
"Dad, I really haven't had time to call him. And I wish you'd stop trying to—" "You've got to make time for the important things, Rachel." (DB) „Ještě jsem neměla čas mu zavolat. A propříště, buď tak laskav a přestaň mi dohazovat nápadníky.― „Děvče, děvče, měla by ses naučit udělat si čas na důleţité věci.― (BP) Petáková completes the sentence, although it is obviously the author‘s intention to leave it unfinished; that is, the senator is supposed to interrupt his daughter in mid-sentence, which Petáková does not keep in her text. Furthermore, she does this more than once:
You know, sometimes your selfish attitude really— (DB) Jsou chvíle, kdy mě tvůj sobecký přístup opravdu překvapuje... (BP)
Her father glared disapprovingly. "You'd do well to learn some poise." (DB) Otec ji nesouhlasně pozoroval, ale celou záleţitost nijak nekomentoval. Utrousil jenom: „Měla by ses naučit slušnému chování.― (BP)
46
Petáková‘s addition does not make much sense, as the senator actually remarks upon the matter.
Most of him felt like a child who had just been given his most wanted Christmas present, and he refused to let anyone yank it out of his hands. (DB) On si připadal jako dítě, které našlo pod vánočním stromečkem dárek, po němţ celý rok úpěnlivě touţilo. Nedovolí nikomu, aby mu ho sebral. Uvědomoval si však, ţe by bylo zdvořilé, kdyby ze sebe vymáčkl alespoň trochu obav o dceru. (BP) Petáková‘s last sentence is absent in the source text, and the author does not even imply that the senator should realize he should worry about his daughter; Petáková‘s addition is thus nonsensical here.
With the growing sounds of Corky's struggle, Tolland felt a helpless sensation he had not felt in years. Total despair. Total loss. Like the cliché of one's life passing before one's eyes before death, Tolland's mind flashed unexpectedly through long forgotten childhood images. For an instant he was sailing in San Pedro, learning the age-old sailor's pastime of spinnaker-flying—hanging on a knotted rope, suspended over the ocean, plunging laughing into the water, rising and falling like a kid hanging on a belfry rope, his fate determined by a billowing spinnaker sail and the whim of the ocean breeze. (DB) Jak sílilo Corkyho zoufalé sténání, prohlubovalo se Tollandovo zoufalství. Takový pocit bezmoci nezaţil celé roky. Jsou ztraceni. Jak to před smrtí často bývá, proběhlo mu před očima několik zapomenutých vzpomínek z dětství. Plavil se v San Pedru a přicházel na chuť staré námořnické zábavě. Námořník se uváţe ke skasané plachtě a při vhodném větru se vznáší kolem lodi jako na padáku. (BP) Here, Petáková considerably shortens the paragraph and thus omits the exact description of the activity, so the reader cannot probably imagine what it actually is.
A moment later, Tolland felt a jerk as his tether drew taut on Corky Marlinson. Twenty yards back, his terrified friend was yanked out from under his stunned attackers, sending one of them tumbling backward. Corky let out a bloodcurdling scream as he too accelerated across the ice, barely missing the 47
overturned sled, then fishtailing inward. A second rope trailed limp beside Corky... the rope that had been connected to Norah Mangor. (DB) O chvíli později je další trhnutí ujistilo, ţe se napjalo bezpečnostní lano a prudký poryv vysvobodil Corkyho Marlinsona přímo zpod rukou vrahů. Corkyho rychlost se prudce zvyšovala; těsně minul převrţené saně a síla větru ho táhla jako rybu na udici. Za Corkym vlálo další volné lano, k němuţ byla předtím připnutá Nora. (BP) Again, Petáková shortens the paragraph and there is some information missing in her translation. As the above examples indicate, Petáková not only explicitates more than Fialová, but she also adds and omits information, her additions being frequently inexplicable. That way she rather spoils the author‘s style and intentions, and her translation has a somewhat unprofessional effect, in comparison with Fialová‘s Anatomie lži.
5. Lost in translation
Having analyzed and compared the two translations from different points of view, mostly on the basis of translation universals, there is a need to devote a chapter to mistakes and awkward renderings identified in Petáková‘s version, Pavučina lží, as they are numerous and some of them substantial. There are instances where Petáková misinterprets the source text; there are also shifts in meaning in her translation, as well as renderings which have the opposite meaning to their source counterparts. These mistakes and awkwardly translated words or phrases will be commented on henceforth; 48
Fialová‘s correct translations will be provided, too, in order to demonstrate the difference between the two versions.
The maitre d' was sneaking a sip of his morning Bloody Mary when the woman entered. He turned with a practiced smile. (DB) Dveřník právě pokradmu usrkl doušek své ranní Bloody Mary, kdyţ dovnitř vešla ţena. Přivítal ji s profesionálním úsměvem. (BP) Vrchní číšník právě pokradmu usrkl ze své obvyklé ranní Bloody Mary, kdyţ práh překročila ţena. Obrátil se k ní s profesionálním úsměvem. (JF) Petáková translates maitre d‘ as dveřník. Maitre d‘ is ―the person in charge of a restaurant or of the people who bring food to your table in a restaurant‖5 Therefore, it is a high position within a restaurant, whereas the word dveřník rather evokes a lower position; furthermore, it is frequently associated with noble manors or luxury hotels, not restaurants. Fialová‘s lexical choice is more appropriate.
The woman was attractive, in her mid-thirties, wearing gray, pleated flannel pants, conservative flats, and an ivory Laura Ashley blouse. (DB) Ţena byla velmi hezká. Pravděpodobně uţ překročila třicítku, na sobě měla volné šedé flanelové kalhoty, nízké sandály a zářivě bílou halenku od Laury Ashley. (BP) Přitaţlivá, asi pětatřicetiletá, v slonovinově bílé blůze značky Laura Ashley, šedých volných flanelových kalhotách a v konzervativních botách na nízkém podpatku. (JF) Petáková‘s translation contains two problems. First, she rather awkwardly translates the phrase in her mid-thirties; the rendering pravděpodobně už překročila třicítku has a negative effect in the context and it sounds as though Petáková wanted to imply it was a bad thing that the woman was older than thirty. In contrast, Fialová‘s translation is
5
Cambridge Advanced Learner‘s Dictionary
49
unmarked and she merely states the woman‘s age within the enumeration of the woman‘s characteristics, the same way as the author himself. Second, Petáková translates the colour inaccurately, since ivory is not bright white, but rather off-white.
[hair] long enough to be sexy […] (DB) Jejich délka byla vypočítána tak, aby působily sexy dojmem […] (BP) […] vlasy tak dlouhé, aby působily sexy […] (JF) It is inadequate to use the word calculate in connection with hair, as hair‘s length can hardly be calculated in the literal sense of the word. Moreover, Petáková‘s solution sounds as if the hair‘s length and its effect were intentional, an impression which is not present in the source text.
The woman's hair was light brown and fashioned in Washington's most popular style—the "anchor-woman"—a lush feathering, curled under at the shoulders... long enough to be sexy, but short enough to remind you she was probably smarter than you. (DB) Vlasy měla světle hnědé a vlnily se jí podle současné washingtonské módy v bohatých pramenech k ramenům. Jejich délka byla vypočítána tak, aby působily sexy dojmem, ale zároveň vyvracely přísloví „dlouhé vlasy, krátký rozum―. Ostatně, všechno nasvědčovalo tomu, ţe ţena je nejspíš daleko chytřejší neţ většina lidí kolem. (BP) Světle hnědé vlasy si podle poslední washingtonské módy nechala upravit „na televizní moderátorku―: záplava nadýchaných pramenů jí ve vlnách spadala k ramenům… vlasy tak dlouhé, aby působily sexy, zároveň však dostatečně krátké, aby vám připomněly, ţe tato dáma je dost moţná chytřejší neţ vy. (JF) The extract containing the previous problem has been repeated in full in order to demonstrate another awkward rendering of Petáková‘s. The underlined sentence does not convey the exact meaning intended by the author. The author merely implies that the woman‘s hair is not too long and she thus seems to be fairly smart; on the other
50
hand, Petáková shifts the meaning and says that everything about the woman indicates she is smarter than nearly everybody else, which is obviously not what the author originally had in mind.
"I'm a little late," the woman said, her voice unassuming. (DB) „Jdu trochu pozdě,― promluvila nejistě. (BP) „Trochu jsem se zpozdila,― prohodila skromně. (JF) Overlooking the fact that unassuming does not mean nejistý, Petáková‘s solution does not make sense in the context anyway. The description of the woman in the paragraphs preceding this excerpt indicates that she is attractive, smart and self-confident, therefore it is unlikely for her to speak uncertainly all of a sudden.
Lately Sexton's face seemed to be on every national magazine, his campaign slogan plastered all across America: "Stop spending. Start mending." (DB) Sextonův obličej se v poslední době objevoval ve všech národních časopisech a jeho volební slogan obíhal celou Amerikou: „Stop zbytečným výdajům! Myslete na nápravu přehmatů.― (BP) Uţ několik měsíců se Sexton dívá z obálky snad kaţdého časopisu s celostátní působností a plakáty s heslem jeho kampaně hlásají po celé Americe: „Výdaje omezím. Chyby napravím.― (JF) Petáková rather awkwardly translates the campaign slogan, in comparison with Fialová. It is supposed to be brief and memorable, as it is in the source text and Fialová‘s translation.
Clearly the senator's classic good looks had not skipped generations. (DB) Někdy se stává, ţe podobu prarodičů zdědí aţ vnuci. (BP) Senátorovy klasické rysy zjevně nepřeskočily generaci, jak se to někdy stává. 51
(JF) Petáková‘s translation is not very logical in the respect that once she used the word grandparent in the context, she had no other choice but to complement it with grandchild; therefore it does not make much sense to say that podobu prarodičů zdědí až vnuci. If Petáková had wanted to use the grandparent – grandchild comparison instead of translating the sentence literally, it would have been better had she formulated the sentence in a different way, for example podoba se někdy dědí z prarodičů na vnuky. Furthermore, Petáková leaves out the good looks.
A pleasure to have you, Ms. Sexton. (DB) Pro náš podnik je ctí, ţe jste nás poctila svou návštěvou, slečno Sextonová. (BP) Slečno Sextonová, s radostí vás v našem podniku vítám. (JF) Petáková‘s repetition seems clumsy and it is unlikely that someone would actually utter such a greeting.
"Sexton already find himself a new wife?" "That's his daughter, you idiot," another replied. The man chuckled. "Knowing Sexton, he'd probably screw her anyway." (DB) „Ţe by se Sexton sháněl po nové choti?― „To je jeho dcera, ty osle,― uzemnil dotyčného jiný hlas. První muţ se zakuckal. „Jak znám Sextona, určitě se na ni kouká s potěšením, i kdyţ je to jenom dcera.― (BP) „Sexton si našel novou manţelku?― „To je dcera, ty idiote,― zpraţil ho jeho známý. Muţ se potutelně zasmál. „Jak znám Sextona, nejspíš by ji přefiknul tak jako tak.― (JF) In the above passage, there is more than one problem on Petáková‘s part. First, she shifts the tense in the first sentence, as its back-translation would read Sexton looking 52
for a new wife?, which is different from the author‘s meaning. Second, she misinterprets the word chuckle, which in this sense means to laugh quietly or snigger, as Fialová correctly translates. And third, Petáková inexplicably omits the colloquial expression screw and translates the sentence differently; her rendering does not convey the author‘s intention and it is a sentence unlikely to be uttered during a friendly and confidential conversation between two men. On the other hand, Fialová adheres to the original and her solution is one which could probably naturally be heard in a common talk among men.
"Hi, Dad." She did not kiss him back. (DB) „Ahoj tati,― opětovala chladně polibek. (BP) „Ahoj, tati.― Polibek mu nevrátila. (JF) This is one of the examples in which Petáková completely changes the meaning of words and phrases for unknown reasons. The question is whether she does this deliberately or whether these mistakes result from overlooking; however, either way they have a highly unprofessional effect. Other such examples are as follows.
Rachel sighed. (DB) Rachel zadrţela dech. (BP) Vzdychla. (JF) Rachel exhaled. (DB) Zhluboka se nadechla. (BP) Opět vydechla. (JF) Pickering exhaled a long breath. (DB) 53
Pickering zadrţel dech. (BP) Pickering dlouze vydechl. (JF) When the man saw Tolland standing with Rachel, he stopped in his tracks. (DB) Došel k nim. (BP) Kdyţ si všiml, ţe vedle Tollanda stojí Rachel, zarazil se. (JF)
The above example demonstrates Petáková‘s unaccountable habit of occasional unnecessary shortening and changing of meaning, unaccountable because it can hardly be assumed that the rendering is a result of mere overlooking.
How's that guy at the State Department I set you up with? (DB) Jak se má ten chlapík z ministerstva zahraničí, kterého jsem doporučil tvé ctěné pozornosti? (BP) Co ten chlápek na ministerstvu zahraničí, kterého jsem ti dohodil? (JF) First, it ensues from the context that the author does not mean the phrase how’s that guy in its literal sense; therefore Fialová‘s translation co ten chlápek is more appropriate. Second, Petáková‘s translation kterého jsem doporučil tvé ctěné pozornosti is rather formal and pompous, which does not fit into the informal setting.
A number of comebacks came to mind, but Rachel chose silence. (DB) Dokonalé moudro, pomyslela si Rachel a vynořilo se jí několik vzpomínek. Raději však mlčela. (BP) Napadla ji řada řízných odpovědí, ale rozhodla se to přejít mlčením. (JF) Petáková mistranslates comebacks as vzpomínky; however, comeback in this context
54
means a quick reply or retort.
Don't kid yourself, honey. (DB) Přestaň dělat hloupé vtipy, má milá. (BP) Zlato, nedělej si iluze. (JF) Again, this is a mistranslation on Petáková‘s part. To kid oneself means ―to believe something that is not true, usually because you want it to be true‖6, not to make jokes.
Americans are starting to see that the President cannot be trusted to make the tough decisions facing this nation. (DB) Američané vidí, ţe současnému prezidentovi nemohou důvěřovat. Ţe není schopen přijmout tváří v tvář svému národu tvrdá, ale nutná rozhodnutí. (BP) Jak si stále více Američanů uvědomuje, nelze věřit, ţe se prezident odhodlá přistoupit k těţkým rozhodnutím, která před námi všemi stojí. (JF) Petáková wrongly assigns the phrase facing this nation to the president, while it is actually the decisions which are facing the nation, as Fialová correctly interprets.
The reporter coughed, feigning uneasiness over the question. (DB) Reportér si odkašlal, aby zvýšil napětí vznášející se kolem nepříjemné otázky. (BP) Reportér si odkašlal a předstíral, ţe je v rozpacích. (JF) Petáková shifts the meaning here, as she translates feign uneasiness as zvýšit napětí.
The reporter beamed. He had his sound bite. (DB) Reportér se zářivě usmál a trochu kousavě se otázal: (BP) 6
Cambridge Advanced Learner‘s Dictionary
55
Reportér se rozzářil. Konečně se dočkal toho, pro co si přišel. (JF) Again, Petáková misinterprets the phrase in the above example.
You'd do well to learn some poise. (DB) Měla by ses naučit slušnému chování. (BP) Prospělo by ti, kdyby ses naučila zachovávat klid. (JF) Fialová, unlike Petáková, correctly translates poise. Besides, Petáková‘s rendering rather reminds of an advice given to a child, not to a grown-up woman.
He clucked ruefully. (DB) Senátor si omluvně odkašlal. (BP) Smutně nad ní zakroutil hlavou. (JF) Petáková yet again shifts the meaning of the sentence. Fialová correctly translates ruefully as smutně; then she substitutes to cluck with zakroutit hlavou, which appropriately emphasizes the senator‘s would-be sombre attitude.
The administrator led Rachel toward a series of tables where a lone man sat at a computer work station. (DB) Ekstrom zamířil ke stolu, na kterém stálo několik počítačů. Zády k nim seděl osamělý muţ. (BP) Ředitel vedl Rachel k řadě stolů, kde u počítače seděl jediný muţ. (JF) Petáková turns a series of tables and one computer into one table and several computers.
56
After a moment, the man in the turtleneck gave him a congenial nod and started shutting down his computer. (DB) Ten souhlasně přikývl a začal počítače vypínat. (BP) Muţ v roláku přikývl a začal počítač vypínat. (JF) Again, Petáková inexplicably makes a plural out of a singular.
When the President had told Rachel he had recruited top-notch civilian scientists to authenticate NASA's discovery, Rachel had imagined a group of wizened nerds with monogrammed calculators. (DB) Kdyţ jí prezident řekl, ţe povolal prvotřídní civilní vědce, aby prověřili objev, představovala si skupinku seschlých potrhlých individuí s počítačkami s monogramem. (BP) Prezident se sice zmínil, ţe k ověření objevu NASA přizval špičkové civilní vědce, ona si ale představila skupinu seschlých vědátorů s kalkulačkami zdobenými monogramem. (JF) The expression počítačka which Petáková uses is rather out-of-date, in comparison with kalkulačka.
One of the best known "science celebrities" in America today, Tolland hosted a weekly documentary called Amazing Seas. (DB) V současnosti platil za jednu z nejpopulárnějších vědeckých celebrit Spojených států. Kaţdý týden komentoval dokumentární seriál Čarovné moře. (BP) Jako jedna z nejznámějších „vědeckých celebrit― současné Ameriky uvádí týden co týden v televizi dokumentární pořad Úžasné moře. (JF) There are two issues in Petáková‘s sentence which need to be commented on. First, she translates the verb to host as komentovat, which is not exactly what hosting means. The verb komentovat in connection with a TV programme rather reminds of sports commentators who cannot even be seen by the audience, for example when they comment a hockey match or a Formula One race. And second, there is a difference 57
between seriál and pořad; seriál usually has a certain limited number of epizodes, whereas pořad can be made over and over again without limitation. Therefore, Fialová‘s solution is more suitable.
Tolland chuckled. (DB) Tolland se usmál. (BP) Tolland se zasmál. (JF) Petáková‘s solution is imprecise because chuckling is usually accompanied by a sound, which does not apply to her rendering, usmát se.
NASA was often accused of talking over the public's head. (DB) NASA se často vyčítalo, ţe je ve svých komentářích příliš rozvláčná. (BP) Odborníci z NASA často musejí poslouchat kritické názory, ţe mluví jazykem, kterému běţný občan nerozumí. (JF) Fialová correctly interprets Brown‘s sentence. On the other hand, Petáková again shifts the meaning – her rendering is that NASA‘s commentaries are too lengthy, which however does not necessarily imply that normal people should not understand them.
We've drilled quite a few. (DB) Několik jsme jich odebrali. (BP) A pěknou řádku. (JF) There is a difference in meaning between quite a few and just a few, which Petáková clearly does not realize.
58
Corky stopped laughing and slumped. (DB) Corky se zasmál a plácl se do kolen. (BP) Corkyho přešel smích a schlípl. (JF) Petáková yet again completely changes the sense in the sentence above.
As a biologist, Tolland knew that vast physiological changes occurred when an organism sensed danger. Adrenaline flooded the cerebral cortex, jolting the heart rate and commanding the brain to make the oldest and most intuitive of all biological decisions—whether to do battle or flee. (DB) Jako zkušený biolog Tolland věděl, ţe cítí-li se organizmus ohroţen, projeví se to řadou fyziologických změn. Adrenalin vyplavený do mozkové kůry zvýší srdeční tep a řídí mozek tak, aby zhodnotil situaci a intuitivně provedl nejdůleţitější ze všech biologických rozhodnutí - zda se dát do boje, nebo utéct. (BP) Tolland jako biolog věděl, ţe jakmile organismus vycítí nebezpečí, proběhnou v něm rozsáhlé fyziologické změny. Adrenalin zaplaví mozkovou kůru, radikálně se zvedne tep a mozek musí učinit nejstarší a nejintuitivnější ze všech biologických rozhodnutí – zda se pustit do boje, anebo utéct. (JF) Petáková, instead of translating what is present in the source sentence, changes the adjective into nejdůležitější. However, the decision, being the oldest, does not necessarily have to be the most important, too; it is only Petáková‘s interpretation.
Then Delta-One would load all of them on the sled, drag them several hundred yards off course, reattached their belay lines and arrange the bodies. (DB) Naloţí jejich mrtvoly na saně, odtáhnou je několik metrů od tohoto místa, znovu jim připevní jisticí lana a těla vhodným způsobem naaranţují. (BP) Pak je Delta 1 všechny naloţí na saně a odtáhne o pár set metrů dál, kde jim zase připevní jisticí lana a těla vhodně rozmístí. (JF) Brown‘s intention is for the victims to be dragged several hundred yards off course, so that no one would ever find the exact scene of the crime; Fialová maintains the distance.
59
On the other hand, Petáková omits the hundred and her translation then changes the original purpose – dragging the bodies only a few metres off would not make much difference.
As Rachel rolled and sat up, Tolland spied something behind her. A bulky vinyl bag. (DB) Rachel se převalila na bok a posadila se. Tolland si všiml, ţe vedle ní leţí na zemi jakýsi neforemný plastový balík. (BP) Jen se Rachel posunula a sedla si, Tolland za ní něco zpozoroval. Objemný vak z umělé hmoty. (JF) Petáková changes the preposition in the above sentence.
It was a small weather balloon, designed to carry payloads of observational weather gear not much heavier than a personal computer. (DB) Byl to malý meteorologický balon, jen o málo těţší neţ počítač. (BP) Je to malý meteorologický balon, který unese přístroje pro pozorování počasí, ovšem nesmějí váţit víc neţ osobní počítač. (JF) Petáková obviously misunderstands the meaning of the source sentence; as Fialová correctly translates, the balloon can carry payloads which cannot be much heavier than a computer. Petáková‘s translation conveys that the balloon itself weighs a little more than a computer, which is something completely different; moreover, it does not make sense in the context because the point of the sentence is that the main characters are wondering whether the balloon can carry them or not, therefore the possible weight of the payload, not of the balloon itself, is of importance here.
From between them, the loose tether trailed off across the snow to the struggling Corky... and ten yards farther to the empty clip beside Norah Mangor. (DB)
60
Mezi nimi a bojujícím Corkym leţelo na sněhu ve volných smyčkách jisticí lano... a dalších deset metrů lana s odepnutou karabinou vedle Nory Mangorové. (BP) Volné jisticí lano mezi nimi vedlo po sněhu aţ ke Corkymu… a o deset metrů dál končilo vedle Nory Mangorové. (JF) Petáková‘s rendering seems very awkward; it rather implies that a coiled rope is lying beside Norah Mangor, not that the rope leads to her from where Corky is. Unlike Fialová‘s translation, Petáková‘s clumsy sentence makes it hard for the reader to imagine what the scene really looks like.
Tolland grabbed the folded balloon from Rachel. (DB) Vzal od Rachel sloţený balon. (BP) Sloţený balon vytrhl Rachel z ruky. (JF) Fialová conveys the reality of the scene in a better way, as vytrhl indicates the lack of time and desperation, unlike vzal, which is neutral and does not express the rapid movement needed in the context. Another such example is as follows.
Bolting up in his chair, he rubbed his eyes and pulled his phone from his blazer pocket. (DB) Narovnal se, promnul si oči a vyndal telefon z kapsy u vesty. (BP) Škubl sebou, kdyţ zazvonil mobil, hbitě se na ţidli narovnal, promnul si oči a telefon vytáhl z kapsy saka. (JF)
Apparently the CIA had been prepared to move on this cell months before and was simply waiting for the high-res satellite photos so that they could plan a pinpoint attack on the terrorists' mountain hideout in Afghanistan. (DB) CIA se připravovala na likvidaci teroristické buňky celé měsíce a čekala jenom na fotografie ze satelitu, aby mohla přesně naplánovat útok na její hnízdo v afghánských horách. (BP) 61
CIA zřejmě byla proti té buňce připravena zasáhnout uţ řadu měsíců, ale prostě musela počkat, aţ satelit pošle fotografie s vysokým rozlišením, aby útok na úkryt teroristů v horském terénu Afghánistánu mohli naplánovat co nejpřesněji. (JF) The word hnízdo is usually associated with birds, hardly ever with a terrorist cell.
Pickering could tell immediately that denying the fact was not an option; Tench had been doing her homework. (DB) Popřít rozhovor s Rachel a její přítomnost na Charlotte není moţné, uvědomil si okamţitě. Tenchová jen dělá svou práci. (BP) Pickering okamţitě věděl, ţe ten fakt nemůţe popřít; Tenchová si to nechala zjistit. (JF) The sentence Tench had been doing her homework has a transferred meaning, which Petáková clearly did not grasp.
Pickering was surprised she'd found out about the Charlotte, but she'd apparently thrown her weight around until she got some answers. (DB) Pickeringa překvapilo, ţe o ponorce ví, ale zřejmě tím směrem napřela všechny síly a nedá pokoj, dokud nedostane odpovědi alespoň na některé ze svých otázek. (BP) Překvapilo ho, ţe jí o ponorce Charlotte řekli, ale zřejmě vyuţila svého postavení, takţe odpověď nakonec dostala. (JF) Again, Petáková does not go beyond the literal meaning and, moreover, mistranslates the tense; it ensues from the sentence that the character has already got her answers, while Petáková uses the future tense.
It would be a dangerous play, but Tench clearly realized the stakes were huge. (DB) Je to trochu nebezpečná hra, ale sázky Tenchové jsou velmi vysoké. (BP) 62
Byla by to nebezpečná hra, ale Tenchová zjevně dobře ví, co všechno je v sázce. (JF) Petáková makes the sentence sound as if Tench was betting in a real gamble, while the meaning is again transferred, as Fialová correctly interprets.
Your indignity has no resonance with me, so save it. (DB) Vaše uraţená pýcha se mě nijak nedotýká. Podobných projevů mě můţete ušetřit. (BP) Vaše uráţky se mě nedotknou, proto si je můţete klidně ušetřit. (JF) It ensues from the context that Brown means insults by indignity, therefore Petáková obviously misinterprets the source sentence.
But there have been lies. Lies that cannot stand. (DB) Ale v prezidentově tiskové konferenci byly lţi. S tím se nemohu smířit. (BP) Ale padly tady lţi. Lţi, které neobstojí. (JF) It seems as though Petáková overlooked that the subject of the sentence was lies and thought that there was a personal pronoun. Had the sentence been Lies that I cannot stand, Petáková‘s translation would make more sense.
"One hour," Tench said, signing off. (DB) „Ve dvě hodiny,― ukončila Tenchová rozhovor. (BP) „Za hodinu,― řekla Tenchová na závěr hovoru. (JF) Petáková inexplicably changes the time specification.
63
Gabrielle saw the Philip A. Hart Office Building looming. (DB) Okna v řadě kanceláří budovy Philipa A. Harta ještě svítila. (BP) Gabriela viděla, jak se před nimi rýsuje kancelářská budova Philipa A. Harta. (JF) Petáková‘s translation is rather free here and one that does not logically correspond with the context. That is, in the next paragraph the reader learns that ―the deserted marble corridors of the Senate office building felt almost sepulchral at this hour―. It is the dead of night and the building is apparently deserted; therefore it is not consistent to say that the windows are still lit.
Gabrielle's muscles were tense as she hurried through the gauntlet of austere statues lining the third-floor entryway. (DB) Proběhla mezi přísnými sochami lemujícími vstup do třetího patra. (BP) Gabriela přesto nervózně spěchala do druhého patra, kde ji přísným pohledem přivítaly sochy po obou stranách vstupu. (JF) In American English, the third floor is actually the second floor above the ground, which Fialová is evidently aware of, unlike Petáková.
If they're so convinced, why haven't they gone to press? (DB) Jestli jsou si tak jistí, proč to nepředhodí tisku? (BP) Kdyţ jsou o tom tak pevně přesvědčeni, proč ještě nic neotiskli? (JF) Petáková clearly overlooks the connection here – the sentence refers to a couple of reporters, who work for a newspaper themselves, therefore Petáková‘s rendering is nonsensical. The phrase go to press in this context means to print, which Fialová correctly interprets.
64
He motioned to his leather chair. (DB) Zamířil ke koţenému křeslu. (BP) Ukázal na své koţené křeslo. (JF) Petáková misinterprets the verb – to motion in the sentence means to gesture or point; the verb does not express the actual movement.
Sexton saw the extraction pit they had talked about on television. (DB) Sexton rozeznával těţební jámu, o níţ se mluvilo v televizních pořadech. (BP) Sexton poznal šachtu, o níţ slyšel v televizi. (JF) Petáková interprets the source sentence as though the extraction pit was discussed in television programmes in general; on the contrary, the author means one broadcast in particular, a broadcast which plays an important role throughout the novel. Petáková‘s mistake is thus still more inexplicable. In addition to the numerous shifts and mistakes, Petáková even leaves out whole paragraphs a few times:
The other three people would be incapacitated and killed in much the same way. Then Delta-One would load all of them on the sled, drag them several hundred yards off course, reattached their belay lines and arrange the bodies. Hours from now, the four of them would be found frozen in the snow, apparent victims of overexposure and hypothermia. Those who discovered them would be puzzled what they were doing off course, but nobody would be surprised that they were dead. After all, their flares had burned out, the weather was perilous, and getting lost on the Milne Ice Shelf could bring death in a hurry. Delta-One had now finished packing snow down the woman's throat. Before turning his attention to the others, Delta-One unhooked the woman's belay harness. He could reconnect it later, but at the moment, he did not want the two people behind the sled getting ideas about pulling his victim to safety. Michael Tolland had just witnessed a murderous act more bizarre than his darkest mind could imagine. Having cut Norah Mangor free, the three attackers 65
were turning their attention to Corky. (DB) Pak zneškodní podobným způsobem i zbylé osoby, naloţí jejich mrtvoly na saně, odtáhnou je několik metrů od tohoto místa, znovu jim připevní jisticí lana a těla vhodným způsobem naaranţují. Za několik hodin je záchranná výprava najde zmrzlé ve sněhu jako oběti krutého mrazu. Ti, kdo je objeví, se budou samozřejmě divit, jak se ocitli tak daleko od zvolené trasy, ale jejich smrt nikoho nepřekvapí. Konečný a oficiální závěr bude následující: Členové výpravy se ztratili na Milneském šelfu, signalizační světla jim zhasla a divoké počasí si vybralo svou daň. Michael Tolland se právě stal svědkem nejpodivnější a nejrafinovanější vraţdy, jakou si dokázal představit. Útočníci odpojili Noru Mangorovou od jisticího lana a zaměřili svou pozornost na Corkyho. (BP) "You arranged a pickup. And you didn't contact me?" "I arranged transport. That is correct." Two hours remained until Rachel Sexton, Michael Tolland, and Corky Marlinson were scheduled to arrive at the nearby Bollings Air Force Base. "And yet you chose not to inform me?" "Rachel Sexton has made some very disturbing accusations." (DB) „Zařídil jste pro ni dopravu na pevninu a neoznámil mi to!?― „Rachel Sextonová mi sdělila několik velmi závaţných skutečností.― (BP) By leaving out the paragraphs, Petáková omits some important information; at all events, failure to translate a whole paragraph can be considered as highly unprofessional. To sum this chapter up, its purpose was to comment on Petáková‘s shifts in meaning and mistranslations. Since they are numerous, her translation as a whole has a negative effect. Having found a number of mistakes in every one of the six analyzed chapters, the author of this thesis may assume that such misinterpretations occur throughout the whole of Pavučina lží, and that Petáková cannot be regarded as a competent translator. Judging by the seriousness of some of the mistakes discussed above, the second translation of Deception Point was indeed justified.
66
6. Conclusion
The aim of this thesis was to analyze and compare the two existing Czech translations of Dan Brown‘s Deception Point, namely Pavučina lží (translated by Blanka Petáková in 2004) and Anatomie lži (translated by Jitka Fialová in 2008). Since there were mere four years between the release of these two versions, which is rather unusual, doubts about the quality of Pavučina lží were aroused. The hypothesis was, therefore, that the first translation carried out by Petáková was insufficient and there was the need to publish a new and better version. The objective of this thesis was to support or disprove the above hypothesis. The translations were first analyzed and compared on the basis of six selected chapters and several translation aspects and phenomena, that is, translation universals (explicitation and simplification), implicitation and the dichotomy between close and free translation. The choice of these phenomena as the ground for analysis has proved to be suitable; explicitation (and its counterpart implicitation), as well as simplification helped to delimitate the individual translators‗ styles and the quality of the target texts throughout the thesis. On the basis of the dichotomy between close and free translation, the quality of the translations was again indicated. As far as explicitation is concerned, it has turned out that Petáková explicitates far more frequently than Fialová. The difference is particularly striking in the case of translation-inherent explicitation, which Petáková utilizes 207 times (as opposed to 87 instances identified in Fialová‘s translation). Petáková‘s great tendency towards explicitation can be attributed to the fact that her translation is generally free; her style does not correspond much with Brown‘s literary style, and Deception Point is thus not
67
conveyed into the target language the way it should be in her version. Petáková makes frequent and unnecessary changes in the text, often adding sentences absent in the source text, as well as omitting important information. Her habit of leaving out words, phrases and sentences is connected with implicitation, which she again uses much more frequently, in fact twice as much as Fialová. Simplification is the only discussed translation feature which occurs relatively evenly in both the translations. Even in its case, however, deficiencies were identified on Petáková‘s part. She needlessly utilizes lexical simplification in several instances, generalizing words and phrases and thus decreasing the suspense originally created by Brown. As for the dichotomy between free and literal translation, Petáková‘s text, as has already been stated, tends to be rather free, whereas Fialová more or less adheres to the source text. In Dan Brown‘s case this is rather consequential, since his mastery of suspense lies in that he utilizes short and unfinished sentences, as well as phrases specifically designated to create suspense and evoke the right atmosphere. Petáková, by lengthening and completing such sentences, does not maintain the original author‘s style as successfully as Fialová does. A separate chapter was then devoted to mistakes and awkward renderings identified in Petáková‘s translation, since they were numerous and substantial. As can be seen in that chapter, Petáková frequently shifts and even misinterprets the meaning present in the source text; there are also several instances in her target text in which she attributes exactly the opposite meaning to certain words and phrases (for example, Petáková translates the verb to exhale as nadechnout se, etc.). All things considered, the initial hypothesis that Petáková‘s translation is of relatively low quality has been confirmed. The hypothesis was supported throughout this diploma thesis on the basis of a number of practical examples taken from the selected passages, and the conclusion is that Pavučina lží is unnecessarily free, does not
68
maintain the spirit of the source text well, and furthermore has a number of mistakes, due to which it cannot qualify as a professional translation. Deception Point undoubtedly deserved a second and better translation, which Anatomie lži by Jitka Fialová is.
69
7. Bibliography
7.1 Primary sources Brown, Dan. Anatomie lži. Trans. Jitka Fialová. Praha: Argo, 2008. Brown, Dan. Deception Point. London: Corgi Books, 2002. Brown, Dan. Pavučina lží. Trans. Blanka Petáková. Praha: Metafora, 2005.
7.2 Secondary sources ―Bio‖. Dan Brown‘s official website. 21 Oct. 2010. . ―Books‖. Lisa Rogak‗s official website. 20 Oct. 2010. . Jakobson, Roman. ―Language in Literature‖. Linguistics and Poetics, p. 66-71. 2 Nov. 2010. < studio.berkeley.edu/coursework/.../Jakobson%20Functions.pdf>. ―Jitka Fialová‖. Obec překladatelů. 21 Oct. 2010. . Klaudy, Kinga. ―Explicitation‖. Routledge Encyclopedia of Translation Studies. Baker, Mona (ed.). London: Routledge, 1998. p. 80-85. 15 Oct. 2007. < http://www.phil.muni.cz/elf/file.php/2047/Routledge_Explicitation.pdf>. Klaudy, Kinga and Károly, Krisztina. ―Implicitation in translation: Empirical evidence for operational assymetry in translation‖. Across Languages and Cultures 6 (1), 70
p. 13-28. 5 Nov. 2010. < http://www.akademiai.com/content/j70uhh13q6267903/>. Laviosa-Braithwaite, Sara. ―Universals in Translation‖. Routledge Encyclopedia of Translation Studies. Baker, Mona (ed.). London: Routledge, 1998. p. 288-91. 10 Nov. 2007. . ―Maitre d‘‖. Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary. 19 Nov. 2010. . Mikhailov, Mikhail. ―Is there such a thing as a translator‘s style?‖, p. 378-85. 2 Nov. 2010. < ucrel.lancs.ac.uk/publications/CL2003/.../papers/mikhailo.pdf>. Rogak, Lisa. Muž, který stvořil Šifru mistra Leonarda: neautorizovaný životopis Dana Browna. Trans. Zdík Dušek. Praha: Metafora, 2006. ―To kid yourself‖. Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary. 19 Nov. 2010. . ―World Editions‖. Dan Brown‘s official website. 21 Oct. 2010. .
71
8. List of tables
Table 1: Types of explicitation in the translations……………………………………..20 Table 2: Occurrences of explicitation and implicitation in the translations……………34 Table 3: Types of simplification in the translations……………………………………39
72
9. Abstract
This thesis deals with Dan Brown‘s Deception Point and its two Czech translations, namely Pavučina lží translated by Blanka Petáková (2004), and Anatomie lži translated by Jitka Fialová (2008). There were mere four years between the release of these translations, which is rather unusual and which was also the initial reason for the choice of the topic. The aim of the thesis was to analyze and compare the two target texts on the basis of several translation-related phenomena (translation universals, implicitation, dichotomy between close and free translation), and subsequently determine why the novel was translated afresh within such a short space of time. Was Petáková‘s translation of low quality? The first two chapters are concerned with the theoretical introduction and background, including information about the author and the novel, as well as about the translations and their translators. Methodology of the analysis is also presented at the beginning of the thesis. The third chapter concentrates on the author‘s and the translators‗ writing styles, providing an insight into the typical markers of the individual styles and the identified stylistic patterns. The fourth chapter is then devoted to the practical analysis, which is divided according to the individual translation phenomena, and which comprises numerous examples taken from the translations. And finally, the fifth chapter deals with mistakes and awkward renderings found in Petáková‘s translation. Based on the analysis, and judging by the number of substantial mistranslations on Petáková‘s part, the conclusion of the thesis is that Pavučina lží was indeed of low quality, and the publication of the new translation, Anatomie lži, was therefore justified.
73
10. Resumé
Diplomová práce se zabývá románem Dana Browna Deception Point a jeho dvěma českými překlady, z nichţ první přeloţila Blanka Petáková v roce 2004 pod názvem Pavučina lží, druhý pak vznikl v roce 2008, kdy román jako Anatomii lži přeloţila Jitka Fialová. Hlavním důvodem volby tohoto tématu je skutečnost, ţe překlady vyšly pouhé čtyři roky po sobě, coţ je v překladatelské praxi poněkud neobvyklé. Vyvstala tedy otázka, zda překlad Blanky Petákové není nějakým způsobem nekvalitní. Cílem práce bylo porovnat oba překlady na základě několika vybraných překladových jevů (tj. překladové univerzálie, implicitace a dichotomie mezi doslovným a volným překladem) a následně určit, do jaké míry je překlad Jitky Fialové případně lepší. První dvě kapitoly shrnují metodologii analýzy a uvádějí informace o autorovi a jeho románu, stejně jako o překladech a překladatelích. Třetí kapitola se zaměřuje na styl románu, a to jak na styl jeho originální podoby, tak na styl jednotlivých překladů. Čtrvtá kapitola je věnována praktické analýze a dělí se do několika podkapitol podle vybraných překladových aspektů. Z obou překladů byly vybrány četné příklady, jejichţ smyslem je podpořit hypotézu, ţe Pavučina lži se z hlediska kvality nemůţe rovnat s novějším překladem. Pátá kapitola se zabývá chybami a neobratně přeloţenými frázemi nalezenými v překladu Blanky Petákové. Na základě provedené analýzy, a soudě dle závaţných chyb a dalších nedostatků Pavučiny lží, je závěr diplomové práce jasný – druhý překlad románu Deception Point vznikl, ač po pouhých čtyřech letech, zcela oprávněně.
74
